People that think they know about cars but blatantly dont!

[robsco]

I know a guy who thinks the TS in Twin Spark stands for turbo. It gave me a chuckle, but its nothing compared to some of the gems on this thread!

[interloper]

heebeegeetee said:

I was told by a Lotus Esprit owner t'other day that Lotus make their own engines, which V8 apart was news to me.

Did he mean they did make their own engines or currently make engines? Back in the late Seventies and Eighties Lotus built their own slant four twin cam engines(although the block was a close copy of a Vauxhall engine), which powered the Esprit, Eclat and Excell. Obviously they built the twin turbo V8 too.

Nowadays they borrow Toyota lumps.

[Fartgalen]

interloper said:

heebeegeetee said:

I was told by a Lotus Esprit owner t'other day that Lotus make their own engines, which V8 apart was news to me.

Did he mean they did make their own engines or currently make engines? Back in the late Seventies and Eighties Lotus built their own slant four twin cam engines(although the block was a close copy of a Vauxhall engine), which powered the Esprit, Eclat and Excell. Obviously they built the twin turbo V8 too.

Nowadays they borrow Toyota lumps.

Hmmm. Thread title bites back.

[Lemoncurd]

heebeegeetee said:

I was told by a Lotus Esprit owner t'other day that Lotus make their own engines, which V8 apart was news to me.

I may be wrong, but I also thought that 907/912 4 cylinder engines were also manufactured in Hethel?

[CraigyMc]

interloper said:

heebeegeetee said:

I was told by a Lotus Esprit owner t'other day that Lotus make their own engines, which V8 apart was news to me.

Did he mean they did make their own engines or currently make engines? Back in the late Seventies and Eighties Lotus built their own slant four twin cam engines(although the block was a close copy of a Vauxhall engine), which powered the Esprit, Eclat and Excell. Obviously they built the twin turbo V8 too.

Nowadays they borrow Toyota lumps.

The engineering side of the business actually do a lot of motor work for bigger manufacturers anyway. They are sometimes cagey about which manufacturers and which engines though. Some of the better known ones are the ecotec GM engines, and a head setup for one of the Corvettes (an older ZR I think), as well as in-house work for proton et al.

Coincidentally, Toyota oursourced the complex bits of the 2ZZ-GE (as fitted to Elise R etc) to Yamaha. Seems that the bigger companies don't like doing hard engineering much any more (Honda aside!)

C

[JR]

Fartgalen said:

interloper said:

heebeegeetee said:

I was told by a Lotus Esprit owner t'other day that Lotus make their own engines, which V8 apart was news to me.

Did he mean they did make their own engines or currently make engines? Back in the late Seventies and Eighties Lotus built their own slant four twin cam engines(although the block was a close copy of a Vauxhall engine), which powered the Esprit, Eclat and Excell. Obviously they built the twin turbo V8 too.

Nowadays they borrow Toyota lumps.

Hmmm. Thread title bites back.

Ha ha +1. Plus the old triple cam twin cam.

[4lf4-155]

couple of years back i was looking at changing my leon fr tdi and wanted an auto box but on a deisel as i did stoopid miles at the time.

asked the salesman if Seat were going to get the dsg box on the 2.0 170bhp tdi engine anytime soon as it was availalbe on the 2.0 140bhp.

the following occured

salesman: no sir it wont fit in the engine bay

me: really? why is that because you can get it on the 2.0 140?

salesman: because of the bigger turbo sir

me: the 170 has a bigger turbo?

salesman: no sir?

silence followed as we looked at each other him knowing he had been rumbled lying his ass off and me trying not to laugh!

sadly i could not keep it in and let out a laugh or two as I headed for the door

[XitUp]

A Seat dealer called you sir?

Hmmm.

[briSk]

it's odd because when i was looking around for my 'new car' 5 years ago (crikey 5 years ago!) i actually found the Seat salespeople to be the most enthusiastic and knowledgable. they were incredibly desperate-seeming too but they were good.

it didn't stop me buying a bini from a load of wkers though!

[ZesPak]

briSk said:

it's odd because when i was looking around for my 'new car' 5 years ago (crikey 5 years ago!) i actually found the Seat salespeople to be the most enthusiastic and knowledgable. they were incredibly desperate-seeming too but they were good.

it didn't stop me buying a bini from a load of wkers though!

Seat and the Alfa ones were (to me at least) the most competent and friendly. Not to be stereotypical, but to me the BMW were the least friendly, wheras mercedes were ok.

[heebeegeetee]

Fartgalen said:

interloper said:

heebeegeetee said:

I was told by a Lotus Esprit owner t'other day that Lotus make their own engines, which V8 apart was news to me.

Did he mean they did make their own engines or currently make engines? Back in the late Seventies and Eighties Lotus built their own slant four twin cam engines(although the block was a close copy of a Vauxhall engine), which powered the Esprit, Eclat and Excell. Obviously they built the twin turbo V8 too.

Nowadays they borrow Toyota lumps.

Posibly. I haven't checked, but apart from the ill-fated V8 i thought Lotus has always used engines based on somebody elses.

Hmmm. Thread title bites back.

Possibly. I haven't checked, but apart from the ill-fated V8 i thought Lotus has always used engines based on somebody else's. How much they engineered those engines to suit though, i have er, little interest.

[Scuffers]

heebeegeetee said:

Fartgalen said:

interloper said:

heebeegeetee said:

I was told by a Lotus Esprit owner t'other day that Lotus make their own engines, which V8 apart was news to me.

Did he mean they did make their own engines or currently make engines? Back in the late Seventies and Eighties Lotus built their own slant four twin cam engines(although the block was a close copy of a Vauxhall engine), which powered the Esprit, Eclat and Excell. Obviously they built the twin turbo V8 too.

