How to become a guardian of step-child?
Discussion
I'm step-dad to my partner's 13 yr old daughter and was wondering how I become a legal guardian? Her Dad comes across as a bit of a dick and regularly upsets her by not calling, not replying to her calls/texts and cancelling pre arranged days out with her.
I want to show her how much I care for her and to increase the "proper" family unit feeling for her and despite not being her biological father, I want to fill that role legally. Her Mum and I aren't married (yet) so what's the best way to go about it? I'm not looking to strike him off the register as such as he's still her Dad.
TIA
Nathan
I want to show her how much I care for her and to increase the "proper" family unit feeling for her and despite not being her biological father, I want to fill that role legally. Her Mum and I aren't married (yet) so what's the best way to go about it? I'm not looking to strike him off the register as such as he's still her Dad.
TIA
Nathan
MissChief said:
I did google it but wasn't sure if those links referred to my situation or a foster type arrangement with talk of social services etc. I looked into this as I had a similar situation. IIRC you may need the father's permission. I haven't bothered yet with it as I married my Missus and the kids took my surname, now everyone just assumes I am the biological father.
Are you close to your step child? If so, no paperwork can reinforce that bond. I am close to my stepchildren and they know without a doubt that I have their back. They do love their real dad, but they know that I will never let them down like he did. That is more important than any court order.
Are you close to your step child? If so, no paperwork can reinforce that bond. I am close to my stepchildren and they know without a doubt that I have their back. They do love their real dad, but they know that I will never let them down like he did. That is more important than any court order.
HUFC said:
eybic said:
I want to fill that role legally.
Nathan
You need to wait a few years and even then I don't think it's legal.Nathan
Ohhh role
Sorry
It's called parental responsibility.
Easiest is with the father's permission, but without you can apply to court to gain permission to apply for it against his will. I believe you must be married to the mother.
My personal feeling is that if the father is involved, you should not do it. The child already has two parents.
PR is not granted to complete family units or as a reward for being a good step-dad, and should not be seen in this way - no court will do so.
It is also a lifetime commitment - once granted, if you and the mother split, you are still legally a parent and will potentially have CSA liabilities and responsibilities for the child's further education.
Not something to be entered lightly.
Easiest is with the father's permission, but without you can apply to court to gain permission to apply for it against his will. I believe you must be married to the mother.
My personal feeling is that if the father is involved, you should not do it. The child already has two parents.
PR is not granted to complete family units or as a reward for being a good step-dad, and should not be seen in this way - no court will do so.
It is also a lifetime commitment - once granted, if you and the mother split, you are still legally a parent and will potentially have CSA liabilities and responsibilities for the child's further education.
Not something to be entered lightly.
Zerotonine said:
Are you close to your step child? If so, no paperwork can reinforce that bond. I am close to my stepchildren and they know without a doubt that I have their back. They do love their real dad, but they know that I will never let them down like he did. That is more important than any court order.
Some very beautiful and true words here.I am in the adverse situation that I am separated from my son's mother and still always have his back and be there for him!
Although couldn't stifle a laugh at HUFC's comment...
Parental responsibility first stop.
Think you don't need it................maybe not.
bad case scenario:
You are busy at work you get a call from the child's school at 3.45pm. junior hasn't been picked up by his mother.
You then go and pick him up and go home find a note from Mum: She has left you it's not you it's her she is confused she needs to find her own "space".
You have no legal authority over that child. Child continues to stay with you. child has fall at school retrieving football from tree. You go to hospital.........no parental responsibility no authority for consent to operation forms.
Or School finds out they may well then involve the dreaded social services
Far fetched maybe but believe me but parental responsibility is the first step you should be seeking. There are several solicitors specialise in family law who will give a half hour or so consultation free.
Non of the above is meant to offend just the situations you may end up in.
Think you don't need it................maybe not.
bad case scenario:
You are busy at work you get a call from the child's school at 3.45pm. junior hasn't been picked up by his mother.
