Ungrateful offspring....
Discussion
VolvoT5 said:
I think I've addressed that point already above.
But for example, you have a son who is football mad who desperately wants new football boots and a club shirt for training for his birthday. You go out and buy him a tennis shoes and Roger Federer polo shirt. Do you seriously expect him to be grateful that you tried to 'do something nice'? I mean you spent a lot of money and now he has shoes and a shirt to wear............ or do you think he might be pissed off that his father doesn't know him well enough / didn't bother to find out what kit he actually wanted/needed?
Yes....... Sort of. But for example, you have a son who is football mad who desperately wants new football boots and a club shirt for training for his birthday. You go out and buy him a tennis shoes and Roger Federer polo shirt. Do you seriously expect him to be grateful that you tried to 'do something nice'? I mean you spent a lot of money and now he has shoes and a shirt to wear............ or do you think he might be pissed off that his father doesn't know him well enough / didn't bother to find out what kit he actually wanted/needed?
Buying shoes & shirts for the wrong sport is pretty stupid. However the OP did not know what to buy his now grateful son in the first place!!
I'm pleased they have now solved the issue & hope they have some good times sorting the car & I also think the friends father may have had a hand in the outcome, especially if he knows the OP & the family history.
What I do wonder though is how many of the posts decrying the OP's actions are from those in their 20's as it seems to me there is no longer any thoughts to the feelings of the gift giver.
Is life today really ' All about me'?
Speed Badger said:
What does giving your son a £150 car say to him?
What an totally idiotic question. Are you a dad?You allude to the son putting a price on gifts, and i assume relating that to how much the dad loved them, if either of my boys ever showed that trait they'd never get another thing from me.
I think you've nailed one of the problems with today's kids.
Tim
doogz said:
A car is a car.
Football is not tennis.
If he was hoping for a car and got a boat, your utterly crap example might almost make sense.
Your family should know that if they buy you something they should know your taste and personality, and if they get it a bit wrong you'll cause an argument instead of sucking it up and wearing it when you go to visit her or something?
You sound lovely. Perhaps it's best they don't know your personality.
You keep critsing me yet you are the one going in for personal attacks. Football is not tennis.
If he was hoping for a car and got a boat, your utterly crap example might almost make sense.
Your family should know that if they buy you something they should know your taste and personality, and if they get it a bit wrong you'll cause an argument instead of sucking it up and wearing it when you go to visit her or something?
You sound lovely. Perhaps it's best they don't know your personality.
My example is invalid because a car is a car? Well I don't agree but that is beside the point anyway. I was giving a general example - obviously OP has resolved this issue so we are talking in generals no specifics.
I never said anything about causing an argument or throwing anything back at anyone or anything else like I've just been accused of on this thread. I just said I don't think there is anything wrong with being honest if you don't like a gift and I don't understand the need to be overflowing with gratitude for a poorly selected gift that was not requested in the first place.
Why should I lie and modify my behaviour or put myself out in order to make someone feel better about actions they chose to take and I had no influence over, whether they were well intentioned or not.
There was a window cleaner in this area the other day that just decided to do the windows and then knock on the door asking for payment. He was rather surprised when he was told to do one - apparently he thought he was 'doin me a favour mate' and I should show my gratitude.
edit:
with my example of the watch - are you suggesting I should wear something I don't like on a daily basis in order to avoid upset feelings ? How long would I have to keep up that charade for?
Edited by VolvoT5 on Friday 15th January 14:57
My old man wound me up when I was 16, very very close to my 17th birthday. Told me he'd just gone out and bought a Daewoo making me think it was just for me (I won't drive it and neither will your mum etc). Really mixed feelings between my own wheels and my god how will my mates let me live this down. Never ungrateful though.
He turned up a few days later with a Daewoo microwave and laughed at me. A lot!
Loads of my mates ran around in rubbish cars, it was the way it was in the late 90s/early 00s. My first car was almost a 1.0 205 with a terrible body kit stuck on. Even though it wouldn't start I never lost interest until my old man loaned me some money for a deposit on a Nissan Almera with fixed cost insurance. Think he realised he'd be driving 50 miles every week to help me fix all sorts on the Pug...
Things really have changed now though and not just for youngsters, I've heard someone getting slagged for having a 4/5 year old car in the past few months. There really is a movement to seriously looking down on people with older cars.
If your son is cool he could probably pull it off but if he's right on the edge or in the lower levels within the school cool structure turning up in a bog standard 30 year old car that very few people in the school will regard as cool then it could be something that would cause your son a real hard time - haven't read through the whole thread, got about half way but have you sat down and had a proper conversation with your son to find out exactly what his issue is and how he would want to progress on a seriously limited budget?
He turned up a few days later with a Daewoo microwave and laughed at me. A lot!
Loads of my mates ran around in rubbish cars, it was the way it was in the late 90s/early 00s. My first car was almost a 1.0 205 with a terrible body kit stuck on. Even though it wouldn't start I never lost interest until my old man loaned me some money for a deposit on a Nissan Almera with fixed cost insurance. Think he realised he'd be driving 50 miles every week to help me fix all sorts on the Pug...
