Getting a lift off a bad driver
Discussion
My sister-in-law's boyfriend made the mistake of criticising my mother-in-law's driving skills.
On Christmas Day, on the way to visit family (hers) and then proceeded to apparently ruin the rest of Christmas Day by upsetting my MiL further and further throughout the day, but saying how much he thought he should do the driving on the way home that same day. Properly ruined Christmas for SiL, MiL, Brother-in-law and his family too. Luckily the wife and I were at my parent's for Christmas.
It got even worse becasue on Boxing Day we were all due to be going down to visit more of my wife's family in Devon and said boyfriend was coming too, but refused to go any further than necessary in the car with the MiL and so for some reason, being the nice guy that I am (and, actually, since it was still 3 months before my wedding, the need to make a good impression was strong), I had to pick him up from Popham Services at the top of the A303 and drive all the way to Devon from there.
I don't know what his problem with my driving was, but I did Popham to Newton Abbot in around 2 hours... good going at 8am on a BH I reckon.
Now, I haven't had much cause to be in the car with the MiL very often in the past, but I haven't ever had any problem with it... she drives well enough for someone who just uses the car to go places, doesn't speed, doesn't brake sharply, tends to stick to L1 or L2 when going past trucks etc.
His saying something properly ruined that experience for everyone and indeed his experience of meeting most of the sister in law's family for the first time.
He is also now the ex-boyfriend. So the upshot for one of you lot I guess is that my sister-in-law is single.
To the OP - only say something if its actually dangerous. If its just uncomfortable, then ask for a rest break, go and have a stiff drink and hope it helps you to nod off if you can.
On Christmas Day, on the way to visit family (hers) and then proceeded to apparently ruin the rest of Christmas Day by upsetting my MiL further and further throughout the day, but saying how much he thought he should do the driving on the way home that same day. Properly ruined Christmas for SiL, MiL, Brother-in-law and his family too. Luckily the wife and I were at my parent's for Christmas.
It got even worse becasue on Boxing Day we were all due to be going down to visit more of my wife's family in Devon and said boyfriend was coming too, but refused to go any further than necessary in the car with the MiL and so for some reason, being the nice guy that I am (and, actually, since it was still 3 months before my wedding, the need to make a good impression was strong), I had to pick him up from Popham Services at the top of the A303 and drive all the way to Devon from there.
I don't know what his problem with my driving was, but I did Popham to Newton Abbot in around 2 hours... good going at 8am on a BH I reckon.
Now, I haven't had much cause to be in the car with the MiL very often in the past, but I haven't ever had any problem with it... she drives well enough for someone who just uses the car to go places, doesn't speed, doesn't brake sharply, tends to stick to L1 or L2 when going past trucks etc.
His saying something properly ruined that experience for everyone and indeed his experience of meeting most of the sister in law's family for the first time.
He is also now the ex-boyfriend. So the upshot for one of you lot I guess is that my sister-in-law is single.
To the OP - only say something if its actually dangerous. If its just uncomfortable, then ask for a rest break, go and have a stiff drink and hope it helps you to nod off if you can.
Two different friends, two different opinions.
I have a friend who is a self-confessed "bad driver". What this means in her case is that she doesn't actually like driving, she is a perfectly acceptable driver who does not speed, is possibly a little too cautious and is constantly worried that she holds people up but because driving is not an activity she enjoys she knows that she does not put a huge amount of effort into it.
I regularly passenger in her car and tell her that she is not a bad driver, she is someone i trust with my cars and yet she is still convinced she is a terrible driver.
I have another friend who is a terrible driver, no real car control, always has a newish fastish car (currently a fastish BMW), and often comes very close to a big accident before either luck or safety aids sort it out for him. He is convinced he is a good driver but actually is not. Everyone who has passengered with him comes away looking nervous and tells him how unsafe they feel, it has no effect on him and it's always because "they don't know how to drive themselves".
I would class myself as a good driver in terms of control, but i'm definitely a bad driver in terms of speeding.
A number of my regular passengers tell me that even though i go too fast they do feel comfortable with my driving because it is never jerky, doesn't seem scary and i always pay attention to the road ahead.
I think if they knew how much i find myself on autopilot thinking about utter b
ks then they would heavily revise their view on my driving.
I have a friend who is a self-confessed "bad driver". What this means in her case is that she doesn't actually like driving, she is a perfectly acceptable driver who does not speed, is possibly a little too cautious and is constantly worried that she holds people up but because driving is not an activity she enjoys she knows that she does not put a huge amount of effort into it.
