Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
ked by Vulcans.
So the lawyer says to his client, a wealthy art collector: "I have good news and bad news."
The collector replies: "Well I've had an awful day, so good news first."
The lawyer says: "Your wife invested £20,000 in two pictures today that she reckons are worth a minimum of £500,000."
The collector is over the moon: "Well done, very good news indeed! You've just made my day; so what's the bad news then?"
The lawyer replies: "The pictures are of you shagging your secretary.”
The collector replies: "Well I've had an awful day, so good news first."
The lawyer says: "Your wife invested £20,000 in two pictures today that she reckons are worth a minimum of £500,000."
The collector is over the moon: "Well done, very good news indeed! You've just made my day; so what's the bad news then?"
The lawyer replies: "The pictures are of you shagging your secretary.”
Edited by Evangelion on Sunday 1st March 02:02
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see
the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That's my ball over
there. May I have it, please?"
The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I think I understand"
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball,
then walks back and throws it into the yard as well.
The man says, "What did you do that for?"
The golfer replies...
"I consider myself a Gentleman, and I
believe every prick should have two balls."
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.
After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.
She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!'
'Blowjobs!' the woman replied.
It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...
No more blowjobs for her!
She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off!...
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books.
'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.
The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook... you're gone.'
After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.
She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!'
'Blowjobs!' the woman replied.
It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...
No more blowjobs for her!
She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off!...
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books.
'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.
The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook... you're gone.'
YankeePorker said:
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see
the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That's my ball over
there. May I have it, please?"
The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I think I understand"
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball,
then walks back and throws it into the yard as well.
The man says, "What did you do that for?"
The golfer replies...
"I consider myself a Gentleman, and I
believe every prick should have two balls."
I thought he was going to get his wife, not another ball.As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see
the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That's my ball over
there. May I have it, please?"
The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I think I understand"
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball,
then walks back and throws it into the yard as well.
The man says, "What did you do that for?"
The golfer replies...
"I consider myself a Gentleman, and I
believe every prick should have two balls."
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