How to deal with 17 year old driving dangerously?
Discussion
Our 17 year old passed his driving test a couple of weeks ago and last night, my wife suggested we should have a look through the recordings on the dashcam in his car. What we saw was pretty bad. In the last couple of hours of driving, he has been driving at over 50 mph in 30 mph zones, including our own village, over 40 mph in town at every opportunity, over 85 mph in 60 mph zones where it isn't appropriate to drive at that speed, ditto for driving at over 75 mph in narrow country lanes where doing 60 mph is dangerous, 75 mph in 50 mph limit accident black spot with several recent deaths, over 30 mph inside school grounds where the limit is supposed to be 5 mph due to children as young as 4 running around (that includes speeding up from standing still inside the school grounds), going over many speed bumps at 30 mph rattling the car like it's not going to last much, going round bends way, way too fast, narrowly avoiding two accidents due to the other drivers having to swerve, nearly going off the road on a number of occasions (due to going took fast for the road particularly in bends), and several more things. It's the kind of driving that makes my blood boil and he is not only doing dangerous things, his control of the car is pretty terrible. If this driving had been witnessed by the police, he would've lost his licence, even if he hadn't only just passed his test.
As you can imagine, the car keys have been confiscated, at least until he completes Pass Plus, but is there anything else we can do? I not only fear for his life but the danger he's presenting to others, especially children. Can we send him on a speed awareness course voluntarily? Any other ideas?
As you can imagine, the car keys have been confiscated, at least until he completes Pass Plus, but is there anything else we can do? I not only fear for his life but the danger he's presenting to others, especially children. Can we send him on a speed awareness course voluntarily? Any other ideas?
QuickQuack said:
Our 17 year old passed his driving test a couple of weeks ago and last night, my wife suggested we should have a look through the recordings on the dashcam in his car. What we saw was pretty bad. In the last couple of hours of driving, he has been driving at over 50 mph in 30 mph zones, including our own village, over 40 mph in town at every opportunity, over 85 mph in 60 mph zones where it isn't appropriate to drive at that speed, ditto for driving at over 75 mph in narrow country lanes where doing 60 mph is dangerous, 75 mph in 50 mph limit accident black spot with several recent deaths, over 30 mph inside school grounds where the limit is supposed to be 5 mph due to children as young as 4 running around (that includes speeding up from standing still inside the school grounds), going over many speed bumps at 30 mph rattling the car like it's not going to last much, going round bends way, way too fast, narrowly avoiding two accidents due to the other drivers having to swerve, nearly going off the road on a number of occasions (due to going took fast for the road particularly in bends), and several more things. It's the kind of driving that makes my blood boil and he is not only doing dangerous things, his control of the car is pretty terrible. If this driving had been witnessed by the police, he would've lost his licence, even if he hadn't only just passed his test.
As you can imagine, the car keys have been confiscated, at least until he completes Pass Plus, but is there anything else we can do? I not only fear for his life but the danger he's presenting to others, especially children. Can we send him on a speed awareness course voluntarily? Any other ideas?
Have you sat down with him and watched the video together, discussing what you're seeing dispassionately and constructively? Or just read him the riot act?As you can imagine, the car keys have been confiscated, at least until he completes Pass Plus, but is there anything else we can do? I not only fear for his life but the danger he's presenting to others, especially children. Can we send him on a speed awareness course voluntarily? Any other ideas?
No, you can't send him on an SAC voluntarily - he would need to be nicked for that, and it sounds like he'd be lucky to get one for most of what you've seen. But I doubt an SAC would help him much, anyway.
Did he buy the car and does he pay for the insurance and any repairs using money he's actually earned himself?
Nightmare! Perhaps some sort of advanced driving tuition? I guess the only potential problem with something like that, however, is that once he's completed the course he'll likely think he's an even better driver and then slip back into his old ways, perhaps with even more confidence that nothing can go wrong.
Sounds harsh but don't give him the keys back full stop... He's only just passed his test so clearly knows speed limits, expected driving standards and hazard awareness etc meaning there's no excuses really... Driving like that knowing full well the dashcam is there is also pretty daft and makes me wonder if he is simply not sensible / mature enough to be driving yet - sounds like an accident waiting to happen.
That sounds like very poor driving and the statistics show that for someone like that a major off is very possible soon. I'd have no problem parenting my kids to protect them from their own youthful stupidity - imagine if you did nothing and they got seriously hurt.
At that age it has to be about their learning and the emphasis has to be on them to prove their behaviour. I'm amazed more parents don't insist on their kids having black boxes. A weekly review with an agreement that any driving outside agreed parameters results in a week with the keys in a locked drawer - regardless of the gig/sporting event/date/night out they 'need' the car for.
