Discussion
ARAF said:
After the latest beef scares, it has been disclosed that some Chinese Restaurants have been shut down for selling Quarterpandas. 
It doesn't stop there, Tescos have withdrawn all their vegetarian burgers as well, apparently they have found traces of Uniquorn !! Although there is nothing wrong with eating Tescos beef burgers, the worse that can happen is they'll give you the trots.
Tescos beef burgers, low in fat, high in Shergar !!
I'm out !
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT
Two businessmen in the centre of Perth
were sitting down for a
break in their soon-to-be new shop...
As yet, the shop wasn't ready,
with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked,
"What are you selling here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes.
"Without skipping a beat, the old dear said, “Must be doing well... Only two left."
Two businessmen in the centre of Perth
were sitting down for a
break in their soon-to-be new shop...
As yet, the shop wasn't ready,
with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked,
"What are you selling here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes.
"Without skipping a beat, the old dear said, “Must be doing well... Only two left."
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
_______________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
_______________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
_______________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all..'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
_______________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
_______________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
_______________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
_______________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
_______________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
_______________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
_______________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all..'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
_______________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
_______________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
_______________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
_______________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
Bob, a 70 year old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very appealing 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful appearance and charm. She hangs on Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all envious. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get this trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're bowled over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob says, "I lied about my age."
His friends are fascinated, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
His buddies at the club are all envious. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get this trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're bowled over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob says, "I lied about my age."
His friends are fascinated, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
Getting wed in heaven
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know.
This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get
married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work?
Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"
Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat
bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work
out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here!
Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know.
This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get
married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work?
Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"
Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat
bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work
out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here!
Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?
Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a
Bit lonely. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see
Advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.” She
Looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling
Himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical
Skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the
Right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six
Pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off
His well oiled bum....
She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I’ll give him a call.
“Good evening, ma’am, how may I help you? . . Oh my, he sounded sooo
Sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed
Right in, “Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I’d like you to come
To my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with
You. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it
Hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather,
Whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and
Heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped
Cream, anything and everything, I’m ready!! Now how does that sound?”
He said, “That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to
Press 9 for an outside line.”
Bit lonely. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see
Advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.” She
Looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling
Himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical
Skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the
Right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six
Pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off
His well oiled bum....
She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I’ll give him a call.
“Good evening, ma’am, how may I help you? . . Oh my, he sounded sooo
Sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed
Right in, “Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I’d like you to come
To my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with
You. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it
Hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather,
Whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and
Heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped
Cream, anything and everything, I’m ready!! Now how does that sound?”
He said, “That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to
Press 9 for an outside line.”
Billy was at
> school this morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the
> children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
> came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry
> etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
> asked him about his father.
> > >
> Billy replied.............
> > >
> "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
> clothes in front of other men. "
> "Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent
> a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
> > >
> The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
> Billy aside to ask him if that was really true....
> "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too
> embarrassed to say."
> school this morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the
> children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
> came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry
> etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
> asked him about his father.
> > >
> Billy replied.............
> > >
> "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
> clothes in front of other men. "
> "Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent
> a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
> > >
> The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
> Billy aside to ask him if that was really true....
> "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too
> embarrassed to say."
MyM8V8 said:
Billy was at
> school this morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the
> children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
> came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry
> etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
> asked him about his father.
> > >
> Billy replied.............
> > >
> "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
> clothes in front of other men. "
> "Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent
> a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
> > >
> The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
> Billy aside to ask him if that was really true....
> "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too
> embarrassed to say."
I thought you were going to say Billy's Dad worked at F**d > school this morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the
> children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
> came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry
> etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
> asked him about his father.
> > >
> Billy replied.............
> > >
> "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
> clothes in front of other men. "
> "Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent
> a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
> > >
> The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
> Billy aside to ask him if that was really true....
> "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too
> embarrassed to say."
MyM8V8 said:
Billy was at
> school this morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the
> children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
> came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry
> etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
> asked him about his father.
> > >
> Billy replied.............
> > >
> "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
> clothes in front of other men. "
> "Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent
> a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
> > >
> The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
> Billy aside to ask him if that was really true....
> "No" said Billy, "He works for Ford but I was just too
> embarrassed to say."
> school this morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the
> children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
> came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry
> etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
> asked him about his father.
> > >
> Billy replied.............
> > >
> "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
> clothes in front of other men. "
> "Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent
> a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
> > >
> The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
> Billy aside to ask him if that was really true....
> "No" said Billy, "He works for Ford but I was just too
> embarrassed to say."
EmmaJ said:
MyM8V8 said:
Billy was at
> school this morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the
> children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
> came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry
> etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
> asked him about his father.
> > >
> Billy replied.............
> > >
> "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
> clothes in front of other men. "
> "Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent
> a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
> > >
> The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
> Billy aside to ask him if that was really true....
> "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too
> embarrassed to say."
I thought you were going to say Billy's Dad worked at F**d > school this morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the
> children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
> came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry
> etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
> asked him about his father.
> > >
> Billy replied.............
> > >
> "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
> clothes in front of other men. "
> "Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent
> a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
> > >
> The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
> Billy aside to ask him if that was really true....
> "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too
> embarrassed to say."
In Australia a seven-year-old Aboriginal boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
MyM8V8 said:
In Australia a seven-year-old Aboriginal boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
LolThe boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
MyM8V8 said:
In Australia a seven-year-old Aboriginal boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
and in songThe boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBFLsIOah-E
well close enough
the_ferret82 said:
MyM8V8 said:
In Australia a seven-year-old Aboriginal boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
and in songThe boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBFLsIOah-E
well close enough
king hat now!!!MyM8V8 said:
the_ferret82 said:
MyM8V8 said:
In Australia a seven-year-old Aboriginal boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
and in songThe boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the court firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBFLsIOah-E
well close enough
king hat now!!!
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