Stupidest/Funniest Sexual Moment

Stupidest/Funniest Sexual Moment

Author
Discussion

Brabus Jord

1,589 posts

222 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
anonymous said:
[redacted]
lol, happy ending smile

Poledriver

29,116 posts

209 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
I had a very strange sexually related experience on Friday. I put a posting on here asking for some help (I know, PH is the wrong place for that) and suddenly about ten W@nkers crawled out from under their stones!
It's OK, you can crawl back and carry on abusing yourselves now!

anonymous-user

69 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
I'm amazed at the things people admit to on here. How long does all this stuff get kept for.

I wonder if hoppy's descendants will get to enjoy his lovely little story.

The Stuntman *

609 posts

232 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Poledriver said:
I had a very strange sexually related experience on Friday. I put a posting on here asking for some help (I know, PH is the wrong place for that) and suddenly about ten W@nkers crawled out from under their stones!
It's OK, you can crawl back and carry on abusing yourselves now!
www.confused.com

anonymous-user

69 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Poledriver said:
I had a very strange sexually related experience on Friday. I put a posting on here asking for some help (I know, PH is the wrong place for that) and suddenly about ten W@nkers crawled out from under their stones!
It's OK, you can crawl back and carry on abusing yourselves now!
Ah rolley polley.

How's your peep hole going?

Has your ex girlfriend stripper soulmate been up to anything interesting?

blindswelledrat

25,257 posts

247 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Hoppy2008 said:
naked and crying.
.
My favorite three words. cloud9

Eddh

4,656 posts

207 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
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Walked into my girlfriends room to see what I thought was her ass poking out from under the table, me been a tt decieded to suprise her by creeping up behind getting down onto my knees and then pretending to do her from behind, it turned out to be her mother frown

I can say that was rather embarrising frown

Also presented a whole new playing feild when I realised her mother acturally had a cracking arse.

Andy Zarse

10,868 posts

262 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Vesuvius 996 said:
At a wedding of a Scottish friend and Gleneagles Hotel. Kilted up.

Managed to convince a girl to stay in my room that night.

Got her back to the room. Went to the bathroom to brush the teeth before getting down to it. Emerge from the bathroom to find her spread eagled naked on the top of the crisp white bed with her legs wide open.

I run towards the bed and leap Superman-like onto it, skidding across the pristine sheets. My kilt rides up around my middle, exposing my bare ar5e, whereupon I leave a three foot long "ginger wheelspin" of st on the bedcovers.

She leaves.
You are Angus Diggle AICMFP!

laugh

Justayellowbadge

37,057 posts

257 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Andy Zarse said:
You are Angus Diggle AICMFP!

laugh
Is that scottish for 'Walter Mitty'?

Bonnie and Clyde

11,701 posts

207 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Hoppy2008 said:
I took this bird home once - I sort of knew her through friends, and knew she was kinky bh.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, half way through, she was being filthy as fk, and was calling me all sorts of names.
God knows why, but I started to strangle her (not trying to kill her).
she panicked, and headbutted me.
I immediatley stopped, and held my nose (not bleeding, but ever so sore).
She's just sitting there, naked and crying.
I felt very awkward.
That is sooooo funny roflroflrofl
Bit of a drama queen then was she?
Did she let you carry on after she pulled herself together? hehe
Mel


(seriously though i'd have headbutted you too:smile:



Edited by Bonnie and Clyde on Tuesday 9th September 15:18

Hoppy2008

2,496 posts

210 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
blindswelledrat said:
Hoppy2008 said:
naked and crying.
.
My favorite three words. cloud9
I bet you like the poster for the film "A clockwork Orange". I haveit on my wall in my projector room...

"Being the adventures of a young man whose principal interests are rape, ultra-violence and Beethoven"

smile

Hoppy2008

2,496 posts

210 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Bonnie and Clyde said:
Hoppy2008 said:
I took this bird home once - I sort of knew her through friends, and knew she was kinky bh.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, half way through, she was being filthy as fk, and was calling me all sorts of names.
God knows why, but I started to strangle her (not trying to kill her).
she panicked, and headbutted me.
I immediatley stopped, and held my nose (not bleeding, but ever so sore).
She's just sitting there, naked and crying.
I felt very awkward.
That is sooooo funny roflroflrofl
Bit of a drama queen then was she?
Did she let you carry on after she pulled herself together? hehe
Mel


(seriously though i'd have headbutted you too:smile:



Edited by Bonnie and Clyde on Tuesday 9th September 15:18
We didnt carry on that night, but had another performance another time.
I wouldnt have headbutted you bonnie and clyde.
I'll prove it if ya like?!
smile

Hoppy2008

2,496 posts

210 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
anonymous said:
[redacted]
yikes

Andy Zarse

10,868 posts

262 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Justayellowbadge said:
Andy Zarse said:
You are Angus Diggle AICMFP!

laugh
Is that scottish for 'Walter Mitty'?
He was a Scottish lawyer, famous in legal circles for his "pulling technique" at weddings. I think it involved frilly cuffs. Google might be able to tell you ore.

ipwn

2,920 posts

206 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all

I said:
Odd one, here...

