Discussion
Can't sleep a wink so thought I may as well share my woes.
Had a call today as I was driving home from work to say that my 69 year old father had been airlifted to hospital with a suspected stroke. He'd been helping a friend get a yacht in the water (apparently no lifting, just observing a crane) and with the job finished he was on the yacht with a few others (still in the harbour) when it happened.
I live in the midlands, my folks are in North Wales, and I set about driving to Bangor hospital straight away, all kinds of things going through my head as I'd no idea how he was or even if he was alive. Eventually bits of info came through via family and it seemed he was conscious which calmed me down a lot. Thankfully I didn't get stuck in traffic as I think I would have done my nut.
During the journey it was decided that he was going to be moved to a specialist unit in Liverpool as a scan had shown he has brain haemorrhage and could need an operation. My mum was with him by this point but could not travel in the ambiwlans.
By this time I'd met up with my older sister who was travelling up from Bristol to visit my folks today anyway. We picked up my mum near Bangor and doubled back to go straight to Liverpool to see dad.
It was gone 10pm by the time we arrived and as thankfully he'd been stable and awake the whole time, he was just on a normal shared ward. The ambiwlans hadn't been far ahead of us as they took it very steady and so they were still getting him set up.
After what seemed like ages we were allowed to go and see him.
The only way I can describe it is that my dad is currently a shell of his former self. It is deeply upsetting to see him in this state. He appears to have lost the use of his entire left side and as such his face hangs strangely. Thankfully it seems he's mentally ok; he's able to speak but his speech is very weak and hard to understand. From what we could gather he seemed to remember everything from the day but it is hard to know the long term effects.
It's hard to describe the anguish I'm feeling now. I feel so sorry for him as yes he's my dad but he has a very full life and is very active. He's a semi-retired engineer with long career in the nuclear industry and now works for himself as a consultant to provide training. So much knowledge and experience in that head.
He's also become very community minded in the last view years and to all our amazement has recently joined a male voice choir. (He's a quietly spoken man). He's also started going to welsh lessons as he felt it was about time he learned the language after living in Wales nearly all his life.
He's the type of man who is never still and when he's not out and about he's usually building something in the garden or workshop. He's been making a beautiful toy box for my baby son and it breaks my heart to think that he might not get to finish it.
He even goes to a gym session every week since having a replacement knee 18 months ago. Doesn't smoke, and watches his diet as he's always been mindful that his own father suffered strokes and died at 70.
There's so many little things that have all come crashing down and feels completely out of the blue. We'd planned a big family gathering for his 70th in a few weeks time in a big house in South Wales. I was looking into hiring an Austin healey 3000 for the day for him as he's always said it's his favourite car but I don't think he's ever driven one. Now I don't even know if he will drive again. He and my mum had just paid for a holiday for the two of them too.
Tonight he seemed trapped in his body, barely able to communicate, completely worn out and at the moment it's hard to imagine what things are going to be like from now on.
I should be knackered after all the driving (much of it in tears to be honest) but am wide awake wondering how he's feeling, whether he fully understands what is going on, and if he will recover and generally despairing at the whole situation.
Had a call today as I was driving home from work to say that my 69 year old father had been airlifted to hospital with a suspected stroke. He'd been helping a friend get a yacht in the water (apparently no lifting, just observing a crane) and with the job finished he was on the yacht with a few others (still in the harbour) when it happened.
I live in the midlands, my folks are in North Wales, and I set about driving to Bangor hospital straight away, all kinds of things going through my head as I'd no idea how he was or even if he was alive. Eventually bits of info came through via family and it seemed he was conscious which calmed me down a lot. Thankfully I didn't get stuck in traffic as I think I would have done my nut.
During the journey it was decided that he was going to be moved to a specialist unit in Liverpool as a scan had shown he has brain haemorrhage and could need an operation. My mum was with him by this point but could not travel in the ambiwlans.
By this time I'd met up with my older sister who was travelling up from Bristol to visit my folks today anyway. We picked up my mum near Bangor and doubled back to go straight to Liverpool to see dad.
It was gone 10pm by the time we arrived and as thankfully he'd been stable and awake the whole time, he was just on a normal shared ward. The ambiwlans hadn't been far ahead of us as they took it very steady and so they were still getting him set up.
After what seemed like ages we were allowed to go and see him.
