Stupid things non petrolheads say....

[Tyre Tread]

Fartomatic5000 said:

Nissan qashqai owning neighbour wants a new car, likes the elevated driving position so he announced he had found the perfect car to replace his 2008 qashqai.

Him: A qashqai!
Me: Oh, the new one looks quite nice.
Him: Not a new one, a newer one. Same shape as the one I have. Ticks all the boxes.
Me: What spec is it?
Him: It's perfect it ticks all the boxes.
Me: Leather seats?
Him: I don't know.
Me: What size engine?
Him: I don't know.
Me: Automatic?
Him: I don't know. Ticks all the boxes.
Me: OK, so it's a newer car, same model as you have.
Him: Yes.


I don't get it, how can a car "Tick all the boxes." if he can't even tell me what his boxes are, or what spec the car is. He hadn't even seen the car but asked the dealer to take it off sale, he was definitely buying it.

There was only one box - Next to it said - Does it look newer than my old one so I'll feel less embarrased parking it on my drive?

[retrorider]

Tyre Tread said:

Fartomatic5000 said:

Nissan qashqai owning neighbour wants a new car, likes the elevated driving position so he announced he had found the perfect car to replace his 2008 qashqai.

Him: A qashqai!
Me: Oh, the new one looks quite nice.
Him: Not a new one, a newer one. Same shape as the one I have. Ticks all the boxes.
Me: What spec is it?
Him: It's perfect it ticks all the boxes.
Me: Leather seats?
Him: I don't know.
Me: What size engine?
Him: I don't know.
Me: Automatic?
Him: I don't know. Ticks all the boxes.
Me: OK, so it's a newer car, same model as you have.
Him: Yes.


I don't get it, how can a car "Tick all the boxes." if he can't even tell me what his boxes are, or what spec the car is. He hadn't even seen the car but asked the dealer to take it off sale, he was definitely buying it.

There was only one box - Next to it said - Does it look newer than my old one so I'll feel less embarrased parking it on my drive?

And keeping up with Mr.Jones.

[Marvib]

Gave a female work colleague a lift and she was shocked at the acceleration of my Monaro and asked what size the engine was

All good so far till I told her it was 5.7 litres, she replied "Well it's a damn sight faster than my 4 litre car".....no love, your Citroën Picasso is a 4 cylinder, not 4 litre.

[ORD]

Marvib said:

Gave a female work colleague a lift and she was shocked at the acceleration of my Monaro and asked what size the engine was

All good so far till I told her it was 5.7 litres, she replied "Well it's a damn sight faster than my 4 litre car".....no love, your Citroën Picasso is a 4 cylinder, not 4 litre.

Show off :-)

[Halmyre]

Marvib said:

Gave a female work colleague a lift and she was shocked at the acceleration of my Monaro and asked what size the engine was

Get in there!

Marvib said:

All good so far till I told her it was 5.7 litres, she replied "Well it's a damn sight faster than my 4 litre car".....no love, your Citroën Picasso is a 4 cylinder, not 4 litre.

Never mind that, did you pull?

[Marvib]

Halmyre said:

Never mind that, did you pull?

You know what, I almost didn't post this because I expected this reply

The answer is no for two reasons.

1. She been down on everything but the titanic.
2. I had SWMBO in the car also.

And no I didn't suggest a threesome, my love life so poor I get rejected for a menage a uno

[Halmyre]

Marvib said:

Halmyre said:

Never mind that, did you pull?

You know what, I almost didn't post this because I expected this reply

The answer is no for two reasons.

1. She been down on everything but the titanic.
2. I had SWMBO in the car also.

And no I didn't suggest a threesome, my love life so poor I get rejected for a menage a uno

Ah well, this is Pistonheads, not the letters page of Reader's Wives (whatever that is).

[iva cosworth]

Marvib said:

And no I didn't suggest a threesome, my love life so poor I get rejected for a menage a uno

What's wrong with sex in a Fiat ?

[Mr_B]

Someone once remarked about my BMW E30 M3 , " I love those Cosworth body kits ".

[Poopipe]

iva cosworth said:

What's wrong with sex in a Fiat ?

In my experience , the gearknob

[P I Staker]

Poopipe said:

iva cosworth said:

What's wrong with sex in a Fiat ?

In my experience , the gearknob

Sharp edges..?

[skelters]

Fartomatic5000 said:

I don't get it, how can a car "Tick all the boxes." if he can't even tell me what his boxes are, or what spec the car is. He hadn't even seen the car but asked the dealer to take it off sale, he was definitely buying it.

Perhaps, "ticks all the boxes" as that's what the salesman told him.

Probably base model, no extras and nothing better than what he has while the salesguy makes a profit / feeds his family for another week / helps meet their target for the month.

See the other sales thread for more info.

[BULLITT Rich]

How about the stupid things a supposed Petrolhead says. Like, my friend that reckons a 7 year old Impreza GB270 with 40k miles is high mileage for a such a car.

Ironic thing is, he's made it quite clear it would be a daily driver but despite owning a classic Impreza for 4 and a half years and now owning an STI Hatch, I don't know what I'm talking about. I gave up trying to help him find a Japanese performance car after that comment.

[JagXJR]

scarble said:

Damnit, I thought we were going to have an internet forum argument
Mainly guess work but I've done a little bit of quality stuff so have some vague notion of how they work these things.
On the other end of the sale, the old X-Type/Mondeo chestnut has been done to death on here buut, once upon a time I knew a guy fit Jag discs and pads to his Mondeo.. apparently they were cheaper?

