Help! Partner drives too close to car in front
Discussion
This: http://www.iam.org.uk/drivers/motorists-courses
I thought I was a good driver but having an assessment from an ex-police trained driver was a real eye opener. I wasn’t a bad driver but I learnt loads and notice/consider so much more when driving. As a result I find I make faster, safer progress and can better anticipate all the other idiots on the road!
You could perhaps both do their advanced “Skill for Life” course to show it as a good idea/achievement all round to try and avoid her taking it as a personal criticism.
I thought I was a good driver but having an assessment from an ex-police trained driver was a real eye opener. I wasn’t a bad driver but I learnt loads and notice/consider so much more when driving. As a result I find I make faster, safer progress and can better anticipate all the other idiots on the road!
You could perhaps both do their advanced “Skill for Life” course to show it as a good idea/achievement all round to try and avoid her taking it as a personal criticism.
Does she take on an aggressive persona when she gets behind the wheel?
My Mrs used to do this. Just get her to relax, listen to Radio 4 or Classic FM, chill a bit and explain to her that she will make faster and safer progress by dropping back and being more aware of her surroundings.
Good luck!
pp
My Mrs used to do this. Just get her to relax, listen to Radio 4 or Classic FM, chill a bit and explain to her that she will make faster and safer progress by dropping back and being more aware of her surroundings.
Good luck!
pp
The fact you say scooter is even more worrying, my Mrs driving improved a lot when she learned to ride a bike. Is she scootering on a CBT or full licence?
Nagging won't help at all, as someone above said she'll probably listen to someone else far more readily than she'll listen to you about it, so something like an IAM/RoSPA course might well be worth it. Is there a car equivalent of the police Bikesafe days?
Nagging won't help at all, as someone above said she'll probably listen to someone else far more readily than she'll listen to you about it, so something like an IAM/RoSPA course might well be worth it. Is there a car equivalent of the police Bikesafe days?
Her driving didn't change much after passing the full bike test. She drives/rides well, just too close. Such a shame as her other skills are good. Probably parks the car better than me, and was fastest on some track day + was only one not to spin off!!! Just can't help the magnetic attraction to the back of cars. We take it in turns to drive to even out fuel costs.
I did point out that on the same trip I only had to use the screen wash once, compared to her dozen times.. Drive too close & your car gets dirtier. Sigh. Guess who buys the screenwash?
I did point out that on the same trip I only had to use the screen wash once, compared to her dozen times.. Drive too close & your car gets dirtier. Sigh. Guess who buys the screenwash?
My (female) best mate is terrible for this. You just can't tell a woman anything though.
Yet, if I even vaguely 'make progress' she'll be sitting there acting as if I'm an Arab drifter.
The daft thing is, she's generally a faster driver than I am whilst going about her business, and she's probably the best driver I know, apart from myself, but the tailgating is just ridiculous sometimes.
Yet, if I even vaguely 'make progress' she'll be sitting there acting as if I'm an Arab drifter.
The daft thing is, she's generally a faster driver than I am whilst going about her business, and she's probably the best driver I know, apart from myself, but the tailgating is just ridiculous sometimes.
Was adjacent to/ within sight of a mad bloke for ages on the M62/ M60 yesterday. Guy must was probably early 60s, shirt and tie in a 407 estate thing with a private plate. He was mental, literally about 6ft off the bumper of the car in front in lane 3, braking every few seconds. Whenever a gap opened up (probably due to him looking at his phone or radio) he accelerated manically to close the gap and then had to brake harshly. I'm talking proper flooring it and braking hard enough for the car to squat down at the front and jolt to a stop.
Nut case must be caning tyres/ brakes/ general wear and tear/ blood pressure.
I really couldn't understand what he was thinking.
Nut case must be caning tyres/ brakes/ general wear and tear/ blood pressure.
I really couldn't understand what he was thinking.
Tell her about the 2 second rule (works at any speed).