A few weeks of loss of freedom will sober up a young mind!
ETA - I forgot to mention that the evidence to date would result in a lengthy initial ban of six weeks or so for me - you've got to put a marker down and cool his heels for a bit.
A complete ban like others have mentioned will see his hormones blame everyone else so whilst he might be protected until he a) affords his own car or b) steals/borrows yours or your wifes he won't actually be learning to drive and taking responsibility.
At that age it has to be about their learning and the emphasis has to be on them to prove their behaviour. I'm amazed more parents don't insist on their kids having black boxes. A weekly review with an agreement that any driving outside agreed parameters results in a week with the keys in a locked drawer - regardless of the gig/sporting event/date/night out they 'need' the car for.
A few weeks of loss of freedom will sober up a young mind!
ETA - I forgot to mention that the evidence to date would result in a lengthy initial ban of six weeks or so for me - you've got to put a marker down and cool his heels for a bit.
A complete ban like others have mentioned will see his hormones blame everyone else so whilst he might be protected until he a) affords his own car or b) steals/borrows yours or your wifes he won't actually be learning to drive and taking responsibility.
Edited by Hitch on Monday 26th September 09:39
Edited by Hitch on Monday 26th September 09:40
Suspect you've bought him or are paying for the car OP?
Simple solution - sell it and buy him a bus pass / Oyster card. Tell him you'll all revisit his car ownership when he turns 21.
If you continue to 'enable' this behaviour - how are you going to feel if he's involved in a fatal RTA - himself or someone else? Don't risk it!
Simple solution - sell it and buy him a bus pass / Oyster card. Tell him you'll all revisit his car ownership when he turns 21.
If you continue to 'enable' this behaviour - how are you going to feel if he's involved in a fatal RTA - himself or someone else? Don't risk it!
When I was 17, I thought I was invincible. Then one day, I witnessed a mate (who was driving in front of me) get it wrong on an A-Road. He was in a collision with a truck and ended up shiny side down on the verge. By the time I ran over, he was gone, just hanging in his seat belt.
I still enjoy quick cars, and driving quickly when the conditions allow, but it installed a sense of self-preservation in me that won't ever fade.
Worth calling your local police road safety team - they have teams who are there to educate drivers, and prevent accidents like I saw from happening.
I still enjoy quick cars, and driving quickly when the conditions allow, but it installed a sense of self-preservation in me that won't ever fade.
Worth calling your local police road safety team - they have teams who are there to educate drivers, and prevent accidents like I saw from happening.
ambuletz said:
have you asked him about his behavior? what has he said out of curiosity?
This I think. If he is genuinely contrite and happy to be monitored at all times by the dash cam (or fit a black box, you don't insurance to get them I think) then perhaps let him have the keys back after the dust has settled.If he isn't then he obviously should not be driving. The questions is, can you stop him?
He's 17. Isnt this normal? Could you honestly say you didnt do the same when you where 17? Only without the watchful eye of big brother sitting on your windscreen.
If you bought the car, sell it, simply as a punishment for his own stupidity for leaving the camera running.
If it is his car, give him 6months for the novelty to wear of, statistically he probably wont off himself in this time.
If you bought the car, sell it, simply as a punishment for his own stupidity for leaving the camera running.
If it is his car, give him 6months for the novelty to wear of, statistically he probably wont off himself in this time.
Clearly he is a young man who believes is the next Lewis Hamilton. Removing the keys is good parenting. However clearly once he gets the keys again he will be off. Nothing to suggest only that in a few years i can imagine that I will be facing the issues.
The one thing i would suggest, however not sure it will solve it is actually take him to track day or go-karting so he can get the danger/speed out of his system there. I have taken my kids go-karting a few times through the years so let them understand that crashing is defo not cool.
The one thing i would suggest, however not sure it will solve it is actually take him to track day or go-karting so he can get the danger/speed out of his system there. I have taken my kids go-karting a few times through the years so let them understand that crashing is defo not cool.
What kind of car are we talking here?
If the young lad got bought a new shiny car, im sure he feels entirely invincible in it, and it has the poke to reach dangerous speeds.
Take the car away, give him a 30 year old clunker with a full 30 horsepower, and show him some pics of what happens to those tin-cans in an accident.
If the young lad got bought a new shiny car, im sure he feels entirely invincible in it, and it has the poke to reach dangerous speeds.
Take the car away, give him a 30 year old clunker with a full 30 horsepower, and show him some pics of what happens to those tin-cans in an accident.
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