What's the best way to buy a car for my step daughter?
Discussion
To be clear, does she need the tow car for work, or for moving her personal horse? if its the latter then does she actually need a tow car? or even a car at all, how far is work from her?
If you must lend her money, lend her say £2000 for a tow car and ask for £100 a month back until its paid off. That stops you waiting for the horse sale that might never come. Perhaps more importantly, it might get her into the habit of paying her debts, rather than just letting you sort it out.
TBH though, if she cant afford a car because she sold it to buy another horse, wouldn't a spell on Shanks Pony teach her a lesson? Imagine if we were mates in real life and I asked to borrow money for a car because I sold my car to buy a toy of some kind. I imagine you might well ask me wtf I was doing?
If you must lend her money, lend her say £2000 for a tow car and ask for £100 a month back until its paid off. That stops you waiting for the horse sale that might never come. Perhaps more importantly, it might get her into the habit of paying her debts, rather than just letting you sort it out.
TBH though, if she cant afford a car because she sold it to buy another horse, wouldn't a spell on Shanks Pony teach her a lesson? Imagine if we were mates in real life and I asked to borrow money for a car because I sold my car to buy a toy of some kind. I imagine you might well ask me wtf I was doing?
£1,800 - reliable and will tow a trailer - https://www.autotrader.co.uk/car-details/202307239...
She can px it for something nicer when she sells the horse.
She can px it for something nicer when she sells the horse.
This post is going to make you very angry. But I think it will be helpful for you and your whole family so believe me I am giving it with best intentions.
Every word you are posting is showing how much you don't want to give her a car. You judge her financial decisions; you think they are not smart and you are resenting the fact you need to go through this. You are in a position you just hate.
And I dont blame you. She is trading horses, some vague ideas about coming into money plus she keeps borrowing money. And when she does this again; because she cannot handle money you will resent her. But ultimately you are taking the wrong decision and might ruin your relationship.
If I were you I wouldn't proceed with this. Even if for you the 8k is the equivalent of what is a biscuit for most other people.
What I would do is
Decide on amount of money I just dont care about (1-2k) and buy her the most reliable thing for this amount of money. And the conversarion goes like:
- Sweetheart, I really cannot afford to get you so much money for a car (you cannot, as already you explained you cannot lose them. And she is not paying you back clearly). I am really really sorry. I dont want to leave you without help, I can get you a £2k car. It will be a gift.
Next year you can sell it and get yourself the expensive car you will have money for. If you want you can pay me back then. Or you can take the money and finance whatever you want. But I cannot gove you 8k
Btw I dont want someone on the forum to think I encourage you to be rude or nasty to her. I think having car is second to roof over head and food so I understand why you help her and encourage you to. I am glad there is people like you that help their family.
Also please note my advice is also not taking into account your relationship with her mom. Please dont get into argument with her because bluestar is giving stupid advice.
Good luck
Every word you are posting is showing how much you don't want to give her a car. You judge her financial decisions; you think they are not smart and you are resenting the fact you need to go through this. You are in a position you just hate.
And I dont blame you. She is trading horses, some vague ideas about coming into money plus she keeps borrowing money. And when she does this again; because she cannot handle money you will resent her. But ultimately you are taking the wrong decision and might ruin your relationship.
If I were you I wouldn't proceed with this. Even if for you the 8k is the equivalent of what is a biscuit for most other people.
What I would do is
Decide on amount of money I just dont care about (1-2k) and buy her the most reliable thing for this amount of money. And the conversarion goes like:
- Sweetheart, I really cannot afford to get you so much money for a car (you cannot, as already you explained you cannot lose them. And she is not paying you back clearly). I am really really sorry. I dont want to leave you without help, I can get you a £2k car. It will be a gift.
Next year you can sell it and get yourself the expensive car you will have money for. If you want you can pay me back then. Or you can take the money and finance whatever you want. But I cannot gove you 8k
Btw I dont want someone on the forum to think I encourage you to be rude or nasty to her. I think having car is second to roof over head and food so I understand why you help her and encourage you to. I am glad there is people like you that help their family.
Also please note my advice is also not taking into account your relationship with her mom. Please dont get into argument with her because bluestar is giving stupid advice.
Good luck
Horses will always come first in her life and certainly before cars and paying you back.
To answer your question, buy her the car and get it registered in her name and make her responsible for all of the costs including taking out Insurance in her name with you as the Named Driver.
Have a side agreement signed by both of you that she will then pay you back said cost of car by whatever date you are happy with -in installments for all or part of the car with the balance being a gift or whatever you want.
To answer your question, buy her the car and get it registered in her name and make her responsible for all of the costs including taking out Insurance in her name with you as the Named Driver.
Have a side agreement signed by both of you that she will then pay you back said cost of car by whatever date you are happy with -in installments for all or part of the car with the balance being a gift or whatever you want.
OP, maybe I'm wrong, but I suspect that your wife / your step-daughter's mother is playing a key role in this i.e. you actually have very little choice about funding the car one way or another.