I did something that my mother wouldn't approve of but I never really found out if she did know or not. I'll explain.

She used to keep a mortar and pestle on the kitchen window shelf. I was entertaining a lady friend in the kitchen one evening and things got heated. During our session (bearing in mind my mum was in the adjacent living room) I reached back for the pestle and used it as a makeshift dildo. Beautiful. It worked so well that we ended up taking it up to the bedroom with us to continue with our rogering session. I can only assume that the missing pestle had been noted by mother as when I replaced it the next morning, both the mortar and pestle ended up nestling in the bin at the end of the day.

frown
100% sure I have read this on somethingawful forums !

edit - never mind

Edited by ipwn on Tuesday 9th September 15:25

Ry_B

2,256 posts

216 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
minimatt1967 said:
This is not a story of my own, but a friend of a friend.

Whilst at uni he'd been out drinking in a certain south coast town, met a young lady and they were getting on very well, so at the end of the evening she invited him back to her flat. Naturally he was well up for that!
So they get back to her place go into the bedroom getting busy, when he notices she's got hospital style bed sheet (hose off etc), so they carry on and all of a sudden she starts cramming love beads up his ass, he was quite quite drunk so he had become quite open minded and although a little confused he carried on.

Then the cheeky temptress yanked all the beads out at once, this caused him to st himself all over the bed. She then rolled herself into the excrement and screams at him 'fk me in your st!' he may have been pissed but not that pissed he grabbed his clothes and legged it!

Truly depraved but quite amusing!
rofl

Emmapuma

513 posts

214 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
this thread is brilliant!

ok mine seems quite tame in comparison but was embarassing none the less...

me and the ex were being all romantic - fluffy rug in front of an open fire house to ourselves - you know the score. anyway i had told him that it was 'the wrong time of month' for any sexual activities and that would pleasure him in other ways. anyway he got turned on and decided he wanted full on sex regardless of the fact i was on my period. so he put down one of his old t-shirts and proceeded to hump away. afterwards he washed the t-shirt and we forgot about it.

anyway a few days later we were sat in his living room whilst his mother was going through the washing and she came across said t-shirt with a huge blood stain on the front of it and promptly fainted thinking her son had been shot or something haha i had never been so embarassed in my life knowing the truth behind it

blindswelledrat

25,257 posts

247 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Emmapuma said:
this thread is brilliant!

ok mine seems quite tame in comparison but was embarassing none the less...

me and the ex were being all romantic - fluffy rug in front of an open fire house to ourselves - you know the score. anyway i had told him that it was 'the wrong time of month' for any sexual activities and that would pleasure him in other ways. anyway he got turned on and decided he wanted full on sex regardless of the fact i was on my period. so he put down one of his old t-shirts and proceeded to hump away. afterwards he washed the t-shirt and we forgot about it.

anyway a few days later we were sat in his living room whilst his mother was going through the washing and she came across said t-shirt with a huge blood stain on the front of it and promptly fainted thinking her son had been shot or something haha i had never been so embarassed in my life knowing the truth behind it
If ever its the right time for bum-sex....

Anyway, thanks for sharing the fact that you are simultaneously filthy whilst a bit st at blow jobs wink

Sicob

478 posts

243 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
I'm not sure how wrong this is.

When I was 21 I pulled a girl at a nightclub who was a few years older than me, we both fell asleep without shagging. Morning came, and I was desperate to nail it before I left. She had a kid. Anyhow, I got going on her humping her missionary position under the covers. The kid came in the room and jumped on my back (on top of the covers), but obviously I was boning his mother. I didn't stop as the kid held on like I was a rodeo bull, he thought it was a great fun ride trying to hold on as I finished his mother off.

I laughed after the fact when I realised how wrong it was, and how desperate I was.

Edited by Sicob on Tuesday 9th September 16:30

Hoppy2008

2,496 posts

210 months

Tuesday 9th September 2008
quotequote all
Sicob said:
I'm not sure how wrong this is.

When I was 21 I pulled a girl at a nightclub who was a few years older than me, we both fell asleep without shagging. Morning came, and I was desperate to nail it before I left. She had a kid. Anyhow, I got going on her humping her missionary position under the covers. The kid came in the room and jumped on my back (on top of the covers), but obviously I was boning his mother. I didn't stop as the kid held on like I was a rodeo bull, he thought it was a great fun ride trying to hold on as I finished his mother off.

I laughed after the fact when I realised who wrong it was, and how desperate I was.
We have a winner!
So wrong that its right!!
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