The only way I can describe it is that my dad is currently a shell of his former self. It is deeply upsetting to see him in this state. He appears to have lost the use of his entire left side and as such his face hangs strangely. Thankfully it seems he's mentally ok; he's able to speak but his speech is very weak and hard to understand. From what we could gather he seemed to remember everything from the day but it is hard to know the long term effects.
It's hard to describe the anguish I'm feeling now. I feel so sorry for him as yes he's my dad but he has a very full life and is very active. He's a semi-retired engineer with long career in the nuclear industry and now works for himself as a consultant to provide training. So much knowledge and experience in that head.
He's also become very community minded in the last view years and to all our amazement has recently joined a male voice choir. (He's a quietly spoken man). He's also started going to welsh lessons as he felt it was about time he learned the language after living in Wales nearly all his life.
He's the type of man who is never still and when he's not out and about he's usually building something in the garden or workshop. He's been making a beautiful toy box for my baby son and it breaks my heart to think that he might not get to finish it.
He even goes to a gym session every week since having a replacement knee 18 months ago. Doesn't smoke, and watches his diet as he's always been mindful that his own father suffered strokes and died at 70.
There's so many little things that have all come crashing down and feels completely out of the blue. We'd planned a big family gathering for his 70th in a few weeks time in a big house in South Wales. I was looking into hiring an Austin healey 3000 for the day for him as he's always said it's his favourite car but I don't think he's ever driven one. Now I don't even know if he will drive again. He and my mum had just paid for a holiday for the two of them too.
Tonight he seemed trapped in his body, barely able to communicate, completely worn out and at the moment it's hard to imagine what things are going to be like from now on.
I should be knackered after all the driving (much of it in tears to be honest) but am wide awake wondering how he's feeling, whether he fully understands what is going on, and if he will recover and generally despairing at the whole situation.
I'm sorry that you've had to go through this nightmare.
Iirc from what you've said the signs are good for his recovery, it may take a while though.
You can drive him in the Austin to the party, just put it back a little depending on what the Dr says today. Their holiday will be covered by insurance I'm sure (at that age they tend to if anything like my folks anyway!)
Everything crossed for good news for you all today, please keep us updated
Iirc from what you've said the signs are good for his recovery, it may take a while though.
You can drive him in the Austin to the party, just put it back a little depending on what the Dr says today. Their holiday will be covered by insurance I'm sure (at that age they tend to if anything like my folks anyway!)
Everything crossed for good news for you all today, please keep us updated
What doctors can do now is amazing so you are far from all is lost yet. If hes talking and knows who you are etc then you are all lucky in that respect.
When growing up you do everything you can to get away from your embarrassing parents but as you grow older you cherish the time you have got together.
I hope for you and your family that things continue to improve.
When growing up you do everything you can to get away from your embarrassing parents but as you grow older you cherish the time you have got together.
I hope for you and your family that things continue to improve.
Big man hugs, fella.
I went through something similar only a week ago, speeding up the motorway as my Dad had had a stroke. I hope things go as smoothly as possible with your Dad's recovery. My Dad has also been significantly affected by his stroke, but he's still mentally himself and he's still with us. Both huge positives.
I went through something similar only a week ago, speeding up the motorway as my Dad had had a stroke. I hope things go as smoothly as possible with your Dad's recovery. My Dad has also been significantly affected by his stroke, but he's still mentally himself and he's still with us. Both huge positives.
Heart attacks run in my family and so I understand your point.
My father had a heart attack at 57 but went on to live into his 90's. I was on holiday with one of my brothers and when we got home it was shocking to see how frail he looked.
Up until that point he had always been the big and strong exWW2 para.
Your father sounds a very fit man and so has strength on his side to help in his recovery. He must slow down and now be more selective in his activities.
Fingers crossed he will be out of hospital soon.
My father had a heart attack at 57 but went on to live into his 90's. I was on holiday with one of my brothers and when we got home it was shocking to see how frail he looked.
Up until that point he had always been the big and strong exWW2 para.
Your father sounds a very fit man and so has strength on his side to help in his recovery. He must slow down and now be more selective in his activities.
Fingers crossed he will be out of hospital soon.
This happened to my father at the age of 70 years..
Your dad has survived and can talk. Have a look at the others in the stroke ward, you'll get a feeling for the spectrum of how people are affected..
In the next few weeks he'll possibly:
Learn to swallow (if not already)
Improve his speech
Get sensations back in hs face and swallow without dribbling!
Learn to walk with a 'stroke like limp' as I put it
Get movement in his arm
Improve his balance
Get on with life
If required, there's lot's of support out there if you look for it...
