Am I being a selfish b@$&%£d?
Discussion
405dogvan said:
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Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want (or in the case of a single earner - split accordingly)
I can't see why pooling resources will only lead to endless argument? If both are fairly even in the earnings stakes then having your 'own' money left over from the central pot might work but what about cases where one of the couple effectively gives up their career to look after the children or one earns significantly more than the other.Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want (or in the case of a single earner - split accordingly)
In my case, Mrs Garvin gave up her career to look after our two children, returning to work part time when they were teenagers and only working full time when they were both off to Uni. Our earnings are now incredibly unbalanced. Mrs Garvin would have nothing left for herself after contributing to a central pot sufficient to 'run the home' whilst I would end up with mega amounts to enjoy. Not much reward for Mrs G for contributing enormously to the upbringing of our offspring not to mention that my career has been reasonably successful due, in no small part, to her rock solid contribution at home.
We are an equal partnership. Our respective contributions to that partnership have been by different means but we enjoy the benefits of that partnership equally no matter how the contribution is made.
I'd go with the 'hold' option for now. You do not know what is going to hit you come January.
You think you have what you need. You won't have everything, what you do have simply won't work for you and you will need a replacement. Babies don't read the manuals. The Mrs not working and doing baby things will burn through cash.
Although the polo might be ok for day to day stuff it will be hard work and your first weekend away will have you into the showrooms on your way home. Kids get easier to manage as they get older though (and then harder again but I'm not up to that stage yet).
Time to go for a weekend run will be the hardest thing to find. The Mrs will want to do things on her own "I've had baby fish all week, it's your turn"
Good luck.
You think you have what you need. You won't have everything, what you do have simply won't work for you and you will need a replacement. Babies don't read the manuals. The Mrs not working and doing baby things will burn through cash.
Although the polo might be ok for day to day stuff it will be hard work and your first weekend away will have you into the showrooms on your way home. Kids get easier to manage as they get older though (and then harder again but I'm not up to that stage yet).
Time to go for a weekend run will be the hardest thing to find. The Mrs will want to do things on her own "I've had baby fish all week, it's your turn"
Good luck.
Not sure if this helps but I might have some similar experience. I bought a Boxster a month before my daughter was born, not our only car, my wife had a Qashqai. I sold it less than a year later as the only time I drove it was to work and back which frankly was a bit dull. You'll not get the chance to go out just the two of you much in the first year and you'll get fed up with not being able to drive it because you can't take the whole family out. I sold it and bought a 5 series estate.
V8 FOU said:
Last point. I am sure having a sprog is a great, if It is possible to have a life in parallel with kids. Just takes some planning.
Quite. Some people seem happy to give up on everything that they enjoy and resign themselves to a life of parenting. It is not necessary, just more difficult to fit other things in whilst the children are young. You still have to have interests and hobbies, though.
AllyBee said:
I always had bikes and then when we had our nipper (nearly five years ago) I ended up finding I no longer enjoyed riding the bike, as others have said having children changes your outlook on life, I ended up worrying about my own mortality and that every ride could be my last, to the point when my wife suggested I go out for a ride I'd make excuses not to go.
I then also got a bonus from work and sold my bikes, the money from the sale plus the bonus meant I could buy an Elise, a car I've always liked. I now take my daughter out on Sunday mornings for a ride in the car, stop off at a cafe and we have a drink together, we've been doing this since she was two and loves it, she now helps to wash and hoover it out etc. We used to get a few disapproving looks at her nursery from the other Mums but f**k 'em.
As far as I can see its a great way of killing two birds with one stone, Mrs gets a break and I get to do something I enjoy, you don't have to drive fast to enjoy yourself.
Oh and on the subject of cars when our little one was born we had two cars, an MX5 and a Clio. We managed fine.
Hallelujah! I was beginning to wonder if Pistonheads had in fact become dadsnet I then also got a bonus from work and sold my bikes, the money from the sale plus the bonus meant I could buy an Elise, a car I've always liked. I now take my daughter out on Sunday mornings for a ride in the car, stop off at a cafe and we have a drink together, we've been doing this since she was two and loves it, she now helps to wash and hoover it out etc. We used to get a few disapproving looks at her nursery from the other Mums but f**k 'em.
