Wife is a menace on the road...what to do?

Wife is a menace on the road...what to do?

Author
Discussion

MarshPhantom

9,658 posts

136 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
Not long after I moved in with the O/H I was filling up at our local petrol station when I saw my girlfriend drive round a corner and into the back of a stationary Corsa - in my car. She'd only driven about a hundred yards from our house.

mikefacel

610 posts

187 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
Does she not take any female friends in the car with her? Sounds like they'd be terrified and tell her exactly what to do!

If not, organise something like a couples' night out or shopping trip and have her drive with your friends in the car.

derin100

Original Poster:

5,214 posts

242 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
MarshPhantom said:
Not long after I moved in with the O/H I was filling up at our local petrol station when I saw my girlfriend drive round a corner and into the back of a stationary Corsa - in my car. She'd only driven about a hundred yards from our house.
No "...tractor carrying twigs parked next to me..." on that one then!

laugh

derin100

Original Poster:

5,214 posts

242 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
Yeah, as hora and mikefacel have said, maybe getting someone else to say it as well might the way to go in the first instance? But people are generally too polite?

schuey

705 posts

209 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
Have we got the same wife OP? I am in a permanent state of terror when my wife drives,to the point that I can only let her drives if I'm 5-10 pints in! Even then I still react faster. I get the feeling that if anything was to happen we would both be passengers due to her lack of car control,general aggressiveness and constant speeding. Absolute lunatic she is.

R_U_LOCAL

2,676 posts

207 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
OP, have you considered driving like her?

Next time you're driving and she is your passenger, don't say anything, but try to replicate (within reason) her driving faults. If she comments on it, just tell her it's what she does and that it makes you uncomfortable.

Poor drivng can be difficult to address with someone you're close to. Its a bit like a drug addiction - they can change their habits, but first of all they need to realise that they have a problem. Even then, they also need to want to improve and be willing to put the effort in.

IAM can be a good starting point, but there will also be plenty of local instructors who will be willing to give her some improvement lessons if she's up for it.

You just need to get your point across first, and replicating faults can be a very effective tool if you're careful and you do it accurately.

0a

23,879 posts

193 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
Derin, I do worry for the poor W124 driven in such a way eek

On a more serious note why not speak to her honestly, outside of the vehicle, at an appropriate time - ie away from the stress of driving & the resultant arguments, and tell her you are very concerned for her safety?

This may remove your comments from 'nagging' to genuine concern, and we used this approach to correct a worrying fault that persisted with my mother - a bizarre tendency to sit about 2m behind lorries.

Edited by 0a on Monday 22 September 21:08

simonej

3,876 posts

179 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
I thought it was just my wife who was like this! Her best (or worst) habit is on approaching a roundabout she won't just slow down, look to the right and continue driving if it's clear; she'll come to a full stop and set the handbrake each and every time, even when it's perfectly clear! banghead

Today she's been learning to drive the Discovery and twice accelerated through the gears - first, to second, to first! My poor gearbox!

Still, I suppose she's careful enough, if a little frustrating for other road users.

Pints

18,444 posts

193 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
I've nothing especially helpful to add, other than to assert my long held belief that holding a driving license is a privilege and not a right.

Your wife may not have been involved in many accidents but how many has she left in her wake?

derin100

Original Poster:

5,214 posts

242 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
R_U_LOCAL said:
OP, have you considered driving like her?

Next time you're driving and she is your passenger, don't say anything, but try to replicate (within reason) her driving faults. If she comments on it, just tell her it's what she does and that it makes you uncomfortable.

Poor drivng can be difficult to address with someone you're close to. Its a bit like a drug addiction - they can change their habits, but first of all they need to realise that they have a problem. Even then, they also need to want to improve and be willing to put the effort in.

IAM can be a good starting point, but there will also be plenty of local instructors who will be willing to give her some improvement lessons if she's up for it.

You just need to get your point across first, and replicating faults can be a very effective tool if you're careful and you do it accurately.
Now that I like! Very novel approach...maybe even combine that with the dash-cam thing as described above? We could be on to something here!

First of all replicate all the same faults to try to make her feel comfortable...I predict limited if any success with this actual part as I doubt she'd really notice...but then play it back to her from the dash cam and say: "Can you spot the really bad things I was doing here?"

She probably would still get an "Unclassified Grade" in that exam but then I could go back through it and point them out myself to her and then say these are some of the things she does...plus I'm only pointing them out because I'm serious concerned and don't want her to get hurt? Thus bring in the emotional blackmail angle as suggested above?

We may have cracked it!biggrin

(Although, I fear with all of the above, we may still be sailing periliously close to the "Rocks of Advise Equals Criticsm" ? And then the whole thing falls down!)

derin100

Original Poster:

5,214 posts

242 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
Pints said:
I've nothing especially helpful to add, other than to assert my long held belief that holding a driving license is a privilege and not a right.

