One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 3

[giblet]

Absolute in an S3 this lunchtime who decided that waiting in traffic wasn't for him and floored it down a bus lane instead. Cocksocket!

[MarkRSi]

Willy Nilly said:

jogger1976 said:

Tipper driver's. WTAF! Do these tossers get their licences out of a crisp packet?

I've lost count of the amount of crap, inconsiderate, dangerous driving I've seen from anyone in these types of vehicles. It's almost as if they think "I'm in a 10 ton lorry full of gravel. fk you!"

Also anyone driving a skip lorry in the last week or so can fk off as well!!!!! tts!!!!

Most of them do in fact get their licenses out of crisp packets, unfortunately their vehicles are normally 32t rather than the 10 you thought. They are mostly knob heads. Lower down the evolutionary scale are skip lorry drivers who have yet learned to walk upright.

Careful now, sweeping generalisations like that tend to cause pages of bhing between those making the generalisation and those offended by said generalisations

[AlexRS2782]

The 12 (or 13) y/o boy riding a Segway / hoverboard thing towards oncoming traffic on the Portsmouth Road in Camberley, shortly after school kicking out time this afternoon, resulting in cars having to move onto the other side of the road to avoid him, or come to a crawl to avoid clipping him when traffic was coming in the opposite direction

Equal knob status for the scabby mother who was allowing him to do it in the first place and flicking v's, wker signs, and shouting abuse at the drivers having to avoid him

[Liquid Knight]

It's that time of the year again.

[AJXX1]

The DVLA.

Trying to transfer a private plate from one car to another (I'm the registered keeper for both).

Stupid system would not allow me to do it online (because that would be far to easy wouldn't it?). After a live chat with one of their advisors (admittedly I was impressed by this part) I was told which forms to post off to have it done. As the 1st car had been untaxed for more than 3 months in the last 5 years (before I owned it) it could not be done online, okay.... Instead I had to fill in a load of forms and stick an 80 quid cheque in the post.

2 weeks later they've returned my application along with a letter saying I need to send them the logbooks.

So why are they knobs? I hear you ask. Well, stapled to the back of their very helpful letter was BOTH OF THE REQUIRED LOGBOOKS. FFS you've stapled them to your letter so you must have seen them!

What a waste of bloody time! Going to have to post it off again on Tuesday. Now I'm in for another bloody 2 week+ wait because some DVLA numpty needs to visit spec savers.

Why in this day and age to do I have to do this crap by post? - so what if the car has been untaxed at some point in the last 5 years? Hell, you could at least let me pay online and give me some sort of ref number to write on the forms so I don't have to wait for a cheque to clear before you do the application. Crikey, it's not 1980!

You could even just automatically electronically transfer everything to one of your advisors should the online application fail, after all you already have the required details; ergo they've then got everything they need to do whatever the hell they do quickly and the payment has already been taken by the online system. Instead you just bin people out completely and tell them to send off a form in the post - WHY you've already been provided the details, your online system should take payment then forward the application to an advisor to process manually - surely this saves time and admin for both you and us (the motorists)???

Sort it out DVLA! Cheques, postal applications, 2-4 week waits - It's 2016 not 19-chuffing-80 you bunch of cretins!

Edited by AJXX1 on Sunday 29th May 14:11

Edited by AJXX1 on Sunday 29th May 14:13

Edited by AJXX1 on Sunday 29th May 14:17

[Jim AK]

AJXX1 said:

The DVLA.

Trying to transfer a private plate from one car to another (I'm the registered keeper for both).

Stupid system would not allow me to do it online (because that would be far to easy wouldn't it?). After a live chat with one of their advisors (admittedly I was impressed by this part) I was told which forms to post off to have it done. As the 1st car had been untaxed for more than 3 months in the last 5 years (before I owned it) it could not be done online, okay.... Instead I had to fill in a load of forms and stick an 80 quid cheque in the post.

2 weeks later they've returned my application along with a letter saying I need to send them the logbooks.

So why are they knobs? I hear you ask. Well, stapled to the back of their very helpful letter was BOTH OF THE REQUIRED LOGBOOKS. FFS you've stapled them to your letter so you must have seen them!