Nowadays they borrow Toyota lumps.

Posibly. I haven't checked, but apart from the ill-fated V8 i thought Lotus has always used engines based on somebody elses.

Hmmm. Thread title bites back.

Possibly. I haven't checked, but apart from the ill-fated V8 i thought Lotus has always used engines based on somebody else's. How much they engineered those engines to suit though, i have er, little interest.

Wiki entry is somewhat sparse - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotus_900_series

misses out quite a lot, including the aborted 4L V8 based on the 900 series (908/909)

Edited by Scuffers on Tuesday 29th June 16:24

[JR]

heebeegeetee said:

Fartgalen said:

interloper said:

heebeegeetee said:

I was told by a Lotus Esprit owner t'other day that Lotus make their own engines, which V8 apart was news to me.

Did he mean they did make their own engines or currently make engines? Back in the late Seventies and Eighties Lotus built their own slant four twin cam engines(although the block was a close copy of a Vauxhall engine), which powered the Esprit, Eclat and Excell. Obviously they built the twin turbo V8 too.

Nowadays they borrow Toyota lumps.

Posibly. I haven't checked, but apart from the ill-fated V8 i thought Lotus has always used engines based on somebody elses.

Hmmm. Thread title bites back.

Possibly. I haven't checked, but apart from the ill-fated V8 i thought Lotus has always used engines based on somebody else's. How much they engineered those engines to suit though, i have er, little interest.

Are you sure that you want to be on a car forum? You put forward someone who knows about his car and you blatantly don't then you continue to dig yourself further in and to top it all say that you have no interest.

[Craigwww]

Talking to a friend of a friend recently about RWYB track days at knockhill, he claimed his Vauxhall Nova used to thrash everything up there (even the Cossies). Upon enquiring as to what had been done to it and expecting the common 2.0l conversion he rhymed off the usual list of bolt on parts on a standard 1.6 engine and included the phrase "dump valve".

"Dump Valve?" I replied " So its turbo charged then?"

"No"

"Do u know what a dump valve is for?"

"Yea, when my car hits about 4000rpm, the dump valve opens and dumps a load of fuel into the cylinder and when that happens it just takes off!"

I didnt even bother trying to explain. FAIL.

[Craigwww]

Just remembered another story from a few years back. I get a call from my best mate asking for help, he had a puncture and was attempting to change the wheel at the side of the road, but try as me might, could not get the hubcap off to get to the wheel nuts. I told him to use the tyre iron to prize it off and he said he had been but it still wouldnt budge.

I popped out to go meet him and lend a hand.

As i pulled up (and I swear this is true) he's got a screw driver wedged between the tyre and his now very scratched alloy wheel.

I couldnt stop laughing, walked over, popped the centre cover off the alloy and pointed to the wheel nuts.

[neiljohnson]

Craigwww said:

Just remembered another story from a few years back. I get a call from my best mate asking for help, he had a puncture and was attempting to change the wheel at the side of the road, but try as me might, could not get the hubcap off to get to the wheel nuts. I told him to use the tyre iron to prize it off and he said he had been but it still wouldnt budge.

I popped out to go meet him and lend a hand.

As i pulled up (and I swear this is true) he's got a screw driver wedged between the tyre and his now very scratched alloy wheel.

I couldnt stop laughing, walked over, popped the centre cover off the alloy and pointed to the wheel nuts.

at least he was having a go!!

[heebeegeetee]

JR said:

Are you sure that you want to be on a car forum? You put forward someone who knows about his car and you blatantly don't then you continue to dig yourself further in and to top it all say that you have no interest.

Go on then, for my info and to put me straight: was the Esprit engine a clean-sheet design, using no input from outside, and a four cylinder engine was chosen 'cos Lotus felt that was what every supercar should have? (That's me accepting that the Esprit was a supercar of it's time).

The link to the 900 series engine says "The engine was modified into the type 911, which was fully designed by Lotus". Does that mean Lotus penned the mods, or does that mean Lotus came up with a clean-sheet er, modified engine?

[Or888t]

Craigwww said:

Talking to a friend of a friend recently about RWYB track days at knockhill, he claimed his Vauxhall Nova used to thrash everything up there (even the Cossies). Upon enquiring as to what had been done to it and expecting the common 2.0l conversion he rhymed off the usual list of bolt on parts on a standard 1.6 engine and included the phrase "dump valve".

"Dump Valve?" I replied " So its turbo charged then?"

"No"

"Do u know what a dump valve is for?"

"Yea, when my car hits about 4000rpm, the dump valve opens and dumps a load of fuel into the cylinder and when that happens it just takes off!"

I didnt even bother trying to explain. FAIL.

Brillant properly laughed at that.
You find most people "that think they know about cars but blatantly dont!" have there own little abismal interpretation on what a "dump valve" is.

Edited by Or888t on Thursday 1st July 01:18

[Arese]

Worryingly, a mechanic that has recently done some work for me. Well, to be fair he's in his 70's and I think he doesn't really do any of the work, but he comes out with some crackers:

- He recently used the diagnostic tool for an Alfa Romeo Bora to find out what was wrong with a Maserati Quattroporte
- Front pads on a 997 cost £900 from a Porsche dealer, supply only
- Said brakes are 'tested in a wind tunnel'
- Brakes on new cars can't be changed by normal people as you need a computer to wind back the calipers (not sure this is complete balls)

[E55 Max]

Arese said:

- Brakes on new cars can't be changed by normal people as you need a computer to wind back the calipers (not sure this is complete balls)

That is actually true on some cars, my E55 needed to be plugged into Star to stop the calipers moving. According to the bods that know on Merc forums fingers can be lost otherwise!