How to deal with 17 year old driving dangerously?
Discussion
By confiscating the keys, I assume it was yourself who paid for the car. Good call on that, I know many of my friends parents at that age would've just continued to enable him.
Sell it & buy him a bus pass/bicycle. You're better off, and he's less likely to kill himself or worse, someone else.
Sell it & buy him a bus pass/bicycle. You're better off, and he's less likely to kill himself or worse, someone else.
Dakkon said:
Riley Blue said:
FWIW, I think 17 is too young an age at which to start driving. Teenagers don't have the mental maturity to accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions. I would simply take the keys away and tell him they'll be returned when he proves he can be trusted to drive sensibly.
Really? You can die for your country at 18.... I was driving a whopping 170 bhp at 17. Not much now, back then, it was like a spaceship. I didn't drive like a prick. Ok, I would accelerate fast coming onto dual carriageways etc, but I didn't do anything like the OP's son has.
"Oh I was like that, ease off" is no excuse. All that means is that you were a prick too.
"Oh I was like that, ease off" is no excuse. All that means is that you were a prick too.
Pferdestarke said:
Invite him to a meeting at 7pm tonight. Invite close family including uncles and grand parents and tell them they just need to listen.
Go through the footage and let him explain what is wrong, and what the implications were for each action. Let him know the seriousness of the risks he presents to other road users, himself and what impact that would have on his family.
Surely that will. Dan more to him than pass plus?
many 17 year olds still think they know better than adults and have their own world out there obvliovous to ours, deep down he will believe he is fully in control, knows his limits etc. I couldn't admit to myself that any of my early prangs were due to inexperience until I was in my late 20sGo through the footage and let him explain what is wrong, and what the implications were for each action. Let him know the seriousness of the risks he presents to other road users, himself and what impact that would have on his family.
Surely that will. Dan more to him than pass plus?
Well, if he's driving like that when he knows he's being watched (one presumes he knew about the dashcam), I think the best you can do is try and educate the boy, sit down, watch the video with him...
However, from what you're describing it sounds like he is a catalogue of stupidity and I can't miraculously see him improving overnight.
I consider myself lucky in that I rode a motorbike before I drove a car - you certainly feel more vulnerable and therefore more conscious of other road users that way. Losing a family member to stupid driving probably also helps in my case.
I'm very glad as a parent you're trying to do something constructive though. What is a shame though is that most of us agree his behaviour is terrible, the police certainly would.... but the driving I see from elderly people is often equally as shocking and generally goes unpunished.
However, from what you're describing it sounds like he is a catalogue of stupidity and I can't miraculously see him improving overnight.
I consider myself lucky in that I rode a motorbike before I drove a car - you certainly feel more vulnerable and therefore more conscious of other road users that way. Losing a family member to stupid driving probably also helps in my case.
I'm very glad as a parent you're trying to do something constructive though. What is a shame though is that most of us agree his behaviour is terrible, the police certainly would.... but the driving I see from elderly people is often equally as shocking and generally goes unpunished.
I wouldn't take the keys from him just yet. What I would do is have mum or dad sitting in the passenger seat watching his driving on every trip until he can prove he is responsible enough to be trusted on his own. Hopefully you can provide a decent critique of his driving and make some best practices habit.
He's probably in the mindset that getting somewhere quicker than the average driver makes him a good driver. As the Scottish government tried to publicise with David Coulthard's help (see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5Ikafg1Sk4), good drivers take things into account to slow their speed on the sort of roads the OP has mentioned. I don't know exactly how you can change that mindset.
He's probably in the mindset that getting somewhere quicker than the average driver makes him a good driver. As the Scottish government tried to publicise with David Coulthard's help (see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5Ikafg1Sk4), good drivers take things into account to slow their speed on the sort of roads the OP has mentioned. I don't know exactly how you can change that mindset.
Basically recreate this video, but use his driving https://youtu.be/j4Av4xAV600
And perhaps take his portable telephone away from him
And perhaps take his portable telephone away from him
Dakkon said:
Riley Blue said:
FWIW, I think 17 is too young an age at which to start driving. Teenagers don't have the mental maturity to accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions. I would simply take the keys away and tell him they'll be returned when he proves he can be trusted to drive sensibly.
Really? You can die for your country at 18.... By 17 I was motor racing and that curbed my excess speed better than anything else would have.
Losing my civil driving licence would also mean losing my competition licence and that was a big incentive to behave on the roads. Competitive and supervised driving also taught car control, respect for speed and that speed is best employed when the appropriate external safety measures are in place.
It didn't stop me speeding completely but it did mean I had a better sense of when it was ill advised.
I think you have done the right thing taking away the keys OP. I think the next thing is to sit him down and explain using the footage why. Point out the times it wasn't safe, when his actions were dangerous and the consequences of his actions. Make him responsible for all repairs on the vehicle (speed humps break springs so he needs to accept his role in any suspension issues they car has, tyres cost money too) - if you don't he'll just keep abusing the car. At least if he's footing the bill he'll soon see what it costs and respect it more.
Maybe offer to take him to track days to learn car control and burn off some of the need to speed on public highways.
Its a sad fact of life that if people are given things they have less respect for it than if they had to work for it.
Thing is, the majority of us at 17 thought we were the best drivers ever, as has already been said he'll learn by experience.
OP- you can tell him off a million times, take car off him etc, it won't stop him, and it will just mean he will encourage his mates to drive fast for the thrill that most young lads chase when they start driving.
Pass plus and IAM will be far more effective than a speed awareness course.
As has already been mentioned, going through the video, highlighting hazards and explaining how he would better approach corners/junctions etc will be far more effective than "what the bloody hell do you think you're doing, 50mph in our village?", he might even then pass this experience onto his mates who he will doubtless be a passenger with, so this method will have a more dramatic effect on his safety than simply removing his right to drive!
