How to change partners bad driving habits
Discussion
My wife is highly intelligent (marriage choice aside) and very successful in her profession.
I fixed her tailgating habit by explaining that she was giving herself no margin for error if the car in front stops suddenly. Job done.
What I still cannot fix is inconsiderate parking (just doesn't think about how it might affect others) and defaulting to 25mph when not concentrating fully. I can look in the doormirror and see a line of traffic behind us. I have to tell her to get a move on.
Fortunately her driving faults are not unsafe for her but I do worry about her personal safety and damage to the car due to annoying others.
(Oh and wheel trims are a consumable, but I'm assuming that is normal
)
I fixed her tailgating habit by explaining that she was giving herself no margin for error if the car in front stops suddenly. Job done.
What I still cannot fix is inconsiderate parking (just doesn't think about how it might affect others) and defaulting to 25mph when not concentrating fully. I can look in the doormirror and see a line of traffic behind us. I have to tell her to get a move on.
Fortunately her driving faults are not unsafe for her but I do worry about her personal safety and damage to the car due to annoying others.
(Oh and wheel trims are a consumable, but I'm assuming that is normal
)My wife is generally an ok good driver, however what grates me is her lack of anticipation, her heavy braking and being in too low a gear.
She is always moaning about the poor fuel economy on her car, however she will speed up to red lights/a line of traffic and heavy brake to a stop once there, as opposed to seeing the red light or traffic ahead and lifting off to gently approach and usually by the time one gets there the traffic has moved on or the light is now green.
She is also always in too low a gear; 50mph in third for example is quite a common occurance, if I ever suggest things I just get shouted down and get told to stop moaning; the irony being that she has just moaned about her fuel economy!!
One other thing; this really gets on my tits, she comes to a stand still at a red light and will always pick up her phone, I have told her that one day she will get a ticket, doesn't stop her though.
She is always moaning about the poor fuel economy on her car, however she will speed up to red lights/a line of traffic and heavy brake to a stop once there, as opposed to seeing the red light or traffic ahead and lifting off to gently approach and usually by the time one gets there the traffic has moved on or the light is now green.
She is also always in too low a gear; 50mph in third for example is quite a common occurance, if I ever suggest things I just get shouted down and get told to stop moaning; the irony being that she has just moaned about her fuel economy!!
One other thing; this really gets on my tits, she comes to a stand still at a red light and will always pick up her phone, I have told her that one day she will get a ticket, doesn't stop her though.
Luckily my wife is a relatively capable, if a little too aggressive, driver. On the negative side she is the worst passenger driver you could ever wish to share a car with and doesn't take much accountability, like the time it was my fault that she reversed out of our driveway and clanged the wing mirror on the fence post, or the time she drove my newly purchased splitter over a low wall in a car park (it was the fogs fault).
HTP99 said:
My wife is generally an ok good driver, however what grates me is her lack of anticipation, her heavy braking and being in too low a gear.
She is always moaning about the poor fuel economy on her car, however she will speed up to red lights/a line of traffic and heavy brake to a stop once there, as opposed to seeing the red light or traffic ahead and lifting off to gently approach and usually by the time one gets there the traffic has moved on or the light is now green.
She is also always in too low a gear; 50mph in third for example is quite a common occurance, if I ever suggest things I just get shouted down and get told to stop moaning; the irony being that she has just moaned about her fuel economy!!
One other thing; this really gets on my tits, she comes to a stand still at a red light and will always pick up her phone, I have told her that one day she will get a ticket, doesn't stop her though.
buy yourselves membership for the local RoADA and have a little competition for who gets to test standard first ?She is always moaning about the poor fuel economy on her car, however she will speed up to red lights/a line of traffic and heavy brake to a stop once there, as opposed to seeing the red light or traffic ahead and lifting off to gently approach and usually by the time one gets there the traffic has moved on or the light is now green.
She is also always in too low a gear; 50mph in third for example is quite a common occurance, if I ever suggest things I just get shouted down and get told to stop moaning; the irony being that she has just moaned about her fuel economy!!
One other thing; this really gets on my tits, she comes to a stand still at a red light and will always pick up her phone, I have told her that one day she will get a ticket, doesn't stop her though.
andy-xr said:
Bennet said:
I stand by my words. The OP should get an angle grinder and structurally weaken his wife's car in order that the next time she has a crash, she gets badly hurt. Or he should pay someone to find her in traffic and engineer a bad crash so she learns a lesson.
