Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[McAndy]

Muntu said:

I was spooning the wife earlier when I rested my nob against her ahole: "What do you reckon?" I whispered, "fancy a bit??" "Pack it in" she said. She didn't have to tell me twice.

And another for the shopping trolley one.

[Muntu]

I was watching my wife about to throw herself off a cliff when she shouted "You drove me to this."

Just as well, I thought, or she would still be reversing out of the garage

[cookmysock]

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s OK now

[Asterix]

0K surely?

[Vaud]

cookmysock said:

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s OK now

And fellow scientists just said, "Ignore him, he's being impossible again"

[Tyre Smoke]

Jesus loves you." A nice gesture in church. A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

[Laurel Green]

[Pixelpeep]

is that real?

If so, FFS.

[Muntu]

I phoned my local council and asked them what precautions had been put in place in the event of a Dalek invasion.
They told me steps have been put in place.

[Laurel Green]

Pixelpeep said:

is that real?

If so, FFS.

Tesco in Kingsland Road, East London.

Clicky

[PoleDriver]

Muntu said:

I phoned my local council and asked them what precautions had been put in place in the event of a Dalek invasion.
They told me steps have been put in place.

That must be a very old joke!
Daleks conquered stairs in 1988!

[strummerville]

Sean Connery was hit on the head on by a book recently.

"I only have my shelf to blame..."

[monthefish]

^^

[ChemicalChaos]

I can't count to 10 in French.... I have a huit allergy

[pincher]

Milton Jones?

[Quickmoose]

When I was a boy, my fairy god mother came to me and said..
"I can offer you a long memory or a long cock..."

Do you know for the life of me I can't recall what I said in reply...

[illmonkey]

Quickmoose said:

When I was a boy, my fairy god mother came to me and said..
"I can offer you a long memory or a long cock..."

Do you know for the life of me I can't recall what I said in reply...

...and then it hit me!

[pincher]

Milton Jones?

[pincher]

Milton Jones?

[Jonboy_t]

Milton Jones?