Get her to spot the car passing a lamp post or other fixed object and then say that well known phrase.
You know the one....
"Only a FOOL breaks the 2 second rule"
I've managed to get my wife to stop doing it and she leaves a 2 sec gap on D/C's before pulling back in now too. You get them to look for the entire front of the vehicle they have passed in the rear view mirror before also checking the left mirror and moving back in.
Get her to spot the car passing a lamp post or other fixed object and then say that well known phrase.
You know the one....
"Only a FOOL breaks the 2 second rule"
I've managed to get my wife to stop doing it and she leaves a 2 sec gap on D/C's before pulling back in now too. You get them to look for the entire front of the vehicle they have passed in the rear view mirror before also checking the left mirror and moving back in.
The problem with people like the tailgating spouses and friends is not them getting a dirty car or writing off a scooter or whatever, but rather it is the prospect of other road users getting their pride and joy mangled by some cretin with learning difficulties and/or sustaining personal injury and definately losing money and suffering huge inconvenience in a crash that was imposed on them by an idiot.
Sorry to be blunt OP, but you need to be blunt with your wife. As a car enthusiast and a father of two toddlers with weak little necks, I DO NOT want to be rear ended by a tailgater and I'm certain I speak for everyone who is endangered by tailgaters up and down the country.
4 rear end shunts from tail gating is not an accident. These crashes are entirely foreseeable and therefore entirely avoidable. 1 is a mistake by someone who needs to learn everything the hard way. 4 is incompetence.
If she wants to crash in to trees to pass the time then she can feel free. It would be more considerate not to choose to rear end innocent third parties though.
Sorry to be blunt OP, but you need to be blunt with your wife. As a car enthusiast and a father of two toddlers with weak little necks, I DO NOT want to be rear ended by a tailgater and I'm certain I speak for everyone who is endangered by tailgaters up and down the country.
4 rear end shunts from tail gating is not an accident. These crashes are entirely foreseeable and therefore entirely avoidable. 1 is a mistake by someone who needs to learn everything the hard way. 4 is incompetence.
If she wants to crash in to trees to pass the time then she can feel free. It would be more considerate not to choose to rear end innocent third parties though.
My partner is the same, drives too quickly, too hard on the brakes and too close to the person in front. All totally matter-of-fact. She refuses to listen and goes nuts if I comment, I find myself looking away for half the journey for fear of tensing & distracting her.
But then again it is the same for everything..
On the hob.... small pan on the biggest flame ring... then turns the flame ring up so it heats the side of the pan and leaves a cold spot right in the centre of it.
But then again it is the same for everything..
On the hob.... small pan on the biggest flame ring... then turns the flame ring up so it heats the side of the pan and leaves a cold spot right in the centre of it.
Gilhooligan said:
Liquid Tuna said:
My missus drives to close to the gutter (in my opinion of course) and ends up picking up all the crap, hitting pot holes, and getting punctures. I tell her every time but after almost 20 years of driving she isn't going to change.
My mother does this! Car gets filthy and she's had to replace a broken spring on the near side rear. Mental. Sounds like a lot of partners and wives need some professional refresher tuition (there's no shame in that, we all pick up bad habits)!
I'm a driving instructor so I have the coaching skills to get my wife to change her habits. But it is tricky for a spouse to get their partner to drive better as it can be seen as nagging.
If anyone in the Kent area has any issues with their partners driving; I'd be happy to give a couple of hours free refresher training; totally free for any PH'ers all fully insured and in a dual controlled Mini Cooper (there would be no catch such as booking more sessions or any other expense, in fact leave the wallet/purse and bank details at home)!
It's good practice for me in getting a full licence holder to improve an aspect of their driving.
Just PM if interested.
I'm a driving instructor so I have the coaching skills to get my wife to change her habits. But it is tricky for a spouse to get their partner to drive better as it can be seen as nagging.
