Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

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Impasse

15,099 posts

240 months

Monday 25th May 2015
quotequote all
Laurel Green said:
Man goes into chemist for new pair of spectacles.
"Good morning" he said. "I'd like to buy a wasp, please."

littleredrooster

5,523 posts

195 months

Monday 25th May 2015
quotequote all
Man goes into chemist and asks for K-Y Jelly.

"Sorry, sir, we have none left. Have you tried Boots?"

"Boots?? I want to slide in, not fekkin' march in!"

PoleDriver

28,616 posts

193 months

Monday 25th May 2015
quotequote all
Laurel Green said:
Man goes into chemist for new pair of spectacles.
OK, as nobody else bit... He should have gone to Specsavers! smile

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Monday 25th May 2015
quotequote all
Man enters chemist......





Oo-er!!!!!

driverrob

4,687 posts

202 months

Monday 25th May 2015
quotequote all
PoleDriver said:
Laurel Green said:
Man goes into chemist for new pair of spectacles.
OK, as nobody else bit... He should have gone to Specsavers! smile
I thought most UK chemists and pharmacies in supermarkets had a spectacles section.

jbudgie

8,843 posts

211 months

Monday 25th May 2015
quotequote all
Impasse said:
Laurel Green said:
Man goes into chemist for new pair of spectacles.
"Good morning" he said. "I'd like to buy a wasp, please."
Did they have some in the window?smile

Justayellowbadge

Original Poster:

37,057 posts

241 months

Monday 25th May 2015
quotequote all
Man goes into a chemist and asks for deodorant.

Chemist asks 'Ball or aerosol?'

Man says 'Ball, I think, I like to do my bit for the environment.'

Edited by Justayellowbadge on Monday 25th May 21:17

twing

4,996 posts

130 months

Monday 25th May 2015
quotequote all
jbudgie said:
Did they have some in the window?smile
They should have bee n under the counter

havoc

29,927 posts

234 months

Monday 25th May 2015
quotequote all
Justayellowbadge said:
Man goes into a chemist and asks for deodorant.

Chemist asks 'Ball or aerosol?'

Man says 'Ball, I think, I like to do my bit for the environment.'

Edited by Justayellowbadge on Monday 25th May 21:17
Not a Scandanavian chemist then? wink

Vipers

32,797 posts

227 months

Tuesday 26th May 2015
quotequote all
Laurel Green said:
Man goes into chemist for new pair of spectacles.
Man walks into a butchers shop.

"Can I help you sir"

"Yes I am here for my new spectacles"

"Try next door, this is the butchers shop"




smile

CR6ZZ

1,313 posts

144 months

Tuesday 26th May 2015
quotequote all
Just heard about the young couple who didn't know the difference between K-Y Jelly and putty.



All their windows fell out.

Asterix

24,438 posts

227 months

Tuesday 26th May 2015
quotequote all
havoc said:
Justayellowbadge said:
Man goes into a chemist and asks for deodorant.

Chemist asks 'Ball or aerosol?'

Man says 'Ball, I think, I like to do my bit for the environment.'

Edited by Justayellowbadge on Monday 25th May 21:17
Not a Scandanavian chemist then? wink
Classic sketch.

I still say 'armpits' as if I was this dude...


Laurel Green

30,770 posts

231 months

Tuesday 26th May 2015
quotequote all
Somewhere in Ireland a teacher asks her class:

"Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend? "

Young Paddy raises his hand and says "Trudy Glenn Miss."

"No Paddy ," says the teacher. "The answer is Maid Marion ".

But Miss, what about that song we used to sing,

Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glenn.

EarlOfHazard

3,601 posts

157 months

Tuesday 26th May 2015
quotequote all
Laurel Green said:
Somewhere in Ireland a teacher asks her class:

"Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend? "

Young Paddy raises his hand and says "Trudy Glenn Miss."

"No Paddy ," says the teacher. "The answer is Maid Marion ".

But Miss, what about that song we used to sing,

Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glenn.
hahaha

McAndy

12,336 posts

176 months

Tuesday 26th May 2015
quotequote all
Chuckle.

marshalla

15,902 posts

200 months

Tuesday 26th May 2015
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Trevor Baylis to coach England cricket team ? That has to be another wind-up.

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Tuesday 26th May 2015
quotequote all
Did you hear.....
marshalla said:
Trevor Baylis to coach England cricket team ? That has to be another wind-up.
....on the radio?

Vipers

32,797 posts

227 months

Wednesday 27th May 2015
quotequote all
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided, he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

His father said "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"



smile


rohrl

8,712 posts

144 months

Wednesday 27th May 2015
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My wife asked "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

"It isn't what you're thinking" I told her, "it's ice-cream."

She said "How did you manage to get ice-cream all over the computer?"

I said "Have you ever tried eating an ice-cream while masturbating?"

LordHaveMurci

12,034 posts

168 months

Wednesday 27th May 2015
quotequote all
Went to a fancy dress party last night,

My pinata costume was a big hit.
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