What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
Ilovejapcrap said:
Steve_F said:
My friend got annoyed at not seeing an autobahn in Germany and wound his 2.0 10v Volvo 850 up to a dizzying 110 indicated, wondered who the guys with the machine guns were at the side of the road before twigging he was crossing the Belgian border like a scalded cat. Oops!
That really made me laugh 
My friend was once driving down the two-lane bit of the A12 past Shenfield, towards London, just about to overtake a Nova and, in turn, something going slightly slower a little way ahead. To my friend's dismay the Nova pulled out in a way that he deemed both too early for the overtake that they were planning and too late for my friend to deem their manoeuvre polite. Furious, but slow, flashing of pop-up headlights ensued to communicate said displeasure.
Apparently the Nova driver saw nothing wrong in their manoeuvre, 'waved' their indifference and slowed to match the pace of the car that they were 'overtaking'.
My friend suffered this indignity for a full ten seconds before dropping two gears and flooring it between the two cars.
The MR2 Turbo driven by my friend had a lovely stainless exhaust which, at full chat, made a lovely screaming noise causing some righteous incontinence in the open-windowed Nova in which my friend, to this day, would find great satisfaction in isolation. However, these days he's a lot more responsible and finds such satisfaction tempered a great deal by the guilt derived from knowing that he probably scared the poor, completely innocent, driver of the other car at least as much. He can only hope that they were either as oblivious as everybody else seems to be or observant and sharing of the opinion that the two spotty nerks in the Nova were being dicks and deserved their fright.
Any judgement of his reckless driving will be passed on when I next tell him off for secretly buying parts for his thoroughly undeserving pair of French POSs (PsOS?) behind his lovely wife's back.
Cheers, Jim
Apparently the Nova driver saw nothing wrong in their manoeuvre, 'waved' their indifference and slowed to match the pace of the car that they were 'overtaking'.
My friend suffered this indignity for a full ten seconds before dropping two gears and flooring it between the two cars.
The MR2 Turbo driven by my friend had a lovely stainless exhaust which, at full chat, made a lovely screaming noise causing some righteous incontinence in the open-windowed Nova in which my friend, to this day, would find great satisfaction in isolation. However, these days he's a lot more responsible and finds such satisfaction tempered a great deal by the guilt derived from knowing that he probably scared the poor, completely innocent, driver of the other car at least as much. He can only hope that they were either as oblivious as everybody else seems to be or observant and sharing of the opinion that the two spotty nerks in the Nova were being dicks and deserved their fright.
Any judgement of his reckless driving will be passed on when I next tell him off for secretly buying parts for his thoroughly undeserving pair of French POSs (PsOS?) behind his lovely wife's back.
Cheers, Jim
OK, so I knew a chap who once had a couple of amusing stories- not sure they really happened, but what the heck.
