Convincing the OH that I won't die
Discussion
Not sure if a biker thread or 'grow a pair' relationship thread but bear with me.
I've thought about getting a bike licence for a long time now and decided to finally look into it seriously.
My Dad's been a biker since being a lad but had about 10 years off and has now got a new one. My younger brother (19) has also now just decided to do his CBT and get one, so I thought now is the perfect time.
One major issue though: The missus is convinced that I'll die or end up in a wheelchair or something. We've had numerous disagreements (see almost full-blown arguments) about it over the last few weeks.
I'm not under the thumb as such and tend to do what I want, including turning up at home with Imprezas and Mx5's in the past which really put me in the s
t. This seems like a whole new level of wrath and (possibly unfounded) opinion though.
Her opinion is based on the one friend she knows with a bike coming off his bike and now being paralysed. I don't know the circumstances though. It would be nice to have her support - I had dreams of road trips with her etc. but I'm not sure it's really worth the hassle otherwise.
I've tried explaining that I have an interest in actually riding properly and the craft of it, not just riding the nuts off it for speed's sake, this doesn't seem to work though.
Any ideas?
I've thought about getting a bike licence for a long time now and decided to finally look into it seriously.
My Dad's been a biker since being a lad but had about 10 years off and has now got a new one. My younger brother (19) has also now just decided to do his CBT and get one, so I thought now is the perfect time.
One major issue though: The missus is convinced that I'll die or end up in a wheelchair or something. We've had numerous disagreements (see almost full-blown arguments) about it over the last few weeks.
I'm not under the thumb as such and tend to do what I want, including turning up at home with Imprezas and Mx5's in the past which really put me in the s
t. This seems like a whole new level of wrath and (possibly unfounded) opinion though.Her opinion is based on the one friend she knows with a bike coming off his bike and now being paralysed. I don't know the circumstances though. It would be nice to have her support - I had dreams of road trips with her etc. but I'm not sure it's really worth the hassle otherwise.
I've tried explaining that I have an interest in actually riding properly and the craft of it, not just riding the nuts off it for speed's sake, this doesn't seem to work though.
Any ideas?
Sounds like she just doesn't get it. May have to just give up on convincing her.
Mine's uncle has come off numerous times but loves going on the back of mine. I don't really like carrying a pillion but its a losing battle the other way to yours.
If you really want to do it just go for it and hope she doesn't employ a lawyer.
Mine's uncle has come off numerous times but loves going on the back of mine. I don't really like carrying a pillion but its a losing battle the other way to yours.
If you really want to do it just go for it and hope she doesn't employ a lawyer.
My wife hates motorbikes so I can empathise. She begged me not to buy one. Much to my shame I brow beat her into accepting it. I did extra training but still had a big accident after a couple of years. That was a long time back but last year I got back on again. She still hates it. It is a bone of contention.
I'm selfish and ride. Not proud of it. Feels a bit like an addiction. Hard to give up.
Unless you are lucky she is unlikely to change her mind but if she loves you will put up with it.
I'm selfish and ride. Not proud of it. Feels a bit like an addiction. Hard to give up.
Unless you are lucky she is unlikely to change her mind but if she loves you will put up with it.
She won't be convinced it's safe. You can try advanced driving, lots of trackdays with instruction, years of riding without accident or dying, and she'll still hate it every time you get the bike out. If she's anything like my family. If you're looking for her approval / permission to get a bike, you're unlikely to get it. You have the choices of living with guilt / annoyed OH, living with your own bitter miserableness because you're not doing what you want, or take small steps towards biking and hope she doesn't notice too much. Ie do cbt - hey, you might find you don't like motorbikes after all. Oh, you do. Well, a 125 won't hurt, for pottering about. It's not much more than a bicycle, and look at how much more safety gear you wear. Actually, a bigger bike is safer, because you have the power to get out of trouble if need be. Oh look! I've somehow ended up with a trackbike! Well, it IS safer than being on the roads after all... Worked for me. Up to a point.
Life's About calculating the risks and rewards. If your going to do it balance the two IMO. For me, I don't need to commute so want to have a fun bike and do fun stuff, take the risk and enjoy what I do. I ride recreationally on road, odd track day but race enduro bikes. It's fun, risky, but a better risk to reward ratio than commuting on a deauville day in day out.
How about try the get-on campaign, with her. Now you will need to have her very calm to even explain this, but its a one hour completely free lesson on a 125 going through the basic controls in a car park with an experienced instructor. I'm not saying try to get her to ride, but at least it might make her understand. You will need to explain it in some elaborate way or whatever but it just 'might' work.
The OP never said if it was girlfriend of wife. if wife then you need to do your best to convince her but if it's a girlfriend then just do it.
