How to deal with 17 year old driving dangerously?

How to deal with 17 year old driving dangerously?

Author
Discussion

SystemParanoia

14,343 posts

197 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
make him pay for the pass plus!

QuickQuack

Original Poster:

2,144 posts

100 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
He's going to be emptying the dishwasher at £1 a time for the next few years to pay for a lot of this...

xjay1337

15,966 posts

117 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
TwyRob said:
I am really glad that he did. It's been a while since I read the 10 pence short threads and there is nothing wrong with a sobering reminder from time to time.

There is no need to shout, if you don't want to read it just scroll past.
Was reading the post in this thread where it was originally posted not enough? Or do you want to scroll past 40 paragraphs of text eleventyseventyeight times?


That is common forum etiquette and has been for the last 15 years. Do not fking quote huge posts especially when

A) they were posted only a few posts ago
B) you actually add very little other than to say you agree or whatever
C) it takes an age to scroll past them.
D) for phone users its very annoying ss it takes an age to scroll past.

4x4Tyke

6,506 posts

131 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
The other thread Major car accident - what happens next?

said:
My brother and his wife were killed but their three year old son survived.

xjay1337

15,966 posts

117 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
QuickQuack said:
.


Does that sound reasonable in trying to balance punishment/education/stop him killing himself or others?
Very fair and reasonable I think.
Hope it works :-)

Monkeylegend

26,226 posts

230 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
ModernAndy said:
On a serious note, I would really look into having somebody from the emergency services talk to him if at all possible.
Coming to an accident involving him someday soon.

jhonn

1,556 posts

148 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
QuickQuack said:
Does that sound reasonable in trying to balance punishment/education/stop him killing himself or others?
It does; consider sitting down with him and going through it line by line, explaining that this is the minimum that needs to be done for you/Mum to regain confidence in his ability to not hurt himself or others.

His reaction will be a good gauge of how successful this approach is likely to be - if he's angry, dismissive or resentful then take a step back and tell him the car is completely out of bounds/gone until his attitude improves.

You could also explain to him that his attitude is jeopardising his whole future - why should you support him through uni, etc?

Medium and long-term you need to try and get him to take some level of financial responsibility for his future - get a part-time job, contribute in some way; he's an adult now, not a child - he'll end up being a better man for it.

Do let us know how it goes.

gregs656

10,818 posts

180 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
QuickQuack said:
Does that sound reasonable in trying to balance punishment/education/stop him killing himself or others?
I think so.

Pass Plus has come a long way since I got my licence.

QuickQuack

Original Poster:

2,144 posts

100 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
Monkeylegend said:
ModernAndy said:
On a serious note, I would really look into having somebody from the emergency services talk to him if at all possible.
Coming to an accident involving him someday soon.
With having had his keys taken off him, hopefully not!

The emergency services is precisely where Reg Local will be coming in. As his parents, our experiences obviously count for nothing but hopefully RL's will.

DonkeyApple

54,923 posts

168 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
QuickQuack said:
Thank you very much indeed again everyone. All advice is gladly received. As I'm sure you can all understand in my previous posts, the worst aspect is the driving in the school and the built up areas with the consequent danger to small children and others.

He is a bit of a wayward 17 year old (almost 18 now...) regarding his attitude to several things unfortunately, but I do hope we can straighten him out. He's currently doing his A-Levels and hoping to study PPE at university, likely to convert to law afterwards, so he does have a target; he's just a bit lazy about actually getting there.

The plan so far is:

1) Keys are back with us, he drives only with us in the car for now. That's at least until he completes Pass Plus but subject to review. In the meantime, he goes back to school drop offs and pick ups with the younger ones; luckily they're all at the same school. He has to go back to lifts from us for everything else but only when convenient for us. If he misses out on meeting up with friends, bad luck.
2) Pass Plus is booked.
3) He will be doing some online safe driving modules which I can access for free for family via work.
4) He will spend time with Reg Local from PH (see above, ex-traffic officer, knows how to handle similar kids!). Hopefully spending time with an indepedent person, and an ex-traffic officer who knows about these things at that, will help with his attitude.
5) Regular scheduled reviews of the footage from his car once he's allowed to drive on his own again.
6) Going over to black box insurance from January onwards and if he loses his insurance as a result of his driving, he's on his own. He will not be bailed out anymore, this is his last chance.
7) He'll be asked to read as many of 10PS's posts as I can find.


Does that sound reasonable in trying to balance punishment/education/stop him killing himself or others?
Seems incredibly sensible and much more than many parents would seemingly do for their kids and other road users.

Hopefully, you'll see a shift from juvenile denial to a more contrite attitude.

£1/dishwasher empty should string out the process for some time. biggrin

Peanut Gallery

2,418 posts

109 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
In continuation of the calls for a track day / skid pan day stuff.

