Discussion
I for one have never understood why people say that.
I've certainly never owned anything that has been “Just a car”. They've always been fun, rare, interesting, quirky, quick, fast, nonconformist; or simply something I like. I used to think “Just a car” was for people who didn't care, people who can't see beyond a machine, a compromise for those who drive something they have to instead of something they will ever derive any kind of pleasure from.
Due to a fluke of nature that I would rather not detail I recently became the reluctant owner of a not exactly resplendent Renault Megane Scenic. 2000 W-reg with the economical (gutless) 1.4 16V (Clio) engine and in that silver/blue/grey colour nobody really knows what is.
Quite typically for a car of this type and age there wasn’t and still isn’t a straight panel on the thing, the grey abs bumpers looked like they were originally fitted to a dodgem and the interior was a shocking disgrace. As well as the usual kiddie ball pit of uneaten sweets, trodden in biscuits and various fast food restaurant wrappers, containers and products with supporting receipts dating back as far as 2004; top of the tree of things I found while stripping the interior wearing a biohazard suit was a maggot riddled dead bird in the storage box under one of the rear seats and evidence of extensive Cannabis use. Nice.
I think people who call social services to inspect homes should look at the cars on the driveway first.
First Drive.
Have you ever gone upstairs in your home only to then notice you have dog poo on your shoe? The anger, frustration and contempt for the pond dwelling scum who left poo where someone could step in it in the twenty first century is only over shadowed by the overwhelming disappointment caused by the realisation you have more than likely traipsed that poo throughout your house.
That feeling is the Renault Megane Scenic.
I have previously stated that men driving people carriers are the worst drivers in the world. They cut you up, tailgate, try to kill cyclists instead of pretending to try and overtake and if you ever see a people carrier driven by a man less than 150% of the speed limit it's because they already have nine points or it's as fast as the knackered clutch will allow.
Now I had driven one for roughly three quarters of a mile I completely understood.
It has an elevated seat position like a Transit only without the power, handling or any idea what the clutch, throttle pedals or steering wheel are connected to. So vague driving that car for a few minutes was like watching a box set of Lost. The brakes are superb in an all or nothing kind of way that leaves you stopped six feet before any junction. If you are expecting 0-60 times and such I haven’t tried, nobody does 0-60 in real life and it’s a fifteen year old Renault that hasn't caught fire yet; I don’t want to be in the car when (not if) that happens.
So that’s the negatives covered I need to think of a few positives. Hmmmm....
Well the parcel shelf has two levels so I can either hide one or up to three corpses in the back...
...you can use the seat anchor points to secure a load in the cavernous loading area...
...the back seats only take a few sunny days to dry (I took a pressure washer, upholstery shampoo and odour neutralising bleach to them while they were out). Insurance is very reasonable, parts are abundant and cheap as there are positively thousands with failed cam’ belts, blown head gaskets, wiring loom fire damage or knackered ECU’s being broken for spares (probably an omen and not a good thing at all) and once I had inflated the tyres properly the overall feedback went from nonexistent to as nonchalant as asking a teenager what they want for dinner.
When I had my Alfa Romeo GTV I would sit at work looking out the window imagining driving on my favourite roads, who my passenger would be and where I would go if I could afford petrol. With the Megane I would look outside and think to myself "Bleaugh! It's still a Scenic" and get work done. Getting work done at work? If everyone had a crap car we’d be out of our current economic depression within a week. I thought I’d have a go at improving things. Starting with my trusted pressure washer and half a bottle of car shampoo I gave the exterior as diligent wash as the interior valet (enter polishing a “Merde” line here). I also won a pair of colour coded bumpers on an auction site for £10, new tailgate lifters and fuel filler flap for £5 from my local scrap yard.
These little details made a massive difference; the car went from terrible to tolerable. For an outlay of just £125 I have a serviceable wagon I can use as a van for a fraction of the running costs, Tax and insurance of a van. My first run was taking a set of Morris Minor wheels to Hereford and collecting an Austin 6CWT pick up rear bulkhead (as above). I knew the wheels would sit on the front seat after giving my sister a lift.
