Your pre-flight checks routine?
Discussion
andygo said:
Unlock car as I walk towards it.
Get in and put on seatbelt.
Depress clutch and accelerator to the floor.
Start engine and listen for rev limiter.
Sidestep clutch and commence journey.
(Standard hire car/company car procedure obviously!)
Your telling me you actually use the clutch and don't just start it in gear for an even quicker take off. AMATEUR. Whats a seatbelt? Get in and put on seatbelt.
Depress clutch and accelerator to the floor.
Start engine and listen for rev limiter.
Sidestep clutch and commence journey.
(Standard hire car/company car procedure obviously!)
1) Look around, to ensure nobody is watching.
2) Approach vehicle under cover of darkness or using hedges/trees/road furniture etc conceal movement.
3a) Insert bent coat-hanger between glass & door 3b) Jiggle until door opens.
4) [optional) leg-it sharpish if alarm goes off.
5) Hammer screwdriver into ignition barrel.
6) Start engine.
7) Select 1st, accelerator pedal to floor, side-step clutch pedal.
8) We're off!
Of course, I jest....
...no-one uses a coat-hanger these days.....
2) Approach vehicle under cover of darkness or using hedges/trees/road furniture etc conceal movement.
3a) Insert bent coat-hanger between glass & door 3b) Jiggle until door opens.
4) [optional) leg-it sharpish if alarm goes off.
5) Hammer screwdriver into ignition barrel.
6) Start engine.
7) Select 1st, accelerator pedal to floor, side-step clutch pedal.
8) We're off!
Of course, I jest....
...no-one uses a coat-hanger these days.....
1. Run out to car, I am late.
2. Go back for car keys, spend 5 minutes searching for them, find them in the outside front door lock, thy must have been there all night, good job we live in a safe area.
3. Lock car door because I left it unlocked overnight, then unlock car door. Good job we live in a safe area.
4. Open back door and fix car seat, load 3 bags and boxes onto the back seat.
5. Open drivers door, slide seat back so I can get in behind the wheel.
6. Adjust interior mirror, check make up and brush hair. Slide seat forward so it is almost touching the steering thingy, you know the big round thing in front of you.
7. Get out of car, open back door, retrieve cars keys from back seat.
8. Slide front seat back so I can get in behind the wheel.
9. Put key in ignition, brake finger nail.
10.Slide seat forwards to the steering wheel again.
11. Start engine.
12. Push clutch down and restart engine.
13. Put in neutral, slide seat back, get out of car and check Monkeys rear bumper, he won't notice.
14.Get back in car, slide seat forward again, check hair in mirror.
15.Select reverse gear, back into neutral, put demister on full blast.
16.Slide seat back, get out of car and de-ice the front windscreen, no wonder I didn't see Monkeys car.
17.Get back in car, slide seat forward again, select reverse gear, check hair, adjust rear view mirror.
18, Stall engine, no I didn't, out of petrol.
MONKEY................ can you take the grandkids to school.
2. Go back for car keys, spend 5 minutes searching for them, find them in the outside front door lock, thy must have been there all night, good job we live in a safe area.
3. Lock car door because I left it unlocked overnight, then unlock car door. Good job we live in a safe area.
4. Open back door and fix car seat, load 3 bags and boxes onto the back seat.
5. Open drivers door, slide seat back so I can get in behind the wheel.
6. Adjust interior mirror, check make up and brush hair. Slide seat forward so it is almost touching the steering thingy, you know the big round thing in front of you.
7. Get out of car, open back door, retrieve cars keys from back seat.
8. Slide front seat back so I can get in behind the wheel.
9. Put key in ignition, brake finger nail.
10.Slide seat forwards to the steering wheel again.
11. Start engine.
12. Push clutch down and restart engine.
13. Put in neutral, slide seat back, get out of car and check Monkeys rear bumper, he won't notice.
14.Get back in car, slide seat forward again, check hair in mirror.
15.Select reverse gear, back into neutral, put demister on full blast.
16.Slide seat back, get out of car and de-ice the front windscreen, no wonder I didn't see Monkeys car.
17.Get back in car, slide seat forward again, select reverse gear, check hair, adjust rear view mirror.
18, Stall engine, no I didn't, out of petrol.
MONKEY................ can you take the grandkids to school.
king hate that imbecilic thing.Matt UK said:
1 Get in car
2 Foot on clutch
3 Ignition, start engine
4 Switch off and run back in for wallet
5 Repeat steps 1, 2 and 3
6 Switch off and run back in for phone
7 Repeat steps 1, 2 and 3
8 Quickly switch off engine and leap out to chase dog - front door didn't close properly and she's decided a solo run in the fields is on the cards
9 Eventually catch dog and march her back, evidently with different views - me frowning, her smiling whilst wagging her tail, both panting and with muddy feet
10 Mild exchange of words with wife in hallway - it seems that someone doesn't shut the door properly and someone isn't training the dog enough. Despite the mayhem, dog wags tail at everybody and seems most pleased with her lot.
