One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 3

[Centurion07]

angels95 said:

nonsequitur said:

angels95 said:

The driver of a Volkswagen Amarok pick-up truck who pulled up alongside me at the lights, me in the straight ahead lane, him in the left-only lane. He stopped half a car's length in front of the line and kept rolling back and forth on the clutch with his right indicator flashing.

When the lights went green I pulled away quickly enough to get comfortably ahead and he slotted in behind.

Cue the light-flashing and animated arm-waving from the pick-up driver. Does he really think he can just push his way to the front of a queue?

Yes, he was a knob, but you knew what he was almost certainly going to do, so why 'pull away quickly' and risk an accident?
Always let knob get ahead of you, away, and out of your space.

Letting him push in may have been the most sensible thing to do, but I don't see why queue-jumping should be tolerated. You wouldn't catch these morons barging through to the front of a queue in a shop, so why should it be any different on the road?

Maybe he didn't know it was left turn only until he got to the front? Plenty of places like that, especially in London where the turn is only marked by paint on the road and 99% of the time it's obscured by traffic.

Maybe he got boxed into that lane before he realised...?

[anonymous-user]

problemchild1976 said:

Jbeale96 said:

problemchild1976 said:

Jbeale96 said:

Whoever sprayed deodorant in our building knowing full well that it sets the fire alarm off.

Currently stood outside at the assembly point in the freezing cold needing a poo.

Knob!

you work in bristol??

JJ

I certainly do...does that mean you do too?

yeah - and if its where i think it is i know that highly sensitive, cheapest in the shop smoke detector system

and also i know that if you did need a poo it was more than likely that the loos were either full up, not working, don't lock, no lights or just backflowing into the water system haha

JJ

There's quite a few of us who work/worked there....

[nonsequitur]

angels95 said:

nonsequitur said:

angels95 said:

The driver of a Volkswagen Amarok pick-up truck who pulled up alongside me at the lights, me in the straight ahead lane, him in the left-only lane. He stopped half a car's length in front of the line and kept rolling back and forth on the clutch with his right indicator flashing.

When the lights went green I pulled away quickly enough to get comfortably ahead and he slotted in behind.

Cue the light-flashing and animated arm-waving from the pick-up driver. Does he really think he can just push his way to the front of a queue?

Yes, he was a knob, but you knew what he was almost certainly going to do, so why 'pull away quickly' and risk an accident?
Always let knob get ahead of you, away, and out of your space.

Letting him push in may have been the most sensible thing to do, but I don't see why queue-jumping should be tolerated. You wouldn't catch these morons barging through to the front of a queue in a shop, so why should it be any different on the road?

I agree. But as we PHers know only too well, sometimes you have to grit your teeth, take a deep breath and motor on.

[Mr.Jimbo]

nonsequitur said:

Roll on or aerosol?, No it's for my armpits.

Ball or Aersol - neither, I want it for my armpits

Jeez.

[nonsequitur]

Mr.Jimbo said:

nonsequitur said:

Roll on or aerosol?, No it's for my armpits.

Ball or Aersol - neither, I want it for my armpits

Jeez.

The joke was originally ' At the Swedish chemist', (or similar), so ' Roll on or aerosol' said in a heavily accented voice came out as ' Roll on your ahole' , followed by the 'armpit' reply.

First heard on 'Alas Smith and Jones' with Mel Smith and Griff rhys Jones. (1980's?)

Keep up at the back, Jimbo!

[Bluedot]

nonsequitur said:

Mr.Jimbo said:

nonsequitur said:

Roll on or aerosol?, No it's for my armpits.

Ball or Aersol - neither, I want it for my armpits

Jeez.

The joke was originally ' At the Swedish chemist', (or similar), so ' Roll on or aerosol' said in a heavily accented voice came out as ' Roll on your ahole' , followed by the 'armpit' reply.

First heard on 'Alas Smith and Jones' with Mel Smith and Griff rhys Jones. (1980's?)

Keep up at the back, Jimbo!

I remember it as Jimbo's version but it was a long time ago

[nonsequitur]

OpulentBob said:

nonsequitur said:

angels95 said:

The driver of a Volkswagen Amarok pick-up truck who pulled up alongside me at the lights, me in the straight ahead lane, him in the left-only lane. He stopped half a car's length in front of the line and kept rolling back and forth on the clutch with his right indicator flashing.

When the lights went green I pulled away quickly enough to get comfortably ahead and he slotted in behind.

Cue the light-flashing and animated arm-waving from the pick-up driver. Does he really think he can just push his way to the front of a queue?

Yes, he was a knob, but you knew what he was almost certainly going to do, so why 'pull away quickly' and risk an accident?
Always let knob get ahead of you, away, and out of your space.

Say what now, Mr APIS?!

So last year, Bob, so last year.

[dalzo]

The guy on the motorway in a 118d swerving across 3 lanes to undertake a que of traffic nearly wiping out 2 cars only to end up slotting in behind the car he originally tried to undertake.

Once traffic was clear instead of pulling in he decided he was going to outrun me rather than pull in to lane 1 ,I was in an s3

[Mr.Jimbo]

nonsequitur said:

The joke was originally ' At the Swedish chemist', (or similar), so ' Roll on or aerosol' said in a heavily accented voice came out as ' Roll on your ahole' , followed by the 'armpit' reply.

