SOTW: Reliant Rialto 'Dodgy Charger'

The seller certainly has a sense of humour - do you?

Ah yes, Jake The Peg. Who among those of us that have heard it could possibly forget that chortlesome ditty about a man with an extra leg, as crooned by leg-endary bearded Aussie convict Rolf Harass?

In those long-lost innocent days of 1965 there was nothing wrong with a song about a man with an extra leg. Of course, that all changed later. Despite what Mrs Shed may secretly like to wish for her husband, possession of a third leg does not bring joy. Well, it may have brought a bit of joy to anyone carnally associated with the famously well-equipped London gangster and Royalist John 'Biffo' Bindon, but in the automotive world it doesn't. It didn't for the motorcycle. It nearly does for the Morgan, but that's only because many many years ago someone at Malvern was bright enough to realise you don't design three-wheelers with two wheels at the back and one at the front.

Oh no, they've done the same on this side

Sadly, nobody of that ilk was ever present at Sinclair, home of the stillborn unicorn of urban transportation known as the C5, or at the Reliant Motor Company in Tamworth when the Rialto replaced the equally triangular Robin in 1981. To give Reliant its due, a 45-year history of three-wheelers before that had proved there were more than enough tight-fisted Brits around who were willing to trade in the finer points of on-the-low-limit handling for a dirt cheap tax disc. Enough in fact to keep the Rialto in production for a staggering 17 years.

This particular beauty has the performance to back up its macho looks. High output small engines are all the rage these days, but who would have thought that back in 1988 you could coax 425hp and 510lb ft of torque from Reliant's unassuming overhead-valve 850cc four-pot? With just 436kg to haul, the claimed 0-60 time of just 2.5 seconds must surely be attainable. Add in the obligatory PH requirement of rear-wheel drive and this could be the ultimate drift machine.

The Rialto even had a supercar-style single windscreen wiper, using the natural and topically green advantage of wind to clear the screen of drops while simultaneously slashing one's wiper blade replacement costs by 50 per cent. Nice! Especially when you remember you're also saving 25 per cent when the time comes around, as it inevitably does every 15 years or so, for a new set of LingLong remoulds.

Did somebody say 'galvanised chassis'? Yes they did. Now, galvanisation doesn't last for ever, but chassis inspection is a doddle on Rialtos. Just pop an old mattress on the ground and rock 'er onto it.

Do you wanna tell him?

There's room for the next owner to put his own stamp on this one. The obvious suggestion is to go for a full Nascar in-through-the-window experience with welded-up doors. The Rialto's rustfree fibreglass construction means that all you need for this job is an economy-sized box of cook's matches.

There will always be Reliant mockers, not least here on the PH forum, but titter ye not: the next owner will have a riot. Forget the sweat-inducing fear of tracking each and every rut in the road and trying not to fall over on 20mph bends - you'll never lose any money on this little fella. Offers on £795 is a very reasonable asking price for any clean Rialto, let alone one so heavily laced with Phoenix Nights-style Northern humour.

We can totally believe the vendor's claim about stealing the thunder of exotica owners. With the classic - not to say illegal - Dixie horn signalling your passage and your very own slightly overweight Doris Duke perched seductively on the tiny vinyl passenger seat, you'll be the major draw at any village fete, concours d'elegance or cake show.

Why not commemorate the 30th anniversary of the Sinclair C5, the 30th anniversary of the end of the Dukes of Hazzard TV series, and indeed the 50th anniversary of Jake The Peg by laying out a few quid on something as special as this? Go on, push the boat out. Come to think of it, a boat might be quicker. Forget about the wind in your hair though, just think about the fun of putting the wind up your mates. Le Mans, anyone?

Top tip if you do: pop-rivet a sturdy canvas sheet to the roof to protect the Confederate flag sticker in case any of the local lads fancy an early-hours Spin the Bottle tournament outside your tent.

Here's the ad.

A real head turner which has great potential as a promotional item or show piece. MOT until Nov 2015, complete with dixie horn and genuine General Lee sticker pack! This really is a laugh to drive and pulls attention away from any Ferrari/Lamborghini. Open to sensible offers.

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mrtwisty

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165 months