So, this friend must have been about 19- and he was working in the Alps, supporting fortnight long walking tours round the mountains (he basically drove the van, and did the cooking/shopping/cleaning etc.). At one stage in the tour, the van had to be driven onto a vehicle carrying train, to be pulled through a particularly long tunnel (the Kandersteg tunnel for those interested). My friend had taken to using the twenty or so minutes afforded by this part of the journey in the dark van cabin to err, release some of his youthful, err, energy. Each trip was two weeks as mentioned, so by the end of the summer, the route was known, and looking forward to the twenty minute of alone time, my friend had grown careless. At some point in this particular crossing, he was suddenly and uncomfortably aware that the wan was moving a bit more than either the movement of the train itself, or his own movement would likely effect. A few seconds later, perfectly timed in a dual climax, this friend realised the handbrake on the van was off, and it was rolling back on the train, down the small ramp separating the carriages. Too late, the van crashed into the front of the car behind, my friend unable to control himself or the van. A few moments later, and with just about enough time to grab something to cover himself, the driver of the car had (against the rules and all health and safety advice) got out of his car, and angrily approached the car swearing in swiss german expletives. Seeing the driver of the van (my friend) was on the wrong side, he promptly jumped in the cab himself, and explained in his best English that he was going to stay there until they had phoned their insurers at the end of the tunnel. As the light at the end of the tunnel approach, my friend was desperately hoping that the view afforded by the light would not be too awful, as well as feeling pretty shaken up from the prang. Obviously, he admitted full liability (he was fully to blame), if only to get it all resolved without having to get out of the van with the exposure that would come with it. Needless to say, he got a huge earful from his boss for admitting liability, and never told the actual details of the event to anybody else…
Which actually leads on to another small story from the same friend- he had taken his family round the Alps in his new 911 as a trip down memory lane (yes, he did go through the Kandersteg tunnel with some thoughts kept to himself), and having managed to get through nearly three weeks of very spirited driving with no problem from the local law enforcement, was on the last day, half way across France heading back to Calais. Coming over a roundabout, he missed the turning he wanted, and ended up a slip road on to a bridge with a no u-turn sign. Deciding to ignore it, he pulled the sharp left turn he needed to get back to the round-a-bout, at the precise moment a French Gendarme van pulled in to view on the other side of the bridge. Not only that, the turning circle was misjudged, and the confusion by the sudden appearance of the rozzers led to momentary lapse in concentration, and a stall as the car hit the curb on the other side of the road at an angle blocking the bridge. Green or blue lights flashing (he forgets), the car zooms in and blocks my way to reverse back and finish the turn- and I am approached by two beefy French gendarmes looking less than impressed. They explained the solid white line meant no crossing, and pointed to the sign that said no u-turns, while pulling out a notepad to make it painfully official. He (the friend) quickly explained was very very sorry, at the exact moment the friend’s son began to complain of needing a poo. I’m not sure if it was the wailing child, the potty on the rear shelf of the 911, or the pleading “Je suis desole”’s from my friend, but the policemen said to get out of there- which my firend quickly (not too quickly) obliged.
There might be a couple more strories, but I'll have to check details (and a lawyer) before posting them
So, this friend must have been about 19- and he was working in the Alps, supporting fortnight long walking tours round the mountains (he basically drove the van, and did the cooking/shopping/cleaning etc.). At one stage in the tour, the van had to be driven onto a vehicle carrying train, to be pulled through a particularly long tunnel (the Kandersteg tunnel for those interested). My friend had taken to using the twenty or so minutes afforded by this part of the journey in the dark van cabin to err, release some of his youthful, err, energy. Each trip was two weeks as mentioned, so by the end of the summer, the route was known, and looking forward to the twenty minute of alone time, my friend had grown careless. At some point in this particular crossing, he was suddenly and uncomfortably aware that the wan was moving a bit more than either the movement of the train itself, or his own movement would likely effect. A few seconds later, perfectly timed in a dual climax, this friend realised the handbrake on the van was off, and it was rolling back on the train, down the small ramp separating the carriages. Too late, the van crashed into the front of the car behind, my friend unable to control himself or the van. A few moments later, and with just about enough time to grab something to cover himself, the driver of the car had (against the rules and all health and safety advice) got out of his car, and angrily approached the car swearing in swiss german expletives. Seeing the driver of the van (my friend) was on the wrong side, he promptly jumped in the cab himself, and explained in his best English that he was going to stay there until they had phoned their insurers at the end of the tunnel. As the light at the end of the tunnel approach, my friend was desperately hoping that the view afforded by the light would not be too awful, as well as feeling pretty shaken up from the prang. Obviously, he admitted full liability (he was fully to blame), if only to get it all resolved without having to get out of the van with the exposure that would come with it. Needless to say, he got a huge earful from his boss for admitting liability, and never told the actual details of the event to anybody else…
Which actually leads on to another small story from the same friend- he had taken his family round the Alps in his new 911 as a trip down memory lane (yes, he did go through the Kandersteg tunnel with some thoughts kept to himself), and having managed to get through nearly three weeks of very spirited driving with no problem from the local law enforcement, was on the last day, half way across France heading back to Calais. Coming over a roundabout, he missed the turning he wanted, and ended up a slip road on to a bridge with a no u-turn sign. Deciding to ignore it, he pulled the sharp left turn he needed to get back to the round-a-bout, at the precise moment a French Gendarme van pulled in to view on the other side of the bridge. Not only that, the turning circle was misjudged, and the confusion by the sudden appearance of the rozzers led to momentary lapse in concentration, and a stall as the car hit the curb on the other side of the road at an angle blocking the bridge. Green or blue lights flashing (he forgets), the car zooms in and blocks my way to reverse back and finish the turn- and I am approached by two beefy French gendarmes looking less than impressed. They explained the solid white line meant no crossing, and pointed to the sign that said no u-turns, while pulling out a notepad to make it painfully official. He (the friend) quickly explained was very very sorry, at the exact moment the friend’s son began to complain of needing a poo. I’m not sure if it was the wailing child, the potty on the rear shelf of the 911, or the pleading “Je suis desole”’s from my friend, but the policemen said to get out of there- which my firend quickly (not too quickly) obliged.
