Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[james12345]

Bipolar - A bear who likes a bit of both.

[MikeGTi]

ShaunOfCalder said:

The irony is that Oscar Pistorius will wake up this morning and there really will be a burglar using his toilet.

The Pistorious jokes are coming in faster than a bullet through a toilet door.

[Monkey boy 1]

Just when Oscar Pistotius thought it couldn't get any worse.

He gets allocated the top bunk.

[JohnSW20]

Monkey boy 1 said:

Just when Oscar Pistotius thought it couldn't get any worse.

He gets allocated the top bunk.

ha ha

[Hugo a Gogo]

Alvin Stardust really does feel like Buddy Holly now

[K12beano]

Doh! More news via PH SCJT....!

[Funkycoldribena]

Any snipers on here?

[anonymous-user]

My mate asked me if he could crash on my sofa, I had to explain to him that I was married now and it wouldn't be possible as that's where I sleep.

[slopes]

digimeistter said:

My mate asked me if he could crash on my sofa, I had to explain to him that I was married now and it wouldn't be possible as that's where I sleep.

[Evangelion]

soad said:

I saw a cougar.

In leopard-print tights.

Driving a Jaguar.

No lion.

Easy, tiger.

(Was she wearing Puma trainers as well?)

[soad]

Evangelion said:

Easy, tiger.

(Was she wearing Puma trainers as well?)

[Hooli]

I found these gems in an antique shop...

How do you get a one armed Essex girl out of a tree?

Wave.

What does an Essex girl use for protection?

A bus shelter.

Why do Essex girls like adjustable steering wheels?

More headroom.

[Funkycoldribena]

Funkycoldribena said:

Any snipers on here?

Oh well,knew it was a long shot.

[RobinBanks]

Funkycoldribena said:

Funkycoldribena said:

Any snipers on here?

Oh well,knew it was a long shot.

You've really scoped this thread out.

[Hugo a Gogo]

Funkycoldribena said:

Funkycoldribena said:

Any snipers on here?

Oh well,knew it was a long shot.

badum tish!

[Adenauer]

Funkycoldribena said:

Funkycoldribena said:

Any snipers on here?

Oh well,knew it was a long shot.

For two and a half hours you managed to restrain yourself, well done.

[gowmonster]

I really wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on.
The suspension is killing me.

[Asterix]

Hugo a Gogo said:

Funkycoldribena said:

Funkycoldribena said:

Any snipers on here?

Oh well,knew it was a long shot.

badum tish!

Crack, thump - surely...

[Funkycoldribena]

I've just been overtaken by a Nazi doing 88mph.
Must have been going back to the fuhrer.

[Duke147]

Asterix said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

Funkycoldribena said:

Funkycoldribena said:

Any snipers on here?

Oh well,knew it was a long shot.

badum tish!

Crack, thump - surely...

...or if it was a REALLY long shot. - *thump*...*crack!*