Perhaps going for a leisurely drive, advising him on hazard and road positioning rather than moaning about speed, would also be beneficial, or having a professional do this (IAM?!)
as with all young lads, they will calm down, and as has already been said, usually after parking it in a hedge/field, you can't force him to calm down, but you can improve his awareness to hazards and highlight the risks so HE realises why he needs to be sensible!
If you've got the cash - track days or go-karting to get it out of his system and learn a bit of car control might help too!
OP- you can tell him off a million times, take car off him etc, it won't stop him, and it will just mean he will encourage his mates to drive fast for the thrill that most young lads chase when they start driving.
Pass plus and IAM will be far more effective than a speed awareness course.
As has already been mentioned, going through the video, highlighting hazards and explaining how he would better approach corners/junctions etc will be far more effective than "what the bloody hell do you think you're doing, 50mph in our village?", he might even then pass this experience onto his mates who he will doubtless be a passenger with, so this method will have a more dramatic effect on his safety than simply removing his right to drive!
Perhaps going for a leisurely drive, advising him on hazard and road positioning rather than moaning about speed, would also be beneficial, or having a professional do this (IAM?!)
as with all young lads, they will calm down, and as has already been said, usually after parking it in a hedge/field, you can't force him to calm down, but you can improve his awareness to hazards and highlight the risks so HE realises why he needs to be sensible!
If you've got the cash - track days or go-karting to get it out of his system and learn a bit of car control might help too!
Vitorio said:
Dakkon said:
Riley Blue said:
FWIW, I think 17 is too young an age at which to start driving. Teenagers don't have the mental maturity to accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions. I would simply take the keys away and tell him they'll be returned when he proves he can be trusted to drive sensibly.
Really? You can die for your country at 18.... Riley Blue said:
FWIW, I think 17 is too young an age at which to start driving. Teenagers don't have the mental maturity to accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions. I would simply take the keys away and tell him they'll be returned when he proves he can be trusted to drive sensibly.
As an old sod, I just want to say b
ks to 17 being too young to start driving, but I'm too polite :-) As a former 17 year old I was more than mature enough to drive and I was able to make the right decisions and not kill, maim or harm anyone, I did speed though, as 45mph maximum for a new driver for the 1st year on a motorway is just dangerous in my opinion, dangerous on other roads too. I see plenty of 17 year olds who have the right mental attitude to drive, but also plenty who don't, so we can't all lump them into one category and I reckon my generation got up to far worse. My mates young lad is governed by a black box for his insurance, but he has the right attitude and I reckon my nephew will be pretty sensible too, it angers me that folks of my generation and older want to curtail freedoms we experienced ourselves.
Taking the keys away is the right way forward though, imagine the police did see the footage when they had stopped him, he would have the keys taken away anyway, so all you have to say is, imagine you've been caught, you lose your license, you can't afford the insurance and you are now traveling by shanks' pony.
zarjaz1991 said:
I'm a bit old school.
Take the keys away and say nothing until he asks where they are. Then get the dashcam footage out and give him a rocket right up his arse. Tell him he gets the car back when YOU consider he's mature enough to have it. In the meantime - he walks or gets the bus (no lifts). Refuse to discuss it after that, just stay silent. He will eventually get the message.
I don't suppose you can thrash people to within an inch of their life any more, otherwise I'd suggest that too.
That will do nothing for the kid other than annoy him.Take the keys away and say nothing until he asks where they are. Then get the dashcam footage out and give him a rocket right up his arse. Tell him he gets the car back when YOU consider he's mature enough to have it. In the meantime - he walks or gets the bus (no lifts). Refuse to discuss it after that, just stay silent. He will eventually get the message.
I don't suppose you can thrash people to within an inch of their life any more, otherwise I'd suggest that too.
Edited by zarjaz1991 on Monday 26th September 10:15
You need to take a mature approach.
Confiscating keys without telling him FIRST is a pussy move.
Why have the complexity of approaching him and saying "I'm banning you from the car" when you make him come to you?!
Nothing like pro-active parenting.
PS - I'm assuming the car is OP's - If it's not and he's bought it then that is basically theft.
I would be as mature and respectful as possible. Go through some of the footage (edited to say, with JUST your son, not infront of everyone and their dog) and explain how it's dangerous, don't be sarcastic or pedantic just explain a genuine concern. Then depending on your son's reactions can dictate how you proceed. If he is apologetic and goes like "now you show me I can see that was dangerous" then let him have the keys back, TRUST HIM, and maybe review some footage in a couple of weeks.
If he starts giving excuses and what not straight away, and you bought/pay for the car then feel free to remove car rights for a couple of weeks.
if you go in with the big size 12 shoes and talk to him like a child, on it will just annoy him and make him resent you, where you want him to LISTEN so treat him like an adult.
Edited by xjay1337 on Monday 26th September 11:05
X5TUU said:
Jesus, I'm glad dash cams weren't around when I passed ... cut them some slack, people need to learn lessons for themselves good and bad
Hopefully 'learning the lesson' won't involve injury, death or innocent third parties, you know, the things that usually happen in car accidents.Honestly, what a f
king stupid attitude.Pferdestarke said:
Invite him to a meeting at 7pm tonight. Invite close family including uncles and grand parents and tell them they just need to listen.
Go through the footage and let him explain what is wrong, and what the implications were for each action. Let him know the seriousness of the risks he presents to other road users, himself and what impact that would have on his family.
Surely that will. Dan more to him than pass plus?
Flipping heck...please don't ever have kids Go through the footage and let him explain what is wrong, and what the implications were for each action. Let him know the seriousness of the risks he presents to other road users, himself and what impact that would have on his family.
Surely that will. Dan more to him than pass plus?
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