Stupidest/Funniest Sexual Moment
Discussion
Poledriver said:
I had a very strange sexually related experience on Friday. I put a posting on here asking for some help (I know, PH is the wrong place for that) and suddenly about ten W@nkers crawled out from under their stones!
It's OK, you can crawl back and carry on abusing yourselves now!
www.confused.comIt's OK, you can crawl back and carry on abusing yourselves now!
Poledriver said:
I had a very strange sexually related experience on Friday. I put a posting on here asking for some help (I know, PH is the wrong place for that) and suddenly about ten W@nkers crawled out from under their stones!
It's OK, you can crawl back and carry on abusing yourselves now!
Ah rolley polley.It's OK, you can crawl back and carry on abusing yourselves now!
How's your peep hole going?
Has your ex girlfriend stripper soulmate been up to anything interesting?
Walked into my girlfriends room to see what I thought was her ass poking out from under the table, me been a t
t decieded to suprise her by creeping up behind getting down onto my knees and then pretending to do her from behind, it turned out to be her mother 
I can say that was rather embarrising
Also presented a whole new playing feild when I realised her mother acturally had a cracking arse.
t decieded to suprise her by creeping up behind getting down onto my knees and then pretending to do her from behind, it turned out to be her mother I can say that was rather embarrising
Also presented a whole new playing feild when I realised her mother acturally had a cracking arse.
Vesuvius 996 said:
At a wedding of a Scottish friend and Gleneagles Hotel. Kilted up.
Managed to convince a girl to stay in my room that night.
Got her back to the room. Went to the bathroom to brush the teeth before getting down to it. Emerge from the bathroom to find her spread eagled naked on the top of the crisp white bed with her legs wide open.
I run towards the bed and leap Superman-like onto it, skidding across the pristine sheets. My kilt rides up around my middle, exposing my bare ar5e, whereupon I leave a three foot long "ginger wheelspin" of st on the bedcovers.
She leaves.
You are Angus Diggle AICMFP! Managed to convince a girl to stay in my room that night.
Got her back to the room. Went to the bathroom to brush the teeth before getting down to it. Emerge from the bathroom to find her spread eagled naked on the top of the crisp white bed with her legs wide open.
I run towards the bed and leap Superman-like onto it, skidding across the pristine sheets. My kilt rides up around my middle, exposing my bare ar5e, whereupon I leave a three foot long "ginger wheelspin" of s
t on the bedcovers.She leaves.
Hoppy2008 said:
I took this bird home once - I sort of knew her through friends, and knew she was kinky bh.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, half way through, she was being filthy as fk, and was calling me all sorts of names.
God knows why, but I started to strangle her (not trying to kill her).
she panicked, and headbutted me.
I immediatley stopped, and held my nose (not bleeding, but ever so sore).
She's just sitting there, naked and crying.
I felt very awkward.
That is sooooo funny h.Anyway, to cut a long story short, half way through, she was being filthy as f
k, and was calling me all sorts of names.God knows why, but I started to strangle her (not trying to kill her).
she panicked, and headbutted me.
I immediatley stopped, and held my nose (not bleeding, but ever so sore).
She's just sitting there, naked and crying.
I felt very awkward.
Bit of a drama queen then was she?
Did she let you carry on after she pulled herself together?
Mel
(seriously though i'd have headbutted you too:
:Edited by Bonnie and Clyde on Tuesday 9th September 15:18
blindswelledrat said:
Hoppy2008 said:
naked and crying.
.
My favorite three words. .
"Being the adventures of a young man whose principal interests are rape, ultra-violence and Beethoven"
Bonnie and Clyde said:
Hoppy2008 said:
I took this bird home once - I sort of knew her through friends, and knew she was kinky bh.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, half way through, she was being filthy as fk, and was calling me all sorts of names.
God knows why, but I started to strangle her (not trying to kill her).
she panicked, and headbutted me.
I immediatley stopped, and held my nose (not bleeding, but ever so sore).
She's just sitting there, naked and crying.
I felt very awkward.
That is sooooo funny h.Anyway, to cut a long story short, half way through, she was being filthy as f
k, and was calling me all sorts of names.God knows why, but I started to strangle her (not trying to kill her).
she panicked, and headbutted me.