If anyone in the Kent area has any issues with their partners driving; I'd be happy to give a couple of hours free refresher training; totally free for any PH'ers all fully insured and in a dual controlled Mini Cooper (there would be no catch such as booking more sessions or any other expense, in fact leave the wallet/purse and bank details at home)!
It's good practice for me in getting a full licence holder to improve an aspect of their driving.
Just PM if interested.
Edited by UrbanLegend on Tuesday 17th December 13:26
Devil2575 said:
Don't tell her to leave a bigger gap, ask her.
I had this with my wife and sorted it by changing my approach.
I asked her to leave a bigger gap because her driving was making me feel uncomfortable. It worked far better than nagging/lecturing etc.
This is the way, and setting a good example when you drive.I had this with my wife and sorted it by changing my approach.
I asked her to leave a bigger gap because her driving was making me feel uncomfortable. It worked far better than nagging/lecturing etc.
My ex missus was notorious for doing this; complete with the spiral effect of increasingly erratic driving if you mentioned braking distances, gripped the door handle or did passanger braking.
After she rear ended a bin lorry and had to have it explained to her that 3rd party insurance meant that her car was not being repaired. I managed to source a mismatched colour bonnet from the local scrapyard, and expertly (mallet) realigned the front of the car and did a quick fix repair. It would have gone to the bodyshop but at the time I didn't have money to burn on repairs for stupid avoidable accidents.
The unintentional effect of doing this on the cheap led to a suitable "badge of shame" for her to drive around with; I may have had a smug "I told you so" face. Tailgating seemed to subside slightly, including gobby road rage incidents (another delightful trait) - possibly as her car became more noticable.
The whole incident provided a useful lesson: a Puma is a suitable vehicle for transporting a Clio 2 bonnet. Just.
After she rear ended a bin lorry and had to have it explained to her that 3rd party insurance meant that her car was not being repaired. I managed to source a mismatched colour bonnet from the local scrapyard, and expertly (mallet) realigned the front of the car and did a quick fix repair. It would have gone to the bodyshop but at the time I didn't have money to burn on repairs for stupid avoidable accidents.
The unintentional effect of doing this on the cheap led to a suitable "badge of shame" for her to drive around with; I may have had a smug "I told you so" face. Tailgating seemed to subside slightly, including gobby road rage incidents (another delightful trait) - possibly as her car became more noticable.
The whole incident provided a useful lesson: a Puma is a suitable vehicle for transporting a Clio 2 bonnet. Just.
HertsBiker said:
Her driving didn't change much after passing the full bike test. She drives/rides well, just too close. Such a shame as her other skills are good. Probably parks the car better than me, and was fastest on some track day + was only one not to spin off!!! Just can't help the magnetic attraction to the back of cars. We take it in turns to drive to even out fuel costs.
I did point out that on the same trip I only had to use the screen wash once, compared to her dozen times.. Drive too close & your car gets dirtier. Sigh. Guess who buys the screenwash?
Sounds to me like an attitude issue. If she is as aware as your description of her driving suggests she may be well aware of what she is doing, and that she really is too close, and is doing it very deliberately, perhaps to pressure the car in front to go faster. This is why telling her to leave a bigger gap won't work, she's considered that and rejected it, it's not news to her.I did point out that on the same trip I only had to use the screen wash once, compared to her dozen times.. Drive too close & your car gets dirtier. Sigh. Guess who buys the screenwash?
Like others I'm very surprised 4 accidents hasn't changed her attitude though. If my theory is correct there must be something very deep seated going on, something that drives her to do it that's stronger then what she believes the risk is.
/cod philosophy off
My missus was also bad for driving too close, more so on the motorways - yes she did have a silver Audi diesel with Xenons by the way... Not much worked until I took her to visit a mate who works at a salvage company. Having seen first hand the results of sitting too close on motorways, give her due... she did take it on board. The Astra with the rear seats (and baby seat) up near the dashboard kinda did the trick. Grim but hey.
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