Do a good deed and let it bite you in the ass...

[Du1point8]

How is it some people are so naive or just stupid that they just cant get it, when people are helping them out and they think they can just do what they want.

So one night I get called by the OH to come and talk to her as we happened to be in the same location drinking, just with different sets of friends... Her friend needs my help and advice... Mainly needs to find a loan but its too late in the day to get it for monday (was thursday evening)...

So due to the person being a very good friend of the OH I wander across and to cut a long story short I offer to help on the proviso that I dont like to be fked with over money and Im not nice when you start doing that to me... but as she has deposit of her flat owed (minus small things) and some wages that cover the loan and should be in within the a week or two... I said that I dont like lending to friends as it would put a strain on her relationship with my OH and my relationship with my OH...

So after the initial conversation I later send her a contract stating that this is not a long term loan (1/2/3 years, etc) and its a stop gap loan to give her the necessary time to get a loan off someone more official from a bank, hence there are no repayment options other than in full and no interest charges. Also tell her that if she agrees to all the contents of the email that I would accept her email back as a contractual agreement. She did so.

All is good and I bugger off to the alps for a holiday and then get back and ask her how the progress is going, then a week later I do so again (she doesnt like talking to me as I talk fast and use words she doesn understand)... now Im getting nothing off her, then an email appears stating that she has been really busy at work (call center manager, but apparantly works longer and harder than I do at an investment bank) and not had time to reply before now, but she will reply in a bit.

Get more quietness and I get pissed off and tell OH that its her friend and to go and explain to her that ignoring me and not being proactive with contacting me when I help her out is 1) fking rude and 2) not how an adult works in the real world.

Then get told that she doesnt understand the email and there are a few other things that she didnt think important at the time, but have now come up...

The deposit is no more as it was used to pay the last month's rent (they broke a 2 month notice a month early to get a new flat) and the wages she has not chased up at all, but promises to do so... Now if the first bit of information had been put forward I would have told her to eff off and she can lose the £200 she put down on the new flat rather than pay double rent by having 2 flats.

I am not best pleased and ask her why she didnt think to tell me any of this and ask her which bits she didnt get of the email that had the terms of the loan in? She said she thought she understood the email and did tell me all of this...

She then got hold of me and told she didnt understand the part about it being a short term loan or a stop gap until she could get to a bank or what that meant and why there was no repayment option in there or interest charges as thats what she thought would be there after the discussion. She then offered £200 a month to pay it off as this in her opinion is short term (2years)... All the time saying she is not dishonest and will pay it back... honest!! OH heard about this and then said I must try and keep it civil (I was thinking civil courts, but not allowed yet) but she asked me to keep calm after she heard and she knows Im usually a laid back person, but some really do take the piss...

Since I cant get her on the phone (she is embarassed to talk or hiding), I have gone through the whole contract again answering her questions and stating again the meaning of a short term loan and say the disappointment that she hide key details from me when taking advantage of my generosity and then not being forth coming with information that affects the repayment...

I ended up telling her that the monetary situation she is in is not my problem and that she should go get a loan as originally suggested and she dont seem to understand and thinks I should wait and suffer due to her situation and she sits there with my money that should have come back already.

At least I learn one thing out of this... my lending money days are over as this is the last straw, not even close family is getting any help due to other people borrowing and then sticking their head up their own ass and hope that I might just fk off or be understanding when they can even do the simplest of things like go get a fking bank loan and then pay them back rather than me!!!

Can all call me stupid now!!

But it feels better to get that off my chest rather than rant to the OH about her fking naive idiot of a friend who has no idea of living in the real world and expects everything to revolve around her.

Anyone else got bitten from helping others out financially or not?

[m8rky]

"Never a borrower or a lender be" .My Gran.

[Cleckheatonlock]

Offered to take a friend shopping as she has whiplash and can't carry bags, and her OH was at work

Turned corner of aisle in supermarket with her (was the wifes Maid of Honour) to bump into the wife, 25 miles from where she now lives, shopping with her parents. First time I had seen her in about 8 weeks after all the problems documented on here.

Was a bit of a shock. That'll teach me to try and help friends out

[gareth.e]

a tad but only a small amount when I was younger and I have decided never to lend again.

Some people, regardless if they are friends or family will take the piss.