I immediatley stopped, and held my nose (not bleeding, but ever so sore).
She's just sitting there, naked and crying.
I felt very awkward.
Bit of a drama queen then was she?
Did she let you carry on after she pulled herself together?
Mel
(seriously though i'd have headbutted you too:
:Edited by Bonnie and Clyde on Tuesday 9th September 15:18
I wouldnt have headbutted you bonnie and clyde.
I'll prove it if ya like?!
I said:
Odd one, here...
I did something that my mother wouldn't approve of but I never really found out if she did know or not. I'll explain.
She used to keep a mortar and pestle on the kitchen window shelf. I was entertaining a lady friend in the kitchen one evening and things got heated. During our session (bearing in mind my mum was in the adjacent living room) I reached back for the pestle and used it as a makeshift dildo. Beautiful. It worked so well that we ended up taking it up to the bedroom with us to continue with our rogering session. I can only assume that the missing pestle had been noted by mother as when I replaced it the next morning, both the mortar and pestle ended up nestling in the bin at the end of the day.
100% sure I have read this on somethingawful forums !I did something that my mother wouldn't approve of but I never really found out if she did know or not. I'll explain.
She used to keep a mortar and pestle on the kitchen window shelf. I was entertaining a lady friend in the kitchen one evening and things got heated. During our session (bearing in mind my mum was in the adjacent living room) I reached back for the pestle and used it as a makeshift dildo. Beautiful. It worked so well that we ended up taking it up to the bedroom with us to continue with our rogering session. I can only assume that the missing pestle had been noted by mother as when I replaced it the next morning, both the mortar and pestle ended up nestling in the bin at the end of the day.
edit - never mind
Edited by ipwn on Tuesday 9th September 15:25
minimatt1967 said:
This is not a story of my own, but a friend of a friend.
Whilst at uni he'd been out drinking in a certain south coast town, met a young lady and they were getting on very well, so at the end of the evening she invited him back to her flat. Naturally he was well up for that!
So they get back to her place go into the bedroom getting busy, when he notices she's got hospital style bed sheet (hose off etc), so they carry on and all of a sudden she starts cramming love beads up his ass, he was quite quite drunk so he had become quite open minded and although a little confused he carried on.
Then the cheeky temptress yanked all the beads out at once, this caused him to st himself all over the bed. She then rolled herself into the excrement and screams at him 'fk me in your st!' he may have been pissed but not that pissed he grabbed his clothes and legged it!
Truly depraved but quite amusing!
Whilst at uni he'd been out drinking in a certain south coast town, met a young lady and they were getting on very well, so at the end of the evening she invited him back to her flat. Naturally he was well up for that!
So they get back to her place go into the bedroom getting busy, when he notices she's got hospital style bed sheet (hose off etc), so they carry on and all of a sudden she starts cramming love beads up his ass, he was quite quite drunk so he had become quite open minded and although a little confused he carried on.
Then the cheeky temptress yanked all the beads out at once, this caused him to s
t himself all over the bed. She then rolled herself into the excrement and screams at him 'fk me in your st!' he may have been pissed but not that pissed he grabbed his clothes and legged it!Truly depraved but quite amusing!
this thread is brilliant!
ok mine seems quite tame in comparison but was embarassing none the less...
me and the ex were being all romantic - fluffy rug in front of an open fire house to ourselves - you know the score. anyway i had told him that it was 'the wrong time of month' for any sexual activities and that would pleasure him in other ways. anyway he got turned on and decided he wanted full on sex regardless of the fact i was on my period. so he put down one of his old t-shirts and proceeded to hump away. afterwards he washed the t-shirt and we forgot about it.
anyway a few days later we were sat in his living room whilst his mother was going through the washing and she came across said t-shirt with a huge blood stain on the front of it and promptly fainted thinking her son had been shot or something haha i had never been so embarassed in my life knowing the truth behind it
ok mine seems quite tame in comparison but was embarassing none the less...
me and the ex were being all romantic - fluffy rug in front of an open fire house to ourselves - you know the score. anyway i had told him that it was 'the wrong time of month' for any sexual activities and that would pleasure him in other ways. anyway he got turned on and decided he wanted full on sex regardless of the fact i was on my period. so he put down one of his old t-shirts and proceeded to hump away. afterwards he washed the t-shirt and we forgot about it.