In a similar vein, would you even be allowed to repossess the car or enforce the debt when she stops paying? If not, just put everything in the step-daughter's name and mentally write-off the amount on day one. That said, I'd still get her to sign a loan agreement so she doesn't think it's a gift.
Will you be expected to contribute to the running costs, too?
In a similar vein, would you even be allowed to repossess the car or enforce the debt when she stops paying? If not, just put everything in the step-daughter's name and mentally write-off the amount on day one. That said, I'd still get her to sign a loan agreement so she doesn't think it's a gift.
Will you be expected to contribute to the running costs, too?
OP, I believe you are asking the wrong question.
Enut should have said:
Am I helping my step daughter by showing her that there are no financial consequences to doing something dumb like selling a car she needs to buy a horse that she does not?
The answer by the way, is "No. Quite the opposite. You are bearing the consequences of her actions for her and as long as you continue to do so, she has no reason to act responsibly."macron said:
How have we got to three pages and no-one has asked for pics??
And not of the horse!
Sadly, bitter experience has shown that the reality of 'livery life' is far, far removed from 'Jilly Cooper World'.And not of the horse!
Any preconceptions of whip-toting vixens clad in skin-tight white jodhpurs are quickly dispelled whilst labouring a s
t-laden wheelbarrow through a quagmire, when it's your turn for 'poo-picking'
CSLM3CSL said:
I did this for a friend once. He crashed the car and pocketed the insurance money so loan agreement in writing that the insurance company knew nothing about was essentially worthless. My advice is don't do it and if you must do it then limit your exposure to £2k.
He didnt give you the money? What was his justification?Horse women seem to like to frolic in the surf of emotion and avoid the arid desert of logic. Owning a horse is like setting fire to a big pile of money but this never seems to register, especially if someone else is picking up the tab.
Personally I would make her buy her own car and not enable this behaviour.
Personally I would make her buy her own car and not enable this behaviour.
CSLM3CSL said:
I did this for a friend once. He crashed the car and pocketed the insurance money so loan agreement in writing that the insurance company knew nothing about was essentially worthless. My advice is don't do it and if you must do it then limit your exposure to £2k.
Should you not have started “I did this for someone who used to be my friend”tighnamara said:
CSLM3CSL said:
I did this for a friend once. He crashed the car and pocketed the insurance money so loan agreement in writing that the insurance company knew nothing about was essentially worthless. My advice is don't do it and if you must do it then limit your exposure to £2k.
Should you not have started “I did this for someone who used to be my friend”Blue_star said:
CSLM3CSL said:
I did this for a friend once. He crashed the car and pocketed the insurance money so loan agreement in writing that the insurance company knew nothing about was essentially worthless. My advice is don't do it and if you must do it then limit your exposure to £2k.
He didnt give you the money? What was his justification?
Enut said:
Thanks for the posts, just to clarify she recently sold her car to buy a horse (!) And is therefore car less until she sells her other horse, which the person who currently loans it from her wants to do but can't until next year. The horses explain why she hasn't got any money......
Wasn't optimistic right up until I read this. Now I say, ler her sort it out herself. Why rf would you buy her a car when she sold her old one for a frikking pet. As others have said, you are not getting back any money you put into this, so if you feel you must do something, buy her the cheapest half decent car you can find, plenty of options for £2k or less, and consider it a gift.
When horse number 3 sells, likelihood is that another one will take its place.
My experience of horsey people is that the horses completely and utterly dominate their lives, and they cant fathom how other people don't feel the same. One person I know posts pictures of her horses several times a day on Facebook and pictures of her kids about once a month!
Plus, everyone I know with horses has had at least one very serious injury from them, ranging from being thrown into a bramble bank and spending a couple of days in hospital being stiched back together because the horse got spooked by something, to being kicked by their horse shattering their ankle (now they have a permanent limp) to the horse rearing up whilst being ridden in a field (because it got spooked by something) and landing on the rider shattering pelvis and several other bones, several months in hospital, the first few fighting for her life.
In all cases, "my sweet horsey didn't mean it" and the horse continues to be the main thing in their lives.
One of my mates said to his wife that it was either him or the horse. She chose the horse. He considers it the best decision she ever made, and is a much happier more outgoing chap now, with money and freedom (and a new, non-horsey wife).
When horse number 3 sells, likelihood is that another one will take its place.
My experience of horsey people is that the horses completely and utterly dominate their lives, and they cant fathom how other people don't feel the same. One person I know posts pictures of her horses several times a day on Facebook and pictures of her kids about once a month!
Plus, everyone I know with horses has had at least one very serious injury from them, ranging from being thrown into a bramble bank and spending a couple of days in hospital being stiched back together because the horse got spooked by something, to being kicked by their horse shattering their ankle (now they have a permanent limp) to the horse rearing up whilst being ridden in a field (because it got spooked by something) and landing on the rider shattering pelvis and several other bones, several months in hospital, the first few fighting for her life.
In all cases, "my sweet horsey didn't mean it" and the horse continues to be the main thing in their lives.
One of my mates said to his wife that it was either him or the horse. She chose the horse. He considers it the best decision she ever made, and is a much happier more outgoing chap now, with money and freedom (and a new, non-horsey wife).
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