One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 3
Discussion
Chod-gobblers in new Discos who are on the phone down narrow country lanes.
Especially when you mime the action of putting down the phone and they scream at you to "f
k off" then come to a halt, get out and threaten to run you over. Especially when a one way system pretty much means they can only have come from one of three houses.
Do these fancy-pants expensive cars not have built-in hands free systems? My humble Ford and my even more humble Nokia C1 connect with one another automatically every time I get into the car, and when I push a button on the indicator stalk a very nice lady dials the numbers for me if I speak clearly to her. Not that I've got anyone to call. No mates, see. Probably because of the humble Ford thing?
Especially when you mime the action of putting down the phone and they scream at you to "f
k off" then come to a halt, get out and threaten to run you over. Especially when a one way system pretty much means they can only have come from one of three houses.Do these fancy-pants expensive cars not have built-in hands free systems? My humble Ford and my even more humble Nokia C1 connect with one another automatically every time I get into the car, and when I push a button on the indicator stalk a very nice lady dials the numbers for me if I speak clearly to her. Not that I've got anyone to call. No mates, see. Probably because of the humble Ford thing?
Bluedot said:
+1
and those who indicate right, and turn left stilll indicating right, those woh are on the outside of the roundabout and then go all the way around, whilst you, in the correct lane to exit ,get ther serenly sailing across your front.I just do the single indicator ,that is left when i am passing the exit before the one i require, thus giving the chap waiting a chance to get out, also keeping in the marked lanes where shown.
And those cretins who straight line esp, where thre are marked lanes
It really is simple driving technique.
however i also have eyses in the back of my head and both ears to watch out for the numpties mentioned above
Cliftonite said:
Except on multi-lane, complex roundabouts, there is rarely an actual need to signal right anyway!
If the muppets had only left signals on exit to think about, it would probably be better for all of us!
I indicate right as I go round and then left as I pass the tuning before the one I want. Never-ever had a problem with anyone pulling out on me from an exit.If the muppets had only left signals on exit to think about, it would probably be better for all of us!
Biggest RAB issue for me, are the people who join the shortest lane, even if its clearly written in BIG WHITE CAPITAL LETTERS ON THE FLOOR (and a large sign) that it's not the correct one for their destination, and then proceed cut all the lanes (and other vehicles) as they go round until they hit the right one.
But it's Okay!! Its a one-off mistake, despite being local and drinving that route every day. (So, a deliberate knob-fest then!)
Edited by Mandalore on Tuesday 2nd February 08:49
This morning the prize goes to the lavishly tooled, 24 carat dildo in the Evoque on Hills Road in Cambridge who overtook the Royal Mail juggernaut (which was at or just below the 30 limit), then completely carved it up, jamming on the anchors, as he saw (a) the Gatso; and (b) the pedestrian refuge in the middle of the road. You, sir or madam, are too mentally deficient to deserve a driving licence.
Alas, I have fallen prey to being a "Knob"
too much confidence, too much speed and er "undue care and attention" led to me being a Knob.
Skiing last week, on a narrow blue run (North American) quite a narrow pass with a bit of an uphill kick, figured I'd need a bit of speed for the kick. Cue knob moment. The kick was the end of the run, which went right. I slam the anchors on, caught an edge and sailed left, over the cliff.
What a knob.
the cliff signs (on the left) I'd mentioned seconds earlier to the Mrs also added to the bell end count.
In a happy twist of fate I was carrying enough speed to clear the rocks and found snow. ski was in the rocks as was the cliff sign I clattered.
Fortunately, a couple of guys were going down that cliff handed my ski to me when passing. Skied down. Earned Knob badge.
I am a knob.
T1b
too much confidence, too much speed and er "undue care and attention" led to me being a Knob.
Skiing last week, on a narrow blue run (North American) quite a narrow pass with a bit of an uphill kick, figured I'd need a bit of speed for the kick. Cue knob moment. The kick was the end of the run, which went right. I slam the anchors on, caught an edge and sailed left, over the cliff.
