After reading the chav thing I find this on my PC this morning, crafted by my wife:

As we lay in the afterglow, the perspiration cooling our heavily tattooed skins, I realised that it wasn’t such a warm feeling after all; he’d pissed himself, all over my new knock off Nike trainers. (Sod it, I shall have to go on the rob to JD Sports again). I grappled down the side for a tissue, but lifted a dirty nappy instead, this was from my third baby, made from love from another long term relationship of 4 weeks. We were engaged, he’d robbed for me a lovely Elizabeth Duke ring.

I was pensive, I didn’t know how the social were going to cope with looking after the kids, whilst I’m wagging school. Unfortunately, the contents fell out of the nappy, but luckily, they had crusted, so it gently fell to the floor, no worries, life was good. My Kappa trackie bottoms were crumpled at the side of the settee, hinting at what had happened. This month’s boyfriend was snoring, I thought myself how lucky that he’d got a job, it was nicking clothes from Matalan, Primark, and Hollister. The last one was a mistake, he thought he was going into a club to sell drugs, but ended up there instead (he’s such a hard worker). I knew we would have a future together, whether it was on the Jeremy Kyle Show or in the Sunday newspapers.

Yes, it was wonderful to be in love. I heard a noise, was it him, wanting more from me? No, it was his mates on the other settee wanting their turn, but they had simply been bored these last few minutes and our moments of passion had interrupted their drug taking. Whilst he was asleep, I fondled his mobile, and heard a voicemail message, it was from another girl, may be a former love of his. He must have had a child with her, because she screamed down the phone that he had left her with Chlamydia. What a lovely name.

Is anyone else asking ridiculous and inappropriate "Have you got to the bit where..." questions to female friends on FB who are discussing it?

"Have you got to the bit where Mr Grey turns out to be a woman with a false moustache"

"Have you got to the bit where he makes her dress as Emu and strides into the room dressed as Rod Hull?"

"Have you got to the bit where he settles down with her, then she makes him have kids, he gets fat, she stops him from having any hobbies then starts buying erotic books because he's not exciting and masculine enough?"

"Have you got to the bit where he makes her sneeze and fart at the same time to see if she does an involuntary backflip?"

GOod work

Brilliant!

Another lol!

Purely to see what the fuss is about, I caved and bought a copy.

It's not only bad; it's arse-clenchingly bad. Not sure I can be bothered to sift through such drivel to get to the dirty bits.

Which page?

Please can someone enlighten me as to which pages contain the dirty bits, since I'm not trudging though the rest to find them.

Moreover, from what I've read a third of the way in, I think the author must be one of those who 'does it' through a hole in the sheet, high days and holidays only.

Utter drivel.

The dirty bits are so bad its laughable.

I was at a meeting down south and a female coleague had a copy ( actually it was 50 shades of something else she had all three). I opened it at a random page funny as hell.

There have been a few threads on here over the years were people have stated the opinion that men watching porn was cheating and it was fair for women to sleep with other men if their men watch porn.

Wonder if it works both ways.

You have to work the odds...