Because that's what the word "hassle" means doesn't it. "Grievously injure." And what you inferred was the most obvious reading of this sentence:
Because that's what the word "hassle" means doesn't it. "Grievously injure." And what you inferred was the most obvious reading of this sentence:
Bennet said:
If she has another one, make sure it causes her some hassle in one way or another.
Is English your first language?Bennet said:
Perhaps the personal consequences of these crashes (whatever they have been), have not been sufficiently painful for her.
You're f
king weird mateIn case there was any room for misunderstanding, I am not suggesting in any way that you ought to orchestrate physical injury on your own wife.
Bennet
F***ing Sociopath
V8forweekends said:
"How to change partners bad driving habits"
Good luck with that.
this is a very straight forward issue, the problem is not the wife's driving its the husbands attitude, learn to keep quiteGood luck with that.
i would lean towards changing the car that has an auto distance / breaking system that will "nag" her for being too close
Ari said:
This is going to sound really awful so I apologise in advance, but everything you describe (including replicating behaviour that has caused accidents in the past) smacks of low intelligence.
People of average intelligence or better can usually work out the consequence of the driving you describe.
If that is the issue, then you're never going to change it because the mental capacity to understand the reason for change is lacking.
Sorry to be so blunt, I don't mean to be rude, but in my experience people who drive badly due to inability to work through the consequences will never ever change because they will never ever understand the need to (even if they crash, which will somehow be either someone else's fault, or the car's fault for 'not stopping quickly enough' or mysteriously 'going out of control').
Does this apply to trolling on a forum as well?People of average intelligence or better can usually work out the consequence of the driving you describe.
If that is the issue, then you're never going to change it because the mental capacity to understand the reason for change is lacking.
Sorry to be so blunt, I don't mean to be rude, but in my experience people who drive badly due to inability to work through the consequences will never ever change because they will never ever understand the need to (even if they crash, which will somehow be either someone else's fault, or the car's fault for 'not stopping quickly enough' or mysteriously 'going out of control').
Bennet said:
andy-xr said:
Bennet said:
I stand by my words. The OP should get an angle grinder and structurally weaken his wife's car in order that the next time she has a crash, she gets badly hurt. Or he should pay someone to find her in traffic and engineer a bad crash so she learns a lesson.
Because that's what the word "hassle" means doesn't it. "Grievously injure." And what you inferred was the most obvious reading of this sentence:
Because that's what the word "hassle" means doesn't it. "Grievously injure." And what you inferred was the most obvious reading of this sentence:
Bennet said:
If she has another one, make sure it causes her some hassle in one way or another.
Is English your first language?Bennet said:
Perhaps the personal consequences of these crashes (whatever they have been), have not been sufficiently painful for her.
You're fking weird mateIn case there was any room for misunderstanding, I am not suggesting in any way that you ought to orchestrate physical injury on your own wife.
Bennet
F***ing Sociopath
only on PH where sociopathic traits are taken as norm among the powerfully buuilt could that statement have been taken as a suggestion to cause physical injury.
You can't force behavioural change on someone - at least, not directly.
So for instance you can't send an unwilling, resistant person on a typical driving course (e.g. IAM), because they're aimed squarely at people who've already bought into the aims, and it requires significant personal effort. Fundamentally it has to be their own idea and initiative.
I'm not saying it has to be borne of public-spirited goodwill or anything. If you got nine points, a load of fines, an impending ban and maybe the impending job loss, the idea that 'oh, maybe I should sort my driving' might occur to you, and you would run along with that idea to a course - but then neither of those things might happen either.
All you can do is try and foster them apparently coming up with the idea of self-improvement themselves. Generally there needs to either be a fit with personal beliefs (e.g. 'I should be a responsible person'), or a reward, including avoiding a punishment.
So for instance you can't send an unwilling, resistant person on a typical driving course (e.g. IAM), because they're aimed squarely at people who've already bought into the aims, and it requires significant personal effort. Fundamentally it has to be their own idea and initiative.
I'm not saying it has to be borne of public-spirited goodwill or anything. If you got nine points, a load of fines, an impending ban and maybe the impending job loss, the idea that 'oh, maybe I should sort my driving' might occur to you, and you would run along with that idea to a course - but then neither of those things might happen either.
All you can do is try and foster them apparently coming up with the idea of self-improvement themselves. Generally there needs to either be a fit with personal beliefs (e.g. 'I should be a responsible person'), or a reward, including avoiding a punishment.
