What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
fatboy69 said:
My friend was caught in a compromising position with the mum of one of his school friends - the mum was a looker so my friend didnt mind getting friendly with her. Regularly.
My friend also got caught in a compromising position with the daughter (a stunner) of the aforementioned mum by the aforementioned mum....
There was a time when my friend was shagging both mother & daughter......
My friend was a dirty little b
d who would shag anything with a pulse!!!!
i think your friend is getting the memories of his life mixed up with a carry on film.My friend also got caught in a compromising position with the daughter (a stunner) of the aforementioned mum by the aforementioned mum....
There was a time when my friend was shagging both mother & daughter......
My friend was a dirty little b
d who would shag anything with a pulse!!!!My friend once managed to make a large SUV perform a 180degree pirouette and parallel-park itself perfectly against the verge on the other side of the road, after trying to take a familiar off-camber b-road corner with decreasing radius, at dry weather speeds, in the pouring rain.
I have it on extremely good authority that said friend a) no longer drives "enthusiastically" in the wet, no matter how well he knows the road, b) realises that no matter how good he thinks he at taming sudden-breakway oversteer, the laws of physics and a cruel mistress and big vehicles going sidweways have a lot of momentum behind them, and c) is currently looking for some new tyres that are less than 10 years old
I have it on extremely good authority that said friend a) no longer drives "enthusiastically" in the wet, no matter how well he knows the road, b) realises that no matter how good he thinks he at taming sudden-breakway oversteer, the laws of physics and a cruel mistress and big vehicles going sidweways have a lot of momentum behind them, and c) is currently looking for some new tyres that are less than 10 years old
Edited by Hairbrakes on Wednesday 22 January 15:04
hora said:
Dave200 said:
My friend is absolutely ashamed of reaching an indicated 155mph+, on a public motorway (apparently the M48, Bristol side), at 7.30pm on a Friday evening.
A friend of a friend did 80mph+ down the central road in Manchester at circa 9am on a Sunday morning racing a Liverpudlian/scally who then threatened to shoot said-friend for winning the drag race. A friend of a friend did 90mph+ down the central road in Manchester at circa 9am on a Monday morning racing a Liverpudlian/scally who then DID shoot said-friend for winning the drag race. And they survived!
My friend, removed a note that his friend had placed on a car, telling the owner about a scratch he'd put on the rear wing, because he knew his friend wouldn't be able to afford to pay for insurance if he had a claim against him, but it's not so bad, because he went down to Halfords got a paint touch up stick of the right colour and touched it up. All done in a college car park, with CCTV, wearing a balaclava.
I have a friend who was a right cock when he was younger.
He got his first car (a Sierra) when his dad died, and his mother couldn't drive. He promptly wrote it off by driving into an Astra that was parked in a lay-by on a twisty B-road just outside Cambridge. Unfortunately (for them) the Astra was occupied by a young couple who were engaging in sexual congress on the reclined passenger seat. The Astra was punted 20m down the road and was so mangled that the back seats were wedged agaisnt the reclined front seat. The car had been borrowed by the young lass from her father, and she had to call him up to come and take them home. It was difficult to keep a straight face as she tried to tell her dad that she and the boyfriend had stopped in the layby to take in the view. It was pitch dark, for a start, and not obvious why sight seeing involved a flat front seat..
Shortly after that, my friend had a Ford Fiesta. Driving back from Silverstone at a decent lick he rounded a corner and was confronted with a very old, and very humpy, stone bridge. Said Fiesta became airborne and on landing the exhaust broke in two. Suspension wasn't up to much after that, either. My numpty friend nevertheless continued on his journey, at pace, for another 100 miles or so..
My friend then had a Capri. He thought he was in for it when in the early hours of the morning, around the time speed cameras were first introduced, he was driving from Cambridge to London along the A10. All was deserted and he was extracing maximum performance from the 2-litre Pinto lump (it seemed fast at the time!). As he approached a set of lights they changed, but he had no way of stopping at that stage. He kept his foot flat to the floor and went through the lights. The dreaded double flash went off. A few days later he got a letter from the constabulary telling him that he had driven through a red light. They noted that it had happened in the early hours, but that it was a stupid thing to do, and if it happened again he would be given 3 points (!).
A few years later, having decided that Fords were bad luck, he had a Honda CRX. He was driving it around the North circular, 3 lane section, doing about a lepton, when a middle lane dawdler pulled out with no indicator to pass another middle lane dawdler. Cue heavy braking from my friend, coupled with a dawning realisation that the speed differential was just too big and a rear-end shunt was inevitable. In desperation, my friend took his foot off the brake and tried to swerve into the middle lane to avoid a shunt. This caused the by-now-unsettled CRX to perform a graceful spin. It span around twice on its what-seemed-like-slow-motion (to my friend) way across middle and inside lanes to the grass verge, narrowly missing a lorry on the way.