[I Love Lamp]

Cleckheatonlock said:

Offered to take a friend shopping as she has whiplash and can't carry bags, and her OH was at work

Turned corner of aisle in supermarket with her (was the wifes Maid of Honour) to bump into the wife, 25 miles from where she now lives, shopping with her parents. First time I had seen her in about 8 weeks after all the problems documented on here.

Was a bit of a shock. That'll teach me to try and help friends out

Is your friend good looking? Did you have to explain yourself? Are they still good friends?

Hopefully the answers are yes and no and no

And now your wife will be wondering why you were with this other girl

OP - We all learn the hard way. Lend only what you can afford to lose.

[snowy slopes]

I once made the mistake of lending my brother some money when he was on hard times, now the situation is reversed, and i could do with it back, will i see it?? Will i fk. Yet my folks(when my dad was alive) insisted he was poor, and had no money. Hmm, right so going away in B&B's every other weekend, going to an expensive gym three nights a week, drinking 3 nights a week, running a mitsubishi shogun and having the latest phones and telly is poor is it?? I want some of that action please

[okgo]

Women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

[james_tigerwoods]

That sucks - how much was it for?

What, exactly, can be done here - where do you and she stand from a legal state? Would you be able to chase her for the money (even with the contract there) and would you not be considered an "illegal" money lender and any contract considered null and void?

[Cleckheatonlock]

I Love Lamp said:

Is your friend good looking? Did you have to explain yourself? Are they still good friends?

Hopefully the answers are yes and no and no

And now your wife will be wondering why you were with this other girl

OP - We all learn the hard way. Lend only what you can afford to lose.

The friend is lovely but is married to another friend. Didn't have to explain anything as she looked at the floor and scuttled away, and why should I (she ran off with another bloke), and no, they no longer speak. They were my friends that I introduced her to and have completely cut her off!

Just to rub salt into the wound, she left me the week before their wedding, when she was supposed to be a bridesmaid for them. She's burnt a lot of bridges!!

[okgo]

james_tigerwoods said:

That sucks - how much was it for?

What, exactly, can be done here - where do you and she stand from a legal state? Would you be able to chase her for the money (even with the contract there) and would you not be considered an "illegal" money lender and any contract considered null and void?

I know your not famed for your attention to detail, but he did mention she suggested £200 for 2 years, so one would imagine she borrowed £4800 off him?

[anonymous-user]

I rarely lend anyone money, as I know theres a chance I wont ever see it again.

I might lend a good friend £50 if I know they're good for it, but my mates dont mess me around and I've always had the money back within a few weeks at the most.

[james_tigerwoods]

okgo said:

james_tigerwoods said:

That sucks - how much was it for?

What, exactly, can be done here - where do you and she stand from a legal state? Would you be able to chase her for the money (even with the contract there) and would you not be considered an "illegal" money lender and any contract considered null and void?

I know your not famed for your attention to detail, but he did mention she suggested £200 for 2 years, so one would imagine she borrowed £4800 off him?

[incredulous] Eh, y'what [/incredulous]

[Attempt to dig self out of hole. Again] But it could be £5000.... [/d'oh]

I did spot that, but brain and typing appear to be mismatched today...

[wolves_wanderer]

Lending a substantial amount of cash to a mate of your bird's?


hmmm, I feel a need for the belm picture

{sorry)

[blindswelledrat]

Jesus, you must be fking furious.

THe thing that makes me really angry for you is that one selfish has turned you into a miserable bd. I don't mean offense by that, I can relate to it completely.
I hate mates having money issues and I like to be able to help out.
Yet it takes one to make you assume that everyone is a and then the next time someone asks you for help then you feel suspiscious and unwilling.

[James P]

Du1point8 said:

Anyone else got bitten from helping others out financially or not?

Yes, I did similar except it was to help cover (alleged) medical expenses.

Despite having emails/ texts etc saying you will be paid back in full, she will soon say that the money was, in fact, a gift. The next step will be ignoring all attempts at contact including pretending that the mobile number is not hers. As she too rents property, you can expect her to throw in a bonus change of address for good measure - although agents trace people easily enough.

Sounds like we have both learned the same lesson!

[Soovy]

Du1point8 said:

How is it some people are so naive or just stupid that they just cant get it, when people are helping them out and they think they can just do what they want.