You then go and pick him up and go home find a note from Mum: She has left you it's not you it's her she is confused she needs to find her own "space".
You have no legal authority over that child. Child continues to stay with you. child has fall at school retrieving football from tree. You go to hospital.........no parental responsibility no authority for consent to operation forms.
Or School finds out they may well then involve the dreaded social services
Far fetched maybe but believe me but parental responsibility is the first step you should be seeking. There are several solicitors specialise in family law who will give a half hour or so consultation free.
Non of the above is meant to offend just the situations you may end up in.
I am in a very similar situation although my "daughter" has absolutely no contact with her dad. I got with her mum when the little one was six months old. Where the father is we don't know.
We live together and about to get married next month. We looked into the whole adoption thing and was advised we would need the fathers consent to carry that out. That would mean finding him, and involving him in our lives, which we did not want to do. Now we are on the verge of marriage, we were concerned about the changing of surnames. To do that we do not need the fathers consent - on the wedding day we notify the necessary legals that the new wife and her daughter are now known by my surname - for the daughter it is a small fee for a legal form. All very simple.
As for the parental consent - I have assumed responsibility by virtue of our living arrangements. when our daugher broke her arm I signed the necessary consent documents for the ermergency operation with absolutely no issues. For a planned operation she had, I again signed the necessary documentation although mum had been involved in the build up.
It is not as bad or confusing as we thought it would be. I have the parental responsibility, the daughter has or will have my name, and the father has nothing to do with any decision.
One thing our solicitor did mention was we could still, even after marriage, go after her dad for CSA payments etc. Which I thought was odd.
We live together and about to get married next month. We looked into the whole adoption thing and was advised we would need the fathers consent to carry that out. That would mean finding him, and involving him in our lives, which we did not want to do. Now we are on the verge of marriage, we were concerned about the changing of surnames. To do that we do not need the fathers consent - on the wedding day we notify the necessary legals that the new wife and her daughter are now known by my surname - for the daughter it is a small fee for a legal form. All very simple.
As for the parental consent - I have assumed responsibility by virtue of our living arrangements. when our daugher broke her arm I signed the necessary consent documents for the ermergency operation with absolutely no issues. For a planned operation she had, I again signed the necessary documentation although mum had been involved in the build up.
It is not as bad or confusing as we thought it would be. I have the parental responsibility, the daughter has or will have my name, and the father has nothing to do with any decision.
One thing our solicitor did mention was we could still, even after marriage, go after her dad for CSA payments etc. Which I thought was odd.
gpo746 said:
Parental responsibility first stop.
Think you don't need it................maybe not.
bad case scenario:
You are busy at work you get a call from the child's school at 3.45pm. junior hasn't been picked up by his mother.
You then go and pick him up and go home find a note from Mum: She has left you it's not you it's her she is confused she needs to find her own "space".
You have no legal authority over that child. Child continues to stay with you. child has fall at school retrieving football from tree. You go to hospital.........no parental responsibility no authority for consent to operation forms.
Or School finds out they may well then involve the dreaded social services
Far fetched maybe but believe me but parental responsibility is the first step you should be seeking. There are several solicitors specialise in family law who will give a half hour or so consultation free.
Non of the above is meant to offend just the situations you may end up in.
Firstly, the children's act allows for the mother to write to school, gp etc to authorise the step parent to make such decisions, see records and the like. Think you don't need it................maybe not.
bad case scenario:
You are busy at work you get a call from the child's school at 3.45pm. junior hasn't been picked up by his mother.
You then go and pick him up and go home find a note from Mum: She has left you it's not you it's her she is confused she needs to find her own "space".
You have no legal authority over that child. Child continues to stay with you. child has fall at school retrieving football from tree. You go to hospital.........no parental responsibility no authority for consent to operation forms.
Or School finds out they may well then involve the dreaded social services
Far fetched maybe but believe me but parental responsibility is the first step you should be seeking. There are several solicitors specialise in family law who will give a half hour or so consultation free.