This is when I found the home for the Scenic. The poor little Clio engine that is underpowered at best has a sweet spot in fifth gear between 65-75mph. The rubbish brakes, steering and suspension are less of an issue on the motorway network as the surface is pretty flat, corners are opened out and only people who use their brakes on the motorway are so moronic they can't fathom how to drive more than six feet at a time. After a comfortable and uneventful day behind the wheel I had covered four hundred and twenty miles using sixty Pounds worth of Petrol that worked out about 45.6mpg at an average 40mph (including stops).
Overall the Scenic has its faults, some by design; like the handbrake that is all but out of reach if you need to have the driving seat at the highest setting, the Morris Ital with no shock absorbers amount of body roll you get when you convert a five door hatchback into a Pope-mobile without upgrading the suspension to suit; but most are issues you would expect from a fifteen year old laughably cheap (over £14,000 when new) French built (I used the world built but...) pile of pre-rusted metal and plastic.
However; and by way of redemption collecting the rear bulkhead for my hotrod project would have cost me £120, delivering the wheels would have been at least £70, hiring a van to do the same job would have been £120 plus getting on for £80 worth of Diesel. My £125 Scenic and £60 of Petrol means this car had literally paid for itself.
This tail was due to have a happy ending. I advertised the Megvan for £400 as I only owned it accidentally and to be fair it has surpassed my expectations but I needed to make room for something more “me” (whatever that means). A little old lady called Ada asked about the car as she needed it to transport her special needs grandchildren to and from hospital. As the Scenic didn't owe me anything I was going to give it to her. I thought it would be an opportunity to do something nice (as nice as giving someone a Scenic can be) and to elevate it way beyond “just a car”.
There were two problems with this. My legal eagle friend told me that if I sold the car it would be a case of “Buyer beware”, “Sold as seen” and such but if I were to give the car away any recourse would be my moral and legal responsibility.
Worst case scenario if some catastrophe were to befall the Megane (or a typical Renault event) I could end up in prison. Second; she thought it was a seven seater and didn’t want the bloody thing.
Seven seats and a 1.4 engine? I had to use crawler lanes when it was empty.
So was this Scenic “Just a car”?
No.
As well as being a car that got me to work and back without distracting from my actual job, carried more shopping than Dale Winton has ever swept and ferried my family about for a bit it was also a bloody good little van and biggest surprise of all; a capable motorway muncher.
Most important the Scenic was a trip so far away from my comfort zone I need something radical and an Atlas to get back. It’s nice to try new things once in a while and add to my automotive pallet and I’m sure for the right person the Scenic is the right car/bus/van; just not for me.
I've certainly never owned anything that has been “Just a car”. They've always been fun, rare, interesting, quirky, quick, fast, nonconformist; or simply something I like. I used to think “Just a car” was for people who didn't care, people who can't see beyond a machine, a compromise for those who drive something they have to instead of something they will ever derive any kind of pleasure from.
Due to a fluke of nature that I would rather not detail I recently became the reluctant owner of a not exactly resplendent Renault Megane Scenic. 2000 W-reg with the economical (gutless) 1.4 16V (Clio) engine and in that silver/blue/grey colour nobody really knows what is.
Quite typically for a car of this type and age there wasn’t and still isn’t a straight panel on the thing, the grey abs bumpers looked like they were originally fitted to a dodgem and the interior was a shocking disgrace. As well as the usual kiddie ball pit of uneaten sweets, trodden in biscuits and various fast food restaurant wrappers, containers and products with supporting receipts dating back as far as 2004; top of the tree of things I found while stripping the interior wearing a biohazard suit was a maggot riddled dead bird in the storage box under one of the rear seats and evidence of extensive Cannabis use. Nice.
I think people who call social services to inspect homes should look at the cars on the driveway first.
First Drive.
