What do I do?!?
Discussion
I'm a regular poster here, and really don't wanna be identified - I know several of you personaly, my family browse PH and my boss and collegues are members too!
I really don't know why I'm writing this here - I guess I'm just at the end of my tether with my life.
Ok, I'm not asking for money or anything like that...just the chance to rant.
I was running my own business...not hugely successful (i.e. not making millions etc) but supporting myself (just!!).
Work-wise, the last year has been s
t. My business has been on the decline for a fair while now and I eventually had to pack it in and get a job working for someone else. I don't really enjoy working for someone else (don't get me wrong the people I work with are nice guys etc, I just don't wanna not be working for myself). The only reason I get out of bed is to not let people down. I don't like letting people down.
I go to sleep every night feeling down and depressed about work and my life.
I don't get on with my family at all...and have had to move back in with my parents. Every minute here is depressing - I just can't afford to live somewhere else right now.
The only good thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. We've been seeing each other for just under a year and every minute we spend together is great. But I only get to see her for 1 evening during the week and one of the weekend days (and, if I'm lucky, one night at the weekend). She makes me really happy when we're together and when we're not, I feel like I should be happy to have such a great girlfriend etc but every other aspect of my life is just dragging me down right now.
I guess I should be lucky/grateful that I have such a great girlfriend and that we actually can spend some time together etc etc etc - I know there are loads of people that don't get to see their other halfs or even be with the person they wanna be with.
I sometimes find myself driving along thinking what the fk is the point in my life? Why do I bother living? I don't really take any pleasure in any part of my life other than the time I spend with the OH and why bother living anymore?!
I'm not suicidal or anything like that (been there, done that, now where's that t-shirt?!?!)
Like I said at the beginning, no idea why I wrote this - I just don't have anyone I feel I can tell this st to.
I guess I should finish by saying
Cheers
The Moose!!
Oh, and I do hope that I havn't got an ' in the wrong place or something!!
I really don't know why I'm writing this here - I guess I'm just at the end of my tether with my life.
Ok, I'm not asking for money or anything like that...just the chance to rant.
I was running my own business...not hugely successful (i.e. not making millions etc) but supporting myself (just!!).
Work-wise, the last year has been s
t. My business has been on the decline for a fair while now and I eventually had to pack it in and get a job working for someone else. I don't really enjoy working for someone else (don't get me wrong the people I work with are nice guys etc, I just don't wanna not be working for myself). The only reason I get out of bed is to not let people down. I don't like letting people down.I go to sleep every night feeling down and depressed about work and my life.
I don't get on with my family at all...and have had to move back in with my parents. Every minute here is depressing - I just can't afford to live somewhere else right now.
The only good thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. We've been seeing each other for just under a year and every minute we spend together is great. But I only get to see her for 1 evening during the week and one of the weekend days (and, if I'm lucky, one night at the weekend). She makes me really happy when we're together and when we're not, I feel like I should be happy to have such a great girlfriend etc but every other aspect of my life is just dragging me down right now.
I guess I should be lucky/grateful that I have such a great girlfriend and that we actually can spend some time together etc etc etc - I know there are loads of people that don't get to see their other halfs or even be with the person they wanna be with.
I sometimes find myself driving along thinking what the f
k is the point in my life? Why do I bother living? I don't really take any pleasure in any part of my life other than the time I spend with the OH and why bother living anymore?!I'm not suicidal or anything like that (been there, done that, now where's that t-shirt?!?!)
Like I said at the beginning, no idea why I wrote this - I just don't have anyone I feel I can tell this s
t to.I guess I should finish by saying
Cheers
The Moose!!
Oh, and I do hope that I havn't got an ' in the wrong place or something!!
Obviously moose pissed someone off a bitWhatever you do, don't bring her down. If you think you're feeling miserable now, try living without her - be thankful for what you've got. Tell her. It'll get better, just keep working away at everything.
And if you've been self employed before, you could do it again. Maybe not tomorow, next month...just set yourself some realistic targets and hit them.
And if you've been self employed before, you could do it again. Maybe not tomorow, next month...just set yourself some realistic targets and hit them.