Non of the above is meant to offend just the situations you may end up in.
Secondly, bear in mind that the father is still in the picture - if the mother abandoned the child, why would you expect the child to stay with the step parent?
It is, of course, very different if one parent has done a runner and is not involved at all, but where both are, PR for a step parent is not appropriate.
Edited by Justayellowbadge on Thursday 24th April 10:43
I am on the other side here..... My biological "dad" ran away to Canada with someone he met online when I was 12.
My mum remarried to my step-dad when I was around 17.
Initially, I didn't want him to try and take over the role of my "dad" (I use the term loosely as I loathe the man)..... initially, to me, he was one of my best mates, who I now look up to and respect as a parental figure.
If I was you, I would wait. Question.... does your step daughter buy you a Fathers day card? I bought my step dad his first Fathers day card and threw a massive BBQ for him a few years ago...... it just felt "right". Now I buy him a card every year, to me he is now my Dad, regardless of the fact we do not share the same name.
If I were you, I would wait. Wait for the subtle hints from your step daughter that she is looking for that role to be filled (see above).
If my step dad had pushed that role upon me too early, I would have rejected him and we would not have the bond we have today, he now comes over and we have beers together and regularly shoot the breeze..... I am now 28 (just).
My advice.... don't wade in too early. Let the relationship take its course and do not push anything on your step daughter, she may be perfectly happy with how things are.
Just my 2p
My mum remarried to my step-dad when I was around 17.
Initially, I didn't want him to try and take over the role of my "dad" (I use the term loosely as I loathe the man)..... initially, to me, he was one of my best mates, who I now look up to and respect as a parental figure.
If I was you, I would wait. Question.... does your step daughter buy you a Fathers day card? I bought my step dad his first Fathers day card and threw a massive BBQ for him a few years ago...... it just felt "right". Now I buy him a card every year, to me he is now my Dad, regardless of the fact we do not share the same name.
If I were you, I would wait. Wait for the subtle hints from your step daughter that she is looking for that role to be filled (see above).
If my step dad had pushed that role upon me too early, I would have rejected him and we would not have the bond we have today, he now comes over and we have beers together and regularly shoot the breeze..... I am now 28 (just).
My advice.... don't wade in too early. Let the relationship take its course and do not push anything on your step daughter, she may be perfectly happy with how things are.
Just my 2p
Edited by SickFish on Thursday 24th April 11:46
Thanks for all your comments, it does seem to be a bit of a mine field.
The step-daughter is happy for me to get PR or be a guardian and yes she does buy me Fathers Day goodies, her "Dad" is listed in her phone as his name rather than Dad and I just want to complete the family feeling for her which I think I do except for in the eyes of the law. In no way do I want to try and step on his toes but tbh he doesn't really have much to do with her anyway as he has a family with his current partner so she feels very much left out as she doesn't see her step brothers and sisters either.
I'll let you know how I get on.
The step-daughter is happy for me to get PR or be a guardian and yes she does buy me Fathers Day goodies, her "Dad" is listed in her phone as his name rather than Dad and I just want to complete the family feeling for her which I think I do except for in the eyes of the law. In no way do I want to try and step on his toes but tbh he doesn't really have much to do with her anyway as he has a family with his current partner so she feels very much left out as she doesn't see her step brothers and sisters either.
I'll let you know how I get on.
eybic said:
Thanks for all your comments, it does seem to be a bit of a mine field.
The step-daughter is happy for me to get PR or be a guardian and yes she does buy me Fathers Day goodies, her "Dad" is listed in her phone as his name rather than Dad and I just want to complete the family feeling for her which I think I do except for in the eyes of the law. In no way do I want to try and step on his toes but tbh he doesn't really have much to do with her anyway as he has a family with his current partner so she feels very much left out as she doesn't see her step brothers and sisters either.
I'll let you know how I get on.