Ari said:
This is going to sound really awful so I apologise in advance, but everything you describe (including replicating behaviour that has caused accidents in the past) smacks of low intelligence.
People of average intelligence or better can usually work out the consequence of the driving you describe.
If that is the issue, then you're never going to change it because the mental capacity to understand the reason for change is lacking.
Sorry to be so blunt, I don't mean to be rude, but in my experience people who drive badly due to inability to work through the consequences will never ever change because they will never ever understand the need to (even if they crash, which will somehow be either someone else's fault, or the car's fault for 'not stopping quickly enough' or mysteriously 'going out of control').
A couple of the worst drivers I had the joy of passengering with had PhDs.People of average intelligence or better can usually work out the consequence of the driving you describe.
If that is the issue, then you're never going to change it because the mental capacity to understand the reason for change is lacking.
Sorry to be so blunt, I don't mean to be rude, but in my experience people who drive badly due to inability to work through the consequences will never ever change because they will never ever understand the need to (even if they crash, which will somehow be either someone else's fault, or the car's fault for 'not stopping quickly enough' or mysteriously 'going out of control').
swisstoni said:
Bennet said:
Dear OP.
In case there was any room for misunderstanding, I am not suggesting in any way that you ought to orchestrate physical injury on your own wife.
Bennet
F***ing Sociopath
I thought your post was perfectly fine FWIW. In case there was any room for misunderstanding, I am not suggesting in any way that you ought to orchestrate physical injury on your own wife.
Bennet
F***ing Sociopath
Disastrous said:
I read it as 'let her sort out the insurance, repairs etc so she gets that her driving has consequences' which I can understand. Bit bizarre to infer he was suggesting physically harming her from that!
How do you know insurance, repairs etc arent already being sorted by her? Take out physically, replace with emotionally or financially. Or just leave physically in. There's no real difference to my mind that what you're suggesting as 'help' is basically a form of cruelty and endangerment, when there's no need for it. It's complete low level, short sighted thinking
I cant imagine a world where I'd want to teach someone a lesson by causing or wishing them harm, in any form as a way to change their behaviour. It's f
ked up. It's not even how we treat animals.Make sure it causes her hassle in some way?? If this is really how people think and think it's appropriate to act you really are a bunch of
sThe old saying of "there's none so deaf as those that will not hear" applies here. You're not going to change her if she doesn't see it as a problem and views any constructive criticism you may have as "nagging" or "having a go at [her]" or "putting [her] down".
Believe me; I have been there.
Believe me; I have been there.
My Mrs was never a particularly bad driver, but since learning to ride a motorbike her awareness of what other vehicles are doing around her has definitely improved.
Sadly though she still has the "blame anyone else but her" mentality which is all to prevalent on the roads and can be lethal on a bike. She almost got knocked off by a lorry a couple of years ago and had a right rant about the lorry driver rather than learning that's it's a bad idea to sit in a lorry's blind spot at traffic lights.
Sadly though she still has the "blame anyone else but her" mentality which is all to prevalent on the roads and can be lethal on a bike. She almost got knocked off by a lorry a couple of years ago and had a right rant about the lorry driver rather than learning that's it's a bad idea to sit in a lorry's blind spot at traffic lights.
mph1977 said:
Bennet said:
andy-xr said:
Bennet said:
I stand by my words. The OP should get an angle grinder and structurally weaken his wife's car in order that the next time she has a crash, she gets badly hurt. Or he should pay someone to find her in traffic and engineer a bad crash so she learns a lesson.
Because that's what the word "hassle" means doesn't it. "Grievously injure." And what you inferred was the most obvious reading of this sentence:
Because that's what the word "hassle" means doesn't it. "Grievously injure." And what you inferred was the most obvious reading of this sentence:
Bennet said:
If she has another one, make sure it causes her some hassle in one way or another.
Is English your first language?Bennet said:
Perhaps the personal consequences of these crashes (whatever they have been), have not been sufficiently painful for her.
You're fking weird mateIn case there was any room for misunderstanding, I am not suggesting in any way that you ought to orchestrate physical injury on your own wife.
Bennet
F***ing Sociopath
only on PH where sociopathic traits are taken as norm among the powerfully buuilt could that statement have been taken as a suggestion to cause physical injury.
Gassing Station | General Gassing | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff