Help! Partner drives too close to car in front
Discussion
jamieduff1981 said:
The problem with people like the tailgating spouses and friends is not them getting a dirty car or writing off a scooter or whatever, but rather it is the prospect of other road users getting their pride and joy mangled by some cretin with learning difficulties and/or sustaining personal injury and definately losing money and suffering huge inconvenience in a crash that was imposed on them by an idiot.
Sorry to be blunt OP, but you need to be blunt with your wife. As a car enthusiast and a father of two toddlers with weak little necks, I DO NOT want to be rear ended by a tailgater and I'm certain I speak for everyone who is endangered by tailgaters up and down the country.
4 rear end shunts from tail gating is not an accident. These crashes are entirely foreseeable and therefore entirely avoidable. 1 is a mistake by someone who needs to learn everything the hard way. 4 is incompetence.
If she wants to crash in to trees to pass the time then she can feel free. It would be more considerate not to choose to rear end innocent third parties though.
Exactly this. Be as persistent and rude as you have to be. If you wife kills someone, you will both regret not having told her that she either changes or will not be allowed to drive.Sorry to be blunt OP, but you need to be blunt with your wife. As a car enthusiast and a father of two toddlers with weak little necks, I DO NOT want to be rear ended by a tailgater and I'm certain I speak for everyone who is endangered by tailgaters up and down the country.
4 rear end shunts from tail gating is not an accident. These crashes are entirely foreseeable and therefore entirely avoidable. 1 is a mistake by someone who needs to learn everything the hard way. 4 is incompetence.
If she wants to crash in to trees to pass the time then she can feel free. It would be more considerate not to choose to rear end innocent third parties though.
Timbola said:
I
Or try the shock treatment? Go apoplectic and rant ONLY A FOOL BREAKS THE TWO SECOND RULE ONLY A FOOL BREAKS THE TWO SECOND RULE ONLY A FOOL BREAKS THE TWO SECOND RULE
I had that drilled into me from a very young age well before I was ready to drive a car. Also to add "IN THE RAIN SAY IT AGAIN"Or try the shock treatment? Go apoplectic and rant ONLY A FOOL BREAKS THE TWO SECOND RULE ONLY A FOOL BREAKS THE TWO SECOND RULE ONLY A FOOL BREAKS THE TWO SECOND RULE
RizzoTheRat said:
varsas said:
Like others I'm very surprised 4 accidents hasn't changed her attitude though. If my theory is correct there must be something very deep seated going on, something that drives her to do it that's stronger then what she believes the risk is.
You'd be amazed. The reason they ask you on your insurance if you've had an accident in the last 5 years is because people have are statistically more likely to have another one. People in general don't learn from their mistakes. As you say it's usually an attitude issue, and changing people attitude about how good a driver they think they are is very difficult....
If she doesn't change her attitude the OP can expect his partner to have a fifth rear-end accident. It's almost inevitable.
I'd suggest advanced driving lessons - it will probably take advice from a third party for her to listen.
AH33 said:
Ugh, angry women on the road. Or angry women in general.
Its like being tailgated by Audi man, but somehow it is more satisfying to wind them up.
The worrying thing is they're often not angry. I think I'd rather be tailgated by Audi man as at least he's generally making a conscious effort to tailgate, and is hopefully ready to brake sharply if required. A lot of tailgating women appear to be completely oblivious to what they're doing.Its like being tailgated by Audi man, but somehow it is more satisfying to wind them up.
As stated earlier,
Get the message across in a fashion she'll understand before someone gets injured. My Ex ended up with a concussion, loss of short term memory (to this very day, 14 years later) and a week in hospital after hitting the back of a Truck.
I always "thought" of mentioning her use of "Minimum safe distance" but never did. Of course I'm glad she survived the accident but I remember going with her to see the shrink and thinking. Yup I should have been more forceful and said "For the love of God woman, ease back!!"
This is the very reason I pull in, let the daft tailgater pass and pull back out giving them plenty of "go have your accident space".
Seriously, have a word before you regret not having a word.
Get the message across in a fashion she'll understand before someone gets injured. My Ex ended up with a concussion, loss of short term memory (to this very day, 14 years later) and a week in hospital after hitting the back of a Truck.
I always "thought" of mentioning her use of "Minimum safe distance" but never did. Of course I'm glad she survived the accident but I remember going with her to see the shrink and thinking. Yup I should have been more forceful and said "For the love of God woman, ease back!!"