Good luck bud The step-daughter is happy for me to get PR or be a guardian and yes she does buy me Fathers Day goodies, her "Dad" is listed in her phone as his name rather than Dad and I just want to complete the family feeling for her which I think I do except for in the eyes of the law. In no way do I want to try and step on his toes but tbh he doesn't really have much to do with her anyway as he has a family with his current partner so she feels very much left out as she doesn't see her step brothers and sisters either.
I'll let you know how I get on.
Admittedly I gave my Step Dad quite a bit of a hard time initially..... Sounds like your Daughter (I hate the term "step" XXX) has already accepted you and skipped(???) that step..... mind you being a little s
t of a teen didn't help!If she treats you like a Father, you treat her like a Daughter.... do you think that there is actually something missing by you not being "legally" classed as a parent, disregarding the fact you fulfil that role entirely anyway?
Genuine question here, in all honesty, would you be doing this for you, or, for her? Do you feel that something is missing that becoming a legal guardian would fix? Has your Daughter hinted that there is something missing?
SickFish said:
Good luck bud
Admittedly I gave my Step Dad quite a bit of a hard time initially..... Sounds like your Daughter (I hate the term "step" XXX)
If she treats you like a Father, you treat her like a Daughter.... do you think that there is actually something missing by you not being "legally" classed as a parent, disregarding the fact you fulfil that role entirely anyway?
Genuine question here, in all honesty, would you be doing this for you, or, for her? Do you feel that something is missing that becoming a legal guardian would fix? Has your Daughter hinted that there is something missing?
Thanks. She is worried that if my partner and I have a little'un that they will have a "proper" Dad and she wont, she looks at friends parents that are together and wants that "family unit" feeling herself, she has suggested changing her surname to mine if we do have a baby.Admittedly I gave my Step Dad quite a bit of a hard time initially..... Sounds like your Daughter (I hate the term "step" XXX)
If she treats you like a Father, you treat her like a Daughter.... do you think that there is actually something missing by you not being "legally" classed as a parent, disregarding the fact you fulfil that role entirely anyway?
Genuine question here, in all honesty, would you be doing this for you, or, for her? Do you feel that something is missing that becoming a legal guardian would fix? Has your Daughter hinted that there is something missing?
eybic said:
SickFish said:
Good luck bud
Admittedly I gave my Step Dad quite a bit of a hard time initially..... Sounds like your Daughter (I hate the term "step" XXX)
If she treats you like a Father, you treat her like a Daughter.... do you think that there is actually something missing by you not being "legally" classed as a parent, disregarding the fact you fulfil that role entirely anyway?
Genuine question here, in all honesty, would you be doing this for you, or, for her? Do you feel that something is missing that becoming a legal guardian would fix? Has your Daughter hinted that there is something missing?
Thanks. She is worried that if my partner and I have a little'un that they will have a "proper" Dad and she wont, she looks at friends parents that are together and wants that "family unit" feeling herself, she has suggested changing her surname to mine if we do have a baby.Admittedly I gave my Step Dad quite a bit of a hard time initially..... Sounds like your Daughter (I hate the term "step" XXX)
If she treats you like a Father, you treat her like a Daughter.... do you think that there is actually something missing by you not being "legally" classed as a parent, disregarding the fact you fulfil that role entirely anyway?
Genuine question here, in all honesty, would you be doing this for you, or, for her? Do you feel that something is missing that becoming a legal guardian would fix? Has your Daughter hinted that there is something missing?
eybic said:
Thanks. She is worried that if my partner and I have a little'un that they will have a "proper" Dad and she wont, she looks at friends parents that are together and wants that "family unit" feeling herself, she has suggested changing her surname to mine if we do have a baby.
You might find that tricky - courts are not all that keen on changing a child's surname without very good reason. Guidance said:
The two leading cases which set out clear principles for the court to apply when dealing with an application to change a child's surname are the House of Lords' decision in Dawson v Wearmouth [1999] 2 WLR 960, [1999] 1 FLR 1167 (HL) and the Court of Appeal's decision in Re W, Re A, Re B (Change of Name) [1999] 2 FLR 933.
