Do I have an Alcohol problem?

Do I have an Alcohol problem?

Author
Discussion

Willlll

Original Poster:

105 posts

125 months

Wednesday 24th August 2016
quotequote all
It's a question I've been asking myself now for the past year.

I've always classed myself as someone who enjoys alcohol but doesn't abuse it. I'm mid 20s, Married, Child on the way and have a high stress/responsible job. So where in my teens I'd be having one big blow out a week I'm now drinking regularly, in the house to unwind.

The problem with this level of drinking is how maintainable it is. Other than feeling a little less fresh in the mornings I don't feel like there's any other negatives. Top put some numbers to it, I drink about 25-35 units a week across 4-5 days.

The part that are worrying me is the only thing keeping me in control is guilt. Every day I think about having a drink. It can be an emotional reaction, a celebration, a supplement to an activity or as simple as I had a day off yesterday so I can have a drink tonight.

Important work this week meant Monday and Tuesday were dry. Both evenings I was irritable and wanted a drink, to the point I opened the fridge, thought about it and had to stop myself. Tonight after work and some DIY its been reward night and I've spent it drinking and googling if have a problem.

I guess I'm just after some opinions. I've always had control but lately I'm starting to feel like I could loose it.



vsonix

3,858 posts

162 months

Wednesday 24th August 2016
quotequote all
No, I don't think you have an alcohol problem per se but it does indicate you feel the need to routinely indulge in behaviour which results in a 'pleasure reward' which is maybe indicative of a mildly addictive personality. It's fairly easy to get into an 'unwind to relax' routine which involves a couple of glasses/cans of booze and/or a spliff or something, the problem with this is it creates a paradigm in your brain where you associate relaxing with the action, therefore you look forward to it more, and if you can't have it for whatever reason, one gets tense, annoyed and frustrated. Thing is it doesn't have to be booze or drugs it can be anything from sex to gambling to yoga to buying cars etc etc.
Just that alcohol and drugs are stigmatised and so you end up feeling bad about that too.
An actual alcohol problem is usually apparent when you start to feel physical dependency i.e. cannot function regularly before you have taken a drink etc.

Some Gump

12,671 posts

185 months

Wednesday 24th August 2016
quotequote all
You need to buy a bike.
I used to destress / reward with beer. Now, I can do both / either by going on a bike ride.

e21Mark

16,205 posts

172 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
Alcoholism / addiction is progressive and the fact you are have recognised how not drinking can have negative effects on your mood (as well as cause you to consider drinking) hints at your being right to at least be concerned. If drinking is having a negative impact on you / your life then why not stop? I'm not suggesting you never drink again, but maybe see how things are after a month with no alcohol? I mean what's the worst that can happen? You'll reduce calorie intake, save a few quid, possibly find a healthier way to unwind and see that life can be just as much fun and full-filling without it.

Please don't believe the myth that you need to be physically dependent in order to have a problem! I have worked with lots of people, who do not fit the alcoholic stereotype or even drink every day. They did view alcohol as a coping mechanism though and were starting to question their control, or progressive lack thereof.

As an aside, I stopped drinking 12 years ago. I was in hospital after an accident (not related to drinking) and just never felt the need. I don't miss it and I guess it will always be there, should I decide I want to start again?

Good luck with it all but I would just see how you feel after a few weeks without drinking? You may surprise yourself. smile

Robertj21a

16,475 posts

104 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
I would say that you are borderline, and you seem to clearly recognise that. In my book there's never really any need for alcohol, it's just a pleasurable pastime like many others. If you really *need* it then you may well have the beginnings of a problem.
As has been mentioned already, take up some other interests - although a baby in the house tends to also be quite time consuming !

DanL

6,177 posts

264 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
Are you having a glass of wine each night with dinner, or getting home and immediately having a drink to relax?

To be honest, if you're asking the internet if you have a problem, you already know the answer. Drinking every day isn't a problem pre se, but it's not that "usual", whatever that may mean! If you drink and need to feel the alchohol buzz, then as your resistance increases you may find yourself drinking more and more to get the same effect, which can well be a problem.

I like a drink - I'm often hammered on a Friday night. I don't drink midweek, and I don't "need" a drink on a Friday, I just enjoy one. If you're getting to the point where you need a drink, try scaling back for a week or two - it'll be easier now than later...