Edited by scarble on Friday 8th August 15:06

This really pisses me off. my X-type does not look like, feel like or drive like a Mondeo. It has 240 bhp which AFAICR no Mondeo ever had. But because Jaguar was owned by Ford and shared 15-20% of Ford parts it is a Mondeo Clone

I usually say "Chrysler owned Lamborghini, does that make a Lamborghini a Chrysler then?" Usually shuts them up.

[havoc]

JagXJR said:

scarble said:

Damnit, I thought we were going to have an internet forum argument
Mainly guess work but I've done a little bit of quality stuff so have some vague notion of how they work these things.
On the other end of the sale, the old X-Type/Mondeo chestnut has been done to death on here buut, once upon a time I knew a guy fit Jag discs and pads to his Mondeo.. apparently they were cheaper?

This really pisses me off. my X-type does not look like, feel like or drive like a Mondeo. It has 240 bhp which AFAICR no Mondeo ever had. But because Jaguar was owned by Ford and shared 15-20% of Ford parts it is a Mondeo Clone

I usually say "Chrysler owned Lamborghini, does that make a Lamborghini a Chrysler then?" Usually shuts them up.

The X-Type 3.0 V6 was essentially the same engine as the ST-220 Mondeo, just with a different engine map and IIRC slightly different breathing. Very little difference...an extra 10/11 bhp from memory.

In Sport suspension guise though it drove very well and soaked up dodgy roads better than the competition. Bespoke suspension vs the Mondeo, plus the 4wd, helped quite a bit. That said, the ST220 punched above it's weight and was far more practical thanks to Jaguar's patented ability to make cars less-practical and heavier than they appear that they should be (F-Type I'm looking at you here!!!).


(Basic floorpan was shared with the Mondeo, as were a fair few under-the-skin components. Same as the Audi A3 vs VW Golf vs Seat Leon etc... - difference being that VAG got it right by launching the premium car first then spinning the 'lesser' brands off afterwards.)

[JagXJR]

havoc said:

JagXJR said:

scarble said:

..........shared 15-20% of Ford parts

The X-Type 3.0 V6 was essentially the same engine as the ST-220 Mondeo, just with a different engine map and IIRC slightly different breathing. Very little difference...

Err, Hello!!!

If anything it was more like a Lincoln as that was the chassis it was actually using.

Someone who worked at Jaguar told me the parts were bought in and a new engine built from them (I'm quite inclined to believe a company man than someone I have never met off the Internet). Parts like the plastic water pump propellers that broke and caused overheating. Ford are therefore probably at blame for most of the reliability issues in the earlier models. That and building the cars to a price so the drive-trains (for example) had little redundancy left over. The drive-train is very near the top of the power it can take in standard form.

About time this Urban Myth was put to bed.

ETA I believe the diesel models shared more in common with the Mondeo from what I have heard and read

Edited by JagXJR on Sunday 10th August 13:03

[hairyben]

JagXJR said:

This really pisses me off. my X-type does not look like, feel like or drive like a Mondeo. It has 240 bhp which AFAICR no Mondeo ever had. But because Jaguar was owned by Ford and shared 15-20% of Ford parts it is a Mondeo Clone

I usually say "Chrysler owned Lamborghini, does that make a Lamborghini a Chrysler then?" Usually shuts them up.

To be fair I know someone who insists his '97 voyager is the exact same as my '07 vito van (2nd gen model '03 onwards...) because merc owned chrysler. They share about as much as they do with your lambo's.

No telling some, but like havoc remarks VAG get their marketing right by launching the premium brand on the floorplan first.

[Cupramax]

JagXJR said:

This really pisses me off. my X-type does not look like, feel like or drive like a Mondeo. It has 240 bhp which AFAICR no Mondeo ever had. But because Jaguar was owned by Ford and shared 15-20% of Ford parts it is a Mondeo Clone

I usually say "Chrysler owned Lamborghini, does that make a Lamborghini a Chrysler then?" Usually shuts them up.

It really pisses me off when people insist on adding a few hp to what it dame out of the factory with, yours has 228 (230ps), where did you find the extra 12?

Do you holiday in Elevenerife?

[scarble]

2 more hp than the ST220 then and a whole lot more walnut and leather to pull around and if you go by the interview with some chap from Jag in some newspaper what I read once, they deliberately made it more wafty at the expense of front end bite, so really the Mondeo is the faster car
I would also be quick to point out that modern Lambos do share Audi engines and AWD systems and have dismal understeer for it.

[m8rky]

Fartomatic5000 said:

Nissan qashqai owning neighbour wants a new car, likes the elevated driving position so he announced he had found the perfect car to replace his 2008 qashqai.

Him: A qashqai!
Me: Oh, the new one looks quite nice.
Him: Not a new one, a newer one. Same shape as the one I have. Ticks all the boxes.
Me: Does it have indicators and mirors?
Him: What are they for?
Me: Will it help you get in the correct lane at roundabouts?
Him: I just straddle as many lanes as possible.
Me: Does it go at 45mph everywhere like most other Qashqais?
Him: I don't know.
Me: Will it help you pay attention to road conditions and other road users?
Him: I don't know. Ticks all the boxes.
Me: OK, so it's a newer car, same model as you have.
Him: Yes.

EFA.