What a waste of bloody time! Going to have to post it off again on Tuesday. Now I'm in for another bloody 2 week+ wait because some DVLA numpty needs to visit spec savers.

Why in this day and age to do I have to do this crap by post? - so what if the car has been untaxed at some point in the last 5 years? Hell, you could at least let me pay online and give me some sort of ref number to write on the forms so I don't have to wait for a cheque to clear before you do the application. Crikey, it's not 1980!

You could even just automatically electronically transfer everything to one of your advisors should the online application fail, after all you already have the required details; ergo they've then got everything they need to do whatever the hell they do quickly and the payment has already been taken by the online system. Instead you just bin people out completely and tell them to send off a form in the post - WHY you've already been provided the details, your online system should take payment then forward the application to an advisor to process manually - surely this saves time and admin for both you and us (the motorists)???

Sort it out DVLA! Cheques, postal applications, 2-4 week waits - It's 2016 not 19-chuffing-80 you bunch of cretins!

Edited by AJXX1 on Sunday 29th May 14:11

Edited by AJXX1 on Sunday 29th May 14:13

Edited by AJXX1 on Sunday 29th May 14:17

Same with driving licences. You do half online then have to send the old licence & counter part to DVLA once you have cut it in half. DVLA then, after a few weeks of supposedly not receiving it, automatically close your application without so much as an email!!

Once you have spotted this fact you have to ring them & they tell you they can see your original application but as its now closed they are unable to continue it online. Instead you need to fill in form D1, available from the Post Office, send it in with a covering letter to explain what happened to the original licence & counterpart (DVLA Fg lost it) & a new licence is issued.

Credit for this though. The application was posted midday Wednesday & the new licence arrived the following Saturday.

Maybe it is still the 1980's in Swansea, certainly looks like it from here!

[Monkeylegend]

I have closed my business bank account with Nat West recently, and have been sent a letter confirming the account is now closed also stating they will no longer be able to discuss any aspects of this account with me now it is closed.

Attached to this letter is a cheque for £34.67 as the closing balance from the account, made payable to my former trading name. The only account I can pay this cheque into is the one they have just confirmed as being closed, and the one they have told me they can no longer discuss with me.

You couldn't make it up.

[Jim AK]

Monkeylegend said:

I have closed my business bank account with Nat West recently, and have been sent a letter confirming the account is now closed also stating they will no longer be able to discuss any aspects of this account with me now it is closed.

Attached to this letter is a cheque for £34.67 as the closing balance from the account, made payable to my former trading name. The only account I can pay this cheque into is the one they have just confirmed as being closed, and the one they have told me they can no longer discuss with me.

You couldn't make it up.

Oh yes you could.......

A friends father died recently & he was attempting to sort out stopping some payments from a pension.

He wrote to the bank, rhymes with Farclays, & they requested a letter from his father confirming his demise!!!

[Monkeylegend]

Jim AK said:

Monkeylegend said:

I have closed my business bank account with Nat West recently, and have been sent a letter confirming the account is now closed also stating they will no longer be able to discuss any aspects of this account with me now it is closed.

Attached to this letter is a cheque for £34.67 as the closing balance from the account, made payable to my former trading name. The only account I can pay this cheque into is the one they have just confirmed as being closed, and the one they have told me they can no longer discuss with me.

You couldn't make it up.

Oh yes you could.......

A friends father died recently & he was attempting to sort out stopping some payments from a pension.

He wrote to the bank, rhymes with Farclays, & they requested a letter from his father confirming his demise!!!

Although a lot of these letters are standard and probably computer generated, surely somebody should have considered these sort of things when it was all set up.

[parabolica]

Bint in a golf who mistakenly thought I beeped my horn at her (I didn't, someone a few cars back beeped at someone else trying to park) and got so enraged she got out of her car and before I could figure out what she was doing/thinking slapped my wing mirror in, called me a fking and spat on my window - all in front of her kids in the back of her car. What a charmer.

[yellowjack]

Gross hypocrisy on the part of motor vehicle drivers.

I went out at 5pm yesterday and rode 100 miles on my bicycle. Usual score, ride down the A30 (I have to briefly, to access the nice quiet country lanes) and the usual standard of driving. IE: Close passing when overtaking me. Close, but not so close that I'm concerned for my safety, and certainly not rant-worthy.