Following the decision of the House of Lords in Dawson v Wearmouth [1999] 2 WLR 960, [1999] 1 FLR 1167 (HL), at 1173, the Court of Appeal in Re W, Re A, Re B (Change of Name) [1999] 2 FLR 933-934 set out key guidelines (a-l) when considering an application for change of surname:
a. If parents are married, they both have the power and the duty to register their child's names.
b. If they are not married the mother has the sole duty and power to do so.
c. After registration of the child's names, the grant of a residence order obliges any person wishing to change the surname to obtain the leave of the court or the written consent of all those who have parental responsibility.
d. In the absence of a residence order, the person wishing to change the surname from the registered name ought to obtain the relevant written consent or the leave of the court by making an application for a specific issue order.
e. On any application, the welfare of the child is paramount and the judge must have regard to the s 1(3) criteria.
f. Among the factors to which the court should have regard is the registered surname of the child and the reasons for the registration, for instance recognition of the biological link with the child's father. Registration is always a relevant and an important consideration but it is not in itself decisive. The weight to be given to it by the court will depend upon the other relevant factors or valid countervailing reasons which may tip the balance the other way.
g. The relevant considerations should include factors, which may arise in the future as well as the present situation.
h. Reasons given for changing or seeking to change a child's name based on the fact that the child's name is or is not the same as the parent making the application do not generally carry much weight;
i. The reasons for an earlier unilateral decision to change a child's name may be relevant.
j. Any change of circumstances of the child since the original registration may be relevant.
k. In the case of a child whose parents were married to each other, the fact of the marriage is important and I would suggest that there would have to be strong reasons to change the name from the father's surname if the child was so registered.
l. Where the child's parents were not married to each other, the mother has control over registration. Consequently, on an application to change the surname of the child, the degree of commitment of the father to the child, the quality of contact, if it occurs, between father and child, the existence or absence of parental responsibility are all relevant factors to take into account.
Following the decision of the House of Lords in Dawson v Wearmouth [1999] 2 WLR 960, [1999] 1 FLR 1167 (HL), at 1173, the Court of Appeal in Re W, Re A, Re B (Change of Name) [1999] 2 FLR 933-934 set out key guidelines (a-l) when considering an application for change of surname:
a. If parents are married, they both have the power and the duty to register their child's names.
b. If they are not married the mother has the sole duty and power to do so.
c. After registration of the child's names, the grant of a residence order obliges any person wishing to change the surname to obtain the leave of the court or the written consent of all those who have parental responsibility.
d. In the absence of a residence order, the person wishing to change the surname from the registered name ought to obtain the relevant written consent or the leave of the court by making an application for a specific issue order.
e. On any application, the welfare of the child is paramount and the judge must have regard to the s 1(3) criteria.
f. Among the factors to which the court should have regard is the registered surname of the child and the reasons for the registration, for instance recognition of the biological link with the child's father. Registration is always a relevant and an important consideration but it is not in itself decisive. The weight to be given to it by the court will depend upon the other relevant factors or valid countervailing reasons which may tip the balance the other way.
g. The relevant considerations should include factors, which may arise in the future as well as the present situation.
h. Reasons given for changing or seeking to change a child's name based on the fact that the child's name is or is not the same as the parent making the application do not generally carry much weight;
i. The reasons for an earlier unilateral decision to change a child's name may be relevant.
j. Any change of circumstances of the child since the original registration may be relevant.
k. In the case of a child whose parents were married to each other, the fact of the marriage is important and I would suggest that there would have to be strong reasons to change the name from the father's surname if the child was so registered.
l. Where the child's parents were not married to each other, the mother has control over registration. Consequently, on an application to change the surname of the child, the degree of commitment of the father to the child, the quality of contact, if it occurs, between father and child, the existence or absence of parental responsibility are all relevant factors to take into account.
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