There might be a couple more strories, but I'll have to check details (and a lawyer) before posting them
Edited by Rudolf R on Wednesday 22 July 15:19
My friend was driving to Brighton for a Saturday night of wenching in the nightclubs. When he got to a set of traffic lights in Lane 1, a Police car pulled up in Lane 2. Egged on by his friends to floor it when the lights changed he did up to 50 mph in a 30 zone. The lights on the panda car immediately came on and said friend was given a major b
king by the WPC. As she pulled out her ticketing book a call came over the radio for a major disturbance in the town centre and the WPC ran back to her car shouting that my friend was lucky this time not to be booked.
king by the WPC. As she pulled out her ticketing book a call came over the radio for a major disturbance in the town centre and the WPC ran back to her car shouting that my friend was lucky this time not to be booked.
My friend was an arse and collected nine speeding points on his licence. Because arse. He dodged a bullet last week, however. Flashy camera bust in old heap (he always gets busted in some old heap that shouldn't be able to go more than 20 mph but somehow does). Three of his old points had expired the day before, so now he will be back on nine but not banned. He's a knobber, but, phew.
My friend bought something on eBay, and was miffed when the item did not arrive. He entered into polite correspondence with the seller, who promised much but appeared to do little. Then the seller went quiet. My friend asked eBay to arrange a refund, which eBay did, and he then left some firm but (he thought) fair and accurate negative feedback on the seller. The seller then emailed to explain that he had been a bit distracted because his infant daughter had just died of a horrible disease (this, BTW, was true). My friend now feels like the biggest in the world.
in the world.Edited by anonymous-user on Saturday 25th July 11:30
When my 'friend' started driving a couple of years ago, I he picked up a flatpack bit of furniture off Freecycle from this really posh place in very, very South Bromley district (ie countryside).
Said place was down a steep country road.
Furniture collected, thrown in car (Ford KA old style)
On coming back, all that could be smelt was clutch and the car would not get enough power to climb the hill...
One call to AA later, they turn up. AA man has no problems whatsoever. Most odd, maybe its an intermittent problem. He tries, same problem, clutch smell, no power, stall.
He says 'Do you think the flatpack furniture is too heavy?'
AA man says 'I think it may be the flatpack furniture but not its weight. Just to clarify - with all that wood strapped across the back seats that are down, and the front passenger seat thats down, and pushing against the gear lever..... you're not trying to set off in third gear, are you?
My 'friend' again....I he had a load of wood from Wickes to build a small decking project and the wood was loaded into said KA. The wood was loaded transversely into the car with the end pointing into the top left corner of the dash, where the dash, front pillar and corner of the windscreen meet (Where the tax disc would go).
Boot wouldnt *quite* close so he thought 'sod it - its only a cheap old car, so what if part of the dash gets a little bent?'
Slammed the boot shut, just as he realised what he was doing.
The new windscreen was nice and shiny though...
Said place was down a steep country road.
