Chunj - Is this your Ignis?

[dfen5]

Unfortunately, my love of the Ignis got me into a spot of bother yesterday.

To cut a long story short, I noticed a small crowd had gathered outside Waitrose yesterday lunchtime. Curiosity got the better of me so I wandered over to see what all the fuss was about. You won't believe this but there, in 'my' local town, outside of Waitrose in the 'disabled' spot, was a very clean '53 plate Ignis Sport.

Everyone was chatting excitedly about the legend that was there in front of my very eyes. However I soon realised I was out of my depth - the crowd's knowledge of the car's features, design and characteristics far exceeded my basic knowledge. And that's when it all went wrong. Keen to impress I blurted out that I was going to buy one, soon.

The crowd turned and stared at me in disbelief. Silence descended on the busy car park. "Bullst" someone murmured. Then I a faced a full-on torrent of abuse that would even make Chemical Chaos wince. This only stopped when the owner, a lady in her seventies returned with two packs of sliced ham and some dates. This seemed to settle the crowd into a rhythmic coo-ing and I was able to slip away.

Thank God they didn't notice my semi!

So, Chunj, was this your Ignis?

[AW111]

dfen5 said:

Unfortunately, my love of the Ignis got me into a spot of bother yesterday.

To cut a long story short, I noticed a small crowd had gathered outside Waitrose yesterday lunchtime. Curiosity got the better of me so I wandered over to see what all the fuss was about. You won't believe this but there, in 'my' local town, outside of Waitrose in the 'disabled' spot, was a very clean '53 plate Ignis Sport.

Everyone was chatting excitedly about the legend that was there in front of my very eyes. However I soon realised I was out of my depth - the crowd's knowledge of the car's features, design and characteristics far exceeded my basic knowledge. And that's when it all went wrong. Keen to impress I blurted out that I was going to buy one, soon.

The crowd turned and stared at me in disbelief. Silence descended on the busy car park. "Bullst" someone murmured. Then I a faced a full-on torrent of abuse that would even make Chemical Chaos wince. This only stopped when the owner, a lady in her seventies returned with two packs of sliced ham and some dates. This seemed to settle the crowd into a rhythmic coo-ing and I was able to slip away.

Thank God they didn't notice my semi!

So, Chunj, was this your Ignis?

Clearly, this was one of Chunj's many mistresses.
A man of taste and refinement, he prefers the attentions of a mature woman, one whose niceness of taste extends to her excellent choice of motor transport.

Ignis - you know you want to.

[FRA53R]

AW111 said:

Clearly, this was one of Chunj's many mistresses.
A man of taste and refinement, he prefers the attentions of a mature woman, one whose niceness of taste extends to her excellent choice of motor transport.

Ignis - you know you want to.

Always ready and waiting with a cherry bakewell and a glint in her cloudy eyes, she breathlessly whispers (Due to the emphysema) 'Take me for a ride..... I'm late for the bingo and I'm damned if Mabel's going to win again!'

[tenpenceshort]

Dear Clunge,

Sorry to trouble you Sir, did you see the Ignis chassis number XX34208ZZD0900TY994808 (you know, the yellow one) that was sold at Pebble Beach recently for $3260? I just wondered if you know anything about this car and its past owner?

[iva cosworth]

I saw a silver Ignis sport yesterday,I feinted with excitement.

It was chassis #45 .......

In Wallington btw.....

[Chunkymonkey71]

tenpenceshort said:

Dear Clunge,

Sorry to trouble you Sir, did you see the Ignis chassis number XX34208ZZD0900TY994808 (you know, the yellow one) that was sold at Pebble Beach recently for $3260? I just wondered if you know anything about this car and its past owner?

It's previous owner was Leafspring from the Trivial Thread. He was fed up of the attention and traded it in for an Audi R8.

[Chunkymonkey71]

doogz said:

Clunge's kid is private schooled I believe.

And his fiance is bang tidy, no need for tinder when you drive an Ignis, proper fanny magnet.

Two of the only true statements in this whole thread!

He is indeed, and she is indeed!

[Amirhussain]

Whats the retail on one of those?

[Chunkymonkey71]

I was thinking if getting a 'dude, I almost had you'- Paul Walker sticker, but changing it to 'dude, I almost had you'- Rolf Harris.

[Tango13]

Amirhussain said:

Whats the retail on one of those?

What an utterly crass question!

If you were a true acolyte of both Saint Chunj and his all powerful Ignis you would adopt a position of penitence, tug your forelock in a suitably subservient manner and accept that if you have to ask you quite simply cannot afford.

[Amirhussain]

Tango13 said:

Amirhussain said:

Whats the retail on one of those?

What an utterly crass question!

If you were a true acolyte of both Saint Chunj and his all powerful Ignis you would adopt a position of penitence, tug your forelock in a suitably subservient manner and accept that if you have to ask you quite simply cannot afford.

True, us mere mortals can only dream of owning such a prestigious and iconic motor

[ecsrobin]

iva cosworth said:

I saw a silver Ignis sport yesterday,I feinted with excitement.

It was chassis #45 .......

In Wallington btw.....

Thankyou for the update I have a list of the 1million ignis's made and that one fell off the radar last week. Is it still in its Suzuki blue paint scheme?

[Captainawesome]

Clunge, my eminence, may I possibly ask how it feels to cruise down to somewhere like Maryhill in your masterful IGNIS??? Do you wish that they too could experience the wonder that is Suzuki at it's best?

Please reply and also to our PM msgs (sorry for the crass abbreviate my liege )

[valiant]

Amirhussain said:

Whats the retail on one of those?

If you have to ask then the Ignis (hallowed be thy name) is clearly out of your league.

Peasant.

[Dog Star]

valiant said:

Amirhussain said:

Whats the retail on one of those?

If you have to ask then the Ignis (hallowed be thy name) is clearly out of your league.

Peasant.

Or, in the vernacular - "more than you can afford, pal. Suzuki"

[Amirhussain]

Dog Star said:

valiant said:

Amirhussain said:

Whats the retail on one of those?

If you have to ask then the Ignis (hallowed be thy name) is clearly out of your league.

Peasant.

Or, in the vernacular - "more than you can afford, pal. Suzuki"

Edited by Amirhussain on Saturday 30th August 15:20

[M5Fan]

Lord Chunj of Ignis! My apologies for being in absentia recently, I've just returned from my annual bus ticket collector's convention (and what a spectacle it was this year !1!) It's lovely to see this thread has been bounding along like an exuberant puppy - I do hope you realise what sunshine you've been spreading on the drab existances of so many on here.

Anyway, back OT - on a cold frosty December morn, when the delightful Ignis has a film of frost on her lovely visage do you opt for a scraper or chemical de-icer? (some of these can cost north of £1.49 ) Maybe you're old school and adopt the saucepan of luke-warm water? Actually I bet you have a heated garage and butler warming the seat for you, ha ha I do hope so. Stay lucky m8.

[vrsmxtb]

At sever risk of blasphemy, I always thought the Mazda Demio was better on Gran Turismo 1.

[AW111]

Dear mr Chunj, I am hoping to have a limited edition print run of this thread, bound in finest second-hand plastic shopping bags, for the edification of the local Mooralbark any-colour-but-yellow Ignis society*

I assume you will give your permission for a trifling sum : let's say £5,000
If you email me your bank details, mobile number, PIN, security phrase and mother's maiden name, I will arrange payment and get the print run organised.


Yours in anticipation,
Nigerian Prince in exile.

• Formerly the Ignis society, until an unfortunate split over air freshener colours.

[Tango13]

My new T-shirt arrived this morning...



Apologies to Fra53r for the use of his fine artwork without asking.