First heard on 'Alas Smith and Jones' with Mel Smith and Griff rhys Jones. (1980's?)

Keep up at the back, Jimbo!

Ah see we remembered it as "Ball or Aerosol" (heavily accented as you say) to which the answer was "Neither of those two choices please, somewhere else entirely"

I can see yours now, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree but I think my interpretation is funnier

[Zetec-S]

Bloke in the Mitsubishi pick-up following me last week. There's a whole queue of traffic in front and no opportunity for anyone to overtake, so we have no choice but to stick to 40 (in a 60). There's no point racing up behind me, backing off, and repeating over and over, it won't achieve anything.

And you might also want to remember it's not the most sporting of vehicles, so perhaps slow down a little when taking a series of sharp S bends, that way you'll avoid (almost) rolling into the ditch next time

[AstonZagato]

Mr.Jimbo said:

nonsequitur said:

The joke was originally ' At the Swedish chemist', (or similar), so ' Roll on or aerosol' said in a heavily accented voice came out as ' Roll on your ahole' , followed by the 'armpit' reply.

First heard on 'Alas Smith and Jones' with Mel Smith and Griff rhys Jones. (1980's?)

Keep up at the back, Jimbo!

Ah see we remembered it as "Ball or Aerosol" (heavily accented as you say) to which the answer was "Neither of those two choices please, somewhere else entirely"

I can see yours now, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree but I think my interpretation is funnier

FFS

Not 'Alas Smith and Jones' but 'Not the Nine O'Clock News'

and

"Ball or Aerosol"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6IBiR9m3vY

[anonymous-user]

pablo said:

problemchild1976 said:

Jbeale96 said:

problemchild1976 said:

Jbeale96 said:

Whoever sprayed deodorant in our building knowing full well that it sets the fire alarm off.

Currently stood outside at the assembly point in the freezing cold needing a poo.

Knob!

you work in bristol??

JJ

I certainly do...does that mean you do too?

yeah - and if its where i think it is i know that highly sensitive, cheapest in the shop smoke detector system

and also i know that if you did need a poo it was more than likely that the loos were either full up, not working, don't lock, no lights or just backflowing into the water system haha

JJ

There's quite a few of us who work/worked there....

Just so we’re 100% clear, everything is named after trees yes?

And to contribute to the thread, whoever set the fire alarm off again this morning!

[Jim AK]

Jbeale96 said:

Just so we’re 100% clear, everything is named after trees yes?

And to contribute to the thread, whoever set the fire alarm off again this morning!

Was this after you had your Donald?

We need to be told!!

[anonymous-user]

Jim AK said:

Was this after you had your Donald?

We need to be told!!

I’m afraid on this occasion I didn’t even make it out of the car park, though fortunately my bowels were dormant.

[maccas99]

People that insist on having their conversations on loud speaker (at the loudest setting) in a restaurant/cafe, totally unnecessary and downright rude. Knob points to the phone owner and the cafe owner (they won't tell them to stop it because they don't want to lose trade or p*ss anyone off). Felt like going over and telling them to buy a headset but they had their mate (backup) with them and it would have got "shouty"

[BrassMan]

Chap trundles down sliproad slowly (~50 by the end). Chap following joins L1 earlier and accelerates to be next to the dawdler by the end of the sliproad. Dawdler then either brakes or merges into chap 2.

Constant lane swappers. Yes, you should stay left unless overtaking but hopping about like you have piles helps no one.

[Zetec-S]

maccas99 said:

People that insist on having their conversations on loud speaker (at the loudest setting) in a restaurant/cafe, totally unnecessary and downright rude. Knob points to the phone owner and the cafe owner (they won't tell them to stop it because they don't want to lose trade or p*ss anyone off). Felt like going over and telling them to buy a headset but they had their mate (backup) with them and it would have got "shouty"

Had this once in a small café, 2 tts having an unnecessarily loud conversation on speaker. I may have "struggled" to get into my seat, and then took a while to get comfortable. Which involved a lot of loud shuffling/scraping the chair back and forth on the floor. Shortly followed by realising I had forgotten cutlery, so had to get back up and repeat the process. I was about to go back again for more napkins but they gave up their phonecall

[Monkeylegend]

Telling a boring completely inane non-event insurance story in fking instalments.

[Spanglepants]

Its ball, watched it last night

Bluedot said:

nonsequitur said:

Mr.Jimbo said:

nonsequitur said:

Roll on or aerosol?, No it's for my armpits.

Ball or Aersol - neither, I want it for my armpits

Jeez.

The joke was originally ' At the Swedish chemist', (or similar), so ' Roll on or aerosol' said in a heavily accented voice came out as ' Roll on your ahole' , followed by the 'armpit' reply.

First heard on 'Alas Smith and Jones' with Mel Smith and Griff rhys Jones. (1980's?)

Keep up at the back, Jimbo!

I remember it as Jimbo's version but it was a long time ago

[Agent XXX]

The dhead in the R8 V10 that's just taken literally 10 minutes to park outside the office. First attempt was worthy of a bad parking thread pic. He's still trying...................