I regularly passenger in her car and tell her that she is not a bad driver, she is someone i trust with my cars and yet she is still convinced she is a terrible driver.
I have another friend who is a terrible driver, no real car control, always has a newish fastish car (currently a fastish BMW), and often comes very close to a big accident before either luck or safety aids sort it out for him. He is convinced he is a good driver but actually is not. Everyone who has passengered with him comes away looking nervous and tells him how unsafe they feel, it has no effect on him and it's always because "they don't know how to drive themselves".
I would class myself as a good driver in terms of control, but i'm definitely a bad driver in terms of speeding.
A number of my regular passengers tell me that even though i go too fast they do feel comfortable with my driving because it is never jerky, doesn't seem scary and i always pay attention to the road ahead.
I think if they knew how much i find myself on autopilot thinking about utter b
ks then they would heavily revise their view on my driving. CS Garth said:
All very interesting round the fireside this is an emergency and our OP is looking for quickly deployable, real world advice that will effectively deal with this issue. Viz my earlier post. There is scarcely a real world scenario out there where threats and immediate incontinent defecation won't yield the desired outcome
You are right your post is infinitely more useful.
How could I not see the urgency and his need to be told to defecate to solve the issue.
Maybe a link to incontinence wear might have helped him more.
My GF has a habit of rapidly approaching or even accelerating towards the back of a stopped line of cars before sharply applying the brakes. To say it's unnerving is an understatement. I'm sure her car has a dent mark in the floor where I've stomped on the 'brakes'. Not a bad driver, just that bad habit.
I'd say/do something only if I though a proper serious accident was imminent and that would be to ask to pull over so I could get out.
I've been tempted a few times but it's one of those situations where you don't want to be one of "those" people, the passengers who've decided to pass light criticism of my driving are generally the least well appointed to make such comments. And other peoples driving always seems worse than your own - it's easy to find yourself observing things slightly before the driver when you're focussed one way only as your field of attention is one of half a dozen or more inputs the driver is managing.
I've been tempted a few times but it's one of those situations where you don't want to be one of "those" people, the passengers who've decided to pass light criticism of my driving are generally the least well appointed to make such comments. And other peoples driving always seems worse than your own - it's easy to find yourself observing things slightly before the driver when you're focussed one way only as your field of attention is one of half a dozen or more inputs the driver is managing.
First date. She drove for reasons too complicated and boring to bother explaining. I really wished she hadn't.
It was only a 20 minute drive but the total lack of awareness, smoothness or anything resembling competency behind the wheel had my teeth itching and me biting my tongue like crazy. "First date I can't say anything" was my mantra as I tried to smile and make conversation through clenched teeth...
It was on the journey back, after about five minutes travelling six inches off the back of an artic in heavy rain, utterly blind in the spray and with absolutely no intention of overtaking that I snapped!!
There wasn't a second date.
It was only a 20 minute drive but the total lack of awareness, smoothness or anything resembling competency behind the wheel had my teeth itching and me biting my tongue like crazy. "First date I can't say anything" was my mantra as I tried to smile and make conversation through clenched teeth...
It was on the journey back, after about five minutes travelling six inches off the back of an artic in heavy rain, utterly blind in the spray and with absolutely no intention of overtaking that I snapped!!
There wasn't a second date.
My girlfriend and youngest sister are both fairly poor drivers. They speed where it is inappropriate to do so, tailgate, fail to anticipate what I consider to be the obvious/inevitable. My girlfriend gets away with it because her car is very good so I tend to just phantom brake and only very occasionally point out the glaringly obvious hazard she isn't responding to, it usually results in an argument so no I'd say not worth saying anything unless it's life threatening.
On the other hand a friend is just fking awful behind the wheel. He very kindly gave a few of us a lift one day but we all ended up commenting on just how dangerous his driving was. His girlfriend mocks him too. As a consequence he actually tones it down when anyone else is in the car now. In this case it kinda worked seemingly without any hard feeling.
On the other hand a friend is just f
king awful behind the wheel. He very kindly gave a few of us a lift one day but we all ended up commenting on just how dangerous his driving was. His girlfriend mocks him too. As a consequence he actually tones it down when anyone else is in the car now. In this case it kinda worked seemingly without any hard feeling.laters said:
CS Garth said:
All very interesting round the fireside this is an emergency and our OP is looking for quickly deployable, real world advice that will effectively deal with this issue. Viz my earlier post. There is scarcely a real world scenario out there where threats and immediate incontinent defecation won't yield the desired outcome
You are right your post is infinitely more useful.How could I not see the urgency and his need to be told to defecate to solve the issue.
