One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 3
Discussion
The fat balding anus in his council spec Golf diesel that decided to attempt to road rage my mum, and then me, in the Frimley Waitrose car park this morning.
Background - anus attempted to jump a mini roundabout rather than come to a halt, my mum beeped her horn as a warning, anus decided to slam the anchors on, reverse back from where he stopped and chase her into the car park to remonstrate.
Chubster wasn't as clever however when I got out of the car and asked him what his problem was. A tirade of foul language followed, as well as being told he'd "stab da fukk" outta me and then "s
t down my throat" 
At this point I told him his threats might carry more weight if he didn't currently have, what I assume was, his partner's Chihuahua sat on his lap that happened to be sporting a very fetching pink fluffy jumper & diamante collar
A few 4 letter swear words were uttered followed by him nailing it out of the car park at speed nearly clipping 2 soldiers in uniform and a mother with a push chair as he went. Reg plate, description, etc, all passed to 101 so the local plod can keep an eye out for him as I'm sure some other lucky individual will run into his charm soon enough
Background - anus attempted to jump a mini roundabout rather than come to a halt, my mum beeped her horn as a warning, anus decided to slam the anchors on, reverse back from where he stopped and chase her into the car park to remonstrate.
Chubster wasn't as clever however when I got out of the car and asked him what his problem was. A tirade of foul language followed, as well as being told he'd "stab da fukk" outta me and then "s
t down my throat" At this point I told him his threats might carry more weight if he didn't currently have, what I assume was, his partner's Chihuahua sat on his lap that happened to be sporting a very fetching pink fluffy jumper & diamante collar
A few 4 letter swear words were uttered followed by him nailing it out of the car park at speed nearly clipping 2 soldiers in uniform and a mother with a push chair as he went. Reg plate, description, etc, all passed to 101 so the local plod can keep an eye out for him as I'm sure some other lucky individual will run into his charm soon enough
Bluedot said:
ashleyman said:
Zafira driver who didn't give way to parked cars on his side of the road as I was coming towards him.
To be fair, his car was probably on fire and had other things to worry about.Buy a Zafira & you really are a loser.
Ofer Foxache said:
NDNDNDND said:
AH33 said:
NDNDNDND said:
People who throw cigarettes out of cars are dirty scum. I guess you do the same with your McDonalds wrappers, do you? Knob.
He was talking about ASH, you fking idiot. No I dont throw cigarettes out of cars. McDonalds wrappers, I do though. I wait until your mum is behind me with her window open then throw it just right, so she gets a gherkin in the face.Knob.
Ah! you're never alone, not with a Strand but a fag, can of beer & displaying ones tattoos as you rest your arm out the window of a rat-look Vauxhall Astra. A bit of swearing goes a long way too. Nice.
(you have to be VERY old to understand the reference to Strand).
M11 today busy but not to bad i'm in the inside lane and there's nothing in the inside for the best part of a mile.
A poverty spec vauxhall zafia was sat in the middle lane i was approaching her i couldn't use lane 3 to overtake as there was another car overtaking.
I flashed her twice jut in case she was half asleep, and she moved straight into lane 1.
When i got level with her she was going ballistic in the drivers side she was jumping up and down and by the mouth movements lots of swearing and strangely a couple of v signs. When i passed her she was straight back into lane 2 with lots of headlight flashing and she was weaving all over the road. I was tempted to drop back and do a couple of circuits of her but i couldn't be bothered.
When i pulled off the A1 at Grantham i followed a audi a4 off, which was also turning left onto the A46 towards Nottingham.
The a46 is not a bad road with several sweeping bends which makes it more fun than some other roads.
I flashed the audi as there was nothing coming and he just sat there. When he eventually pulled off he was straight upto the nsl.
That didn't last long as he approached the speed camera he braked to 50.
Then every time he approached even the slightest bend he was on the brakes down to 30.
We then caught up a Nissan suv thing which was only doing 40.
