Discussion
[quote=MyM8V8]SERVICE MANUAL - THE REAL MEANINGS
This article will be of interest for those of us that have ever used a Service Manual (such as a Haynes or Clymer or Chilton or other equivalents) in attempting home maintenance of a car or motorbike. For those who haven’t used a Service Manual, these are the books aimed at those who want to fix their own vehicles and which keep qualified mechanics in paid employment putting things right afterwards. They are chock full of photos, diagrams and step-by-step instructions which are obvious if you are a fully qualified motor mechanic, but which are frighteningly sparse on detail for the average Joe in the street who wants to change a set of spark plugs on a 1981 VW Polo .... etc
My kind of humour, laughing out loud here, which is a problem as I am in the office at work.
My apologies if this has been posted before (I am almost sure it has but did a quick search on the forum and couldnt find it) but if you want a chuckle check this out, if you havent followed the link before. Follow the link and scroll down to the "Most helpful customer reviews". But dont just stop at the 3 on the front page, some gems in the other 556!!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Crem...
No jokes, just real life experiences and funny as f**k! When reading the other comments, not a bad idea to start with the final page as they order them with the newest comment first.
This article will be of interest for those of us that have ever used a Service Manual (such as a Haynes or Clymer or Chilton or other equivalents) in attempting home maintenance of a car or motorbike. For those who haven’t used a Service Manual, these are the books aimed at those who want to fix their own vehicles and which keep qualified mechanics in paid employment putting things right afterwards. They are chock full of photos, diagrams and step-by-step instructions which are obvious if you are a fully qualified motor mechanic, but which are frighteningly sparse on detail for the average Joe in the street who wants to change a set of spark plugs on a 1981 VW Polo .... etc
My kind of humour, laughing out loud here, which is a problem as I am in the office at work.
My apologies if this has been posted before (I am almost sure it has but did a quick search on the forum and couldnt find it) but if you want a chuckle check this out, if you havent followed the link before. Follow the link and scroll down to the "Most helpful customer reviews". But dont just stop at the 3 on the front page, some gems in the other 556!!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Crem...
No jokes, just real life experiences and funny as f**k! When reading the other comments, not a bad idea to start with the final page as they order them with the newest comment first.
Edited by DuncanDisorderly on Thursday 11th October 13:18
Just got this on my phone:
The text said:
Our records indicate that you were once felt up by Jimmy Saville and could be entitled to £2,147 in compensation.
Just reply, "How's about that then" to register.
Or to opt out just text, "Stop Jimmy stop."
Register before the end of the month and get a free, "Lawyers 4 U fixed it for me" medal.
Just reply, "How's about that then" to register.
Or to opt out just text, "Stop Jimmy stop."
Register before the end of the month and get a free, "Lawyers 4 U fixed it for me" medal.
Edited by ARAF on Thursday 18th October 13:22
DuncanDisorderly said:
MyM8V8 said:
SERVICE MANUAL - THE REAL MEANINGS
This article will be of interest for those of us that have ever used a Service Manual (such as a Haynes or Clymer or Chilton or other equivalents) in attempting home maintenance of a car or motorbike. For those who haven’t used a Service Manual, these are the books aimed at those who want to fix their own vehicles and which keep qualified mechanics in paid employment putting things right afterwards. They are chock full of photos, diagrams and step-by-step instructions which are obvious if you are a fully qualified motor mechanic, but which are frighteningly sparse on detail for the average Joe in the street who wants to change a set of spark plugs on a 1981 VW Polo .... etc
My kind of humour, laughing out loud here, which is a problem as I am in the office at work.
My apologies if this has been posted before (I am almost sure it has but did a quick search on the forum and couldnt find it) but if you want a chuckle check this out, if you havent followed the link before. Follow the link and scroll down to the "Most helpful customer reviews". But dont just stop at the 3 on the front page, some gems in the other 556!!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Crem...
No jokes, just real life experiences and funny as f**k! When reading the other comments, not a bad idea to start with the final page as they order them with the newest comment first.
If you liked that, my mate in Oz thinks this could be appropriate for us petrolheads:This article will be of interest for those of us that have ever used a Service Manual (such as a Haynes or Clymer or Chilton or other equivalents) in attempting home maintenance of a car or motorbike. For those who haven’t used a Service Manual, these are the books aimed at those who want to fix their own vehicles and which keep qualified mechanics in paid employment putting things right afterwards. They are chock full of photos, diagrams and step-by-step instructions which are obvious if you are a fully qualified motor mechanic, but which are frighteningly sparse on detail for the average Joe in the street who wants to change a set of spark plugs on a 1981 VW Polo .... etc
My kind of humour, laughing out loud here, which is a problem as I am in the office at work.