0191mark said:
Whatever you do, don't bring her down. If you think you're feeling miserable now, try living without her - be thankful for what you've got. Tell her. It'll get better, just keep working away at everything.
I try to do this mate - I do of course tell her I'm feeling really down (like a couple of hours ago). She knows I appreciate her and the times we spend together but sometimes I have to 'unload' on her. I feel bad for doing it but I'm hoping that one day I will have earnt enough dosh that we could possibly get somewhere together and things will, I know, improve massivly from there.That's the plan.
0191mark said:
And if you've been self employed before, you could do it again. Maybe not tomorow, next month...just set yourself some realistic targets and hit them.
True - just need to come up with a business idea/plan that has a good chance of being successful!I just hope that one day I can be happy. I didn't have a particularly happy childhood and I feel it is my turn to be properly happy. And with the girlfriend I am so close - just need to sort everything else out.
Does this make sense...or is it the ramblings of a nutter?
Best advice I can give is go see your doctor.I did because my wife was getting near the end of her tether with me.I was then assigned a counsellor and I felt embarrassed and stupid at first talking to her and even wondered what the point was until near the end of our sessions when I just put things in perspective.It sounds like bull but I honestly got to know myself and I genuinely feel better and happier.
Edited by macp on Monday 2nd November 00:09
macp said:
Best advice I can give is go see your doctor.I did because my wife was getting near the end of her tether with me.I was then assigned a counsellor and I felt embarrassed and stupid at first talking to her and even wondered what the point was until near the end of our sessions when I just put things in perspective.It sounds like bull but I honestly got to know myself and I genuinely feel better and happier.
I've been seeing someone on and off for a few months now and I just can't bring myself to tell this sort of sEdited by macp on Monday 2nd November 00:09
t to her. I just can't let my guard down (if you like) - it's hard enough anonymously on here FFS!I try to put on a happy face etc for everyone and even though I see this woman I play down everything as I'm not (usually) the type of person to talk about this sort of stuff...I'm sure you know what I mean...
depressed chap said:
macp said:
Best advice I can give is go see your doctor.I did because my wife was getting near the end of her tether with me.I was then assigned a counsellor and I felt embarrassed and stupid at first talking to her and even wondered what the point was until near the end of our sessions when I just put things in perspective.It sounds like bull but I honestly got to know myself and I genuinely feel better and happier.
I've been seeing someone on and off for a few months now and I just can't bring myself to tell this sort of sEdited by macp on Monday 2nd November 00:09
t to her. I just can't let my guard down (if you like) - it's hard enough anonymously on here FFS!I try to put on a happy face etc for everyone and even though I see this woman I play down everything as I'm not (usually) the type of person to talk about this sort of stuff...I'm sure you know what I mean...
Edited by macp on Monday 2nd November 00:18
macp said:
For a bloke it is THE hardest thing to do mate and takes balls to sit there pouring everything out in tears at times but they have seen it all before and they dont judge you they are there to help and offer gentle guidance.I am quite a different guy to how I was a few months ago.Just let your guard down what harm can it do ?
To be honest mate, I know this is what I should do and have approached some sessions thinking 'fk it. lets just spill everything' and when I get there it just doesn't happen. I assume you understand this feeling. How did you get past that??Also, I think I would find it much easier to have a few sessions over instant messenger where I don't have to look at the other person. I don't know why, but I find writing stuff down much easier than talking about it (IM because I can't write neatly especially as fast as I can type).
Am I properly f
ked up or is this normal?!?
There are two types of depression - clinical depression (which is internally generated) and depression caused by outside circumstances.
The first is a genuine medical/psychological condition and therefore needs to be treated.
The latter is something that happens to us all and, at the end of the day, tends to fade away as our circumstances improve and/or we cop on to ourselves.
To be honest, your situation does seem to be the latter.
I would say, for the moment, you just have to put up with your situation. Try and find the plus points of where you are at and, if and when the time is right, strike out on your own - as that seems to be what wioll really make you happier.
The old adage of "there are lots of people worse off" is absolutely true. AT least you are still working and earning.
