RE: Shed Of The Week: Rover Metro

RE: Shed Of The Week: Rover Metro

Friday 24th October 2014

Shed Of The Week: Rover Metro

Immaculate as small Rovers go, Shed sees some appeal in the much maligned Metro



Come the apocalypse, we will all be faced by difficult choices. There will be some things in Shed's life that he will want to save, and - as regular readers may guess - there will also be some that he won't.

You've clocked the incorrect wheels, right?
You've clocked the incorrect wheels, right?
For many, the Rover Metro will fall squarely into the 'not wanted onboard' category. Don't be too hasty to judge against it, though. In its time, the Metro was a very clever little car, at least as deserving of a spot on Moses's boarding ramp as most other mainstream British tackle from the late 20th century.

Springing into view in 1980 under the Austin name, its role was to partner the ageing Mini and, if the company could be bothered, rescue British Leyland from meltdown while it was at it. And for the first few years of its life, it has to be said that the Metro more than fulfilled company expectations, selling mightily to a combination of young families and blue-rinsers who wanted to maintain their hairdos in a better state than the bouncy Mini would allow.

The flighty young Fiesta of 1984 turned folks' heads somewhat, so in 1987 the newly-created Rover group dropped the Austin handle in an attempt to make its car seem more modern. Three years later it was re-christened as the Rover Metro, and five years after that neatly refreshed into the Rover 100.

Imagine the smell. Just imagine it
Imagine the smell. Just imagine it
Those of you old enough to remember it with less jaundiced eyes might recall a fine-riding and sprightly car, particularly in the bigger-engined variants like our 1.4 Shed. It may only have 76hp, but 76hp went a long way in 1990, especially in a light-on-its-feet supermini like the Metro.

How light? Well, if memory serves aright, a modern Mini Cooper is about 1,200kg. The basic 3-door Metro was 815kg - a difference you will most definitely feel on the road. The de luxe GS model we have here will weigh more, enswaddled as it is in the finest Wolverhamptonshire wood and leather, but it will still come in at under 850kg. For anyone too young to remember lightweight in a car, that - along with 100lb ft of punchy torque - will be a revelation.

In the end, of course, the multiple travails of BL-dom were too great to overcome, and the 100 eventually died off in 1997 after 17 years. That's an amazing run in the car biz, and a reflection of the car's inherently good design - something even truculent unions, dopey Governments and bent management couldn't mess up.

'Call Nick to haggle' says the ad. Hmm...
'Call Nick to haggle' says the ad. Hmm...
Two main difficulties with it now. One, it comes from a different age; so not only do you face the normal perils of antiquity, like rust, you also get the sort of old-fashioned problems that have been mostly purged from modern motors, like oil leaks. Bright Shedmen will use creative thinking to justify a purchase - oil stops rust, right? - but your biggest challenge is going to be finding a Metro specimen good enough to invest in. That might be no easier than pushing a thin piece of string up a hill.

Today's Shed could be the answer, though. According to the sketchily-punctuated ad, most appropriately from a West Midlands dealer (what's the betting this car has never been outside Warwickshire?), not only does it have low miles, it's also had low owners. That's perhaps a bit non-PC for ad copy, but all the same it's good to know that high people haven't been headbutting the headlining all the time.

Listen to horror stories from an old lag and you wouldn't want to touch a Metro with a Stillson wrench. You may/will experience cooling and heating problems. Radiators get blocked. The Hydragas system is pernickety: besides maintaining the right pressures, moving parts need to be greased. The quality of the suspension componentry generally is questionable (unless you like 1980s Midland alloys smelted from a combination of tin, workshop sweepings and fag ends). Handbrake cables are a pain to adjust. And 1990 marks the first year of the dreaded K-Series engine. If this Shed has been meticulously serviced, as seems likely, the head gasket must have been done by now. You hope.

MOT is there but this probably needs fresh fluids
MOT is there but this probably needs fresh fluids
Those aftermarket alloys will need to be replaced by a set of original steels. With any luck, your local scrappy will probably pay you to take them away. Then you will have something worthy of salvation, and not just on the Ark principle which grants even the most unloved creature its own little place in posterity.

