Racially abused - advice please.
Discussion
Eclassy said:
IanA2 said:
On the one occasion, about ten years ago, my wife did report being harassed and harried by a group of young thugs (solely because of her ethnicity) my wife was able to give a good description of the offenders who it transpired were well known to the local police. A few weeks later my wife was asked, by the police, to withdraw the complaint as; "..race crimes were very serious and it would affect the rest of their lives."
Declaration of conflict of interest. I am white
You dont say! The police really told your missus to withdraw the cimplaint?! I dont believe it! Declaration of conflict of interest. I am white
IanA2 said:
In the interests of accuracy, they asked her, they did not tell her.
Did she? If they have asked to withdraw in a sutuation like your partner's where the suspects are known, I wonder what will happen in OP's situation where suspect is unknown. If they even bother looking at the CCTV where do they honestly start from investigating what is IMHO very very low level and Still ALLEDGED 'crime'.
Eclassy said:
Did she?
If they have asked to withdraw in a sutuation like your partner's where the suspects are known, I wonder what will happen in OP's situation where suspect is unknown. If they even bother looking at the CCTV where do they honestly start from investigating what is IMHO very very low level and Still ALLEDGED 'crime'.
Low level because it doesn't affect you. Somehow, I imagine if it was you that was put in that position, you'd be up in arms.If they have asked to withdraw in a sutuation like your partner's where the suspects are known, I wonder what will happen in OP's situation where suspect is unknown. If they even bother looking at the CCTV where do they honestly start from investigating what is IMHO very very low level and Still ALLEDGED 'crime'.
You're not a police officer and you have no idea what systems are put in place to identify offenders and bring them to justice.
Steve H said:
The guy had already been seen loudly abusing his own son in public, my feeling is that he is probably a t
t who will fall out with anyone and falling out with the OP's OH was all about that and not about race. The fact that he used a racial description does not necessarily mean that the offence of assault (which I think probably was committed) was racially aggravated in terms of how it is described in the above quote.
If there are any relevant offences the demonstration was immediately before, at the time or immediately after. t who will fall out with anyone and falling out with the OP's OH was all about that and not about race. The fact that he used a racial description does not necessarily mean that the offence of assault (which I think probably was committed) was racially aggravated in terms of how it is described in the above quote.Eclassy said:
If they have asked to withdraw in a sutuation like your partner's where the suspects are known, I wonder what will happen in OP's situation where suspect is unknown.
Yeah, one apparently odd example some 10 years ago is clearly representative of the larger sample... Not that you'd consider anything like that, of course. andy118run said:
I will try not to waffle too much - just got in from work and my other half casually tells me she was called a black c**t today. I'm a white bloke, she's black African, by the way.
Obviously my first thoughts are 'what the heck?', 'You're kidding me' and similar.
Anyway, this happened around 13.00 hours today in the busy food court of a shopping mall. My other half was meeting a friend for lunch, our 4 year old was on one of these 50p slot cars with a child whose parents were nearby. The other child's mother asked my partner to remove our son as she wanted to put 50p in the car for her son. Our son didn't appreciate this and played up a bit - my other half sort of glanced over at the father as if to say 'sorry I'm struggling a bit here' etc. She was immediately met with the racial abuse described above along with other comments such as 'I'm gonna punch you'.
The whole thing lasted maybe a minute or two. Eventually the other family got up and left with the father saying something like 'she's doing my head in' but from how my partner describes it she certainly feared she was going to be assaulted during this episode.
Now, I'm no expert, which is why I'm posting here for advice. However, both my parents were police officers (long since retired) so I tend to have a bit of instinct around these things. My first thought is this should have been called into the police at the time but my partner is pretty easy going and not likely to do this. My second thought is I will call 101 in the morning and report this.
Am I being reasonable? I don't think my partner will call 101 but I really don't want to let this go. I'm pretty sure she would be happy to give a statement. Are the police likely to come round and take a statement? Would they look into this, maybe look for some CCTV, or would they just log it and let it go?
Sorry for the waffle, any advice welcome.
Somebody should beneficially abuse these people. Something along the lines of you "tax credits scum go and get a proper job that pays enough that you don't have to scrounge off others" may be applicable.Obviously my first thoughts are 'what the heck?', 'You're kidding me' and similar.
Anyway, this happened around 13.00 hours today in the busy food court of a shopping mall. My other half was meeting a friend for lunch, our 4 year old was on one of these 50p slot cars with a child whose parents were nearby. The other child's mother asked my partner to remove our son as she wanted to put 50p in the car for her son. Our son didn't appreciate this and played up a bit - my other half sort of glanced over at the father as if to say 'sorry I'm struggling a bit here' etc. She was immediately met with the racial abuse described above along with other comments such as 'I'm gonna punch you'.