Your dad has survived and can talk. Have a look at the others in the stroke ward, you'll get a feeling for the spectrum of how people are affected..
In the next few weeks he'll possibly:
Learn to swallow (if not already)
Improve his speech
Get sensations back in hs face and swallow without dribbling!
Learn to walk with a 'stroke like limp' as I put it
Get movement in his arm
Improve his balance
Get on with life
If required, there's lot's of support out there if you look for it...
My gran had a stoke a few years back and lost most of the feeling/functions on one side of her body, she quickly made a full recovery and is still going strong and as healthy as ever, I'm keeping everything crossed that your dad has the same outcome, as others have said, try and stay positive.
Chin up fella , stay strong and positive, be positive around the old fella.
Having had a minor stroke 3 1/2 years ago you do go through a bit of terror at what has happened, no pain just things suddenly don't work , then mental frustration that it takes so long to do what was automatic previously.
The modern treatments are very effective.
Best wishes for a good outcome .
Having had a minor stroke 3 1/2 years ago you do go through a bit of terror at what has happened, no pain just things suddenly don't work , then mental frustration that it takes so long to do what was automatic previously.
The modern treatments are very effective.
Best wishes for a good outcome .
Well I write this sat by my dad's bed in the stroke unit. 4 weeks ago got the call and rushed up here, the following Saturday another call saying I really needed to get here quickly and now today he's pretty much out of it with another infection. Fairly major stroke. Can't speak or understand writing/pictures but is fully 'with it' just can't communicate - today he looks really old and really Ill for a 74yr old. Having asbestos based lung cancer and no chance if any more chemo doesnt help either. So basically it's s
t really really st.
Couple of things.
Get power of attorney sorted makes things easier at difficult times to help manage affairs etc if someone can't communicate easily.
Be prepared for some/one in particular very difficult question from the doctors.
Carers have been great. Not much anyone can do just a matter of time either way.
So anyway you have my sympathies as I really understand what it's like.
t really really st. Couple of things.
Get power of attorney sorted makes things easier at difficult times to help manage affairs etc if someone can't communicate easily.
Be prepared for some/one in particular very difficult question from the doctors.
Carers have been great. Not much anyone can do just a matter of time either way.
So anyway you have my sympathies as I really understand what it's like.
very sorry for the OP, this happened to me when I was 24, my dad was a fit 64 year old, but suffered with high BP, he suffered a stroke, came round for a few hrs, but just a shell, had chance to say my last good byes but not sure if he heard me. He died on his b-day.
Would give up everything in a blink, just have another 5 mins with him.
Hope your dad pulls through.....
Would give up everything in a blink, just have another 5 mins with him.
Hope your dad pulls through.....
Thanks all for your kind words, it means a lot. Some of your stories help put things in perspective and make me realise we are actually very lucky indeed. Some heartbreaking tales above.
Dad has shown some small but steady improvements today. His face looks more symmetrical and he is slightly easier to understand when he speaks (maybe I'm just getting used to it). He actually looks pretty good all considered.
He was given some water and tablets this morning with little problem, which showed his swallow reflex still works. He's then had lots of drinks via straw and was obviously very thirsty. Unfortunately most times after he has a drink he then gets hiccups and feels he's going to be sick, but doesn't actually get to the stage of being sick thankfully. I think he worries he's dribbling when he drinks as he keeps moving his hand to his mouth but he's actually barely losing any at all. Later in the day he was even holding the cup himself but couldn't always locate the straw.
He's even got some movement in his left side! This morning as we arrived we noticed his left leg moving about. He can't actually move it voluntarily but seemed to be able to feel his left foot being touched/brushed. Later he indicated for me to hold his left hand, and he showed me that he could grip with his finger and thumb. He could also feel contact on his left arm whereas yesterday he couldn't at all.
This afternoon he was given soup and ice cream and from what we can gather, it went fine.
Crucially it's apparent he's still of sound mind. He's asking relevant questions and his vocabulary seems fine too i.e he doesn't seem to struggle to think of the words, just struggles to actually speak.
He's still extremely tired/drowsy and seems to doze off as soon as you stop talking to him. He was knackered this evening and I was worried he might be deteriorating but he responded every time and we were even able to share the odd joke. We've told him he's got some rewiring to do tonight in order to get things moving again.
He hasn't expressed any distress at his situation which is good, but equally I was worried he didn't grasp the situation. I no longer thing that, as tonight he told us how glad he was that my sister and I are here to support my mum. So he knows the score i think.