Have you ever gone upstairs in your home only to then notice you have dog poo on your shoe? The anger, frustration and contempt for the pond dwelling scum who left poo where someone could step in it in the twenty first century is only over shadowed by the overwhelming disappointment caused by the realisation you have more than likely traipsed that poo throughout your house.
That feeling is the Renault Megane Scenic.
I have previously stated that men driving people carriers are the worst drivers in the world. They cut you up, tailgate, try to kill cyclists instead of pretending to try and overtake and if you ever see a people carrier driven by a man less than 150% of the speed limit it's because they already have nine points or it's as fast as the knackered clutch will allow.
Now I had driven one for roughly three quarters of a mile I completely understood.
It has an elevated seat position like a Transit only without the power, handling or any idea what the clutch, throttle pedals or steering wheel are connected to. So vague driving that car for a few minutes was like watching a box set of Lost. The brakes are superb in an all or nothing kind of way that leaves you stopped six feet before any junction. If you are expecting 0-60 times and such I haven’t tried, nobody does 0-60 in real life and it’s a fifteen year old Renault that hasn't caught fire yet; I don’t want to be in the car when (not if) that happens.
So that’s the negatives covered I need to think of a few positives. Hmmmm....
Well the parcel shelf has two levels so I can either hide one or up to three corpses in the back...
...you can use the seat anchor points to secure a load in the cavernous loading area...
...the back seats only take a few sunny days to dry (I took a pressure washer, upholstery shampoo and odour neutralising bleach to them while they were out). Insurance is very reasonable, parts are abundant and cheap as there are positively thousands with failed cam’ belts, blown head gaskets, wiring loom fire damage or knackered ECU’s being broken for spares (probably an omen and not a good thing at all) and once I had inflated the tyres properly the overall feedback went from nonexistent to as nonchalant as asking a teenager what they want for dinner.
When I had my Alfa Romeo GTV I would sit at work looking out the window imagining driving on my favourite roads, who my passenger would be and where I would go if I could afford petrol. With the Megane I would look outside and think to myself "Bleaugh! It's still a Scenic" and get work done. Getting work done at work? If everyone had a crap car we’d be out of our current economic depression within a week. I thought I’d have a go at improving things. Starting with my trusted pressure washer and half a bottle of car shampoo I gave the exterior as diligent wash as the interior valet (enter polishing a “Merde” line here). I also won a pair of colour coded bumpers on an auction site for £10, new tailgate lifters and fuel filler flap for £5 from my local scrap yard.
These little details made a massive difference; the car went from terrible to tolerable. For an outlay of just £125 I have a serviceable wagon I can use as a van for a fraction of the running costs, Tax and insurance of a van. My first run was taking a set of Morris Minor wheels to Hereford and collecting an Austin 6CWT pick up rear bulkhead (as above). I knew the wheels would sit on the front seat after giving my sister a lift.
This is when I found the home for the Scenic. The poor little Clio engine that is underpowered at best has a sweet spot in fifth gear between 65-75mph. The rubbish brakes, steering and suspension are less of an issue on the motorway network as the surface is pretty flat, corners are opened out and only people who use their brakes on the motorway are so moronic they can't fathom how to drive more than six feet at a time. After a comfortable and uneventful day behind the wheel I had covered four hundred and twenty miles using sixty Pounds worth of Petrol that worked out about 45.6mpg at an average 40mph (including stops).
Overall the Scenic has its faults, some by design; like the handbrake that is all but out of reach if you need to have the driving seat at the highest setting, the Morris Ital with no shock absorbers amount of body roll you get when you convert a five door hatchback into a Pope-mobile without upgrading the suspension to suit; but most are issues you would expect from a fifteen year old laughably cheap (over £14,000 when new) French built (I used the world built but...) pile of pre-rusted metal and plastic.
However; and by way of redemption collecting the rear bulkhead for my hotrod project would have cost me £120, delivering the wheels would have been at least £70, hiring a van to do the same job would have been £120 plus getting on for £80 worth of Diesel. My £125 Scenic and £60 of Petrol means this car had literally paid for itself.
