Ex wants to stay friends - plea for advice
Discussion
Here's something rather challenging for the collective wisdom of PH. I wanted to add a vote but don't know how to. The choice is simple...
(a) Play along
(b) Bin it
OK, here's the K.I.S.S. principle version.
The ex and I knew each other as teenagers, cue 'Friends Reunited'. She came over from the US, where she lived one thing led to another. I proposed and she binned her then husband. She came to live with me.
We married in 2004 (Gretna).
My ailing Mum got in financial trouble so we sold up and moved to theWest side of the Pennines. Mum bought us a house and a flat for herself. She passed away in 2010.
Ex was/is alcohol dependent.
We got by for ten years, running Mum's flat as a holiday let and living on the proceeds.
The marriage crumbled and I began proceedings in 2014 - ex lit out in the September.
Cue 27-month divorce battle, mostly about property/money.
Outcome: I retained the house, she got the flat and there was a big settlement, which has just been paid.The house is worth double the flat.
I was instructed by the judge to sign up (for six months) to help her run the flat as a business.
Now, I've been reorganising the business and even been helping with little jobs on the premises where she's lived with her daughter since the separation.
Now, she wants to be 'friends' but I'm in two minds. There have been a lot of phone conversations and we've been to see one film together.
Here's the 'but' and it's a biggy.
After leaving, she went on the dating sites andclaims she's had 20 blokes after her.
She slept with one local bloke who turned out to be a loon - she's got rid. I got all the gory details as I helped pick up the pieces.
She now has a 'friend with benefits' who she's shagging and has two more blokes in tow, one local, one 100 miles away.
Now, call me soft, call me an idiot, call me what you like but here are the truths...
I don't now know what to do. The still has to be a connexion as per judge's rules, until March. That said, it turned out she can't now rent the flat out as holiday accommodation - it breaks the lease. She'll be letting it as a dwelling for six-month slots.
This seems to me to be a self-preservation thing. I don't hate her as such. I've no desire for 'secondhand goods' anyway.
Bottom line, what would you do ?
Thanks for reading.
(a) Play along
(b) Bin it
OK, here's the K.I.S.S. principle version.
The ex and I knew each other as teenagers, cue 'Friends Reunited'. She came over from the US, where she lived one thing led to another. I proposed and she binned her then husband. She came to live with me.
We married in 2004 (Gretna).
My ailing Mum got in financial trouble so we sold up and moved to theWest side of the Pennines. Mum bought us a house and a flat for herself. She passed away in 2010.
Ex was/is alcohol dependent.
We got by for ten years, running Mum's flat as a holiday let and living on the proceeds.
The marriage crumbled and I began proceedings in 2014 - ex lit out in the September.
Cue 27-month divorce battle, mostly about property/money.
Outcome: I retained the house, she got the flat and there was a big settlement, which has just been paid.The house is worth double the flat.
I was instructed by the judge to sign up (for six months) to help her run the flat as a business.
Now, I've been reorganising the business and even been helping with little jobs on the premises where she's lived with her daughter since the separation.
Now, she wants to be 'friends' but I'm in two minds. There have been a lot of phone conversations and we've been to see one film together.
Here's the 'but' and it's a biggy.
After leaving, she went on the dating sites andclaims she's had 20 blokes after her.
She slept with one local bloke who turned out to be a loon - she's got rid. I got all the gory details as I helped pick up the pieces.
She now has a 'friend with benefits' who she's shagging and has two more blokes in tow, one local, one 100 miles away.
Now, call me soft, call me an idiot, call me what you like but here are the truths...
- Chatting, meeting and going to her place is pleasant. The drunken abuse has stopped completely...best behaviour.
- The divorce and facing losing the house was a massively unpleasant, stressful undertaking. It made me ill and I'm slowly recovering..
- Being told about her new sex life - even in some detail - is hurtful to me, it undermines such pleasant memories as I have of our time together. I've eventried putting a rule in place, as in, "Too much information, I don't want to know." She keeps 'forgetting'.
I don't now know what to do. The still has to be a connexion as per judge's rules, until March. That said, it turned out she can't now rent the flat out as holiday accommodation - it breaks the lease. She'll be letting it as a dwelling for six-month slots.
This seems to me to be a self-preservation thing. I don't hate her as such. I've no desire for 'secondhand goods' anyway.
Bottom line, what would you do ?
Thanks for reading.
king what?
lurky said:
I was instructed by the judge to sign up (for six months) to help her run the flat as a business.
Is this normal or has the judge been watching too many insipid romcoms? Seems weird. You both have to varying degrees wounds to lick and being legally instructed to "work to help her" is a weird dynamic
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