Things really have changed now though and not just for youngsters, I've heard someone getting slagged for having a 4/5 year old car in the past few months. There really is a movement to seriously looking down on people with older cars.
If your son is cool he could probably pull it off but if he's right on the edge or in the lower levels within the school cool structure turning up in a bog standard 30 year old car that very few people in the school will regard as cool then it could be something that would cause your son a real hard time - haven't read through the whole thread, got about half way but have you sat down and had a proper conversation with your son to find out exactly what his issue is and how he would want to progress on a seriously limited budget?
VolvoT5 said:
I just don't see it like that. If someone buys something I didn't ask for and most likely do not want, need or like then why would I be overflowing with gratitude? It is a waste of time, money and energy for all parties concerned. I would actually be quite irritated and would expect people to know me well enough not to in the first place.
I can remember an aunt buying a watch for my birthday when I was 15/16 ish and although I could appreciate it was a nice thought the watch was nothing like I wanted (or would ever wear/want) and it just caused offence all around because I never wore the thing and I resented the fact that she clearly had zero understanding of my personality or tastes. In a way I think it can be quite insulting to buy a gift that is so badly wrong, for example buying a recovering alcoholic a bottle of whisky, it is just thoughtless.
Generally teenagers are trying to assert their independence and take control of their life..... I don't think it is unreasonable to expect some will just be grateful for the car, but others will be upset the choice has been taken away. To me it seems that is where the OP went wrong.
Although I'm happy to see the situation is resolved now I can't help but think it would have been a nicer experience to go car hunting together father and son?
Not sure about your alcoholic analogy, but other than that I agree entirely.I can remember an aunt buying a watch for my birthday when I was 15/16 ish and although I could appreciate it was a nice thought the watch was nothing like I wanted (or would ever wear/want) and it just caused offence all around because I never wore the thing and I resented the fact that she clearly had zero understanding of my personality or tastes. In a way I think it can be quite insulting to buy a gift that is so badly wrong, for example buying a recovering alcoholic a bottle of whisky, it is just thoughtless.
Generally teenagers are trying to assert their independence and take control of their life..... I don't think it is unreasonable to expect some will just be grateful for the car, but others will be upset the choice has been taken away. To me it seems that is where the OP went wrong.
Although I'm happy to see the situation is resolved now I can't help but think it would have been a nicer experience to go car hunting together father and son?
Sump said:
Tyre Tread said:
It is t
ttish to say the least to throw it back at them as unacceptable.
.
And this is how you build a society that is full of sttish to say the least to throw it back at them as unacceptable..
t and BS about everything. Nothing wrong with being blunt.SturdyHSV said:
TooMany2cvs said:
wormus said:
Roman Moroni said:
Farlig said:
Show him this:
I took one look at the photo and thought 'My, that needs to be hoovered out (the car not the girl 
) 
Looks about 15/16 to me, I think the photo deliberately trys to make her look young which is a bit disturbing
VolvoT5 said:
I just don't see it like that. If someone buys something I didn't ask for and most likely do not want, need or like then why would I be overflowing with gratitude? It is a waste of time, money and energy for all parties concerned. I would actually be quite irritated and would expect people to know me well enough not to in the first place.
I can remember an aunt buying a watch for my birthday when I was 15/16 ish and although I could appreciate it was a nice thought the watch was nothing like I wanted (or would ever wear/want) and it just caused offence all around because I never wore the thing and I resented the fact that she clearly had zero understanding of my personality or tastes. In a way I think it can be quite insulting to buy a gift that is so badly wrong, for example buying a recovering alcoholic a bottle of whisky, it is just thoughtless.
Although I'm happy to see the situation is resolved now I can't help but think it would have been a nicer experience to go car hunting together father and son?
Could not agree with you more on the gift issue. I can remember an aunt buying a watch for my birthday when I was 15/16 ish and although I could appreciate it was a nice thought the watch was nothing like I wanted (or would ever wear/want) and it just caused offence all around because I never wore the thing and I resented the fact that she clearly had zero understanding of my personality or tastes. In a way I think it can be quite insulting to buy a gift that is so badly wrong, for example buying a recovering alcoholic a bottle of whisky, it is just thoughtless.
Although I'm happy to see the situation is resolved now I can't help but think it would have been a nicer experience to go car hunting together father and son?
I collect a certain type of toy car, they are plentiful and usually cheap as they are not the most popular, I could buy bags and bags of them but I only buy one if it catches my eye at the right price. For me it is all about the chase.
For Christmas my wife bought me a box of them she had found in a charity shop or somewhere, they were rubbish, common ones in really poor condition, no matter what she paid for them it was a waste of money.
everyeggabird said:
Could not agree with you more on the gift issue.
I collect a certain type of toy car, they are plentiful and usually cheap as they are not the most popular, I could buy bags and bags of them but I only buy one if it catches my eye at the right price. For me it is all about the chase.