As far as I can see its a great way of killing two birds with one stone, Mrs gets a break and I get to do something I enjoy, you don't have to drive fast to enjoy yourself.
Oh and on the subject of cars when our little one was born we had two cars, an MX5 and a Clio. We managed fine.
Yiliterate said:
http://www.pistonheads.com/classifieds/used-cars/s...
If you were to swap the Polo for something like this, you would:
a) Not get your Mrs' back up because it's a more practical family car than the Polo, it won't seem like the 'extravagence' a second car would and, importantly, is one you can buy without having to touch much, if any, of your bonus
b) Get a car that is probably a more interesting steer than the Polo (but can't really comment on that because I've never driven the Polo GTi) and can be up-specced later if desired and finances allow, and
c) A car you are more likely to actually use because you can take the family with you and is not weather-dependent.
+1, although I would spend a little bit more and get a "blobeye" 2004-2005 model, as I much prefer the looks. This is the best car I owned (better than any "toy" and I've owned a few), simply because I used it to take my daughter home from hospital the first time and going on our first family holidays as a three and it was also good fun to drive too. It's good that you and your partner have come to an agreement on the bike and it well probably hold its value better than a sports car (if you ever decide to sell it) but as others have said, how often will you actually use it, unless you commute on it? If you were to swap the Polo for something like this, you would:
a) Not get your Mrs' back up because it's a more practical family car than the Polo, it won't seem like the 'extravagence' a second car would and, importantly, is one you can buy without having to touch much, if any, of your bonus
b) Get a car that is probably a more interesting steer than the Polo (but can't really comment on that because I've never driven the Polo GTi) and can be up-specced later if desired and finances allow, and
c) A car you are more likely to actually use because you can take the family with you and is not weather-dependent.
Upgrading the family car would be my first priority. A larger 5 door hatch (Focus ST, Golf GTI, Octavia vRS) would probably work just as well but I would favour an estate, simply because there is no load lip to haul a heavy buggy over and with two kids under 3 at the moment, comfort and space is the biggest luxury. Did any family man ever say his car had too much space? If you're not so bothered about how it drives, something like a 406/Passat/Octavia diesel estate would be perfectly adequate and a bit cheaper. Personally, I would probably keep the Polo as well and buy an extra child seat to go in the other car because swapping them over can be a massive hassle. The Polo would probably be perfectly adequate for short, local trips but those rear-facing child seats take up so much space and do you really want your knees wedged up against the dash on a 2+ hour trip?
I was an idiot last year and had a bit of spare cash like yourself and spunked it on a 13 year old Jeep Grand Cherokee, as I had always fancied one. Lots of space for the family. Went away for the weekend with my wife, parents and 1 year old daughter and it swallowed all our luggage no problem but then unsurprisingly, it cost a fortune to run and repairs were getting more frequent and more expensive, so i had to get rid. I lost a load of money on that and as we had also put the rest of our savings down as a deposit on a house in the meantime, I was forced to turn to financing our next car. Had to go for something a bit smaller than I would have liked but we only still had one child at the time, so it seemed OK. Now we also have a 4 month old, it seems a bit cramped. The main thing is though that we have a safe, reliable, cheaper to run family car. I have to run around in a 10 year old POS but having a decent family car is more important to us as a family than me having a fun weekend toy. The point that I'm trying to make, is that if I hadn't impulsively spent that money on the Jeep, I could have got a better (bigger) family car or had some more money held back for house renovations etc.