As per last night, we were able tell him we love him and he was able to reply. Reading some of the above posts I'm so glad we can do this. We are a close family but this is not something we normally need to say to eachother (it goes without saying I guess). It's awful to see him so helpless but we're now feeling we can start just focussing on the positives.
Also, we found out a bit more of what happened today as my mum spoke to yacht owning friend. As we knew, he'd got on board the yacht via a vertical ladder on the harbour wall and it was probably this bit of exertion that exposed whatever weakness was lying in wait. Thankfully one of the other men (a vet) spotted the signs straight away and called 999 with no messing about. The Seaking helicopter came from RAF Valley and landed by the harbour. Meanwhile the coastguard also turned up and delivered the Seaking crew to the yacht. They then used the crane that had been used to lower the yacht to get dad up onto the harbour side so that he could then be put in the Seaking. According to his friends he was well within the so called 'Golden Hour' of treatment starting. The Seaking remained on the ground for a few minutes while they started treating him.
I can't help thinking it was extremely lucky that he was on a boat when it happened as I imagine this triggered the air / sea response rather than an ambulance. Far better to happen like this than on his own while digging in the garden or out walking with my sister's young kids as he was the day before.
Again I've waffled on but I find it helps to put it all down in writing. I feel I can now try and think of something else without feeling guilty, if that makes sense.
Thanks again for your support. Really hoping for more improvements tomorrow.
Dad has shown some small but steady improvements today. His face looks more symmetrical and he is slightly easier to understand when he speaks (maybe I'm just getting used to it). He actually looks pretty good all considered.
He was given some water and tablets this morning with little problem, which showed his swallow reflex still works. He's then had lots of drinks via straw and was obviously very thirsty. Unfortunately most times after he has a drink he then gets hiccups and feels he's going to be sick, but doesn't actually get to the stage of being sick thankfully. I think he worries he's dribbling when he drinks as he keeps moving his hand to his mouth but he's actually barely losing any at all. Later in the day he was even holding the cup himself but couldn't always locate the straw.
He's even got some movement in his left side! This morning as we arrived we noticed his left leg moving about. He can't actually move it voluntarily but seemed to be able to feel his left foot being touched/brushed. Later he indicated for me to hold his left hand, and he showed me that he could grip with his finger and thumb. He could also feel contact on his left arm whereas yesterday he couldn't at all.
This afternoon he was given soup and ice cream and from what we can gather, it went fine.
Crucially it's apparent he's still of sound mind. He's asking relevant questions and his vocabulary seems fine too i.e he doesn't seem to struggle to think of the words, just struggles to actually speak.
He's still extremely tired/drowsy and seems to doze off as soon as you stop talking to him. He was knackered this evening and I was worried he might be deteriorating but he responded every time and we were even able to share the odd joke. We've told him he's got some rewiring to do tonight in order to get things moving again.
He hasn't expressed any distress at his situation which is good, but equally I was worried he didn't grasp the situation. I no longer thing that, as tonight he told us how glad he was that my sister and I are here to support my mum. So he knows the score i think.
As per last night, we were able tell him we love him and he was able to reply. Reading some of the above posts I'm so glad we can do this. We are a close family but this is not something we normally need to say to eachother (it goes without saying I guess). It's awful to see him so helpless but we're now feeling we can start just focussing on the positives.
Also, we found out a bit more of what happened today as my mum spoke to yacht owning friend. As we knew, he'd got on board the yacht via a vertical ladder on the harbour wall and it was probably this bit of exertion that exposed whatever weakness was lying in wait. Thankfully one of the other men (a vet) spotted the signs straight away and called 999 with no messing about. The Seaking helicopter came from RAF Valley and landed by the harbour. Meanwhile the coastguard also turned up and delivered the Seaking crew to the yacht. They then used the crane that had been used to lower the yacht to get dad up onto the harbour side so that he could then be put in the Seaking. According to his friends he was well within the so called 'Golden Hour' of treatment starting. The Seaking remained on the ground for a few minutes while they started treating him.
I can't help thinking it was extremely lucky that he was on a boat when it happened as I imagine this triggered the air / sea response rather than an ambulance. Far better to happen like this than on his own while digging in the garden or out walking with my sister's young kids as he was the day before.
Again I've waffled on but I find it helps to put it all down in writing. I feel I can now try and think of something else without feeling guilty, if that makes sense.
Thanks again for your support. Really hoping for more improvements tomorrow.
Edited by Pappagallo on Saturday 19th April 00:56
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