IanCress

4,409 posts

165 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
Speaking as someone who likes to have a drink most nights and now has a 12 week old baby, you will probably find you don't have the time to sit and drink 3-4 bottles / cans a night. Neither will you be able to go to the pub for a couple of hours.
It stressed me out a little that I couldn't drink like I used to, but I've quickly come round to the fact that the baby takes priority. There's nothing worse than being drunk and fast asleep, then the Wife wakes you up asking to help with the baby at 2am.

I'm pretty sure you'll have the same experience as me. Enjoy.

jmorgan

36,010 posts

283 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
If you think you do not have a problem then stop for a few weeks, see the difference.

I used to kid myself on the units. The re cycling collection bottle rattle is a clue.

Pothole

34,367 posts

281 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
Is your job actually high stress or are you putting pressure on yourself to spur you into functioning well? I think a lot of us do this completely unnecessarily.

happychap

530 posts

147 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all

Do I have an Alcohol problem? What's your answer to this question

I've always had control but lately I'm starting to feel like I could loose it. What do you mean by lose it, what would happen if you did.

battered

4,088 posts

146 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
Willlll said:
Every day I think about having a drink. It can be an emotional reaction, a celebration, a supplement to an activity or as simple as I had a day off yesterday so I can have a drink tonight.

Important work this week meant Monday and Tuesday were dry. Both evenings I was irritable and wanted a drink, to the point I opened the fridge, thought about it and had to stop myself.
These 2 sentences tell me that you're at the top of a slippery slope. I think it's time to have a word. If you can't do a night off without being arsey, it's a problem.

I'd start by reining it in for most of the week and then imposing rules about how much when you go out. I'm not suggesting that you never allow a few pints with your mates or a bottle of wine with the Mrs but that it's not a big night every night. I had to do exactly this to lose weight a couple of years ago, since then I don't drink in the week other than Thursday and I eat in moderation. As I work away and stay in hotels, this is the only way I can manage things. It works but needs a bit of willpower. Fizzy water, big bottle, ice and slice is my poison. It works, for me.

What works for you works for you. I wouldn't go cold turkey for a month, I wouldn't like to do that myself. Part of a week, sure. Family event so no more than the drink-drive limit, fair enough. But a dry month? Not ideally, I like a drink and I'm looking forward to one or two tonight having not had a drink since the weekend. But one way or another I think that you need to rein it in.

RobM77

35,349 posts

233 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
I'm kind of similar to you (OP). I actually dislike getting drunk (ok, I hate it!), so I only have one or two drinks when I do drink, but I like the taste of nice beer and wine and I find that I have to make a concerted effort to limit myself to my present 4 days on and 3 off (a recent increase from 5 days on and 2 off). I have a lot going on in my life right now and it's just a nice way to relax in the evening, but yes, as one poster above noted, it can become an association with relaxing (like watching a movie for me always means a glass of wine or two). My consumption is nowhere near yours (I drink 15-20 units a week), but everything else seems similar. I know this sounds odd, but I don't like tea and coffee and don't really like fizzy soft drinks like coke, so that leaves me with water (which I drink all day at work), milk, squash or fruit juice. Part of my like of beer and wine is just the need to drink something that's not sweet, but has a nice taste that I enjoy (more of that later).

My wife's a GP and we've chatted about it regularly (because like you I worry) and she's certain that I don't have an alcohol problem, as I don't show any of the signs of addiction. I do show signs of worrying though, not just about drinking but about everything! (thus the need to relax...). There is also a big difference between liking something and wanting to do it regularly and actually being addicted to something. What we (OP and I) seem to have in common is a need to relax (I'm also super busy and get very run down quite quickly if I don't purposefully schedule time in to just sit and chill with a book or TV etc), a love of alcoholic drinks, and a feeling of guilt when we do drink. The latter is not a sign of addiction, it's just normal for particular personality types - I feel guilty all the time if I think something is potentially costing me money or not good for me etc.

