Tips to make my car look newer

[dazwalsh]

When going through tunnels turn your lights on as you enter, and off again exactly 10 seconds after exiting the tunnel = auto lights!

[dxg]

Record yourself making broom-broom noises and play it back through the stereo for that augmented engine noise effect...

[donkmeister]

I don't think anyone at all has suggested this in the last 4 pages but...

Why not turn on your lights as you enter tunnels and switch them off as you leave?

[vikingaero]

Embed a large vibrator under the drivers seat and press it on and off when you cross road markings.

[ess]

Employ Mrs Beckham to help choose car seat covers from your local Halfords once the bolsters have worn out.

[Tony 1234]

donkmeister said:

I don't think anyone at all has suggested this in the last 4 pages but...

Why not turn on your lights as you enter tunnels and switch them off as you leave?

[ess]

Also, leave empty boxes of Ibuprofen on the dashboard to indicate you ticked the sports suspension option.

[ajprice]

As well as the shoe polish tin gearknob, remove the handbrake lever and put a button next to your shoe polish tin with a P written on it in tippex. Instant electronic handbrake, and you now have room for more cup holders. Ideally, put a red LED inside the button that turns on and off when you press it.

Edited by ajprice on Sunday 14th August 10:29

[anonymous-user]

Just get an Audi A4 on finance. Make sure it is the higher bhp diesel and that it is s line and Quattro

Use it to park on the drive to make people think you are rich, wash it a lot and drive it to any place that you frequent where 'image' matters

Keep the disco for practical motoring

[W00DY]

If you need to be filmed in the car, flick your lights on and off quickly so that when watching back you appear to have fancy LED lights.

[Jader1973]

Paint any chrome exterior trim and all, or parts, of the wheels black.

Then stick a "black edition" badge on it.

[p4cks]

routari said:

Wear ear plugs and inject your hands with local anaesthetic for that authentic modern car feel!

Best one yet!

[jonah35]

Theres no need. According to ph you should just put a smelly old labrador in the back and some old shotgun cartridges and pretend youre 'old money' whilst scoffing at the peasants in their new cars.

Buy your wife an old subaru legacy and pretend she is also old money and drive around in jodhpurs at all times

[gmaz]

DRL's have been mentioned already, but make sure you fit them so they look like angry eyebrows over your headlights or are in some odd geometric shape.

[dxg]

Each day, pull a random fuse out the fusebox to make it as reliable as a modern Volkswagen. Then, when you're stuck at the roadside, it will look newer.

[mike9009]

Try this new reversing camera kit...




Your wife can operate the camera from the boot whilst not operating the auto boot open.

No need to thank me...

Mike

[V8Matthew]

Stick a decal of an engine on your instrument panel and drive along the hard shoulder at 20mph for that authentic 'limp home' experience...

[colin_p]

Go to McDonalds, nick some of their trays, 10 should be enough, then glue them to each side of the car and it is a cactus.

[Matt UK]

mike9009 said:

Try this new reversing camera kit...




Your wife can operate the camera from the boot whilst not operating the auto boot open.

No need to thank me...

Mike

[rodericb]

Finf a round disc of around 25mm, carefully write 'start/stop' on it and place it somewhere prominently on the dash, to the left of the steering wheel. While your right hand secretly turns the key to start the engine, you look purposely at your new start button and press it with your left forefinger.

When pulling out of side streets into busy main roads, hesitate for half a second and move off slowly, imitating one of those drive-by-wire turbo Audis which like to put you in mortal danger, all in the name of conserving a thimble worth of fuel over a whole tanks worth.