A while ago I did a track day at Knockhill up in Scotland, what got me thinking then, and I still think about it to this day, was during one of the sighting laps, done as a passenger in a larger 4 seater, was the way that the instructor missed one apex, this was enough to get the car properly out of shape 2 corners later.

(yes, it was an intentional miss of apex, so he knew where he was putting the sideways car, but the speed at which everything went out of control was fast!)

csampo

236 posts

194 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
QuickQuack said:
The plan so far is:

1) Keys are back with us, he drives only with us in the car for now. That's at least until he completes Pass Plus but subject to review. In the meantime, he goes back to school drop offs and pick ups with the younger ones; luckily they're all at the same school. He has to go back to lifts from us for everything else but only when convenient for us. If he misses out on meeting up with friends, bad luck.
2) Pass Plus is booked.
3) He will be doing some online safe driving modules which I can access for free for family via work.
4) He will spend time with Reg Local from PH (see above, ex-traffic officer, knows how to handle similar kids!). Hopefully spending time with an indepedent person, and an ex-traffic officer who knows about these things at that, will help with his attitude.
5) Regular scheduled reviews of the footage from his car once he's allowed to drive on his own again.
6) Going over to black box insurance from January onwards and if he loses his insurance as a result of his driving, he's on his own. He will not be bailed out anymore, this is his last chance.
7) He'll be asked to read as many of 10PS's posts as I can find.
The above reads pretty well; stick to it. From his perspective there is a lot of 'punishment' in this list as well there needs to be. I would consider adding a small carrot into the mix, perhaps an offer of some track day tuition in a years time, conditional on him fulfilling the commitments required by your list above. After Pass Plus, time with Reg Local, and evidence of 12 months considered driving, he may have matured to the point of being in a position to benefit from it. I guess it depends on the lad's character; something no-one on this thread other than yourself will be able to judge.

philmots

4,630 posts

259 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
It has already been suggested but I think the local plod bit is one of the better ideas.

I grew up in a fairly rural area, everyone loved cars, everyone knew everyone and most young lads (me included) drove like bellends. About 2 weeks after passing I stuffed a car into a ditch but managed to get it out without damage, it didn't slow me down. 4 weeks after that i stuffed the same car into a stone bridge, understeered in the wet/greasy conditions but my fault. I had to pay for that out of my savings (was about £450 15 years ago!)

None of it slowed me down, until one time I came out of a road end in the village flat out when local copper (he was also a family friend and a mates dad) was just up the road, he waved me down and gave me the bking of a lifetime, said about all the accidents he attends etc and didn't want to be the one to break bad news to my family etc.

It hit the spot anyway and slowed me down, and touch wood I've been safe since, even though I'll still hoon when conditions suit.

Good luck OP, I hope the local cops are accommodating.

Fats25

6,260 posts

228 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
Another 17 year old wally here. Or at least I was quite a few years ago. As others have said no dashcams in those days, and parents had no proof as to what an idiot I was, other than when their friends saw me driving like a tt, and told them. There was a visit from the police who had seen us practicing handbrake turns in a gravel car park on CCTV, and called round to ask some questions (by this time was my own car). Of course I denied it. They refused use of my mums car, so I made some money and bought my own car.

Continued to drive like a wally at 18. Still lived at home though, so they could still tell me as per rules of house. So I moved out and lived with a girlfriend - and never went back. The long and the short of it is a 17/18 year old will always think they are extremely smart and know best. Even as an obnoxious little st (me - not the OP son) I still had respect for my parents in their house - but once I moved out and was financially fending for myself - not a lot they can do. OP has one advantage here, sounds like his kid doesn't have the get up and go to stand on his own two feet yet.

I'm a decent enough person now - admittedly had more speeding tickets in past 24 months, than I had in previous 21 years driving - and I'm still alive, and miraculously never had an accident. That being said I lost a few mates in cars between age 17 and 23. Fortunately I was never there to witness any of the accidents, but I remember the funerals well. It made me slow down for a bit - but if I'm honest - it was soon forgotten and back to old ways.

I then got caught 8 years ago at silly speeds on a motorbike, and to mitigate my potential ban/prison time etc, I was advised by someone on here to go and do an IAM course. I didn't want to, but it made sense. This was a bike IAM rather than car. Did it slow me down? Not really - but did it make me a better driver - absolutely. It made me make better decisions on where to be a tt, and where to behave.

I don't know the PassPlus scheme - but I would recommend the IAM.

Either way OP - I think your plan above is a very sensible and fair one. I just hope he sees it that way - as if you find out the cars have moved - then you are suddenly into the next phase of issues.

Daston

6,074 posts

202 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
Good to see your doing the sensible thing and tackling it OP.

I wasn't able to get a car until I got a job, my parents helped me out with lessons whilst I was at college but it was a 50/50 split with the agreement that they would buy me my wheels. This way I couldn't actually afford to run the thing until I had full time employment.