For Christmas my wife bought me a box of them she had found in a charity shop or somewhere, they were rubbish, common ones in really poor condition, no matter what she paid for them it was a waste of money.
What a bI collect a certain type of toy car, they are plentiful and usually cheap as they are not the most popular, I could buy bags and bags of them but I only buy one if it catches my eye at the right price. For me it is all about the chase.
For Christmas my wife bought me a box of them she had found in a charity shop or somewhere, they were rubbish, common ones in really poor condition, no matter what she paid for them it was a waste of money.
h!everyeggabird said:
VolvoT5 said:
I just don't see it like that. If someone buys something I didn't ask for and most likely do not want, need or like then why would I be overflowing with gratitude? It is a waste of time, money and energy for all parties concerned. I would actually be quite irritated and would expect people to know me well enough not to in the first place.
I can remember an aunt buying a watch for my birthday when I was 15/16 ish and although I could appreciate it was a nice thought the watch was nothing like I wanted (or would ever wear/want) and it just caused offence all around because I never wore the thing and I resented the fact that she clearly had zero understanding of my personality or tastes. In a way I think it can be quite insulting to buy a gift that is so badly wrong, for example buying a recovering alcoholic a bottle of whisky, it is just thoughtless.
Although I'm happy to see the situation is resolved now I can't help but think it would have been a nicer experience to go car hunting together father and son?
Could not agree with you more on the gift issue. I can remember an aunt buying a watch for my birthday when I was 15/16 ish and although I could appreciate it was a nice thought the watch was nothing like I wanted (or would ever wear/want) and it just caused offence all around because I never wore the thing and I resented the fact that she clearly had zero understanding of my personality or tastes. In a way I think it can be quite insulting to buy a gift that is so badly wrong, for example buying a recovering alcoholic a bottle of whisky, it is just thoughtless.
Although I'm happy to see the situation is resolved now I can't help but think it would have been a nicer experience to go car hunting together father and son?
I collect a certain type of toy car, they are plentiful and usually cheap as they are not the most popular, I could buy bags and bags of them but I only buy one if it catches my eye at the right price. For me it is all about the chase.
For Christmas my wife bought me a box of them she had found in a charity shop or somewhere, they were rubbish, common ones in really poor condition, no matter what she paid for them it was a waste of money.
Edited by BarbaricAvatar on Friday 15th January 22:22
Rusty569 said:
I'm 21 and she doesn't look 21.
Looks about 15/16 to me, I think the photo deliberately trys to make her look young which is a bit disturbing
She looks 16-18 to me but i'd still plow Looks about 15/16 to me, I think the photo deliberately trys to make her look young which is a bit disturbing
. It's not just the photographer that's guilty, it's society as a whole. Just look at all these stupid disney singers etcDS197 said:
Rusty569 said:
I'm 21 and she doesn't look 21.
Looks about 15/16 to me, I think the photo deliberately trys to make her look young which is a bit disturbing
She looks 16-18 to me but i'd still plow Looks about 15/16 to me, I think the photo deliberately trys to make her look young which is a bit disturbing
. It's not just the photographer that's guilty, it's society as a whole. Just look at all these stupid disney singers etc
everyeggabird said:
Tyre Tread said:
What a bh!
What an ah!hole.t, deliberately wasting money, so she must be a real piece of work.Either that or she tried to do something thoughtful and you didn't appreciate it.
Or are you now trying to defend her actions?
In case you hadn't realised there was a little sarcasm in my comment. Clearly there wasn't in yours but I guess I got the expected response from someone so "direct"
zeppelin101 said:
Utterly disagree. My parents bought my first car for me too when I was 17 and I was over the moon. It didn't matter what car it was, they had effectively bought me the ability to go where ever when ever I wanted without having to try and pinch a lift or spend several days on public transport. As a 17 year old, that was invaluable and actually, them doing it probably prevented me from doing a lot of stupid st and the interest in cars it spawned off the back of it is the basis of my working career.
Clearly that isn't going to be true for everyone, but buying your kid a car is the ultimate expression of trust as a parent from my point of view. When my daughter turns 17, I'd like to think she'll have earned the same level of trust and respect to be given the same gift.
The line about defining the pecking order at college... it wasn't that long ago that I was at college and honestly most people were impressed if you had your own car. Give a fk what the car actually was.
Actually, now I think about it that was 10 years ago.
Agree there in the mid 90's you were lucky if your parents could afford to buy you a car never mind sulking what it was.t and the interest in cars it spawned off the back of it is the basis of my working career. Clearly that isn't going to be true for everyone, but buying your kid a car is the ultimate expression of trust as a parent from my point of view. When my daughter turns 17, I'd like to think she'll have earned the same level of trust and respect to be given the same gift.
The line about defining the pecking order at college... it wasn't that long ago that I was at college and honestly most people were impressed if you had your own car. Give a f
k what the car actually was.Actually, now I think about it that was 10 years ago.
I knew a few people who owned a car at 17. I had to borrow the old mans but I remember the Friday night I 1st went out alone in the car, it didn't matter what it was or what it looked like it was the fact I had freedom to drive.
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