FFWD to getting into the meat of the ride, starting in the village of Dogmersfield. Up ahead of me are two 'nodders'. Leisure cyclists. Not-in-any-hurry types, riding two abreast. I'm about to make the catch, when some doghead in an Astra drops into the space, and then decides to remain behind this pair. They hit a 'Give Way' against them on a traffic calming build-out, and stop.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@51.269437,-0.871588...

Apart from the Astra invading my braking space, all is good. I can see a way past and take it, at speed. Past the Astra, past the other two cyclists, over to the nearside and through the build-out on the nearside pedestrian/cycle cut-through, and off up the road.

The hypocrisy I mentioned? The BMW X3 oncoming, the car behind them, and the Astra. ALL of them sounding off on their horns like it's a traffic jam in Paris.

Fk off and drop dead you bunch of hypocritical retards. I've just had ten miles of mildly uncomfortably close passes from idiot, impatient drivers whether I liked it or not. Now that I decide a gap is quite safe enough for me, thanks all the same, you take exception to that? Wrs.

FYI, the gap was soooo tight, it was like trying to force a Rizzla through a letterbox, FFS! And that Astra? It never did catch me up, so must have been incredibly slow, justifying my overtake, or it stopped soon after it passed me. Either way, why pass me in the first place? [Mark & Lard]No Neeeeed![/Mark & Lard]

What is sauce for the Goose, etc...

Edited by yellowjack on Sunday 29th May 16:10

[AJXX1]

In no way aimed at the above post

On my drive home last night down a 60 stretch of country lane I came across 3 cyclists riding directly next to each other, effectively blocking the entire lane off.

As I come up behind them the oncoming lane is perfectly clear, so I indicate and move out. Road ahead is clear.

At this point the cyclist furthest out and closest to the oncoming lane (but not in it), turns around and holds up his hand in a sort of "thou shalt not pass" gesture. The middle cyclist then almost breaks her neck to turn around and glare at me like I've just shat on her child's head.

Somewhat confused and concerned that they're aware of something I'm not; I pull back in and sit behind them and drop back a bit and wait.

After about 5-10 mins of crawling along, someone comes up behind me. At this stage I repeat the above and move out to overtake. Once again the far most cyclist makes a gesture as if to say stop, I slow down a little and creep past them regardless (I can see perfectly fine ahead and there's nothing there).

In then move back over and am being given coffee beans for some reason.

The car that was behind me, and is now behind them, moves out to overtake and "thou shalt not pass" starts up again, but this car just completely ignores him and also gets coffee beans.

WTF?

[yellowjack]

AJXX1 - I'm with you on that. "WTF?" indeed. Three abreast for a start. WRONG! (not you, the three stooges cycling side-by-side)

I wouldn't bother trying to control traffic these days.

I used to, to try to be helpful. As a cyclist I'm higher up than most car drivers, and can see over hedges etc that they cannot. So if I'd spotted oncoming traffic I'd show a hand, palm out. Sometimes I'd count down how many oncoming vehicles too, so following cars would know to go. Too many times though, my advice was ignored, either out of ignorance or sheer bloody-mindedness.

I don't like cars behind me. No sensible cyclist does on an open road. I still 'give an elbow' hoping that the driver will recognise the "I'd like you to lead" gesture, but most don't.

I do like the waves, the thumbs up, and the friendly toots/hazard flashes that follow my having used a passing place, or the mouth of a driveway/junction to let traffic pass on narrower roads. It lightens my heart to know that I've done a small thing to defuse this seemingly constant 'battle' between 'them' and 'us'.

BUT!

Drivers. You too can use a passing place. Yes. Even when the other road user is a cyclist! Shock. Horror
This is most irritating when I'm climbing a narrow hill. Motorists generally insist that cyclists ought to use quieter roads, but when we do we need some give and take. That means not driving past all three passing places between us, then expecting the uphill cyclist to dive into a hedgerow to make space for you to roar past down the hill only to have to brake hard for the next bend or a car coming up. All it takes is a look. Is there a passing place between me and the cyclist? Yes? Then will I reach it first? Yes? Then perhaps I ought to wait in it, as it'll be a very short wait and it's the common sense, nice thing to do. So why do NONE of them do it. Seriously, riding in the Surrey Hills, deliberately riding the roads that pretty much only residents know about, all this week, and NONE of the cars that could (and should) have waited in a passing place, did.