11 Back in car, take a deep breath, wipe sweat from temples. Probably going to be late.
12 Notice the red fuel light is on. Curse inwardly, then curse loudly. Remember that wife borrowed car for past few days, got back late and has a fuel pump allergy.
13 Make mental note to talk about the fuel thing tonight (again)
14 Repeat steps 2 and 3
15 Begin to reverse...
16 Notice that the small people who live in the house / eat everything / have more expensive footwear than me are trying to get my attention
17 Stop. Lower window as they file out of the front door. Both talking at once, excitedly explaining mum's reaction to how muddy the dog is / state of kitchen floor.
18 Fail to hit central locking in time - they are getting in, damn, talking about being dropped off in the opposite direction, confirmed 100% it seems by their mum
19 Wife rushes to her car - in the space of 6 seconds mentions kids drop off location, her busy day we had discussed already, my obviously non-urgent day as I've been walking the dog when I said I was leaving, a short but obscure shopping list of foods I'm not familiar with and bizarrely in the circumstances, a note for my diary that Sophie and her new husband are coming over for a BBQ 3rd Sunday in June and that yes I do know them, we met at Karen's Christmas party...
20 Put seatbelt on, notice that my station has been changed to Radio 1 and that a phone which is not mine has synced with the Bluetooth
21 Get on with another day in paradise
Ha ha, this! 2 Foot on clutch
3 Ignition, start engine
4 Switch off and run back in for wallet
5 Repeat steps 1, 2 and 3
6 Switch off and run back in for phone
7 Repeat steps 1, 2 and 3
8 Quickly switch off engine and leap out to chase dog - front door didn't close properly and she's decided a solo run in the fields is on the cards
9 Eventually catch dog and march her back, evidently with different views - me frowning, her smiling whilst wagging her tail, both panting and with muddy feet
10 Mild exchange of words with wife in hallway - it seems that someone doesn't shut the door properly and someone isn't training the dog enough. Despite the mayhem, dog wags tail at everybody and seems most pleased with her lot.
11 Back in car, take a deep breath, wipe sweat from temples. Probably going to be late.
12 Notice the red fuel light is on. Curse inwardly, then curse loudly. Remember that wife borrowed car for past few days, got back late and has a fuel pump allergy.
13 Make mental note to talk about the fuel thing tonight (again)
14 Repeat steps 2 and 3
15 Begin to reverse...
16 Notice that the small people who live in the house / eat everything / have more expensive footwear than me are trying to get my attention
17 Stop. Lower window as they file out of the front door. Both talking at once, excitedly explaining mum's reaction to how muddy the dog is / state of kitchen floor.
18 Fail to hit central locking in time - they are getting in, damn, talking about being dropped off in the opposite direction, confirmed 100% it seems by their mum
19 Wife rushes to her car - in the space of 6 seconds mentions kids drop off location, her busy day we had discussed already, my obviously non-urgent day as I've been walking the dog when I said I was leaving, a short but obscure shopping list of foods I'm not familiar with and bizarrely in the circumstances, a note for my diary that Sophie and her new husband are coming over for a BBQ 3rd Sunday in June and that yes I do know them, we met at Karen's Christmas party...
20 Put seatbelt on, notice that my station has been changed to Radio 1 and that a phone which is not mine has synced with the Bluetooth
21 Get on with another day in paradise
Edited by Matt UK on Wednesday 25th February 18:23
1. Unlock car
2. Clutch down
3. Press start
4. Turn on heated seat
5. Turn on heated steering wheel
6. Set driving mode to sport+
7. Manoeuvre around wherever the missus left her car
8. Floor it out of driveway hard enough to get a bit of a wiggle from back end (best if greasy)
9. Chuckle at the childish need to do 8 every day
10. Set driving mode to comfort
11. Drive rest of way properly to wherever I was going
2. Clutch down
3. Press start
4. Turn on heated seat
5. Turn on heated steering wheel
6. Set driving mode to sport+
7. Manoeuvre around wherever the missus left her car
8. Floor it out of driveway hard enough to get a bit of a wiggle from back end (best if greasy)
9. Chuckle at the childish need to do 8 every day
10. Set driving mode to comfort
11. Drive rest of way properly to wherever I was going
cjb1 said:
Ignition on, check
Seat belt on,check,
heated seats on, check,
Sufficient humbugs for journey, check,
AC set to 22C, check
Prepare for lift off...........
Alternative start up procedure for extremely cold mornings:Seat belt on,check,
heated seats on, check,
Sufficient humbugs for journey, check,
AC set to 22C, check
Prepare for lift off...........
1.Approach car
2.Blip to unlock
3.open drivers door
4.Key into ignition
5.start up
6.set A/C to full defrost (Front heated screen, rear heated screen, heated mirrors on, full windscreen blower)
7.Take dog for 15 minute walk.
8.Return to nice warm and cosy car.
9.Drive off (after checking for sufficient humbugs of course).
Gassing Station | General Gassing | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff