Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
EarlOfHazard said:
‘PSYCHIATRIST VS. BARTENDER
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the shrink. "Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears".
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it", I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?", he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck."
"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
FORGET THE SHRINKS. HAVE A GLASS OF WINE & TALK TO A BARTENDER! ITS ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION!
The brother never mentioned it again?Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the shrink. "Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears".
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it", I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?", he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck."
"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
FORGET THE SHRINKS. HAVE A GLASS OF WINE & TALK TO A BARTENDER! ITS ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION!
Bill dies and goes to heaven.
As he walks through the Pearly Gates he sees a massive wall completly covered with clocks.
He says to St. Peter "What are all those clocks?" St Peter replies "They are peoples life clocks"
As Bill is looking at the wall of clocks he notices that every now and then one of the clocks shoots forward an hour, he asks St Peter "Why do some of the clocks shoot forward an hour?" St. Peter replies "Every time someone has a w
k their clock advances an hour" Where's Russell Brands Clock?" asks Bill.
St Peter replies "It's in my office. I use it as a fan!"
As he walks through the Pearly Gates he sees a massive wall completly covered with clocks.
He says to St. Peter "What are all those clocks?" St Peter replies "They are peoples life clocks"
As Bill is looking at the wall of clocks he notices that every now and then one of the clocks shoots forward an hour, he asks St Peter "Why do some of the clocks shoot forward an hour?" St. Peter replies "Every time someone has a w
k their clock advances an hour" Where's Russell Brands Clock?" asks Bill.St Peter replies "It's in my office. I use it as a fan!"
leigh1050 said:
Bill dies and goes to heaven.
As he walks through the Pearly Gates he sees a massive wall completly covered with clocks.
He says to St. Peter "What are all those clocks?" St Peter replies "They are peoples life clocks"
As Bill is looking at the wall of clocks he notices that every now and then one of the clocks shoots forward an hour, he asks St Peter "Why do some of the clocks shoot forward an hour?" St. Peter replies "Every time someone has a wk their clock advances an hour" Where's Russell Brands Clock?" asks Bill.
St Peter replies "It's in my office. I use it as a fan!"
www.deathclock.comAs he walks through the Pearly Gates he sees a massive wall completly covered with clocks.
He says to St. Peter "What are all those clocks?" St Peter replies "They are peoples life clocks"
As Bill is looking at the wall of clocks he notices that every now and then one of the clocks shoots forward an hour, he asks St Peter "Why do some of the clocks shoot forward an hour?" St. Peter replies "Every time someone has a w
k their clock advances an hour" Where's Russell Brands Clock?" asks Bill.St Peter replies "It's in my office. I use it as a fan!"
john2443 said:
As the joke thread is usually the first place to spot an obituary, I'm disappointed that no ones come up with a joke about the Bin Laden's plane crashing at Blackbush car auctions.
(That's an observation not a joke before anyone asks!)
Four people died, but the aeroplane only seated three...(That's an observation not a joke before anyone asks!)
It was overladen.
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