anyway a few days later we were sat in his living room whilst his mother was going through the washing and she came across said t-shirt with a huge blood stain on the front of it and promptly fainted thinking her son had been shot or something haha i had never been so embarassed in my life knowing the truth behind it
Emmapuma said:
this thread is brilliant!
ok mine seems quite tame in comparison but was embarassing none the less...
me and the ex were being all romantic - fluffy rug in front of an open fire house to ourselves - you know the score. anyway i had told him that it was 'the wrong time of month' for any sexual activities and that would pleasure him in other ways. anyway he got turned on and decided he wanted full on sex regardless of the fact i was on my period. so he put down one of his old t-shirts and proceeded to hump away. afterwards he washed the t-shirt and we forgot about it.
anyway a few days later we were sat in his living room whilst his mother was going through the washing and she came across said t-shirt with a huge blood stain on the front of it and promptly fainted thinking her son had been shot or something haha i had never been so embarassed in my life knowing the truth behind it
If ever its the right time for bum-sex....ok mine seems quite tame in comparison but was embarassing none the less...
me and the ex were being all romantic - fluffy rug in front of an open fire house to ourselves - you know the score. anyway i had told him that it was 'the wrong time of month' for any sexual activities and that would pleasure him in other ways. anyway he got turned on and decided he wanted full on sex regardless of the fact i was on my period. so he put down one of his old t-shirts and proceeded to hump away. afterwards he washed the t-shirt and we forgot about it.
anyway a few days later we were sat in his living room whilst his mother was going through the washing and she came across said t-shirt with a huge blood stain on the front of it and promptly fainted thinking her son had been shot or something haha i had never been so embarassed in my life knowing the truth behind it
Anyway, thanks for sharing the fact that you are simultaneously filthy whilst a bit s
t at blow jobs 
I'm not sure how wrong this is.
When I was 21 I pulled a girl at a nightclub who was a few years older than me, we both fell asleep without shagging. Morning came, and I was desperate to nail it before I left. She had a kid. Anyhow, I got going on her humping her missionary position under the covers. The kid came in the room and jumped on my back (on top of the covers), but obviously I was boning his mother. I didn't stop as the kid held on like I was a rodeo bull, he thought it was a great fun ride trying to hold on as I finished his mother off.
I laughed after the fact when I realised how wrong it was, and how desperate I was.
When I was 21 I pulled a girl at a nightclub who was a few years older than me, we both fell asleep without shagging. Morning came, and I was desperate to nail it before I left. She had a kid. Anyhow, I got going on her humping her missionary position under the covers. The kid came in the room and jumped on my back (on top of the covers), but obviously I was boning his mother. I didn't stop as the kid held on like I was a rodeo bull, he thought it was a great fun ride trying to hold on as I finished his mother off.
I laughed after the fact when I realised how wrong it was, and how desperate I was.
Edited by Sicob on Tuesday 9th September 16:30
Sicob said:
I'm not sure how wrong this is.
When I was 21 I pulled a girl at a nightclub who was a few years older than me, we both fell asleep without shagging. Morning came, and I was desperate to nail it before I left. She had a kid. Anyhow, I got going on her humping her missionary position under the covers. The kid came in the room and jumped on my back (on top of the covers), but obviously I was boning his mother. I didn't stop as the kid held on like I was a rodeo bull, he thought it was a great fun ride trying to hold on as I finished his mother off.
I laughed after the fact when I realised who wrong it was, and how desperate I was.
We have a winner!When I was 21 I pulled a girl at a nightclub who was a few years older than me, we both fell asleep without shagging. Morning came, and I was desperate to nail it before I left. She had a kid. Anyhow, I got going on her humping her missionary position under the covers. The kid came in the room and jumped on my back (on top of the covers), but obviously I was boning his mother. I didn't stop as the kid held on like I was a rodeo bull, he thought it was a great fun ride trying to hold on as I finished his mother off.
I laughed after the fact when I realised who wrong it was, and how desperate I was.
So wrong that its right!!
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