Just about the worst day of my life

Just about the worst day of my life

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Hammer67

Original Poster:

5,706 posts

183 months

Monday 16th January 2012
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Don`t know where to start, have just returned from putting my 15yo autistic son into emergency social services care. My family is in total meltdown, Mrs H67 and little Miss H67 are completely shot away.

Today I`ve been attacked by my own flesh and blood, watched him rage like a wild animal, seen him head butt his way through walls,I`ve had police, paramedics, social workers, carers, doctors crawling all over the house.

I`ve never felt so low, sat here crying like a baby, totally shattered and numb.

Autism ~ a short word hiding a monster. A monster I`ve been fighting for 12 years,well,today it has finally beaten me.

Lotus Notes

1,197 posts

190 months

Monday 16th January 2012
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My thoughts are with you, 15 years is a long time coping with a loved one with autism. I have a cousin with similar tendencies and he was in put into a care home from the age of 17 years. He was better off there as he had become a powerful young man.

I still remember the good times when he would make me draw and colour for hours..

Fatman2

1,464 posts

168 months

Monday 16th January 2012
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Hell that's sobering. I'm really sorry to hear about it and hope that somehow you can find some positives to help move forward.

Don't know what else to say but wish you all the very best smile

Ordinary_Chap

7,520 posts

242 months

Monday 16th January 2012
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I'm sorry to hear your difficulties Hammer67, thats very rough.

I hope that somehow this leads to a light at the end of the tunnel for you in someway.

All the best,
Lee

Nigel Worc's

8,121 posts

187 months

Monday 16th January 2012
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I can't help, but I wish you all the best.

steveT350C

6,728 posts

160 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
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You have put my 'issues' of trying to deal with a 3 month old waking up in the middle of the night screaming into perspective. Shame on me for getting angry.

I do hope things get better for you and your family.




Lemmonie

6,314 posts

254 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
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Hi,

I want to let you know im thinking of you. I dont have family members with Autism or indeed care for anyone that has it but i do work for a large company that does. I have seen our clients experiance challenging behaviour and I have watched in awe as those who support them deal with it.

It sounds like you are struggling with those behaviours and please dont feel ashamed that you have done anything wrong. You needed some support and unfortunately that came in the form of emergancy support. If the people who are caring for your son right now are anything like the people I work with then your son and you are very lucky people. I am in awe on a daily basis of the patience and understanding our support workers have.

Dont look at this as the end of something more of a new chapter. It may well be you discover new ways to meet your sons needs that werent apparent before. Sometimes change can be good for the whole family.

I really hope your son recieves the care he deserves and needs and also that you as a family are supported through this difficult time.

You have my every sympathy and all my respect for doing the best for your son.
xx

Hammer67

Original Poster:

5,706 posts

183 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
quotequote all
Thanks guys. The last couple of weeks has been so difficult, watching your own son self destruct and taking us with him. I never thought I`d see the day when he`d be violent towards me and his mum. The house, not that I really care, is wrecked ~ holes in walls, smashed doors, mirrors, flat screens etc.
Mrs H is falling apart and little Miss H is virtually unable to speak. I`m just numb and beaten.

Loopyleesa

2,894 posts

166 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
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Fatman2 said:
Hell that's sobering. I'm really sorry to hear about it and hope that somehow you can find some positives to help move forward.

Don't know what else to say but wish you all the very best smile
Agree with this!

Steffan

10,362 posts

227 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
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Hammer67 said:
Thanks guys. The last couple of weeks has been so difficult, watching your own son self destruct and taking us with him. I never thought I`d see the day when he`d be violent towards me and his mum. The house, not that I really care, is wrecked ~ holes in walls, smashed doors, mirrors, flat screens etc.
Mrs H is falling apart and little Miss H is virtually unable to speak. I`m just numb and beaten.
Unfortunately you cannot love a serious condition better. It is a lesson for all parents of damaged or otherwise permanently disabled children.