Furniture collected, thrown in car (Ford KA old style)
On coming back, all that could be smelt was clutch and the car would not get enough power to climb the hill...
One call to AA later, they turn up. AA man has no problems whatsoever. Most odd, maybe its an intermittent problem. He tries, same problem, clutch smell, no power, stall.
He says 'Do you think the flatpack furniture is too heavy?'
AA man says 'I think it may be the flatpack furniture but not its weight. Just to clarify - with all that wood strapped across the back seats that are down, and the front passenger seat thats down, and pushing against the gear lever..... you're not trying to set off in third gear, are you?
My 'friend' again....
Boot wouldnt *quite* close so he thought 'sod it - its only a cheap old car, so what if part of the dash gets a little bent?'
Slammed the boot shut, just as he realised what he was doing.
The new windscreen was nice and shiny though...
GC8 said:
If the poor man requests it, your friend can retract the feedback.
This has already happened, along with a donation of 100 quid to the charity that researches the horrid disease that killed the child. My friend still feels like a total arse, however.Edited by anonymous-user on Saturday 25th July 15:19
Breadvan72 said:
GC8 said:
If the poor man requests it, your friend can retract the feedback.
This has already happened, along with a donation of 100 quid to the charity that researches the horrid disease that killed the child. Mt friend still feels like a total arse, however.omgus said:
Breadvan72 said:
GC8 said:
If the poor man requests it, your friend can retract the feedback.
This has already happened, along with a donation of 100 quid to the charity that researches the horrid disease that killed the child. Mt friend still feels like a total arse, however.After a lot of research my friend recently bought some lovely 15" OZ Ultraleggeras for his Clio. It took 2 weeks for them to arrive as the first set they sent were the wrong size, so my friend was chomping at the bit when the correct ones turned up.
The plan was to swap the tyres from the stock rims on to the new ones, so he booked the car in and chucked the new wheels in the car, just as he was about to set off he thought he should probably check he has the locking wheel nut key, in fact he probably should have checked some time ago.
Sure enough, my friend couldn't find the locking wheel nut key so rang the tyre place. They told my friend it was £25 to get locking wheel nuts off...per wheel. My friend apparently responded with "Bugger me, perhaps not then". He managed to get a replacement key overnight for £15 though.
Result.
He booked the car in again and took the car to the tyre place. They told him to leave it with them for a couple of hours and it will be done. So my friend comes back 2 hours later and the car is still on the same wheels, obviously my rather irate friend enquires as to why they haven't done it.
"The wheels on the car are 16" and the new ones are 15""
"fking bks!" He replied, I am told.
My friend feels like an absolute tit.
The plan was to swap the tyres from the stock rims on to the new ones, so he booked the car in and chucked the new wheels in the car, just as he was about to set off he thought he should probably check he has the locking wheel nut key, in fact he probably should have checked some time ago.
Sure enough, my friend couldn't find the locking wheel nut key so rang the tyre place. They told my friend it was £25 to get locking wheel nuts off...per wheel. My friend apparently responded with "Bugger me, perhaps not then". He managed to get a replacement key overnight for £15 though.
Result.
He booked the car in again and took the car to the tyre place. They told him to leave it with them for a couple of hours and it will be done. So my friend comes back 2 hours later and the car is still on the same wheels, obviously my rather irate friend enquires as to why they haven't done it.
"The wheels on the car are 16" and the new ones are 15""
"f
king bks!" He replied, I am told.My friend feels like an absolute tit.
Blaster72 said:
Is that a euphemism for something? Goes off to check urban dictionary 
It's this post:http://www.pistonheads.com/gAssing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
JimmyConwayNW said:
I know a guy who runs a printing and sign business. He has been claiming he is getting a range rover for over 10years that I've known/known of him.
He went on holiday to Dubai and claimed someone fell into a water tank at the aquarium with a shark.
She was really fit so he jumped in to save her and strangled a shark with an eel.