This tail was due to have a happy ending. I advertised the Megvan for £400 as I only owned it accidentally and to be fair it has surpassed my expectations but I needed to make room for something more “me” (whatever that means). A little old lady called Ada asked about the car as she needed it to transport her special needs grandchildren to and from hospital. As the Scenic didn't owe me anything I was going to give it to her. I thought it would be an opportunity to do something nice (as nice as giving someone a Scenic can be) and to elevate it way beyond “just a car”.
There were two problems with this. My legal eagle friend told me that if I sold the car it would be a case of “Buyer beware”, “Sold as seen” and such but if I were to give the car away any recourse would be my moral and legal responsibility.
Worst case scenario if some catastrophe were to befall the Megane (or a typical Renault event) I could end up in prison. Second; she thought it was a seven seater and didn’t want the bloody thing.
Seven seats and a 1.4 engine? I had to use crawler lanes when it was empty.
So was this Scenic “Just a car”?
No.
As well as being a car that got me to work and back without distracting from my actual job, carried more shopping than Dale Winton has ever swept and ferried my family about for a bit it was also a bloody good little van and biggest surprise of all; a capable motorway muncher.
Most important the Scenic was a trip so far away from my comfort zone I need something radical and an Atlas to get back. It’s nice to try new things once in a while and add to my automotive pallet and I’m sure for the right person the Scenic is the right car/bus/van; just not for me.
What went through Renault's collective mind when they decided that a 1.4-litre engine was sufficient to propel a vehicle (presumably) designed to carry 5 people and a load of luggage in reasonable comfort?
Christ, I had a 1.6-litre Zafira hire car once and that was deathly-slow enough with just me and a few computers in the back.
"Oh, but it's economical!" I'm sure the people who buy these awful, soulless machines will decree. Not when it's laden with your entire family and you're caning it to within an inch of its life and valves are bouncing out of the bonnet in order to get it to traverse a hilly set of A or B roads at a reasonable pace, it isn't.
Christ, I had a 1.6-litre Zafira hire car once and that was deathly-slow enough with just me and a few computers in the back.
"Oh, but it's economical!" I'm sure the people who buy these awful, soulless machines will decree. Not when it's laden with your entire family and you're caning it to within an inch of its life and valves are bouncing out of the bonnet in order to get it to traverse a hilly set of A or B roads at a reasonable pace, it isn't.
Due to marital circs I went from an Sl500 to a megane scenic 1.6 overnight. The Scenic was the high spec one with air con and twin sunroofs etc and cost me £500 with a years TandT, bought from a friend.
Everything worked amazingly!
I guess it helped the the former owner (friend) was a Renault mechanic and had over-serviced it over the previous nine years. Mind you, it had done about 150.000 miles and felt great in a squeek free sort of way.
But I, like you, hated it! I had it about seven months and never so much as washed it. It was used and abused as the dog van and when it came time to get rid, no bugger wanted it! Even for nothing....
I traded it in and got £275 for it as it was soooooo much better than the dealer expected! He initially offered (over the phone) £125 so I was well pleased.
Everything worked amazingly!
I guess it helped the the former owner (friend) was a Renault mechanic and had over-serviced it over the previous nine years. Mind you, it had done about 150.000 miles and felt great in a squeek free sort of way.
But I, like you, hated it! I had it about seven months and never so much as washed it. It was used and abused as the dog van and when it came time to get rid, no bugger wanted it! Even for nothing....
I traded it in and got £275 for it as it was soooooo much better than the dealer expected!
He initially offered (over the phone) £125 so I was well pleased.
Thing is, even "Just a car" like that hateful french POS does most of what one at 100 grand does, you get in drive it and arrive at destination, in fact that thing is more useful than most more expensive cars but it does not massage your ego, it doesnt thrill with speed, it doesnt handle and you dont want anyone you know to see it, if you arent bothered about such things then it is a great car as it costs very little.
Sometimes I think the owners of expensive metal sometimes enjoy them less due to the expense and paranoia, not giving a s
t is very liberating.