Took me 8 years to talk the wife info the fun I would have getting a bike licence. I never looked back 10 years later.
The wife's family are not bikers and feel all bikes are bad as they are ill informed. My mother on the other had hates bikes as my dad died about 3 months before I was born on 1. I never gave it a thought until my mum said I passed my bike licence at the same age he died.
Get a few biking mates to come to a BBQ and casually talk to the wife/Girlfriend and try and end up on how it makes you a better driver on the road etc..
Took me 8 years to talk the wife info the fun I would have getting a bike licence. I never looked back 10 years later.
The wife's family are not bikers and feel all bikes are bad as they are ill informed. My mother on the other had hates bikes as my dad died about 3 months before I was born on 1. I never gave it a thought until my mum said I passed my bike licence at the same age he died.
Get a few biking mates to come to a BBQ and casually talk to the wife/Girlfriend and try and end up on how it makes you a better driver on the road etc..
You will die. Everyone dies.
Tel her instead, that you're taking up horse riding... (bear with me here
) and then when she says "Ok, that's fine" then tell her that riding a horse far more dangerous than riding a motorcyle. Between 6-20 times more dangerous, depending what you read.
Not sure if that'll help or not though
Tel her instead, that you're taking up horse riding... (bear with me here
) and then when she says "Ok, that's fine" then tell her that riding a horse far more dangerous than riding a motorcyle. Between 6-20 times more dangerous, depending what you read.Not sure if that'll help or not though
Try and educate her, its just ignorance reinforced by negative media in the UK
if she likes to read, get her this fun book on risk. Then perhaps she will realise shes in more danger every week from many more things than motorcycling, even when just sat around the house
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Norm-Chronicles-Stories-nu...
5000+ people are dying in home accidents every year versus just 300 ish on bikes......do you still partake in dangerous DIY ?
http://www.rospa.com/home-safety/advice/general/fa...
if she likes to read, get her this fun book on risk. Then perhaps she will realise shes in more danger every week from many more things than motorcycling, even when just sat around the house
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Norm-Chronicles-Stories-nu...
5000+ people are dying in home accidents every year versus just 300 ish on bikes......do you still partake in dangerous DIY ?
http://www.rospa.com/home-safety/advice/general/fa...
Tall_Paul said:
You will die. Everyone dies.
Tel her instead, that you're taking up horse riding... (bear with me here) and then when she says "Ok, that's fine" then tell her that riding a horse far more dangerous than riding a motorcyle. Between 6-20 times more dangerous, depending what you read.
Not sure if that'll help or not though
It won't. Tel her instead, that you're taking up horse riding... (bear with me here
) and then when she says "Ok, that's fine" then tell her that riding a horse far more dangerous than riding a motorcyle. Between 6-20 times more dangerous, depending what you read.Not sure if that'll help or not though
Apparently horse riding is fine, so much so that it's ok to put small children on half-ton beasts liable to fly out of control at the sight of a plastic bag. It's a charming activity (even if said child falls on its head from a height or gets kicked by the beast). And apparently skiing is to be encouraged also. It's even fine to put small children with planks strapped to their feet on mountain sides and have them wobble about in the path of lunatic snow boarders, because skiing is a fun healthy activity for all the family. (Let's not mention Michael Schumacher).
However,
if you ride a motorbike you are, apparently, a selfish spawn of satan who clearly has a death wish and will bring destruction upon yourself and misery to your loving family.
It does my head in. I've given up trying to persuade the ill-informed.
Hmmmm to be fair, if my missus was really against it, I wouldn't do it. Luckily she has a license too!
The end of today, it is dangerous and if you don't accept that, then you're kidding yourself. You can do thing to reduce these risks and yes, plenty of other things can be risky.
I think you yourself need to be comfortable and aware of the risks, which will guide your mental approach, then you can sincerely discuss whether it's a worth while activity with her. If she then doesn't get it or want you too, then it's hard ball time, I personally couldn't deal with the guilt of her worrying.
I had an off, which upset my girlfriend and she was concerned for quite some time, however I think she knew I am a better rider because of it and knows the impact it had on me
The end of today, it is dangerous and if you don't accept that, then you're kidding yourself. You can do thing to reduce these risks and yes, plenty of other things can be risky.
I think you yourself need to be comfortable and aware of the risks, which will guide your mental approach, then you can sincerely discuss whether it's a worth while activity with her. If she then doesn't get it or want you too, then it's hard ball time, I personally couldn't deal with the guilt of her worrying.
I had an off, which upset my girlfriend and she was concerned for quite some time, however I think she knew I am a better rider because of it and knows the impact it had on me
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