So one night I get called by the OH to come and talk to her as we happened to be in the same location drinking, just with different sets of friends... Her friend needs my help and advice... Mainly needs to find a loan but its too late in the day to get it for monday (was thursday evening)...

So due to the person being a very good friend of the OH I wander across and to cut a long story short I offer to help on the proviso that I dont like to be fked with over money and Im not nice when you start doing that to me... but as she has deposit of her flat owed (minus small things) and some wages that cover the loan and should be in within the a week or two... I said that I dont like lending to friends as it would put a strain on her relationship with my OH and my relationship with my OH...

So after the initial conversation I later send her a contract stating that this is not a long term loan (1/2/3 years, etc) and its a stop gap loan to give her the necessary time to get a loan off someone more official from a bank, hence there are no repayment options other than in full and no interest charges. Also tell her that if she agrees to all the contents of the email that I would accept her email back as a contractual agreement. She did so.

All is good and I bugger off to the alps for a holiday and then get back and ask her how the progress is going, then a week later I do so again (she doesnt like talking to me as I talk fast and use words she doesn understand)... now Im getting nothing off her, then an email appears stating that she has been really busy at work (call center manager, but apparantly works longer and harder than I do at an investment bank) and not had time to reply before now, but she will reply in a bit.

Get more quietness and I get pissed off and tell OH that its her friend and to go and explain to her that ignoring me and not being proactive with contacting me when I help her out is 1) fking rude and 2) not how an adult works in the real world.

Then get told that she doesnt understand the email and there are a few other things that she didnt think important at the time, but have now come up...

The deposit is no more as it was used to pay the last month's rent (they broke a 2 month notice a month early to get a new flat) and the wages she has not chased up at all, but promises to do so... Now if the first bit of information had been put forward I would have told her to eff off and she can lose the £200 she put down on the new flat rather than pay double rent by having 2 flats.

I am not best pleased and ask her why she didnt think to tell me any of this and ask her which bits she didnt get of the email that had the terms of the loan in? She said she thought she understood the email and did tell me all of this...

She then got hold of me and told she didnt understand the part about it being a short term loan or a stop gap until she could get to a bank or what that meant and why there was no repayment option in there or interest charges as thats what she thought would be there after the discussion. She then offered £200 a month to pay it off as this in her opinion is short term (2years)... All the time saying she is not dishonest and will pay it back... honest!! OH heard about this and then said I must try and keep it civil (I was thinking civil courts, but not allowed yet) but she asked me to keep calm after she heard and she knows Im usually a laid back person, but some really do take the piss...

Since I cant get her on the phone (she is embarassed to talk or hiding), I have gone through the whole contract again answering her questions and stating again the meaning of a short term loan and say the disappointment that she hide key details from me when taking advantage of my generosity and then not being forth coming with information that affects the repayment...

I ended up telling her that the monetary situation she is in is not my problem and that she should go get a loan as originally suggested and she dont seem to understand and thinks I should wait and suffer due to her situation and she sits there with my money that should have come back already.

At least I learn one thing out of this... my lending money days are over as this is the last straw, not even close family is getting any help due to other people borrowing and then sticking their head up their own ass and hope that I might just fk off or be understanding when they can even do the simplest of things like go get a fking bank loan and then pay them back rather than me!!!

Can all call me stupid now!!

But it feels better to get that off my chest rather than rant to the OH about her fking naive idiot of a friend who has no idea of living in the real world and expects everything to revolve around her.

Anyone else got bitten from helping others out financially or not?

I have a saying.

"Nothing will kill you faster than a favour".

She understood, she's taking the p155. She has the money now, and will squirm all she can.

[james_tigerwoods]

If you want the money back, I get the impression that you're either going to have to accept the £200 a month or you'll see her in court.

Either way, I suspect that any friendship will be tainted.

Has your OH fallen out with her?

Bad st man....

[Soovy]

PM me if you want help mate.

[RDMcG]

Its very disappointing and I can well understand your frustration. Like other posters, I have also lent money, but not recently. It is a relationship killer. When things go wrong and they did in my experience) it is painful to change from friend to creditor. I would far prefer to give the money than lend it at this stage.

[sleep envy]

can she work it off?