Maybe a link to incontinence wear might have helped him more.
miniman said:
My old boss. Foot to the floor in his horrible A7, as close as possible to the person in front, steering with his knees whilst wrestling with an iPhone and a large latte. Full throttle or full brakes and nothing in between. Ugh.
Hahaha.I don't know why some people have a problem with stereotypes, as I always believe that they are a useful insight into the world we live in ..... especially in motoring terms.
Just my the condition, age, and type of car that you might have in front or behind, will typically be a good reflection on what they might do next.
Whether that be the A7 driver mentioned above, a fish badged immaculate Rover 100 on a Sunday afternoon, or anything else.
I used to live in Germany with my (now ex) girlfriend. She generally had good car control, although a few annoying driving habits like depressing the clutch around corners and such.
However, every time we went on the Autobahn there would be at least one near death experience. It usually involved her driving at 140km/h+ too close to the car in front, and then failing to notice the concertina of brakelights coming towards us. She would just keep her foot absolutely planted on the accelerator. On several occasions I had to shout 'Brake brake brake!' and then hold on tight as she emergency braked and narrowly avoided ploughing into the back of the queue.
However, every time we went on the Autobahn there would be at least one near death experience. It usually involved her driving at 140km/h+ too close to the car in front, and then failing to notice the concertina of brakelights coming towards us. She would just keep her foot absolutely planted on the accelerator. On several occasions I had to shout 'Brake brake brake!' and then hold on tight as she emergency braked and narrowly avoided ploughing into the back of the queue.
My mum and I never used to get along in the car, she is a horrific driver. Drives way too fast for her capability and has no precision on any of the controls or during slow maneuvers. As a result she has either crashed every car she has ever owned or when they have been replaced they have needed a serious revision to get rid of the dents and scrapes on every panel and wheel. I remember a distinct moment in my life when she finally silently admitted she was a st driver and handed me the keys. We were on holiday and she just couldn't deal with a car she had never driven before (rental) and left hand drive, and busy traffic. Since that moment no issues.
I know a bunch of people who are bad drivers but not necessarily because they drive too fast. Mainly, it is the fact that they just don't understand how the machine works that pisses me off. Things like putting the car in neutral going downhill(!) as if the gears are only for going forward. Or wondering why the brakes stink and start fading when they're driving down a mountain without using the engine braking.
I am not saying that I am perfect (I have been caught speeding etc) but I at least have a basic understanding of how the thing works which I think makes it more enjoyable to be in the car as a passenger, and to use it as a driver.
t driver and handed me the keys. We were on holiday and she just couldn't deal with a car she had never driven before (rental) and left hand drive, and busy traffic. Since that moment no issues.I know a bunch of people who are bad drivers but not necessarily because they drive too fast. Mainly, it is the fact that they just don't understand how the machine works that pisses me off. Things like putting the car in neutral going downhill(!) as if the gears are only for going forward. Or wondering why the brakes stink and start fading when they're driving down a mountain without using the engine braking.
I am not saying that I am perfect (I have been caught speeding etc) but I at least have a basic understanding of how the thing works which I think makes it more enjoyable to be in the car as a passenger, and to use it as a driver.
herewego said:
I suspect quite a few people's driving confidence and therefore driving quality takes a hit when they have someone with them who lets it be known either by words or attitude that they think they are the world's best driver.
I think this is spot on. I know people have issues even when I'm following them in the car behind (at a safe distance etc. etc.) and mates who are excellent drivers feel the heat when I am in their passenger seat (so they say..) even though I genuinely am not sitting analysing it all, they feel that I am and that adds unfair pressure and they start making more "mistakes" than normal. So they say.Nowadays I mainly drive and only accept lifts from reasonable (and above..) drivers. Luckily my dad and my sister are excellent behind the wheel and my wife is reasonable too. All we (wife and I) had to discuss is that the accelerator is her friend and you don't need to drive along jabbing it off and on, instead a steady state is much more relaxing for everyone. Advice taken on board and progress goes on.
One last thing is that due to being my own driver (and most others around me when we share a car..) I don't spend much time in the passenger seat. As such, when the first passenger moment is pulling through the barriers at the n.ring, it takes a few bends till I relax even with a great driver.
All good fun.
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