Am I being a selfish b@$&%£d?

[TVaRt]

This is a very interesting thread. I am expecting a baby (or the OH is!) at the start of Dec. Previously my plan was to buy a newer car after years of paying off debts i was finally getting to a point of being debt free and was all up for getting some more, which i justified to myself because of a new higher salary and the car would cover the amount owed. Was looking at probably about 10k, S2000, Z4M etc... but since the news of the baby i changed my tact. It was very hard as i had spent so long thinking and searching for the next car. In the end i didnt sell my Clio 172 CUP and i bought a Volvo S60 D5. 2007, so not too old, nice and safe and loads of room. Good for my 45 mile a day commute up the M1. Its been a great decision, the commute is so much more enjoyable in such a comfortable car with a great stereo and cruise control. And the clio... i have stripped it all out, bucket seats, harnesses, suspension, brakes ets, and a KTEC 230 bhp turbo conversion bought second hand off ebay. Car is plenty enough to entertain! Maybe i wont use it much after the birth, but it doesnt owe me much so it doesnt really matter. I still hanker after something that takes my breath away when i open the garage, but i do love the sleeper effect of the clio (250bhp/tonne), and strangely really appreciate the dull safe volvo diesel that i said i would never own!! Doing up the Clio and buying the volvo has probably set me back 6K, for that money i cant think of one single car that would give the same of each benefit in one package.

[JuniorD]

SickFish said:

Does anyone ever want to hear their life will change and they will have to give up everything they love

Of course not, but your child will become everything you love! You are not being sent to a deserted island, it's just that what you loved previously, will happily fall into be backgound.

[anonymous-user]

SickFish said:

405dogvan said:

Some people seem to believe that once they have a child they should throw everything they have at that child - money is all that's required to make it everything you want it to be...

Some people believe kids are expensive too - usually the same people who have HD Baby Monitors, toddler Adidas, Recaro Baby Seats and other st which is actually for themselves and not the kid ;0

This all results in a chain of useless sacks of DNA churning-out other useless sacks of DNA who's only purposes is to churn out other... you get the idea.

To avoid that, live a little - buy nice things for yourself - develop as a parent as well as developing your child. We remember the cool things our parents did, we do not remember them eating Ramen noodles and driving a st car just so we could goto a school we hated.

A kid (and a car!) can and will suck-up all the money you want to throw at it - doesn't mean you should do it.

Giving your kid a memorable childhood is as much about you as it is about them tho - remember that and you'll be a lot happier - and so will your kids.

Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want.

We have the perfect solution to this one.... We have a joint account that enough gets thrown into to cover all bills etc and whatever is in our personal accounts is "ours" to do what we will with it.

This is less so now that she is on mat leave as her income has now greatly reduced (obviously) so I have had to start giving her some pocket money

Exactly how we do it and it works perfectly.

[Yiliterate]

http://www.pistonheads.com/classifieds/used-cars/s...

If you were to swap the Polo for something like this, you would:

a) Not get your Mrs' back up because it's a more practical family car than the Polo, it won't seem like the 'extravagence' a second car would and, importantly, is one you can buy without having to touch much, if any, of your bonus
b) Get a car that is probably a more interesting steer than the Polo (but can't really comment on that because I've never driven the Polo GTi) and can be up-specced later if desired and finances allow, and
c) A car you are more likely to actually use because you can take the family with you and is not weather-dependent.

[jamieduff1981]

St John Smythe said:

SickFish said:

405dogvan said:

Some people seem to believe that once they have a child they should throw everything they have at that child - money is all that's required to make it everything you want it to be...

Some people believe kids are expensive too - usually the same people who have HD Baby Monitors, toddler Adidas, Recaro Baby Seats and other st which is actually for themselves and not the kid ;0

This all results in a chain of useless sacks of DNA churning-out other useless sacks of DNA who's only purposes is to churn out other... you get the idea.

To avoid that, live a little - buy nice things for yourself - develop as a parent as well as developing your child. We remember the cool things our parents did, we do not remember them eating Ramen noodles and driving a st car just so we could goto a school we hated.

A kid (and a car!) can and will suck-up all the money you want to throw at it - doesn't mean you should do it.

Giving your kid a memorable childhood is as much about you as it is about them tho - remember that and you'll be a lot happier - and so will your kids.

Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want.

We have the perfect solution to this one.... We have a joint account that enough gets thrown into to cover all bills etc and whatever is in our personal accounts is "ours" to do what we will with it.

This is less so now that she is on mat leave as her income has now greatly reduced (obviously) so I have had to start giving her some pocket money

Exactly how we do it and it works perfectly.

My wife and I have always just pooled everything since we both worked and continuing now where she looks after our home and family while I work. We're both very happy with that arrangement.

Everyone is different. There is no one-size-fits-all ground rule for all couples.

[AllyBee]

I always had bikes and then when we had our nipper (nearly five years ago) I ended up finding I no longer enjoyed riding the bike, as others have said having children changes your outlook on life, I ended up worrying about my own mortality and that every ride could be my last, to the point when my wife suggested I go out for a ride I'd make excuses not to go.

I then also got a bonus from work and sold my bikes, the money from the sale plus the bonus meant I could buy an Elise, a car I've always liked. I now take my daughter out on Sunday mornings for a ride in the car, stop off at a cafe and we have a drink together, we've been doing this since she was two and loves it, she now helps to wash and hoover it out etc. We used to get a few disapproving looks at her nursery from the other Mums but f**k 'em.

As far as I can see its a great way of killing two birds with one stone, Mrs gets a break and I get to do something I enjoy, you don't have to drive fast to enjoy yourself.

Oh and on the subject of cars when our little one was born we had two cars, an MX5 and a Clio. We managed fine.

[Foppo]

SickFish said:

Okay, back story.... I have a decent home with the Mrs who is pregnant and baby fish is due end of January.

As we are in the final 1/4 I have started casting my eye towards the end of the fiscal year it looks like I will be getting a fairly decent end of year bonus, mainly because I have worked my arse off.

Now... I'm thinking want to spend this bonus money on me... after all, I have earned it! Mrs seems to think otherwise....!

My current car is a 1.6 6N2 Polo GTi (5 door) whilst it can be entertaining it is a far cry of cars I have previously owned:
- DC2 ITR
- RX7 (FD)
- Heavily tuned euro hatches etc
- Various sports bikes

I miss having a "silly" (read: PH-worthy) car and I see having this money at the end of the year as a reward for the long stressful days and nights of working my arse off.

So, would I be entirely selfish to buy a 2nd car for me ideally I would be looking at spending around £5-6k. The Polo would not be the worst "family car" even if it was just for the initial few years while baby is growing up. It is a 5 door, relatively roomy and has been a good reliable motor since I have owned her (gearbox imploding excepted as it was/ is a known fault on the 6N2 gearbox).

There are two options that present themselves:
- Buy a nice car that I can have for weekend and sporadic hoonage
- Buy a sports bike that I can have for weekend and sporadic hoonage (and save a couple grand).

I have always fancied an S2000, I do have a garage and driveway so keeping the two cars would not be an issue, can a decent S2000 be had for the budget? (I am open to other suggestions along this vein).

Or, thinking aloud, can a Caterfield type car be had for that money?

For those that do not want to read all that ^^^^ here are the bullet points:

• SickFish wants to spunk £5-6k on nice weekend car, Mrs is resistant
• Can I convince Mrs that the Polo GTi is a good family-wagon
• What should I buy?
• Am I a selfish bd and submit financially to the Mrs to buy six grand's worth of hooker slap

Didn't read any of the other post.

Any bonus I've ever had at work I always shared with my family.

Maybe not what you want to hear and I've worked the horrible shifts and long hrs over the years.You don't have to submit to anybody she is your Mrs more important than a fancy car.

[SickFish]

Foppo said:

SickFish said:

Okay, back story.... I have a decent home with the Mrs who is pregnant and baby fish is due end of January.

As we are in the final 1/4 I have started casting my eye towards the end of the fiscal year it looks like I will be getting a fairly decent end of year bonus, mainly because I have worked my arse off.

Now... I'm thinking want to spend this bonus money on me... after all, I have earned it! Mrs seems to think otherwise....!

My current car is a 1.6 6N2 Polo GTi (5 door) whilst it can be entertaining it is a far cry of cars I have previously owned:
- DC2 ITR
- RX7 (FD)
- Heavily tuned euro hatches etc
- Various sports bikes

I miss having a "silly" (read: PH-worthy) car and I see having this money at the end of the year as a reward for the long stressful days and nights of working my arse off.

