Other peoples kids.
Discussion
Right, I'm a miserable b'stard at the best of times, however, when my house is invaded by other people and their spawn I make Victor Meldrew look like Mary Poppins.
So, to set the scene, my wife takes part in the 'Race for Life 10k run' on the sunday that has just passed. Not content with doing her bit for charity (I'm quite happy with this), she invites a load of her chums back for 'lunch'. Fine I think. Several sporty, lycra clad, sweaty women all in need of a bit of hosing down and sustinance. I see an opportuntiy for some quality letching.
Oh no. They bring their leeches with them.
Leeches that immediately put their stinky trainered feet up on my new sofa, that make a beeline for my Rock Hero guitar and proceed to use it as an axe, that when I put 2 large ready cooked chickens out as part of the buffet, one little fat f
ker takes ALL, yes ALL of the chicken breast of both chickens, eats some of it then throws it away so he can take 4 muffins to gorge his not inconsiderable body on. Watching 'Jack', who is the spit of Augustus Gloop made me grimace with anger. Another brat then decides he's going to eat 'just crisps' because he "hates everything else". Little fking . 'I'll give him crisps' I thought to myself. Enough crisps to make him distend his fetid little body until it bursts all over my trampoline that he is now using as his own private self abuse compound.
Where were the parents during this? In my garden drinking my wine, eating my food (what their obsese little spawns hadn't already taken) and not taking a blind bit of notice of the kids ranging from 2 to 14.
This has been eating at me for two days now. I'd die with shame if my kids acted like this in somebody elses house.
To sum up. I don't like kids much. I like other peoples kids even less.
Thanks for listening, I'm off to have a stroke.
So, to set the scene, my wife takes part in the 'Race for Life 10k run' on the sunday that has just passed. Not content with doing her bit for charity (I'm quite happy with this), she invites a load of her chums back for 'lunch'. Fine I think. Several sporty, lycra clad, sweaty women all in need of a bit of hosing down and sustinance. I see an opportuntiy for some quality letching.
Oh no. They bring their leeches with them.
Leeches that immediately put their stinky trainered feet up on my new sofa, that make a beeline for my Rock Hero guitar and proceed to use it as an axe, that when I put 2 large ready cooked chickens out as part of the buffet, one little fat f
ker takes ALL, yes ALL of the chicken breast of both chickens, eats some of it then throws it away so he can take 4 muffins to gorge his not inconsiderable body on. Watching 'Jack', who is the spit of Augustus Gloop made me grimace with anger. Another brat then decides he's going to eat 'just crisps' because he "hates everything else". Little fking . 'I'll give him crisps' I thought to myself. Enough crisps to make him distend his fetid little body until it bursts all over my trampoline that he is now using as his own private self abuse compound.Where were the parents during this? In my garden drinking my wine, eating my food (what their obsese little spawns hadn't already taken) and not taking a blind bit of notice of the kids ranging from 2 to 14.
This has been eating at me for two days now. I'd die with shame if my kids acted like this in somebody elses house.
To sum up. I don't like kids much. I like other peoples kids even less.
Thanks for listening, I'm off to have a stroke.
Edited by Cara van Man on Tuesday 25th May 17:05
CONTROL YOUR f
Cara van Man said:
Right, I'm a miserable b'stard at the best of times, however, when my house is invaded by other people and their spawn I make Victor Meldrew look like Mary Poppins.
So, to set the scene, my wife takes part in the 'Race for Life 10k run' on the sunday that has just passed. Not content with doing her bit for charity (I'm quite happy with this), she invites a load of her chums back for 'lunch'. Fine I think. Several sporty, lycra clad, sweaty women all in need of a bit of hosing down and sustinance. I see an opportuntiy for some quality letching.
Oh no. They bring their leeches with them.
Leeches that immediately put their stinky trainered feet up on my new sofa, that make a beeline for my Rock Hero guitar and proceed to use it as an axe, that when I put 2 large ready cooked chickens out as part of the buffet, one little fat fker takes ALL, yes ALL of the chicken breast of both chickens, eats some of it then throws it away so he can take 4 muffins to gorge his not inconsiderable body on. Watching 'Jack', who is the spit of Augustus Gloop made me grimace with anger. Another brat then decides he's going to eat 'just crisps' because he "hates everything else". Little fking . 'I'll give him crisps' I thought to myself. Enough crisps to make him distend his fetid little body until it bursts all over my trampoline that he is now using as his own private self abuse compound.