Your wife may not have been involved in many accidents but how many has she left in her wake?
God knows!

Which reminds me of another trait:

Despite driving too fast...dawdling/vacillating before and even more frighteningly DURING overtaking. This includes both LHD articulated monster lorries and cyclists!

Particularly attention grabbing for those seated on the nearside of the car.

Edited by derin100 on Monday 22 September 21:28

oldchris

30 posts

156 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
This is my wife to a tee, she used to be a great driver, fast and confident, in fact she taught me to drive!But now she is frightening, and will not be told. Whilst on holiday she drove my Freelander down tight country lanes on the cruise control, we were heading into blind bends totaly out of control!
She leaves braking to the last moment and is proud of the fact she can't navigate.
Her best one was towing the caravan down the A14 in the pouring rain at 80mph.
Most of our rows are about driving as she has a total lack of awareness of other traffic then has a go when I "advise" her on what other drivers are doing.
She is a great wife and a realy nice person. butbehind the wheel a total nightmare !!
In here defence her driving changed after having a huge accident in my CRV, cartwheeling it, hitting a tree then ending up ontop of a hedge. Whist she was not injured physicaly I think here confidence has been affected and she iso longer relaxed behind the wheel. It's a shame as I used to enjoy being a passenger when she drove.

Chris

turboteeth

350 posts

161 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
schuey said:
I can only let her drives if I'm 5-10 pints in! Even then I still react faster.
This is how I feel if my Mrs drives my car...I wince at every kerb and look over her shoulder at every lane change!

Matt UK

17,649 posts

199 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
Set up some sort of group messaging system so that you can at least alert us of her intended route and timings?

trashbat

6,005 posts

152 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
I'd normally encourage people to avail themselves of the IAM's services, but I don't think it will work very well in this case.

What it may and probably will do is provide someone independent and objective to say, I expect with some degree of manners, that her driving isn't very good - or even dangerous. That may help your argument.

What it's unlikely to do is offer a workable resolution to that problem. IAM courses are mostly about preaching to the wannabe-choir; people that actively want to improve their driving. To pass an IAM course takes hard work and motivation. Being pressganged into it is a recipe for failure and might even be such a poor experience that she will turn down other options, e.g. refresher driving lessons with an ADI.

derin100

Original Poster:

5,214 posts

242 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
oldchris said:
This is my wife to a tee, she used to be a great driver, fast and confident, in fact she taught me to drive!But now she is frightening, and will not be told. Whilst on holiday she drove my Freelander down tight country lanes on the cruise control, we were heading into blind bends totaly out of control!
She leaves braking to the last moment and is proud of the fact she can't navigate.
Her best one was towing the caravan down the A14 in the pouring rain at 80mph.
Most of our rows are about driving as she has a total lack of awareness of other traffic then has a go when I "advise" her on what other drivers are doing.
She is a great wife and a realy nice person. butbehind the wheel a total nightmare !!
In here defence her driving changed after having a huge accident in my CRV, cartwheeling it, hitting a tree then ending up ontop of a hedge. Whist she was not injured physicaly I think here confidence has been affected and she iso longer relaxed behind the wheel. It's a shame as I used to enjoy being a passenger when she drove.

Chris
yikes

But in your case the unfortunate accident seems to have made her a more aggressive/wild driver?

0a

23,879 posts

193 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
  • Nuclear Option** - show her this thread.

derin100

Original Poster:

5,214 posts

242 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
Matt UK said:
Set up some sort of group messaging system so that you can at least alert us of her intended route and timings?
LOL! Just look out for a big, old green Merc W124 Estate moving at speed! Could be in front of you; could be behind you; could coming towards you...could be left or right of you. Underneath or below are unlikely...but not impossible.

Once spotted, pull over, count to 100 and then proceed....with caution! smile

scarble

5,277 posts

156 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
derin100 said:
Yet within the above sentence lies another problem...She never takes any advice kindly. Rather, she always perceive advice (however humbly given and well intentioned) as a personal insult and slight to her very persona.
and you knew this and still married her? Clearly she is a mental tongue out
Sign her up for one of these s**t driver shows?
The beeb are doing one now, I think it's called "so you think you can drive".

eta: now that you mention it, I find big old Merc estates are often driven by mental women who can't drive, weird.

GingerWizard

4,721 posts

197 months

Monday 22nd September 2014
quotequote all
Mr Gearchange said:
derin100 said:
I have a wife.
Just distilling it down to its essence
This made me smile.


You might not be a good passenger wit the missis. A joint investment in a driving course is the answer but not for her birthday. You will be doing everyone a favour, so it's win win win. It would also be a very civic gesture, if you get away with it, a £ucking hero.

My missis thinks talladaga nights is a bloody tutorial once on the motorway. Iv seen her draft* lorrys!