As the Stones once said, "You Can't Allways Get What You Want". BUT you might be able to later.
The first is a genuine medical/psychological condition and therefore needs to be treated.
The latter is something that happens to us all and, at the end of the day, tends to fade away as our circumstances improve and/or we cop on to ourselves.
To be honest, your situation does seem to be the latter.
I would say, for the moment, you just have to put up with your situation. Try and find the plus points of where you are at and, if and when the time is right, strike out on your own - as that seems to be what wioll really make you happier.
The old adage of "there are lots of people worse off" is absolutely true. AT least you are still working and earning.
As the Stones once said, "You Can't Allways Get What You Want". BUT you might be able to later.
IF you are not going to tell them the truth, then they cannot help you. This is the case for your girlfriend, your counsellor and your family.
Your counsellor will be used to far, far worse than you ever tell, and their job requires them to keep things a bit of a secret. I mean, you don't think your doctor chats to your parents in the street about any anti-depressents you have been prescribed? Your counsellor will maintain a very, very strict level of confidentiality, as much as your GP. BUT if you cannot tell them the truth, how can they help you?
Ok, some plus points:
1. You have a woman
2. You have a house over your head
3. You had a business, this means you can do so again (you think rich businessmen haven't failed, gone bankrupt then started again?)
So, all in all you are not doing too badly (it's not as good as you want but realistically at the moment very few people in the country are doing as well as they'd like.). It will take time, but you can get better, and life can improve.
Your counsellor will be used to far, far worse than you ever tell, and their job requires them to keep things a bit of a secret. I mean, you don't think your doctor chats to your parents in the street about any anti-depressents you have been prescribed? Your counsellor will maintain a very, very strict level of confidentiality, as much as your GP. BUT if you cannot tell them the truth, how can they help you?
Ok, some plus points:
1. You have a woman
2. You have a house over your head
3. You had a business, this means you can do so again (you think rich businessmen haven't failed, gone bankrupt then started again?)
So, all in all you are not doing too badly (it's not as good as you want but realistically at the moment very few people in the country are doing as well as they'd like.). It will take time, but you can get better, and life can improve.
In my experience, when you get in these ruts (especially the staying at your parents bit, which I've resorted to a few times between jobs or gainful employment) the key thing is to break the damn rut. Get out of it any damn way you can, because you can pass a year or more like that and your life goes damn quickly.
I'm lucky that I don't have any serious financial or other commitments, so I can take off and go where I choose with fairly modest means. I've invariably found within 3-4 months I'm back on my feet and feeling great.
But there are other ways to break the rut. Starting a new business sounds like a good one, move in with your girlfriend, clear off to the other side of the world, or even just set yourself a more personal goal like climbing Ben Nevis or running a marathon. Anything that gives purpose and direction to your life will cheer you up immensely, energise you again, and the other stuff will start to fall into place.
I'm lucky that I don't have any serious financial or other commitments, so I can take off and go where I choose with fairly modest means. I've invariably found within 3-4 months I'm back on my feet and feeling great.
But there are other ways to break the rut. Starting a new business sounds like a good one, move in with your girlfriend, clear off to the other side of the world, or even just set yourself a more personal goal like climbing Ben Nevis or running a marathon. Anything that gives purpose and direction to your life will cheer you up immensely, energise you again, and the other stuff will start to fall into place.
Hang in there but go see your GP, get some counselling.
I have recently gone through one of the most traumatic things my family has ever had to endure.
I started to go see a counselor as I was down low and on the edge of doing something rather daft!
now you have taken a big step by writing what you have written on here, so take another and go see your GP they can really help and have made me a lot stronger and all they did was listen!
I have recently gone through one of the most traumatic things my family has ever had to endure.
I started to go see a counselor as I was down low and on the edge of doing something rather daft!
now you have taken a big step by writing what you have written on here, so take another and go see your GP they can really help and have made me a lot stronger and all they did was listen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1loyjm4SOa0
Seriously though, you have girl, you have job, you have house, you have health, could be worse old boy.
Seriously though, you have girl, you have job, you have house, you have health, could be worse old boy.
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