Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Cotty said:
rohrl said:
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah that's the one."
Always raised a smile that oneThe librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah that's the one."
The librarian never heard the shot.
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?
Where do they go?
Wonder no more!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
Where do they go?
Wonder no more!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
Saturday Morning, 2:00 am
Early Saturday morning a policeman waited across the street from a popular bar, hoping to nail a drunk driver, possibly preventing a tragic accident.
At closing time the patrons came out and the officer spotted his potential quarry. One man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.
After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.
Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00.
The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed.
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I am the designated decoy!"
Early Saturday morning a policeman waited across the street from a popular bar, hoping to nail a drunk driver, possibly preventing a tragic accident.
At closing time the patrons came out and the officer spotted his potential quarry. One man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.
After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.
Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00.
The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed.
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I am the designated decoy!"
soad said:
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I've never really understood why people find this joke funny, as I would never intentionally lick my fingers after fingering my girlfriend???A: Both are finger licking good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.
They are all asked: 'When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?'
The first guy says: 'I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man.'
The second guy says: 'I would like to hear that I was a school teacher who made a huge difference.'
The last guy replies: 'I would like to hear them say... "LOOK .. HE'S MOVING!"'
They are all asked: 'When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?'
The first guy says: 'I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man.'
The second guy says: 'I would like to hear that I was a school teacher who made a huge difference.'
The last guy replies: 'I would like to hear them say... "LOOK .. HE'S MOVING!"'
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