What a knob.
the cliff signs (on the left) I'd mentioned seconds earlier to the Mrs also added to the bell end count.
In a happy twist of fate I was carrying enough speed to clear the rocks and found snow. ski was in the rocks as was the cliff sign I clattered.
Fortunately, a couple of guys were going down that cliff handed my ski to me when passing. Skied down. Earned Knob badge.
I am a knob.
T1b
Sadly, this thread is slowing down. Pity, it's one of the best.
Where do knobs park their cars? ...Anywhere they damn well like.
How many knobs does it take to change a light bulb?....None, they all wait until the MOT is due.
What do Audi / BMW drivers call the brake pedal? The what?
... Which of the following are knob driver traits, which is the odd one out?... On the phone...no indicating...chav plate...respectful of the HC and all other road users...up your bumper...speeding at will...six points on the licence...dodgy blue badge...
six inch diameter exhaust...no insurance...etc.
Available in all good christmas crackers.
Where do knobs park their cars? ...Anywhere they damn well like.
How many knobs does it take to change a light bulb?....None, they all wait until the MOT is due.
What do Audi / BMW drivers call the brake pedal? The what?
... Which of the following are knob driver traits, which is the odd one out?... On the phone...no indicating...chav plate...respectful of the HC and all other road users...up your bumper...speeding at will...six points on the licence...dodgy blue badge...
six inch diameter exhaust...no insurance...etc.
Available in all good christmas crackers.
Cracker this morning...
Stupid 'Lifestyle' SUV of some sort? Check!
Sour faced middle aged bint? Check!
Driving too fast into a cul-de-sac? Check! (this is what first drew my attention)
None of these things are knobbish in isolation. But...
Driving with one mobile phone tucked into her left shoulder, while arsing about with another on the steering wheel? Definite knobette. Well I was going to walk over and have a quiet word, non-aggressive, just sort of 'pose the question' sort of thing. Then my neighbour, next-door but one, pops out, knobette greats her warmly, and they both get in and drive away. Knobette looks a lot like my neighbour but younger, so I'm guessing they are mother/daughter. As she drives away, she has both hands OFF the wheel, fart-arsing about with her seatbelt.
My dilemma is this: If she's my neighbour's kin, said neighbour's husband is the 'boss' of the local black-cab mafia, a group of ignorant, aggressive feckers if ever there were one. He's a nice enough chap to chat to about his garden, his home improvements, or his grandchildren, but he looks the type who might 'turn' quite swiftly, and could likely hold a grudge. So confronting the Doris is out, as I don't want to start a feud. Does this make me a bit of a knob for not having the moral courage to speak up?
I get the feeling that "grassing" to the police is frowned upon by a significant proportion of PHers (likely the type who commit such offences themselves) and also get the feeling that little would be done by plod without some sort of evidence, so I'm not going to waste their time with this. But it worries me. There are kids who play out on the road, and lots of the neighbours are cat owners. Added to that the fact that it's a busy (relatively speaking) cul-de-sac with pedestrians/schoolkids due to a footpath at the end which is closed to vehicles. Plus the fact that phone using drivers are a personal bugbear of mine.
Stupid 'Lifestyle' SUV of some sort? Check!
Sour faced middle aged bint? Check!
Driving too fast into a cul-de-sac? Check! (this is what first drew my attention)
None of these things are knobbish in isolation. But...
Driving with one mobile phone tucked into her left shoulder, while arsing about with another on the steering wheel? Definite knobette. Well I was going to walk over and have a quiet word, non-aggressive, just sort of 'pose the question' sort of thing. Then my neighbour, next-door but one, pops out, knobette greats her warmly, and they both get in and drive away. Knobette looks a lot like my neighbour but younger, so I'm guessing they are mother/daughter. As she drives away, she has both hands OFF the wheel, fart-arsing about with her seatbelt.
My dilemma is this: If she's my neighbour's kin, said neighbour's husband is the 'boss' of the local black-cab mafia, a group of ignorant, aggressive feckers if ever there were one. He's a nice enough chap to chat to about his garden, his home improvements, or his grandchildren, but he looks the type who might 'turn' quite swiftly, and could likely hold a grudge. So confronting the Doris is out, as I don't want to start a feud. Does this make me a bit of a knob for not having the moral courage to speak up?
I get the feeling that "grassing" to the police is frowned upon by a significant proportion of PHers (likely the type who commit such offences themselves) and also get the feeling that little would be done by plod without some sort of evidence, so I'm not going to waste their time with this. But it worries me. There are kids who play out on the road, and lots of the neighbours are cat owners. Added to that the fact that it's a busy (relatively speaking) cul-de-sac with pedestrians/schoolkids due to a footpath at the end which is closed to vehicles. Plus the fact that phone using drivers are a personal bugbear of mine.
I have one, since the thread is quiet and all.
The jebend the other day who was in front of me and turned off, then popped back up in my rear view mirror a minute or so later, evidently having done a u-turn (I was down a single track road with only one entrance behind me). Mr knobber then proceeded to tailgate like crazy while fking around with his phone. It almost looked like he was trying to take photos of my car, though why he would I have no idea.
The jebend the other day who was in front of me and turned off, then popped back up in my rear view mirror a minute or so later, evidently having done a u-turn (I was down a single track road with only one entrance behind me). Mr knobber then proceeded to tailgate like crazy while f
king around with his phone. It almost looked like he was trying to take photos of my car, though why he would I have no idea.Some great ones over the last couple of days:
Knob number 1: geriatric muppet in a Yaris on the M40 northbound during rush hour. 55mph, lane 2, oblivious to everything other than ensuring that he caused as big a rolling road block as possible. Being overtaken on both sides, flashed, etc - just sitting there being the perfect MLM.
Knob number 2: '63' plate blue transit-sized van on Wednesday morning. First, he decided to tail-gate me as much as possible through the 30 limit of Bayston Hill on the A49. Arriving at the A49 / A5 roundabout, I positioned in lane 3 to take A5 East (L3 is the only one for A5 east at this point). Mr Knob decides on L2. Fine, he's clearly going to take the A5 (W) or head towards Shrewsbury centre...... No. He's taking the A5 East too, but doesn't want his van to be held up by my car
As I followed the marked lane around, he starts blasting his horn, as he's being closed off in the 'Shrewsbury' lane. So, he jams the brakes on, cuts across the back of my car, nearly side swipes some poor sod in a Freelander, then takes the A5 East. Time saved on his journey: zero. Drivers pissed off in this journey: two.
Am I alone in hoping drivers like this encounter Mr Kenneth Noye in the not too distant future??
Knob number 1: geriatric muppet in a Yaris on the M40 northbound during rush hour. 55mph, lane 2, oblivious to everything other than ensuring that he caused as big a rolling road block as possible. Being overtaken on both sides, flashed, etc - just sitting there being the perfect MLM.
Knob number 2: '63' plate blue transit-sized van on Wednesday morning. First, he decided to tail-gate me as much as possible through the 30 limit of Bayston Hill on the A49. Arriving at the A49 / A5 roundabout, I positioned in lane 3 to take A5 East (L3 is the only one for A5 east at this point). Mr Knob decides on L2. Fine, he's clearly going to take the A5 (W) or head towards Shrewsbury centre...... No. He's taking the A5 East too, but doesn't want his van to be held up by my car
As I followed the marked lane around, he starts blasting his horn, as he's being closed off in the 'Shrewsbury' lane. So, he jams the brakes on, cuts across the back of my car, nearly side swipes some poor sod in a Freelander, then takes the A5 East. Time saved on his journey: zero. Drivers pissed off in this journey: two. Am I alone in hoping drivers like this encounter Mr Kenneth Noye in the not too distant future??
Edited by DavidJG on Thursday 4th February 15:25
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