So, I'd rule out alcoholism or anything serious. Not on the basis that I do it too (obviously!), but from the conversations I've had with my wife, who has plenty of alcoholics on her list and people right through the spectrum, and her colleagues on occasion. However, the level of units you describe is not very healthy and it would be good for you to cut down a bit - you're quite a long way over the current NHS recommendations. Some great techniques have already been mentioned and here are some that work for me:

  • Take up a sport or hobby that gets you away from work and stressful things. For example, I cycle, windsurf, work out (gym stuff at home) and SUP. I also play the guitar and cello and am learning a language. I know none of those things sound particularly relaxing, but what your mind needs is just an escape from stress, and often focusing on something is just as good or even better than just sitting and reading or watching TV.
  • Try non-alcoholic beer. For me, alcoholic drinks is partly a taste thing rather than the alcohol per se (see earlier), because I don't drink tea and coffee and other drinks. Non-alcoholic beers aren't great, and non alcoholic wine is utterly disgusting, but some of the beers are ok. I drink non alcoholic Becks for example (I had two last night after quite a stressful and long day).
  • Schedule some off days. The NHS recommend that you have days where you don't drink at all. If it's a routine and you know it's not an option tonight, then you won't stare at the fridge or the wine rack wondering how much nicer that would be than an orange squash! biggrin
  • Have a winter strategy. Most of the sports in bullet one above are all well and good during BST, but when GMT hits there's a huge problem. I live in the sticks miles from the nearest gym or sports centre for example. For me, this is where the music comes in, or computer games. GMT sucks, but if you plan ahead you can alleviate it.
I hope that helps. smile


Edited by RobM77 on Thursday 25th August 17:24


Edited by RobM77 on Thursday 25th August 17:26

anonymous-user

53 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
For a start are you being truthful to yourself. You say you are having around 7 units a days which lets say 400ml can of 5% is 2.2 units, so you are having 3 cans a night.

Doesn't sound a lot really but is that the true figure you are drinking?

if only 3 cans then you are controlling yourself but I would guess you are drinking double what you say you are.

MYOB

4,767 posts

137 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
The key is how you are when you're not drinking.

RobM77

35,349 posts

233 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
MYOB said:
The key is how you are when you're not drinking.
yes This is one key thing my wife was talking about the other day. For example, I drink more regularly than most, because I like it and I'm weak willed! However I could stop drinking just like I could stop windsurfing or stop driving my racing car (as I do every winter). I'm happier when I can enjoy a nice glass of wine though, purely because I like it.

Robertj21a

16,475 posts

104 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
As others have suggested, enforce a limit on yourself for at least a trial period (just 1-2 weeks) and see how/if you can cope without any/as much alcohol.

Also, look at what is the real cause. Is it the job itself, work colleagues, commuting, family life etc etc - have a quiet hour and think through how you might be able to reduce those stresses.

Willlll

Original Poster:

105 posts

125 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
Thanks for the responses guys, I'll try to reply as much as possible.

With regards to quantity it isn't the case of "take what they say and double it" . As sad as it is I always log my quantities to an app (Alcodroid) so I have a really good understanding of my drinking. My average for the last few months has been 28 units a week. Doing this has created some personal rules that I try to stick to and have done for the past couple of years...

- 28 units is a level that I deem ok. Pushing past that I start to feel bad.
- 3 days in a row and its definitely time for a day off
- Not to drink immediately after work or too early

As for loosing control its not that I feel I could become a cliche alcoholic. Its the breaking of these rules that would be the loss of control. I'm already seeing negatives from my habits like getting irritable and wanting a drink daily.

In response to how I am when I'm not drinking I'd say mostly fine. It's certainly an evening thing where I find myself craving a drink. I've lost interest in video games/tv etc and the idea of a perfect night in relaxing is listening to music, light internet browsing with a few drinks.

Anyway, so after thinking about it today I've decided on some changes that I think I'll benefit most from. 2 drinking at home days a week max and socially I'll take as it comes. If i can do this I'll be down to about 20 units a week and have more dry days that non most weeks.

I think that will be the first positive step.


grumbledoak

31,499 posts

232 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
DanL said:
To be honest, if you're asking the internet if you have a problem, you already know the answer.
yes I think that if there is any doubt, then there isn't any doubt.

And logging your units is a step beyond doubt.

What do you _want_ to do about it?

bitchstewie

50,782 posts

209 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
DanL said:
To be honest, if you're asking the internet if you have a problem, you already know the answer.
Must admit that was my first thought. Not based on any experience but simply that if you're asking it suggests you know something isn't quite right.

e21Mark

16,205 posts

172 months

Thursday 25th August 2016
quotequote all
In my experience (as a drug / alcohol worker) controlled drinking seldom, if ever works. Making deals with yourself to only drink certain amounts, or on certain days, is far harder to achieve than simply stopping all together. Alcohol weakens our resolve.

Anyway, best of luck with whatever path you choose.