The fact that I needed the car for work helped a lot in regards to how I drove, sure I did some B road hooning but as it was a 1.3 mini it wasn't very quick and I knew bad times were afoot if I stacked it.

In contrast all my mates who had cars at college drove like utter plumbs I think I only accepted 1 lift from them before deciding to take the bus, sure enough by the end of the term 4 of them had written their cars off.

Squirrelofwoe

3,181 posts

175 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
xjay1337 said:
TwyRob said:
I am really glad that he did. It's been a while since I read the 10 pence short threads and there is nothing wrong with a sobering reminder from time to time.

There is no need to shout, if you don't want to read it just scroll past.
Was reading the post in this thread where it was originally posted not enough? Or do you want to scroll past 40 paragraphs of text eleventyseventyeight times?


That is common forum etiquette and has been for the last 15 years. Do not fking quote huge posts especially when

A) they were posted only a few posts ago
B) you actually add very little other than to say you agree or whatever
C) it takes an age to scroll past them.
D) for phone users its very annoying ss it takes an age to scroll past.
Whilst I do totally agree on the not quoting huge blocks of text like that, in this instance it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'd imagine there are many people who would see the link to the original thread but not actually follow the link and read it. Likewise someone might read Rob's quote several pages down the line but if he'd have put 'snip' rather than quoting the actual content, all they would see are his comments- how many would actually search back through several pages to find what it was he was referring to?

Obviously for 99% of thread posts this is irrelevant, but I personally believe the more people on here that get to read those extracts from 10p's original thread, the better. So I can happily put up with some extra scrolling in this thread if it means a few more people end up reading them. smile

johnfm

13,668 posts

249 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
QuickQuack said:
He is a bit of a wayward 17 year old (almost 18 now...) regarding his attitude to several things unfortunately, but I do hope we can straighten him out. He's currently doing his A-Levels and hoping to study PPE at university, likely to convert to law afterwards, so he does have a target; he's just a bit lazy about actually getting there.
How are his A-levels? Unless he is very bright, if he is lazy good luck getting into a decent uni that does PPE.

liner33

10,642 posts

201 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
QuickQuack said:
Thank you very much indeed again everyone. All advice is gladly received. As I'm sure you can all understand in my previous posts, the worst aspect is the driving in the school and the built up areas with the consequent danger to small children and others.

He is a bit of a wayward 17 year old (almost 18 now...) regarding his attitude to several things unfortunately, but I do hope we can straighten him out. He's currently doing his A-Levels and hoping to study PPE at university, likely to convert to law afterwards, so he does have a target; he's just a bit lazy about actually getting there.

The plan so far is:

1) Keys are back with us, he drives only with us in the car for now. That's at least until he completes Pass Plus but subject to review. In the meantime, he goes back to school drop offs and pick ups with the younger ones; luckily they're all at the same school. He has to go back to lifts from us for everything else but only when convenient for us. If he misses out on meeting up with friends, bad luck.
2) Pass Plus is booked.
3) He will be doing some online safe driving modules which I can access for free for family via work.
4) He will spend time with Reg Local from PH (see above, ex-traffic officer, knows how to handle similar kids!). Hopefully spending time with an indepedent person, and an ex-traffic officer who knows about these things at that, will help with his attitude.
5) Regular scheduled reviews of the footage from his car once he's allowed to drive on his own again.
6) Going over to black box insurance from January onwards and if he loses his insurance as a result of his driving, he's on his own. He will not be bailed out anymore, this is his last chance.
7) He'll be asked to read as many of 10PS's posts as I can find.


Does that sound reasonable in trying to balance punishment/education/stop him killing himself or others?
As said very sensible approach and best of luck. I had a discussion about this with my 16 yr old who is soon to be 17 which was interesting

I have told him he will have a black box fitted, (He may not have one but i will tell him he does wink) , and I will be fitting a dashcam also

zarjaz1991

3,471 posts

122 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
I'm not sure if a 17 year old will be fooled by a 'fake' black box you know. He might well act like he's fooled but I can almost guarantee he will suss it out.

It's a bit like all the well-meaning parents who *think* they've blocked their teenage son's access to internet pr0n....

You're just going to start a battle of wits and deviousness going down that road. And the trouble is, with technology, the kids will usually win.

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Wednesday 28th September 2016
quotequote all
zarjaz1991 said:
I'm not sure if a 17 year old will be fooled by a 'fake' black box you know. He might well act like he's fooled but I can almost guarantee he will suss it out.

It's a bit like all the well-meaning parents who *think* they've blocked their teenage son's access to internet pr0n....

You're just going to start a battle of wits and deviousness going down that road. And the trouble is, with technology, the kids will usually win.
B'sides, isn't half the point of a black box that he can work out for himself what his problem is?

Get him black box insurance, and make sure the app's on his phone. Damn-near instant feedback.