Sometimes I think the owners of expensive metal sometimes enjoy them less due to the expense and paranoia, not giving a s
t is very liberating.Just a car? Well, that would possibly describe the hate-box that is my Mother in Law's car.
Y Reg Civic, one of the last of the Rover-style models, it shouldn't be too bad, being as it is indeed a Honda.
However, it is a 1.4, coupled to a crappily-geared autobox, this damn thing wouldn't pull the skin from rice pudding.
While under the ownership of said Mother in Law, it has had the roof stepped on and dented, front wing kicked in, front bumper grazed, back bumper punted in, it has moss growing on the window frames and on the dirt, trim falling apart on the inside to name a few. It has only done 53k but looks as though it has been a taxi for twenty years. I have mentioned that she should take better care of it but it is 'just a car'. However, as she only puts fuel in it once a month, it gets Super unleaded as it is 'better'. I have tried to tell her that it does nothing extra for the car and is a waste of money for it, but alas, she doesn't listen.
Y Reg Civic, one of the last of the Rover-style models, it shouldn't be too bad, being as it is indeed a Honda.
However, it is a 1.4, coupled to a crappily-geared autobox, this damn thing wouldn't pull the skin from rice pudding.
While under the ownership of said Mother in Law, it has had the roof stepped on and dented, front wing kicked in, front bumper grazed, back bumper punted in, it has moss growing on the window frames and on the dirt, trim falling apart on the inside to name a few. It has only done 53k but looks as though it has been a taxi for twenty years. I have mentioned that she should take better care of it but it is 'just a car'. However, as she only puts fuel in it once a month, it gets Super unleaded as it is 'better'. I have tried to tell her that it does nothing extra for the car and is a waste of money for it, but alas, she doesn't listen.
Jaguar steve said:
Just a car? No, way more than that, this is without doubt the most worry free, comfortable, practical and reliable vehicle I've ever owned.
Not giving even the tiniest of sts about dirt, dents and damage is incredibly liberating.
My dad's got a berlingo and it does the job brilliantly. Road noise is horrendous at any speed but that seems to be the only downside. It took me and my sisters to and from uni with space to spare, has allowed us to move house & is great as a tip car. It's been faultless over the past 9 years he's had itNot giving even the tiniest of s
ts about dirt, dents and damage is incredibly liberating.Our 2008 Grand Picasso is just a car to be honest. Sure it's a little quirky with the digital centre dash and steering wheel centre which doesn't move, but it does the family duties exceedingly well.
Loads of rooms in the back for the kids and little tray tables for them and built in sun blinds that cover the whole of the rear windows.
2 extra seats in the boot when we give friends a ride.
Massive boot which the double pram only takes up half the room, the other half shallows the weekly shop. When we go the the park the kids can take their bikes, electric car or whatever else takes their fancy.
Very comfy on motorway drives, just stick the cruise control and sit back and relax.
Sure I'm bored of it but I honestly couldn't justify getting rid of it or spending money on another car when the Citroën already does such a fine job. 4 years of ownership and the only thing I've had to replace is a front nearside coil. It owes us absolutely nothing now.
I still look after it though, servicing is always done on time and it's always cleaned and polished and it drives the other half mad about how fussy I am about where I park it.
Loads of rooms in the back for the kids and little tray tables for them and built in sun blinds that cover the whole of the rear windows.
2 extra seats in the boot when we give friends a ride.
Massive boot which the double pram only takes up half the room, the other half shallows the weekly shop. When we go the the park the kids can take their bikes, electric car or whatever else takes their fancy.
Very comfy on motorway drives, just stick the cruise control and sit back and relax.
Sure I'm bored of it but I honestly couldn't justify getting rid of it or spending money on another car when the Citroën already does such a fine job. 4 years of ownership and the only thing I've had to replace is a front nearside coil. It owes us absolutely nothing now.
I still look after it though, servicing is always done on time and it's always cleaned and polished and it drives the other half mad about how fussy I am about where I park it.
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