So, would I be entirely selfish to buy a 2nd car for me ideally I would be looking at spending around £5-6k. The Polo would not be the worst "family car" even if it was just for the initial few years while baby is growing up. It is a 5 door, relatively roomy and has been a good reliable motor since I have owned her (gearbox imploding excepted as it was/ is a known fault on the 6N2 gearbox).

There are two options that present themselves:
- Buy a nice car that I can have for weekend and sporadic hoonage
- Buy a sports bike that I can have for weekend and sporadic hoonage (and save a couple grand).

I have always fancied an S2000, I do have a garage and driveway so keeping the two cars would not be an issue, can a decent S2000 be had for the budget? (I am open to other suggestions along this vein).

Or, thinking aloud, can a Caterfield type car be had for that money?

For those that do not want to read all that ^^^^ here are the bullet points:

• SickFish wants to spunk £5-6k on nice weekend car, Mrs is resistant
• Can I convince Mrs that the Polo GTi is a good family-wagon
• What should I buy?
• Am I a selfish bd and submit financially to the Mrs to buy six grand's worth of hooker slap

Didn't read any of the other post.

Any bonus I've ever had at work I always shared with my family.

Maybe not what you want to hear and I've worked the horrible shifts and long hrs over the years.You don't have to submit to anybody she is your Mrs more important than a fancy car.

Maybe you should read all of the posts then....

[Stuart70]

SickFish said:

Does anyone ever want to hear their life will change and they will have to give up everything they love

I have read the comments and as I have already said; the Mrs and I have come to a mutually agreeable conclusion whereby I spend a percentage of the money on something I sorely miss and the rest gets stashed "for a rainy day"

Why do some people have to comment so abrasively? Its one part of PH I hate.

My sincere apologies if I was one of the people who came across absrasively. I was only intending to relate my experience of having two kids (14 and 12) and having come through a good number of years of being / feeling broke whilst investing for the future to make later years more affluent / "better". I recognise that these were my choices and I am not trying to impose them on you; perhaps merely gently disagreeing with your current priorities purely from my values / perspective.

As this is the internet, I would expect you to disregard them / mock them / do what you want with no further reference to me.

All good fun.

[SickFish]

Stuart70 said:

My sincere apologies if I was one of the people who came across absrasively. I was only intending to relate my experience of having two kids (14 and 12) and having come through a good number of years of being / feeling broke whilst investing for the future to make later years more affluent / "better". I recognise that these were my choices and I am not trying to impose them on you; perhaps merely gently disagreeing with your current priorities purely from my values / perspective.

As this is the internet, I would expect you to disregard them / mock them / do what you want with no further reference to me.

All good fun.

Hi Stuart... It wasn't you don't worry

It is more the typical PH responses of.... "You are just getting the answers you don't want! to hear!!" and "If you don't listen, why ask?!?" type comments that get my back up.

The question of me being a selfish bd was in jest, but I thought it raised a fair question and would make for an interesting discussion on here

[longblackcoat]

SickFish said:

Stuart70 said:

My sincere apologies if I was one of the people who came across absrasively. I was only intending to relate my experience of having two kids (14 and 12) and having come through a good number of years of being / feeling broke whilst investing for the future to make later years more affluent / "better". I recognise that these were my choices and I am not trying to impose them on you; perhaps merely gently disagreeing with your current priorities purely from my values / perspective.

As this is the internet, I would expect you to disregard them / mock them / do what you want with no further reference to me.

All good fun.

Hi Stuart... It wasn't you don't worry

It is more the typical PH responses of.... "You are just getting the answers you don't want! to hear!!" and "If you don't listen, why ask?!?" type comments that get my back up.

The question of me being a selfish bd was in jest, but I thought it raised a fair question and would make for an interesting discussion on here

Equally, it gets my back up when someone posts up a query, expects to be backed up by the PH massive, isn't, and then furiously defends his position. It's happened far more frequently on PH than I care to recall.

As I said, you've asked the question "Am I being a selfish bd?"; most (though not all) responses are that you are being precisely that, but that it's your money. You seem a little unwilling to accept that.