At the first chance i over took the 2 i was followed by 2 other cars. In just a few miles we had collected quite a queue as even artics were taking corners quicker than the audi!
A poverty spec vauxhall zafia was sat in the middle lane i was approaching her i couldn't use lane 3 to overtake as there was another car overtaking.
I flashed her twice jut in case she was half asleep, and she moved straight into lane 1.
When i got level with her she was going ballistic in the drivers side she was jumping up and down and by the mouth movements lots of swearing and strangely a couple of v signs. When i passed her she was straight back into lane 2 with lots of headlight flashing and she was weaving all over the road. I was tempted to drop back and do a couple of circuits of her but i couldn't be bothered.
When i pulled off the A1 at Grantham i followed a audi a4 off, which was also turning left onto the A46 towards Nottingham.
The a46 is not a bad road with several sweeping bends which makes it more fun than some other roads.
I flashed the audi as there was nothing coming and he just sat there. When he eventually pulled off he was straight upto the nsl.
That didn't last long as he approached the speed camera he braked to 50.
Then every time he approached even the slightest bend he was on the brakes down to 30.
We then caught up a Nissan suv thing which was only doing 40.
At the first chance i over took the 2 i was followed by 2 other cars. In just a few miles we had collected quite a queue as even artics were taking corners quicker than the audi!
No1 - The nuclear powered McGurk in the depths of Surrey today. Sorry, I was cycling on compass headings so no idea what road/village, but somewhere between Hindhead and Godalming.
Me. Cycling along all happy like. Him, BMW 3 Series Tourer behind me. He's sooooo fixated on getting past me that he's not looking further down the road. There's a learner driver in a fully liveried instructor vehicle, stopped at a cross roads, waiting to turn right against oncoming traffic. I'm not slowing a) because bike - I can get past the learner anyway, and b) I'm turning left just behind the learner.
BMW doofus does the predictable - overtakes a left turn signalling cyclist whether he's got somewhere to go after passing or not. Cue shrieking brakes/tyres, and lots of leaning on the horn.
Dude? Really? The only person who's fked up here is you. You failed to observe the road ahead effectively, you made the wrong choice to overtake me where you did as a result of the lack of observation. You narrowly avoid crashing into a driver who has her brake lights lit and a right hand indicator activated. What other course of action could she possibly take if she wanted to turn right? Then you compound your already stupid stupidity by laying it on thick with the horn as if to blame everyone except yourself. You are an utter throbber. 
No2 - The dumb ass in Guildford who was so busy staring at a pedestrian's wobbly titties that he missed the car ahead slowing for a red traffic light, and only narrowly avoided hitting the rear of it. The lady pedestrian was a 'larger' lady, but very pretty. She had a very clingy dress on, and sexy strappy patent heels. But the dress was so tight that the top of her ample bosom was straining against it, and when she walked her chest was like a pair of water balloons sloshing about in there. I'd just ridden up the cobbled High Street and was waiting at the red light at the top. She was walking down from the direction of G-Live and crossing the road toward me. The driver who couldn't function effectively because he was spellbound by her jiggly bosom was coming (fnaar, fnaar
) up North Street behind a lady in a Corsa who was braking for the traffic light.
What made it even better was when this lad braked so hard his tyres screeched a little, the busty lady he'd been staring at turned around, winked, and blew him a kiss. Kudos to her, and you, young man, have been caught in the act. Busted!
Me. Cycling along all happy like. Him, BMW 3 Series Tourer behind me. He's sooooo fixated on getting past me that he's not looking further down the road. There's a learner driver in a fully liveried instructor vehicle, stopped at a cross roads, waiting to turn right against oncoming traffic. I'm not slowing a) because bike - I can get past the learner anyway, and b) I'm turning left just behind the learner.
BMW doofus does the predictable - overtakes a left turn signalling cyclist whether he's got somewhere to go after passing or not. Cue shrieking brakes/tyres, and lots of leaning on the horn.