This is the very reason I pull in, let the daft tailgater pass and pull back out giving them plenty of "go have your accident space".
Seriously, have a word before you regret not having a word.
UrbanLegend said:
Sounds like a lot of partners and wives need some professional refresher tuition (there's no shame in that, we all pick up bad habits)!
I'm a driving instructor so I have the coaching skills to get my wife to change her habits. But it is tricky for a spouse to get their partner to drive better as it can be seen as nagging.
If anyone in the Kent area has any issues with their partners driving; I'd be happy to give a couple of hours free refresher training; totally free for any PH'ers all fully insured and in a dual controlled Mini Cooper (there would be no catch such as booking more sessions or any other expense, in fact leave the wallet/purse and bank details at home)!
It's good practice for me in getting a full licence holder to improve an aspect of their driving.
Just PM if interested.
That's a great offer. I'd be happy to offer something similar to PHers the Bristol area - I'm not a driving instructor, but have got enough people through their IAM tests to be able to help with this.I'm a driving instructor so I have the coaching skills to get my wife to change her habits. But it is tricky for a spouse to get their partner to drive better as it can be seen as nagging.
If anyone in the Kent area has any issues with their partners driving; I'd be happy to give a couple of hours free refresher training; totally free for any PH'ers all fully insured and in a dual controlled Mini Cooper (there would be no catch such as booking more sessions or any other expense, in fact leave the wallet/purse and bank details at home)!
It's good practice for me in getting a full licence holder to improve an aspect of their driving.
Just PM if interested.
The only condition is that the person would have to be willing to attend, not just agreeing to it to stop the nagging.
HertsBiker said:
she has hit 4 cars up the back.
You should never hit a car up the back. To do it four time means there is a serious problem. Try refusing to get in the car unless she agrees to back off and follow it though. If you get to your destination and she is still tailgating, get a cab back saying you don't feel safe with her driving.jonah35 said:
Why do you want her to leave a bigger gap?
Are you concerned about both your safety, her safety and your insurance? If so ask her to leave more of a gap and explain why.
Eg please would it be possible to leave more of a gap as its making me uncomfortable.
Don't say "leave more of a gap, you're too close" as this will get her back up.
If she doesn't listen then either accept it, report her to police or drive the car yourself.
Not much else to say!
Tried this one! It didn't work for me....Are you concerned about both your safety, her safety and your insurance? If so ask her to leave more of a gap and explain why.
Eg please would it be possible to leave more of a gap as its making me uncomfortable.
Don't say "leave more of a gap, you're too close" as this will get her back up.
If she doesn't listen then either accept it, report her to police or drive the car yourself.
Not much else to say!
The strategy I find works the best is to constantly moan about other drivers tailgating, both when I'm driving and especially when she is.Telling her straight up that she's doing it wrong is not going to work. Telling her other people are doing it wrong is likely to elicit agreement, and hopefully change things.
People don't like to be told that they're wrong and they're quite likely to dig their heels in, but equally people don't like others to think that they're wrong. Make her think that she's decided not to tailgate unilaterally.
OP - Buy her an advanced driving book for Christmas. Tell her she can have the rest of the presents when she has read the book and demonstrated that she has read and understood it.
It has been 15 years since I passed my RoSPA test and in my old age I have concluded that the best thing to do as I'm driving along is categorise people based on my observation and take action accordingly:-
1) Head pointed anywhere other than straight ahead (i.e. looking at radio, texting, talking on phone, looking at kids etc) - not concentrating. Slow down by lifing off accelerator, try to create a bigger gap.
2) Car with any form of damage on it - they're an accident waiting to happen again. Avoid. Let them past or give them a wide berth.
3) People "on my bumper" in a damage free car. On a multi lane road, let them past, or on a single carriageway, decelerate to 10 mph under the speed limit then accelerate hard to the speed limit and try to maintain the correct gap.
In my experience accidents are rare. To me an accident is when the driver is doing everything right and unusual things happen, e.g. hit a patch of diesel on a bend and run out of room to correct the slide. Most 'accidents' are down to bad driving - leaving insufficient room to stop safely or not concentrating well enough.
It has been 15 years since I passed my RoSPA test and in my old age I have concluded that the best thing to do as I'm driving along is categorise people based on my observation and take action accordingly:-
1) Head pointed anywhere other than straight ahead (i.e. looking at radio, texting, talking on phone, looking at kids etc) - not concentrating. Slow down by lifing off accelerator, try to create a bigger gap.