Driving is a series of negotiations. So negotiate. Because when you don't you cause the sort of animosity (and frankly, stupidity) described by AJXX1 above. Drivers often lump "all bloody cyclists" together, and that's what they are doing to drivers. Lumping "all bloody drivers" together and treating them all according to the lowest common denominator. Lets just be nice to one another, just for a change, eh? It might just help to make this overcrowded little island a better place to live, and a safer place to ride or drive...

[Impasse]

For clarity's sake, what's the difference between a

yellowjack said:

friendly toot

and

yellowjack said:

sounding off on their horns like it's a traffic jam in Paris.

[Fermit The Krog and Sarah Sexy]

Glasgowrob said:

people that do this





utter utter knob whoever you are, cost me a new window a valet as well as a days lost work. i wish nothing but misery and suffering on you and your parents for spawning such a horrid little git.

Completely agree. I had a compressor stolen from my van a few weeks ago, rear window smashed. A special mention for Notts Police - not only were they not willing to fingerprint the van when reported, but they still wouldn't when I supplied a name of the thief. We're in a small village, and I put out a reward for the name. So, they have the name of a suspect, and one finger print matched would nail him, but no. Even the copper who came by to discuss shared my exasperation at it.

[Nik da Greek]

yellowjack said:

FYI, the gap was soooo tight, it was like trying to force a Rizzla through a letterbox

Wow. Big smokes? Small letterbox?

[Liquid Knight]

Justin Bieber wearing ear plugs while watching the Monaco Grand Prix.

Bloody hypocrite. :P

[yellowjack]

Impasse said:

For clarity's sake, what's the difference between a

yellowjack said:

friendly toot

and

yellowjack said:

sounding off on their horns like it's a traffic jam in Paris.

A friendly toot tends to come AFTER a pass has been completed, often to draw my attention to the friendly wave, or thumb up gesture when I've moved over to allow traffic to pass on a narrow road.

Sounding off on their horns like it's a Paris traffic jam? That's when some random knob-head decides that the gap I got safely through wasn't a good idea, so they lean on the horn and make rude gestures. Usually at fresh air because by the time their tiny brains have sent messages to their arms, I'm long gone.


And as if to prove this hypocrisy, I was treated tonight to the sight of a black Toyota Avensis on MY side of the road, overtaking a smaller Toyota hatchback under this bridge...

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@51.294013,-0.870235...

...thereby taking away any choice I had about safe distances, and delivering unto me the undesirable prospect of being collected as a bonnet ornament by some ringpiece who was far too close behind his 'victim' when he decided to overtake. He passed closer to me than I'd been to the cars involved in my previous post, at a far greater speed. Presumably that was OK, because he's a licenced qualified driver and I'm just a cyclist. Or maybe he was just as thick as two short planks and shouldn't be driving?

[yellowjack]

Nik da Greek said:

yellowjack said:

FYI, the gap was soooo tight, it was like trying to force a Rizzla through a letterbox

Wow. Big smokes? Small letterbox?

An attempt at sarcasm, used to mock the drivers in my tale of woe for their melodramatic reaction to me getting a move on. After all, someone needs to be proactive and make a decision, or we can play "after you, Claude" for the next fortnight.

[ashleyman]

yellowjack said:

I used to, to try to be helpful. As a cyclist I'm higher up than most car drivers, and can see over hedges etc that they cannot. So if I'd spotted oncoming traffic I'd show a hand, palm out. Sometimes I'd count down how many oncoming vehicles too, so following cars would know to go. Too many times though, my advice was ignored, either out of ignorance or sheer bloody-mindedness.

I had a lady cyclist do this for my yesterday. High hedges a road that was only 1.5 cars wide and she gave me the countdown and then the thumbs up to pass. What's the best way to thank cyclists for doing this? I felt a bit bad just driving off without some sort of thanks. Beeping horn obviously wouldn't have been good as it's not a 'thank you' noise these days!