Dude? Really? The only person who's f
ked up here is you. You failed to observe the road ahead effectively, you made the wrong choice to overtake me where you did as a result of the lack of observation. You narrowly avoid crashing into a driver who has her brake lights lit and a right hand indicator activated. What other course of action could she possibly take if she wanted to turn right? Then you compound your already stupid stupidity by laying it on thick with the horn as if to blame everyone except yourself. You are an utter throbber. No2 - The dumb ass in Guildford who was so busy staring at a pedestrian's wobbly titties that he missed the car ahead slowing for a red traffic light, and only narrowly avoided hitting the rear of it. The lady pedestrian was a 'larger' lady, but very pretty. She had a very clingy dress on, and sexy strappy patent heels. But the dress was so tight that the top of her ample bosom was straining against it, and when she walked her chest was like a pair of water balloons sloshing about in there. I'd just ridden up the cobbled High Street and was waiting at the red light at the top. She was walking down from the direction of G-Live and crossing the road toward me. The driver who couldn't function effectively because he was spellbound by her jiggly bosom was coming (fnaar, fnaar
) up North Street behind a lady in a Corsa who was braking for the traffic light.What made it even better was when this lad braked so hard his tyres screeched a little, the busty lady he'd been staring at turned around, winked, and blew him a kiss. Kudos to her, and you, young man, have been caught in the act. Busted!
cjs racing. said:
Drummond Baize said:
"Herbie" stripes and the number 53 on modern VW Beetles. No!
I often see a MK1 Ford Ka painted in the full Herbie livery.I saw a metallic blue VW Beetle (the old new shape, if you see what I mean) all Herbied up today.
HERBIE WAS WHITE, YOU ARSE!
Leeds?
Whoever painted the road markings had absolutely nothing to do with the people who put up the signs. Asking for directions was entertaining as well. Round here it's...
"Turn left at a pub, pass a library and if you see a windmill you've gone too far".
...in Leeds it's...
"Go past the burned out building, left at the kebab place with the open industrial bin next to the door and if you get to a road that's cordoned off by POLICE tape you've gone too far".
Whoever painted the road markings had absolutely nothing to do with the people who put up the signs. Asking for directions was entertaining as well. Round here it's...
"Turn left at a pub, pass a library and if you see a windmill you've gone too far".
...in Leeds it's...
"Go past the burned out building, left at the kebab place with the open industrial bin next to the door and if you get to a road that's cordoned off by POLICE tape you've gone too far".
Myself. a chap who was obviously in a world of his own started crossing in front of me without looking at all, so I bipped the horn, the poor sod, who turned out to be an older chap, I couldn't tell from behind jumped 6 foot in the air, I decided I would let him finish crossing. After an initial fit of laughter I am now feeling terrible.
The arse in the white Audi A3 this morning.
I noticed you about to enter the DC from a slip road and moved into L2 to allow you to merge onto the DC without having to stop (notice how kind that was?).
I was therefore somewhat bemused when you instantly floored it to prevent me moving back into L1 in front of you.
Unfortunately for you my 3 tonnes of Land Rover had more go than your shed of an Audi and I was able speed past you with ease and move back over.
You then rather harshly moved into L2 and proceeded floor it past me and speed off down the DC in L2 despite there being no other traffic around, as if to make some sort of bizarre point.
WHY?
I noticed you about to enter the DC from a slip road and moved into L2 to allow you to merge onto the DC without having to stop (notice how kind that was?).
I was therefore somewhat bemused when you instantly floored it to prevent me moving back into L1 in front of you.
Unfortunately for you my 3 tonnes of Land Rover had more go than your shed of an Audi and I was able speed past you with ease and move back over.
You then rather harshly moved into L2 and proceeded floor it past me and speed off down the DC in L2 despite there being no other traffic around, as if to make some sort of bizarre point.
WHY?
Edited by AJXX1 on Sunday 22 May 17:59
Edited by AJXX1 on Sunday 22 May 17:59
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