2) Car with any form of damage on it - they're an accident waiting to happen again. Avoid. Let them past or give them a wide berth.
3) People "on my bumper" in a damage free car. On a multi lane road, let them past, or on a single carriageway, decelerate to 10 mph under the speed limit then accelerate hard to the speed limit and try to maintain the correct gap.
In my experience accidents are rare. To me an accident is when the driver is doing everything right and unusual things happen, e.g. hit a patch of diesel on a bend and run out of room to correct the slide. Most 'accidents' are down to bad driving - leaving insufficient room to stop safely or not concentrating well enough.
So. An Advanced Driving course is definitely the way to go.
As an Observer for my local group I can tell you, however, that someone who has no interest in going to the course will either not go...or go once. Once is long enough to find out that the Observer is not there to "rubber stamp" the quality of the driving and, unless genuinely, unexpectedly enthused, decide that they don't want to bother.
I recommend emotional blackmail.
Tell her you are worried by her driving. It makes you concerned for her welfare and that of your children. Say you know you might just be a nag so why not see a professional (or even a highly qualified amateur!) for an independent view.
Maybe, just maybe, she'll do the course.
But my guess is not. People who don't want to change don't. I hope she proves me wrong!
As an Observer for my local group I can tell you, however, that someone who has no interest in going to the course will either not go...or go once. Once is long enough to find out that the Observer is not there to "rubber stamp" the quality of the driving and, unless genuinely, unexpectedly enthused, decide that they don't want to bother.
I recommend emotional blackmail.
Tell her you are worried by her driving. It makes you concerned for her welfare and that of your children. Say you know you might just be a nag so why not see a professional (or even a highly qualified amateur!) for an independent view.
Maybe, just maybe, she'll do the course.
But my guess is not. People who don't want to change don't. I hope she proves me wrong!
Vladimir said:
A very non scientific observation;
If a bloke tailgates you, it's usually an aggressive act.
If a woman does the same, it's usually due to lack of concentration. A quick dab of the brakes and most back off. Do the same to a bloke and they take it as a threat to their masculinity.
Best way to deal with tailgaters, works with both sorts of tailgating fools:If a bloke tailgates you, it's usually an aggressive act.
If a woman does the same, it's usually due to lack of concentration. A quick dab of the brakes and most back off. Do the same to a bloke and they take it as a threat to their masculinity.
Ease off the accelerator (don't brake). Let the car slowly go down to about maybe 5mph or a bit more below your original speed. Then gently accelerate back up to your original speed at which point you take your foot off the pedal again. Keep repeating until the fool behind either drops back or passes.
This is guaranteed to wake up the sort of dozy sheep that just latches on to the car in front as they will be constantly hitting their own brakes despite no brake lights from you, breaking them out of their mentally challenged trance and making it impossible to keep following on auto-pilot. In the other case, it also avoids issuing a direct challenge to aggressive twunts which brake-checking would do and doesn't leave you open to contributing to an accident should you slam on the anchors and get rear-ended.
I have developed a technique which I believe may be of use here. It was originally conceived as a cure for nagging, but has been successfully used to treat all manner of behavioural problems. I call it the 'Johnny Fotze that will learn them technique'.
What to do.
When she starts to get to close, give a firm "no, back off".
When you re-commence your journey you might like to make up a little rhyme as a 'rhyminder' (see what I did there?) such as "closer than thit, gets a punch in the twit" or something like. This isn't an essential part of the technique (believe me, she won't forget what you just did), but it's a fun game which will lighten the mood and show there's no hard feelings.
The key to success is consistency. Use this technique every time she drives and within a few short trips you'll have her driving like a man (without the parking ability of course).
What to do.
When she starts to get to close, give a firm "no, back off".
- It is important that you don't shout, they can be quite distressed by this, and it can trigger all kinds of trouble- a raised voice at the wrong time of month and you'll have a hysterical banshee to deal with.*
When you re-commence your journey you might like to make up a little rhyme as a 'rhyminder' (see what I did there?) such as "closer than thit, gets a punch in the twit" or something like. This isn't an essential part of the technique (believe me, she won't forget what you just did), but it's a fun game which will lighten the mood and show there's no hard feelings.
The key to success is consistency. Use this technique every time she drives and within a few short trips you'll have her driving like a man (without the parking ability of course).
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