My apologies if this has been posted before (I am almost sure it has but did a quick search on the forum and couldnt find it) but if you want a chuckle check this out, if you havent followed the link before. Follow the link and scroll down to the "Most helpful customer reviews". But dont just stop at the 3 on the front page, some gems in the other 556!!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Crem...
No jokes, just real life experiences and funny as f**k! When reading the other comments, not a bad idea to start with the final page as they order them with the newest comment first.
Edited by DuncanDisorderly on Thursday 11th October 13:18
http://www.gumtree.com.au/s-ad/margaret-river/cars...
Another thread derailment on this forum reminded me of this one...
A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make; the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very
flat chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is okay with
him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.
They were happy that they were honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married.
On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes; she is as flat as a washboard.
Finally, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.
When she became conscious, the guy asked, "I told you before we got married. Why did you still faint?"
The girl said, "You told me it was just like a baby."
The guy replied, "It is! 20 inches long, and weighs 7lb 9oz."
A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make; the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very
flat chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is okay with
him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.
They were happy that they were honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married.
On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes; she is as flat as a washboard.
Finally, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.
When she became conscious, the guy asked, "I told you before we got married. Why did you still faint?"
The girl said, "You told me it was just like a baby."
The guy replied, "It is! 20 inches long, and weighs 7lb 9oz."
A friend of mine recently retired in his 40s, but after a few months got bored and decided to do some volunteer work. He had a car so his wife suggested he do that 'meals on wheels' for the elderly.
First day in the job he arrives at an old lady's Victorian house with walled garden and gate. He carries the chicken dinner tray through the gate and as the gate slammed behind him he heard deep barking from the other side of the house. Before he could reach the front door, a huge Great Dane bounded towards him...with no sign of stopping. He thinks quick and raises the tray above his head, (being quite heavy it requires both hands), just before the dog jumps up with his front paws on both his shoulders. It's a miracle he hasn't dropped the tray, but the dog is relentless, licking his face! No chance he's getting down.
At that point the old lady sticks her head out of the window. "Kick his balls! His balls!"
Not sure about this method, but seeing no other way my friend takes a big swing and sure enough the dog yelps and runs off. Triumphantly he arrives at the front door, chicken dinner intact, greeted by a rather cross old lady.
"His balls..." she points "...on the lawn"
First day in the job he arrives at an old lady's Victorian house with walled garden and gate. He carries the chicken dinner tray through the gate and as the gate slammed behind him he heard deep barking from the other side of the house. Before he could reach the front door, a huge Great Dane bounded towards him...with no sign of stopping. He thinks quick and raises the tray above his head, (being quite heavy it requires both hands), just before the dog jumps up with his front paws on both his shoulders. It's a miracle he hasn't dropped the tray, but the dog is relentless, licking his face! No chance he's getting down.
At that point the old lady sticks her head out of the window. "Kick his balls! His balls!"
Not sure about this method, but seeing no other way my friend takes a big swing and sure enough the dog yelps and runs off. Triumphantly he arrives at the front door, chicken dinner intact, greeted by a rather cross old lady.
"His balls..." she points "...on the lawn"
This is funny!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMs-4fUZd-k
You have to watch all of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMs-4fUZd-k
You have to watch all of it.
Edited by MyM8V8 on Tuesday 18th December 18:25
MyM8V8 said:
Looking at some vids to the side of this one, I found this one funnier ... well it was at the end!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0Yjhb4zC1o
ý$7 SEX
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.
The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.”
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.
The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.”
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same f
king elephant.This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bulls
t stories.While attending a harmony for couples weekend, The missus and I listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He then addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower ?"
I leaned over, touched her arm gently, and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it ?"
He then addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower ?"
I leaned over, touched her arm gently, and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it ?"
A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in
price, the more see-through, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs put it on and
model it for him
Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea.
It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing.
I won't put it on - do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow and
get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.
So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.
He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in
price, the more see-through, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs put it on and
model it for him
Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea.
It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing.
I won't put it on - do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow and
get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.
So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.
ARAF said:
While attending a harmony for couples weekend, The missus and I listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He then addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower ?"
I leaned over, touched her arm gently, and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it ?"
He then addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower ?"
I leaned over, touched her arm gently, and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it ?"
I got talking to a girl in the pub last night and, after a while, she giggled and said "I like playing with toys at night, if you know what I mean"
I smiled, nodded and said "We can go back to my place if you want, I might have the sort of toys you'd enjoy"
To cut a long story short, she thinks Scaletric is st !! 
I smiled, nodded and said "We can go back to my place if you want, I might have the sort of toys you'd enjoy"
To cut a long story short, she thinks Scaletric is s
t !! 
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