You need to recognise and understand that this condition requires permanent secure treatment. It cannot be dealt with in a family home.

My son in law runs several Autistic homes in East Anglia. He is a 6'5" ex Coldstream Guards officer and massive in size and strength and knowledge of combat. He still has to be careful with his clients who can snap at a moments notice.

He is a real gentle giant and a really gentle man. But he would not attempt to manage a serious case of Autistic rage on his own. Lesson for us all.

This condition cannot be loved better. You would really be better served if you accept and convince your family to accept that a permanent secure facility is essential to your son's welfare and your families future.

I have every sympathy for your situation.

I have left comment this till the end of the post because I think the solution is sadly not sympathy.

I wholeheartedly recommend a permanent secure home for your son.

nw28840

985 posts

178 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
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My thoughts are with you also.

I hope things get back on track for you and your family quickly.

unseen

169 posts

160 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
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nw28840 said:
My thoughts are with you also.

I hope things get back on track for you and your family quickly.
+1 all the best

Robb F

4,562 posts

170 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
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Thoughts are with you pal.

ApexJimi

24,859 posts

242 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
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I don't have kids and I don't particularly like kids, but that made for very uncomfortable reading. I really feel for you frown


nickmac209

111 posts

195 months

Tuesday 17th January 2012
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You and your family have done an incredible job for the last 15 yrs and I'm sure endured more than most can even start to imagine in terms of stress, frustration and heartache. You should not (although probably impossible) feel any guilt as the condition has become too much for you, your family and your son to manage. He will benefit greatly from specialist care and you will be able to visit him and love him without the terrible stress and frustrations you have been under. Consider this... some parents put their kids in boarding school aged 5 or 6!
Try not to let the situation get on top of you and bring you down, cope with life minute by minute hour by hour for a while and don't worry about the past or future. I hope very much that you manage to start picking up the pieces and look for any positives you can find in this very difficult situation.
If you need and ear please pm me, I'd be more than happy to listen. All the best mate.

sjc

13,878 posts

269 months

Wednesday 18th January 2012
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Jesus Hammer67,never would have got any sort of inkling from your WH forum posts as your humour shines through constantly over there.That,surely is just a small reflection of how well you and your family must have managed to cope for so long.Don't look upon any of this a negative,you all need a break from that sort of unbelievable stress,( including your lad of course who must feel so frustrated at things)but I'm sure you and the family will look back at this as some sort of positive turning point very very soon.
All the best froma fellow Hammer.

Hammer67

Original Poster:

5,706 posts

183 months

Wednesday 18th January 2012
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Thanks sjc and all above for your kind words and also for the harsh but true stuff.

We`ve probably known for some years this day would arrive and we`d reach the end of our ability to manage and cope. Trouble is you never stop hoping and praying it won`t. The way it happened will haunt me.

The real hero is Mrs H, many times over the years when I`ve shied away from the situation,she`s never wavered, never lost her fierce all encompassing love for our son. Which of course made what happened on Monday so tough for her. She even got a job working with autistic children and helping parents with newly diagnosed children.









silvagod

1,052 posts

159 months

Thursday 19th January 2012
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OP, I can only try to imagine your pain. I've brought up 2 boys into their mid 20s and thankfully they have been fine.

I was directed via a friend to a site the other day though that may help or at least give you some insight into the mind of an autistic child (I know there are many different 'scales' of autism)

https://twitter.com/#!/carlysvoice

Feel free to read / ignore as you wish.

I really hope that things get better for all of you.

boobles

15,241 posts

214 months

Thursday 19th January 2012
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Really sorry to hear this & can't be easy at all.
My nephew also has this & his tantrums can be awful to witness. He will almost certainly create a scene where ever & when ever he wants & there isn't alot you can do. He is 9yrs old at the moment & the signs are already there that things will only get far worse.

Good luck with everything in the future....

im

34,302 posts

216 months

Thursday 19th January 2012
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So very sorry to hear that Hammer.