Don't get me wrong. I'm only 34, so not completely past it yet. When I was 20, I aimed to own a Porsche (probably a Boxster S) by the time I was 30. I've now postponed that until 40 (would be just as happy with an S2000, Z3M Roadster or Elise though) by which time, the kids will be at school, my wife will be back at work (so our income will be a bit higher) and the kids will actually be old enough to enjoy the sports car with me. I'm not sad that I didn't get to own my Porsche at 30. Had I bought it, it would just have sat on the drive whilst we used my old car (a Polo TDI actually) as the family car. The Subaru, as something I could enjoy driving on my own and with the family (a lot of the time) was a much better purchase at the time. Believe me, when you hold your daughter for the first time or she calls you daddy and tells you that she loves you, you won't give a toss about sports cars and bikes. Also, kids stuff is expensive. You might have everything you need initially but you still have clothes, nappies, baby wipes and toys ongoing as they get bigger and after about 6 months, she'll probably need a bigger car seat too!
In the meantime, try to spend as much time as you can with your partner. Go to the cinema or out for a walk or out for a meal or treat her to a weekend away or whatever you like to do. In the last 2.5 years (since my first child was born), I've probably only been to the cinema twice, been out for a meal three times and away for the weekend twice with just my wife (none of which was in the last 4 months since my son was born). The time that you have left together (just for the two of you) is precious but being a dad will be awesome too. Congratulations and good luck!
If you already had a bigger family car I'd say crack on with it. Likewise, if you never have a weekend away or have someone nearby who can lend you a car when you want to go the airport, or are prepared to hire one go buy your toy. If not you might be better off replacing the Polo first. It might be preferable to not get too carried away with the family barge and just get something you're not too bothered about getting damaged. Kids tend to climb all over them and sometimes even need feeding in them. You'll also use parent and child spaces, park in nurseries etc. Put the savings aside for your weekend toy.
When my daughter was born I used our 3 door 6N2 as our daily driver. I actually had a larger 4 door saloon weekend car but the Polo was better on fuel, more relaxing to drive around town and I didn't care where I parked it. For the daily grind it wasn't too bad. If you're going shopping you don't need the pram, just drop the car seat onto the pushchair base (which if you get a small one will fit in the rear footwell) leaving the boot free for shopping. However, eventually, I chopped it in for a large barge...
The other thing I'd say is it's good to have a fun car which your entire family can fit in at a squeeze, if you do get the S2000 you'll miss having the option of driving it when you have a weekend away. Maybe something like an Octavia now and put the rest aside for a 911 with your next bonus?
When my daughter was born I used our 3 door 6N2 as our daily driver. I actually had a larger 4 door saloon weekend car but the Polo was better on fuel, more relaxing to drive around town and I didn't care where I parked it. For the daily grind it wasn't too bad. If you're going shopping you don't need the pram, just drop the car seat onto the pushchair base (which if you get a small one will fit in the rear footwell) leaving the boot free for shopping. However, eventually, I chopped it in for a large barge...
The other thing I'd say is it's good to have a fun car which your entire family can fit in at a squeeze, if you do get the S2000 you'll miss having the option of driving it when you have a weekend away. Maybe something like an Octavia now and put the rest aside for a 911 with your next bonus?
In a similar situation to op a few years ago I got the sports car (always had 2 seater sports Cars so the new car was the family car but kept the 3rd car for week end drives). My son is 2 now and the 3rd sports car has changed but is still a 2 seater and gets some use still (about 3k a year). Like many pistonheaders I often take my son out it at weekends and he loves it and my wife gets a break. If its a hobby it doesn't have to stop when you have children but might well have be moderated in terms of time if not money too.
duffy78 said:
she has said "it's your money, it's up to you"
I don't consider myself the font of all womanly knowledge but I do know what the above phrase actually means.
The same as "We haven't got much money so there's no need to buy me a birthday present" I don't consider myself the font of all womanly knowledge but I do know what the above phrase actually means.
And "Do what you want. You always do"
And "That's for you to decide. It's not my decision"
Which meant.