And at the risk of repeating myself, I have to question the point of posting something up and then arging with the answers posted - YOU started the discussion, so don't be offended at how people choose to take it.

[Bill]

405dogvan said:

Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want (or in the case of a single earner - split accordingly)

Despite putting all our money into one account we don't argue about it, because we're adults.

[SickFish]

longblackcoat said:

SickFish said:

Stuart70 said:

My sincere apologies if I was one of the people who came across absrasively. I was only intending to relate my experience of having two kids (14 and 12) and having come through a good number of years of being / feeling broke whilst investing for the future to make later years more affluent / "better". I recognise that these were my choices and I am not trying to impose them on you; perhaps merely gently disagreeing with your current priorities purely from my values / perspective.

As this is the internet, I would expect you to disregard them / mock them / do what you want with no further reference to me.

All good fun.

Hi Stuart... It wasn't you don't worry

It is more the typical PH responses of.... "You are just getting the answers you don't want! to hear!!" and "If you don't listen, why ask?!?" type comments that get my back up.

The question of me being a selfish bd was in jest, but I thought it raised a fair question and would make for an interesting discussion on here

Equally, it gets my back up when someone posts up a query, expects to be backed up by the PH massive, isn't, and then furiously defends his position. It's happened far more frequently on PH than I care to recall.

As I said, you've asked the question "Am I being a selfish bd?"; most (though not all) responses are that you are being precisely that, but that it's your money. You seem a little unwilling to accept that.

And at the risk of repeating myself, I have to question the point of posting something up and then arging with the answers posted - YOU started the discussion, so don't be offended at how people choose to take it.

I suggest you shuffle off and reread my responses.... in particular; the one that starts with "Well, I sat down with the Mrs last night....."

You will then read that WE have come to a mutually agreeable situation, where we are both happy.

[405dogvan]

Bill said:

405dogvan said:

Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want (or in the case of a single earner - split accordingly)

Despite putting all our money into one account we don't argue about it, because we're adults.

It's great that you don't argue but people can be adults and still have differing opinions on the priorities of life - some people will have to make tough decisions and sometimes people hold differing views (the best sort of views - who wants to agree about everything? Where's the fun in that??)

[cayman-black]

northwest monkey said:

Yeah - tell her to fk off and get the bus.

Fat cow.

fk that made me laugh.

[405dogvan]

SickFish said:

This is less so now that she is on mat leave as her income has now greatly reduced (obviously) so I have had to start giving her some pocket money

A little care on how you phrase that will go a long way. - by all means remind her that you didn't choose to have a child so you could give-up everything else in life but you might also need to realise that it's not your money which is under threat here but your TIME

It's TIME you're about to come to value in ways you cannot currently comprehend. It's entirely possible that over the next 2-3 years you'll stop caring about money entirely because it cannot buy you any time ;0

[djt100]

I'vwe not read the whole thread, but save you money. Once baby comes you'll be to tired to go out in your fun car and it will end up as a work day hack

[anonymous-user]

Bill said:

405dogvan said:

Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want (or in the case of a single earner - split accordingly)

Despite putting all our money into one account we don't argue about it, because we're adults.

My wife suggested doing this and it did make me chuckle. No chance!

[illmonkey]

Bill said:

405dogvan said:

Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want (or in the case of a single earner - split accordingly)

Despite putting all our money into one account we don't argue about it, because we're adults.

I find it insane people put up with "his & her money". You are willing to share your life, get married, have kids, but still won't share money?

Does whoever is earning more "treat" the other one? "We'll go for dinner, my treat" "Oh how thoughtful, I've only beared your childern!"

I earn more than the missus, but I want to spend time with her, surely most couples do?

[anonymous-user]

illmonkey said:

Bill said:

405dogvan said:

Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want (or in the case of a single earner - split accordingly)

Despite putting all our money into one account we don't argue about it, because we're adults.

I find it insane people put up with "his & her money". You are willing to share your life, get married, have kids, but still won't share money?

Does whoever is earning more "treat" the other one? "We'll go for dinner, my treat" "Oh how thoughtful, I've only beared your childern!"

I earn more than the missus, but I want to spend time with her, surely most couples do?

Sure I treat her sometimes. Took her to the pub last week and bought her half a pint of Stella and a packet of peanuts.