The ad states that this 100 would benefit from a tune. As next year will be this car's 25th, and the Metro's 35th, Shed respectfully suggests The Anniversary Waltz, a big 1990 hit for the Quo. Or, for the Brummie connection, Strange Magic from the Jeff Lynne/ELO 1990 compilation album Afterglow.

Here's the ad.

ROVER 1.4 GS
Iconic low mileage and low owner Metro needs a good home -Rover 1.4 GS, first reg 01/08/1990. White with full grey leather trim and wood veneer dash inserts and door cappings. It has only covered 36700 miles !
This car has had 3 previous owners and has been dry stored for approximately 10 years. It had been fired up and run periodicly during that time.
The car was re commissioned currently has 11 months MOT. It starts and runs fine but would benefit from a service/ tune etc
It is in pretty well original with the exception of the wheels and could easily be made into a concours car due to it's general excellent condition and originality I believe there are only 67 of these vehicles left SORN'd or taxed now.
Please call NICK to haggle during working hours on 02476 407770
£995 ono

 

Author
Discussion

chrisjpartridge

Original Poster:

23 posts

161 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
No. Just no.

vtecyo

2,122 posts

128 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
I'd rather st in my hands and clap.

ikarl

3,730 posts

198 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
A 5 door Metro???

What the juddering fk??

KTF

9,788 posts

149 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
What a heap of st. They should all be crushed.

anonymous-user

53 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
I'd rather have the 740 junkheap from last week.

Q Car

138 posts

189 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
There's not enough glitter on the planet to roll that thing in....

Dave Hedgehog

14,541 posts

203 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
its not a maligned car, its a bloody death trap

the crash worthiness was so bad they where pulled just after NCAP tested them

redwedge

2,404 posts

165 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
Even Alan Partridge recoiled at the thought of driving one of these.

Terrible effort, Shed.

Motorrad

6,811 posts

186 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
I passed my driving test in a Metro, albeit an older one than this.

I also had my first shag in one.

I still don't want to own one. Not then and not now.

IanCress

4,409 posts

165 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
"I'm not driving a Mini Metro, I'm not driving a Mini Metro, I'm not driving a Mini Metro"

"No Alan, It's a Rover 100"

"THEY'VE RE-BADGED IT YOU FOOL!"

willisit

2,141 posts

230 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
Dave Hedgehog said:
its not a maligned car, its a bloody death trap

the crash worthiness was so bad they where pulled just after NCAP tested them
This.

Pretty sure you're going to die or be mangled enough to want to have in any road traffic incident. Awful, horrible things.

StarmistBlue400

3,029 posts

217 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
SOTW has reached a new low

Learnt to drive in one of these piles of poo.

£995!!!! MR ARSE

samjonno

7 posts

115 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
Rancid

Notsofastfrank

194 posts

194 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
These were not a bad drive in their day. unfortunately that day is long past, and I once sold one back to the local Rover dealer because at 30k the engine was pretty much shot.

Bluehawk

494 posts

165 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
OpulentBob said:
I'd rather have the 740 junkheap from last week.
Bit harsh... It's not that bad! laugh

PATTERNPART

693 posts

200 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
I quite like it but it's an awful lot of money.

AlexHat

1,327 posts

118 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
willisit said:
Dave Hedgehog said:
its not a maligned car, its a bloody death trap

the crash worthiness was so bad they where pulled just after NCAP tested them
This.

Pretty sure you're going to die or be mangled enough to want to have in any road traffic incident. Awful, horrible things.
I believe this is the only car to have the dubious award of a 1 star NCAP result.

mrclav

1,281 posts

222 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
chrisjpartridge said:
No. Just no.
Precisely what I said out loud when I saw it.

Tom1312

1,015 posts

145 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
Hmmm not a personal favourite.

However, I do remember being surprised at the rate one of these disappeared from view when I was pottering about as a learner.

A.J.M

7,894 posts

185 months

Friday 24th October 2014
quotequote all
vtecyo said:
I'd rather st in my hands and clap.
hehe

I'm going to guess this weeks won't be a winner.