Where were the parents during this? In my garden drinking my wine, eating my food (what their obsese little spawns hadn't already taken) and not taking a blind bit of notice of the kids ranging from 2 to 14.
This has been eating at me for two days now. I'd die with shame if my kids acted like this in somebody elses house.
To sum up. I don't like kids much. I like other peoples kids even less.
Thanks for listening, I'm off to have a stroke.
The one that put his feet on your couch... just push him off... hard enough that he hurts himself on landing and goes crying to mummy. You then simply deny it. Who will they all believe... a gross little urchin hell-bent on ruining the day or the child you pushed off? So, to set the scene, my wife takes part in the 'Race for Life 10k run' on the sunday that has just passed. Not content with doing her bit for charity (I'm quite happy with this), she invites a load of her chums back for 'lunch'. Fine I think. Several sporty, lycra clad, sweaty women all in need of a bit of hosing down and sustinance. I see an opportuntiy for some quality letching.
Oh no. They bring their leeches with them.
Leeches that immediately put their stinky trainered feet up on my new sofa, that make a beeline for my Rock Hero guitar and proceed to use it as an axe, that when I put 2 large ready cooked chickens out as part of the buffet, one little fat f
ker takes ALL, yes ALL of the chicken breast of both chickens, eats some of it then throws it away so he can take 4 muffins to gorge his not inconsiderable body on. Watching 'Jack', who is the spit of Augustus Gloop made me grimace with anger. Another brat then decides he's going to eat 'just crisps' because he "hates everything else". Little fking . 'I'll give him crisps' I thought to myself. Enough crisps to make him distend his fetid little body until it bursts all over my trampoline that he is now using as his own private self abuse compound.Where were the parents during this? In my garden drinking my wine, eating my food (what their obsese little spawns hadn't already taken) and not taking a blind bit of notice of the kids ranging from 2 to 14.
This has been eating at me for two days now. I'd die with shame if my kids acted like this in somebody elses house.
To sum up. I don't like kids much. I like other peoples kids even less.
Thanks for listening, I'm off to have a stroke.
Funniest thing I've read in ages!
jas xjr said:
we had some friends around on sunday evening for a meal and a drink. they brought their two daughters with them. they were well behaved and even ate some food. they took part in the conversation and were delightful. cara , maybe choose your friends more carefully 
That's half the problem. They were not my friends....in fact they were not even my wifes 'real' friends, but fellow students on her course. A couple of them were ok, but the majority were ringpieces.LDN said:
The one that put his feet on your couch... just push him off... hard enough that he hurts himself on landing and goes crying to mummy. You then simply deny it. Who will they all believe... a gross little urchin hell-bent on ruining the day or the child you pushed off?
Well, as i saw him put his feet up I discretely said in a low, menacing voice "GET. YOUR. FEET. DOWN.", and stared at him until he caved in.
I was treading a fine line because he looked like he was going to piss himself with fear, and then it would have been a bit self-defeating as my sofa would have had a piss patch.
Edited by Cara van Man on Tuesday 25th May 17:32
On another forum:
Right so I was round at this friend of my mums and was just relaxing on the sofa when this old, bald geezer started growling really weirdly while staring at me and licking an ice cream like that girl off the Flake advert from years ago.
ETA oh and he was rubbing himself through his khaki shorts that were way too small for him, and he was wearing white socks with sandals. And a string vest.
FETA and humming Erasure.
Right so I was round at this friend of my mums and was just relaxing on the sofa when this old, bald geezer started growling really weirdly while staring at me and licking an ice cream like that girl off the Flake advert from years ago.
ETA oh and he was rubbing himself through his khaki shorts that were way too small for him, and he was wearing white socks with sandals. And a string vest.
FETA and humming Erasure.
Edited by DrTre on Tuesday 25th May 17:47
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff