A classic from my mrs yesterday

[JRM]

Brown and Boris said:

TheCarpetCleaner said:

Legend83 said:

rasputin said:

That's nothing...

We were in Tesco yesterday when mine asked me what I felt like for dinner. Well I said "I'd like some pasta". She said "really?". I said "yes".

I kid you not!

That is a classic. A typical Saturday night is:

"Which do you prefer, the red top or the green one?"

"The red one".

"Really? I'm not so sure. I think I like the green one".

"Ok, the fking green one".

"But you said the red one".

"For fks sake woman".

"Don't get angry with me, I don't want to go out at all now. You have ruined it".

FFS.

I really dont know how relationships like this last. If my girlfriend was as irrational as that I would ditch her without a second thought.

I hate attention seeking girls.

But they are ALL like this Shirly?

How do you know their name is Shirly?

[svm]

M400 NBL said:

svm said:

Watching the tele, when my (now ex) GF says:

Ex - What sort of boat is that, it looks a bit odd?

Me - A catamaran.

Ex - Whys it called that?

Me - Because it has two hulls.

Ex - Don't be silly, it will sink.

£5 to the 1st person that works out why we're not together anymore...

She wouldn't let you sink your mast in one of her two holes?

There was no problem there.

[anonymous-user]

AndyKH said:

After seeing the dark knight a couple of weeks ago my girlfriend said upon leaving " that was brilliant!! But they still don't tell you who batman is do they, i think it's the mayor"

[stuthemong]

My GF's absolute best moment was as such. We had planned to go and watch a film at the cinema, and I asked her to call the hotline and find out what time the film was on.
-She walked to the phone.
-Dialed.
-Listened.
-Started looking somewhat confused
-She then very slowly and carefully said, "name of the film".

It took me a few seconds to work out what just happened. When I did, I just sat there crying with laugter. I still rib her to bits about it.

Best moment ever

[4hero]

Should I tick the box for two embryo's or one? (she asks, while filling in some forms) "We're better going for 2" she says...

I hope to fk it's not twins...

[Pigeon]

stuthemong said:

My GF's absolute best moment was as such. We had planned to go and watch a film at the cinema, and I asked her to call the hotline and find out what time the film was on.
-She walked to the phone.
-Dialed.
-Listened.
-Started looking somewhat confused
-She then very slowly and carefully said, "name of the film".

It took me a few seconds to work out what just happened...

Taken me a few minutes now and I still haven't...

[DOOG]

Pigeon said:

catso said:

Flying a kite with the kids in the garden and the sun was right behind the kite so that it was hard to look at it, wife comes out the house and says "can't you fly it in the other direction, so we can see it".

That sounds like something I might say...

Except you will never find yourself in a scenario involving a wife, children or kites...

Being a Pigeon you have no need for any of them...

[Pesty]

Pigeon said:

stuthemong said:

My GF's absolute best moment was as such. We had planned to go and watch a film at the cinema, and I asked her to call the hotline and find out what time the film was on.
-She walked to the phone.
-Dialed.
-Listened.
-Started looking somewhat confused
-She then very slowly and carefully said, "name of the film".

It took me a few seconds to work out what just happened...

Taken me a few minutes now and I still haven't...

I'm guessing an automated reply which asked for the person calling to say 'the name of the film'

[Benni]

Pigeon said:

stuthemong said:

My GF's absolute best moment was as such. We had planned to go and watch a film at the cinema, and I asked her to call the hotline and find out what time the film was on.
-She walked to the phone.
-Dialed.
-Listened.
-Started looking somewhat confused
-She then very slowly and carefully said, "name of the film".

It took me a few seconds to work out what just happened...

Taken me a few minutes now and I still haven't...

Hi Pigeon !
I would suggest :
Hotline
automated voice thing
says "now please say name of the film" to find out where it´s showing
Cheers,
Benni

ex-MZ rider and now Pueblo fags smoker

€dit : typed too slow

Edited by Benni on Wednesday 24th September 23:58

[chedder]

Sat in a restuarant many years ago with the now ex-wife, both ordered dressed crab as a starter, meal placed on table by a stunningly good looking waitress, as we are tucking in to the crab I kept stealing furtive glances at the waitress so I was not fully concentrating on the food, then ex wife says she doesn't think much of the pastry......I looked at her plate to see that she had eaten half of the crab shell!

Laughed even more at her attempts to hide the shell under a piece of lettuce so that kitchen staff would not notice.
Dog house for a week

[pdV6]

Pigeon said:

crofty1984 said:

What is it with men and directions, why don't you just ask someone?

Because I know I won't be able to understand a word of what they say, as they will give directions that not only make sense only if you have lived there for 20 years, but have spent those 20 years looking at the place through their eyes. If I try to actually follow the directions I will rapidly end up ten times more lost than I am already and ten times more pissed off too. I find it is far more effective just to find my own way, and fortunately, being a pigeon, I can generally manage this.

In a similar vein, never ask a woman to give directions; they'll include such helpful hints as:

"left after the red car that's usually parked there"

"turn right before you see the church"

"it's near <insert random acquaintance that you've never met>'s house"

[wadgebeast]

Two from mine:

Trying to park in Looe, we spot what looks like a space. It's tiny and has the word 'M/CYCLES' painted on the tarmac; I put the car back in gear and look for something suitable. Missus asks: "What's a micycle?"

Watching Walking with Dinosaurs, she gets upset at the film crew for not intervening when a pair of raptors start teasing and then eating a baby stegosaurus.....

[Vesuvius 996]

One here.

Daily Mail showed a mock up tiny dinosaur which apparently has been discovered.

She says "but how did they get a photo of a dinosaur?"

[mechsympathy]

I once caught SWMBO googling for Ask.com

[jesta1865]

my stepdaughter is legendary for this.

we watched a channel 4 doco about what would happen if people disappeared overnight etc. and they started talking about Chernobyl, at which point my stepdaughter says ' i thought he was in star wars', after picking myself up off the floor, i ask 'do you mean Chewbacca?', thats the one she replies.

Even better is the fact she would like to save up and go to Cancun in Mexico, but thinks its too risky with the war on. Yes she thought the gulf war / Iraq operation was taking place in the Gulf of Mexico.

god help the legal firm she works for

[sjc]

Wife recently decided to take up tennis,and I decided to pop out and get her a racket. I shut the front door with her last comment to me ringing in my ears........................................................................................................................................................................................................................... " Don't forget I'm left handed"

[Ganglandboss]

Vesuvius 996 said:

One here.

Daily Mail showed a mock up tiny dinosaur which apparently has been discovered.

She says "but how did they get a photo of a dinosaur?"

Reminds me of one I heard one a while back (can't remember who told me) - he was watching 'Walking With Dinosaurs' and a dinosaur was hurt and in quite a bit of distress. Apparently his missus said, "You'd think the camera crew would try and help it".

[Scamper]

was on the plane flying to New York when the cabin crew came through handing out Landing cards and Visa forms, American woman sat next to me asked what they were. The steward replied landing cards and visa forms, the woman asked "for which country?"

"The USA, madam, thats where we are flying to" was the reply, I could not stifle laughing out loud...

[bertie]

Friends mother after moving house said "this new cooker is so much faster than the old one, it's because this one cooks in celcius not farenheit."

Mind you, she also said whilst looking at some photos "these are nice big photos, you must have a big camera."

[GCH]

Came straight to the mrs house from LHR after landing from JFK a week ago. Someone at an art preview I had been to the nite before had given me a novelty $1BILLION note.

Showed it to the mrs later on.

"wow...is it real?"

Edited by GCH on Friday 26th September 15:27