Conclusion - Hondas are lucky cars, Fords may not be.
I'll have a quick chat with my friend tonight and see whether he might post some non-motoring stories.
He got his first car (a Sierra) when his dad died, and his mother couldn't drive. He promptly wrote it off by driving into an Astra that was parked in a lay-by on a twisty B-road just outside Cambridge. Unfortunately (for them) the Astra was occupied by a young couple who were engaging in sexual congress on the reclined passenger seat. The Astra was punted 20m down the road and was so mangled that the back seats were wedged agaisnt the reclined front seat. The car had been borrowed by the young lass from her father, and she had to call him up to come and take them home. It was difficult to keep a straight face as she tried to tell her dad that she and the boyfriend had stopped in the layby to take in the view. It was pitch dark, for a start, and not obvious why sight seeing involved a flat front seat..
Shortly after that, my friend had a Ford Fiesta. Driving back from Silverstone at a decent lick he rounded a corner and was confronted with a very old, and very humpy, stone bridge. Said Fiesta became airborne and on landing the exhaust broke in two. Suspension wasn't up to much after that, either. My numpty friend nevertheless continued on his journey, at pace, for another 100 miles or so..
My friend then had a Capri. He thought he was in for it when in the early hours of the morning, around the time speed cameras were first introduced, he was driving from Cambridge to London along the A10. All was deserted and he was extracing maximum performance from the 2-litre Pinto lump (it seemed fast at the time!). As he approached a set of lights they changed, but he had no way of stopping at that stage. He kept his foot flat to the floor and went through the lights. The dreaded double flash went off. A few days later he got a letter from the constabulary telling him that he had driven through a red light. They noted that it had happened in the early hours, but that it was a stupid thing to do, and if it happened again he would be given 3 points (!).
A few years later, having decided that Fords were bad luck, he had a Honda CRX. He was driving it around the North circular, 3 lane section, doing about a lepton, when a middle lane dawdler pulled out with no indicator to pass another middle lane dawdler. Cue heavy braking from my friend, coupled with a dawning realisation that the speed differential was just too big and a rear-end shunt was inevitable. In desperation, my friend took his foot off the brake and tried to swerve into the middle lane to avoid a shunt. This caused the by-now-unsettled CRX to perform a graceful spin. It span around twice on its what-seemed-like-slow-motion (to my friend) way across middle and inside lanes to the grass verge, narrowly missing a lorry on the way.
Conclusion - Hondas are lucky cars, Fords may not be.
I'll have a quick chat with my friend tonight and see whether he might post some non-motoring stories.
My friend has just realised that he left his coat on the train to London this morning. In the coat pocket were the keys to his car, that is parked at the railway station near his pad. He has some spare keys in a drawer at home, and a somewhat grumpy wife who is looking for them in a grumpy way, and pointing out that one of the brake lights on her car is knackered and he still hasn't fixed it like he said he would, and now she will get nabbed and thrown in jail by the cozzers while attempting to rescue him.
My friend claims that this instance of numptitude is because he has pulled two all nighters this week due to heavy work pressures, but it is my opinion that this is an excuse, and the real problem is that he has st for brains.
PS: He also spilled oil on his suit this morning when ineptly topping up the motor on his cranky old grid. It's not his best suit, but it's one of his better ones.
My friend claims that this instance of numptitude is because he has pulled two all nighters this week due to heavy work pressures, but it is my opinion that this is an excuse, and the real problem is that he has s
t for brains.PS: He also spilled oil on his suit this morning when ineptly topping up the motor on his cranky old grid. It's not his best suit, but it's one of his better ones.
GC8 said:
Your friend should spend less time on the internet... 
Truer than a true thing, and so I have often told him, but he claims that when he is busy at work he needs to flick from screen to screen, if only to silence the strange voices shouting in his head. At this point I usually give up.Anyway: an update. Despite the network of roadblocks and APBs, my friend's wife evaded the ring of steel thrown up by the bumbling rural constabulary, and made it to the station with her crime undetected. At this point, my friend discovered that the spare set of keys did not include the key for the cheapo old fashioned anti-stealage device that he had bunged on the steering wheel (yeah, and who'd want to steal THAT heap?).
There was then a full and frank exchange of views, and home they went in the wife's car, leaving the friend's car at the station where it shall no doubt become the origin of a 97 page "I gotted a parking ticket from Greedco PLC. Does I have to pay it innit?" thread in S,P&L.
Not long after arriving home, my friend looked in his briefcase, and found there some car keys, including a krooklok key. From nought to spare room in under three seconds. Is this a PH record?
Garvin said:
GC8 really said:
Your friend has my sympathy with regards to his suit. I appreciate a decent bit of tailoring.
There, fixed!In the spirit of the thread I would like my post to read as follows:
Of course, my friend appears to have taken his eye off the ball there.
Edited by GC8 on Thursday 23 January 20:17
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