Once he said no one would fight him in his home town of sandbach because he was so feared and notorious. To keep on top of his ultra bad persona he then had to show his strength. He knocked out a cow by kicking it in
The balls.
When putting up signs at Knowsley Safari park he was given closed access to the park. Using an l200 truck he was
Doing a few drifts and managed to drift it into a penguin. Chucked the penguin in the back and put it in a bin on the way home.
Loves pretending he is 'dodgy' and likes to give the impression he is a drug dealer. Told the wrong person and the police raided his house
There are far more than that.
He went on holiday to Dubai and claimed someone fell into a water tank at the aquarium with a shark.
She was really fit so he jumped in to save her and strangled a shark with an eel.
Once he said no one would fight him in his home town of sandbach because he was so feared and notorious. To keep on top of his ultra bad persona he then had to show his strength. He knocked out a cow by kicking it in
The balls.
When putting up signs at Knowsley Safari park he was given closed access to the park. Using an l200 truck he was
Doing a few drifts and managed to drift it into a penguin. Chucked the penguin in the back and put it in a bin on the way home.
Loves pretending he is 'dodgy' and likes to give the impression he is a drug dealer. Told the wrong person and the police raided his house
There are far more than that.
zarjaz1991 said:
Blaster72 said:
Is that a euphemism for something? Goes off to check urban dictionary
It's this post:http://www.pistonheads.com/gAssing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
JimmyConwayNW said:
I know a guy who runs a printing and sign business. He has been claiming he is getting a range rover for over 10years that I've known/known of him.
He went on holiday to Dubai and claimed someone fell into a water tank at the aquarium with a shark.
She was really fit so he jumped in to save her and strangled a shark with an eel.
Once he said no one would fight him in his home town of sandbach because he was so feared and notorious. To keep on top of his ultra bad persona he then had to show his strength. He knocked out a cow by kicking it in
The balls.
When putting up signs at Knowsley Safari park he was given closed access to the park. Using an l200 truck he was
Doing a few drifts and managed to drift it into a penguin. Chucked the penguin in the back and put it in a bin on the way home.
Loves pretending he is 'dodgy' and likes to give the impression he is a drug dealer. Told the wrong person and the police raided his house
There are far more than that.
He went on holiday to Dubai and claimed someone fell into a water tank at the aquarium with a shark.
She was really fit so he jumped in to save her and strangled a shark with an eel.
Once he said no one would fight him in his home town of sandbach because he was so feared and notorious. To keep on top of his ultra bad persona he then had to show his strength. He knocked out a cow by kicking it in
The balls.
When putting up signs at Knowsley Safari park he was given closed access to the park. Using an l200 truck he was
Doing a few drifts and managed to drift it into a penguin. Chucked the penguin in the back and put it in a bin on the way home.
Loves pretending he is 'dodgy' and likes to give the impression he is a drug dealer. Told the wrong person and the police raided his house
There are far more than that.
KAgantua said:
My 'friend' again.... I he had a load of wood from Wickes to build a small decking project and the wood was loaded into said KA. The wood was loaded transversely into the car with the end pointing into the top left corner of the dash, where the dash, front pillar and corner of the windscreen meet (Where the tax disc would go).
Boot wouldnt *quite* close so he thought 'sod it - its only a cheap old car, so what if part of the dash gets a little bent?'
Slammed the boot shut, just as he realised what he was doing.
The new windscreen was nice and shiny though...
My friend did exactly this with a brand new company provided Austin Maestro about 31 years ago, although my friend can't remember which store the wood came from. The Maestro was the most dreadful and unreliable heap, spending more days off the road during my friend's three month tenure than in use. As my friend's employer wasn't prepared to replace said Maestro with a working motor car – so that he could do his job – my friend quickly found fresh employmen with a decent car. He very much enjoyed handing back the Maestro heap along with his letter of resignation.Boot wouldnt *quite* close so he thought 'sod it - its only a cheap old car, so what if part of the dash gets a little bent?'
Slammed the boot shut, just as he realised what he was doing.
The new windscreen was nice and shiny though...
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