"Buy me a birthday present. Put some thought into it, and get a bargain. Even a mars bar would do, if you wrapped it nicely"
"Please don't get that FREE car, that has an MOT, and 2 months Tax, off some bloke you met off an internet forum, because it's bound to be s
t" (It was fine, but then she wouldn't believe it was Free)and "You know what the right thing to do is. Do it. I'll be f
king pissed off if you fail to take my opinion into account, even though I'm not actually given you my opinion, because you have a brain and should be able to work it out without me telling you" To be honest, I faked the results of an on line aspergers test recently, (I say faked, but really where I was torn between 2 options, I erred on the aspie answer). This has helped my wife to forgive a number of occasions of selfishness over the years, as it turned out I'm borderline aspie.
I have two kids and two cars, one for the family duties and one that just gets me to work.
On a £5k budget I decided on an Accord Type R for the family bus (also my wife's daily for work) and an MX5 to get me to work.
I honestly don't think I could have picked a better pair. Cheap to buy, cheap to run, reliable and both are fantastic fun to drive.
On a £5k budget I decided on an Accord Type R for the family bus (also my wife's daily for work) and an MX5 to get me to work.
I honestly don't think I could have picked a better pair. Cheap to buy, cheap to run, reliable and both are fantastic fun to drive.
This thread has probably run it's course and I haven't read every page, but it really wouldn't be wise (in my opinion) to buy something distinctly un-practical prior to the arrival of your little one. Keep that bonus safe, see what life as a family really costs and if you don't need to dip into it then go ahead and buy something awesome and fun.
The other consideration is time. Today I celebrated my daughters 2nd birthday. I like to think I spend as much time as possible with her, but when I think of the time which has gone past so quickly I wish I had tried even harder. I had a MK1 mx5 import when my Mrs fell pregnant, I loved that car. However, even if I had kept it and got by with my Mrs' small hatchback as the 'family car' I would not have had the time to work on it or get the enjoyment from it I used to (driveway maintenance / modding etc). So what would have been the point?
My attitude is now very different - yours will be too. I just want something I can climb into in the morning that doesn't let me down and gets me to work as efficiently as possible; hence the current trusty diesel hatchback. I can now fully appreciate why people buy these 'white goods' cars which are boring as the colours they are available in. The only thing stopping me buying such a car is that little bit of me that still enjoys driving and cars in general.
In a nutshell, sit on the money and really enjoy fatherhood to the full.
The other consideration is time. Today I celebrated my daughters 2nd birthday. I like to think I spend as much time as possible with her, but when I think of the time which has gone past so quickly I wish I had tried even harder. I had a MK1 mx5 import when my Mrs fell pregnant, I loved that car. However, even if I had kept it and got by with my Mrs' small hatchback as the 'family car' I would not have had the time to work on it or get the enjoyment from it I used to (driveway maintenance / modding etc). So what would have been the point?
My attitude is now very different - yours will be too. I just want something I can climb into in the morning that doesn't let me down and gets me to work as efficiently as possible; hence the current trusty diesel hatchback. I can now fully appreciate why people buy these 'white goods' cars which are boring as the colours they are available in. The only thing stopping me buying such a car is that little bit of me that still enjoys driving and cars in general.
In a nutshell, sit on the money and really enjoy fatherhood to the full.
When I met Mrs Moel y Crio I had a 335i coupe and a brand new BMW F800s in the garage.
Ankle biter no1 changed that forever. Not immediately, but slowly over the first year.
He's now 2 and the love of (and the recipient of money) my life...
Cars are now Skoda Roomster (ugly but fantastic for babies and buggies), scabby 02 plate mx5, scabby x reg Jimny for winter and farm duties, and a CBR600F for fun stuff.
I get so little time to use the mx5 and bike that there's no point having anything expensive sat there depreciating. The Roomie has done 35k miles.
My advice? Keep it cheap until you're a millionaire.
Ankle biter no1 changed that forever. Not immediately, but slowly over the first year.
He's now 2 and the love of (and the recipient of money) my life...
Cars are now Skoda Roomster (ugly but fantastic for babies and buggies), scabby 02 plate mx5, scabby x reg Jimny for winter and farm duties, and a CBR600F for fun stuff.
I get so little time to use the mx5 and bike that there's no point having anything expensive sat there depreciating. The Roomie has done 35k miles.
My advice? Keep it cheap until you're a millionaire.
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