Tips to make my car look newer

[w1bbles]

Matt UK said:

On the motorway place a brick on the accelerator - bingo, you have cruise control.

That's a plan. It used to have cruise control but if you press the '-' bit of the button all the warning lights come on and to fix it I have to pull over, switch off, wait 10 mins and start again. On the other hand if I press '+' all is good. A defence against speeding on the m/way? Trouble is (see earlier post) it tops out at 80 so limited scope here.

[W00DY]

Utilise large quantities of white vinyl and black electrical tape to turn your car into a "test mule" for the 2022 Discovery 7.

Any issues/broken components now become a "work in progress" and are due to some extreme weather testing in the Sahara.

[w1bbles]

I think this thread is a gentle reminder that I need a new car!

[Muddle238]

Hide a digital alarm clock in the drivers footwell to simulate parking sensors.

[ambuletz]

Paint your car white
Get LED daytime running lights.
Get aerodynamic, thin, low profile tires.

All the above will make it look like some eco hybrid/save the planet-type car.

[funkyrobot]

Drive like a .

Then everyone will think it's a new Audi.

[donkmeister]

Fit a dummy exhaust pipe with a fan in it so that your emissions (if tested) are fresh air.
Then, stuff your real exhaust pipe with asbestos fibres, anthrax spores, fill the fuel tank with uranium-enriched leaded diesel so your emissions are similarly polluting to a more modern VAG.
Hey presto, your very own dieselgate.
For bonus points, whinge to everybody that you want compensation for knowingly buying a cancer-belching turd.

[stupidbutkeen]

buy a few sport badges and place one on the boot and one on each wing, hay presto you have a instant upgrade to a newer model.

[routari]

Wear ear plugs and inject your hands with local anaesthetic for that authentic modern car feel!

[mcford]

When entering a tunnel, switch you dipped headlamps on and switch them off a few seconds after leaving the tunnel.

[98elise]

Add weight...lots of weight.

Over inflate the tyres so that the steering feels light and uncommunicative.

Next time you get the tyres changed, but the lowest profile/unsuitable for off road tyres you can find.

[Rickyy]

Turn your headlights on every time you go under a line of trees = auto headlights.

Pay someone to hide in the car to raise and lower the windows when you lock and unlock the car = global closing.

Stick some of those cheap under cabinet lights to the bottom of the doors = puddle lights.

Always park on a hill. Release the handbrake and don't start the engine = hybrid.

[Hugh Jarse]

Glue skirting board offcut on roof for network recepton

[vikingaero]

93DW said:

When reversing into a space stare at the sat nav screen to give the illusion you have a reverse camera

Also get a friend to steer the steering wheel as you reverse - et voila! Instant self park!

[B.J.W]

Tips to make my car look newer.

Number 327

Create a faux PCP agreement on your computer which shows a deceptively cheap monthly payment and a balloon which leaves you in £15,000 of negative equity. Print if off and show your friends. They will automatically think you drive a new Mercedes.

Number 328

Start a thread on Piston Heads about PCP and tell everyone about it.

[Westcoast NW]

Drive exactly 50 miles with a flat tyre without a care in the world, you have run flats, remember your car is far to modern to have a spare wheel, even though there's plenty of room for one.

[bomma220]

On a chilly night, place several lit pillar candles in the footwells for that 'app controlled auxiliary heating' experience.

[vikingaero]

Cut a rectangular panel off the roof and glue in a smoked perspex sheet for the latest panoramic sunroof.

[bigandclever]

Paint it white and nail an ipad to the top of the dashboard.

[Monkeylegend]

Run a for sale sign oft tinternet, and stick one in each window something like,

2015 FFRR Discovery Evoque Overfinch 5.0 V8 Twin Turbo
Private Plate Included
One careful lady owner
Full leather interior, wrapped but can be removed
Fully loaded,
Delivery miles only miles with full Main Dealer service history
ABS, ESP, TC,Lane Deviation Warning, Distronic,Airmatic ABC, SBC, EFG, Bluetooth, passive/aggressive accident avoidance operating system* blah blah blah, heated this, heated that, 2/4 wheel drive, automatic tiptronic 10 speed DSG box

£59995 Finance options available, cash buyers, must own own house Part Ex possible

• Steering wheel