The whole thing lasted maybe a minute or two. Eventually the other family got up and left with the father saying something like 'she's doing my head in' but from how my partner describes it she certainly feared she was going to be assaulted during this episode.
Now, I'm no expert, which is why I'm posting here for advice. However, both my parents were police officers (long since retired) so I tend to have a bit of instinct around these things. My first thought is this should have been called into the police at the time but my partner is pretty easy going and not likely to do this. My second thought is I will call 101 in the morning and report this.
Am I being reasonable? I don't think my partner will call 101 but I really don't want to let this go. I'm pretty sure she would be happy to give a statement. Are the police likely to come round and take a statement? Would they look into this, maybe look for some CCTV, or would they just log it and let it go?
Sorry for the waffle, any advice welcome.
OP I'm a bit mystified by all this, mainly because it sounds like a clear cut case, and surely the course of action you've taken was absolutely obvious.
But I have difficulties with all this, and please don't be offended by my asking.
1. It's so clear cut, why did your partner not want to proceed.
2. Why have you as her other half come on here asking for the opinions of the internet, surely it's so clear cut, there was only one thing you can do. Particularly as a 4 year old saw and heard all this.
So I am wondering if this is maybe not as clear cut as you make out, again devils advocate here. Because if it was, it makes no sense that either of you question the course of action.
You mention that your missus gave the father a 'look' saying 'I'm struggling here'. You know your missus. Is it possible that this 'look' may have been another type of 'look'. Eg a dirty look or scorning look?
If not, is it possible that this guy misinterpreted this 'look' or was it clear.
You say what the perp said, but don't mention too much about what your missus said, just really mention this 'look'.
Don't take my question the wrong way, but could there be some other reason that your missus didn't want to take this further? Again, purely devils advocate here....because on the basis of what you say happened, I am not sure there is any doubt to any sane person what course of action your missus should have taken.
But I have difficulties with all this, and please don't be offended by my asking.
1. It's so clear cut, why did your partner not want to proceed.
2. Why have you as her other half come on here asking for the opinions of the internet, surely it's so clear cut, there was only one thing you can do. Particularly as a 4 year old saw and heard all this.
So I am wondering if this is maybe not as clear cut as you make out, again devils advocate here. Because if it was, it makes no sense that either of you question the course of action.
You mention that your missus gave the father a 'look' saying 'I'm struggling here'. You know your missus. Is it possible that this 'look' may have been another type of 'look'. Eg a dirty look or scorning look?
If not, is it possible that this guy misinterpreted this 'look' or was it clear.
You say what the perp said, but don't mention too much about what your missus said, just really mention this 'look'.
Don't take my question the wrong way, but could there be some other reason that your missus didn't want to take this further? Again, purely devils advocate here....because on the basis of what you say happened, I am not sure there is any doubt to any sane person what course of action your missus should have taken.
poo at Paul's said:
OP I'm a bit mystified by all this, mainly because it sounds like a clear cut case, and surely the course of action you've taken was absolutely obvious.
But I have difficulties with all this, and please don't be offended by my asking.
1. It's so clear cut, why did your partner not want to proceed.
2. Why have you as her other half come on here asking for the opinions of the internet, surely it's so clear cut, there was only one thing you can do. Particularly as a 4 year old saw and heard all this.
So I am wondering if this is maybe not as clear cut as you make out, again devils advocate here. Because if it was, it makes no sense that either of you question the course of action.
You mention that your missus gave the father a 'look' saying 'I'm struggling here'. You know your missus. Is it possible that this 'look' may have been another type of 'look'. Eg a dirty look or scorning look?
If not, is it possible that this guy misinterpreted this 'look' or was it clear.
You say what the perp said, but don't mention too much about what your missus said, just really mention this 'look'.
Don't take my question the wrong way, but could there be some other reason that your missus didn't want to take this further? Again, purely devils advocate here....because on the basis of what you say happened, I am not sure there is any doubt to any sane person what course of action your missus should have taken.
Does it matter what kind of 'look' she gave the Father? All I'm saying is that there is never a good enough reason to racially abuse someone, especially in public and in front of an infant.But I have difficulties with all this, and please don't be offended by my asking.
1. It's so clear cut, why did your partner not want to proceed.
2. Why have you as her other half come on here asking for the opinions of the internet, surely it's so clear cut, there was only one thing you can do. Particularly as a 4 year old saw and heard all this.
So I am wondering if this is maybe not as clear cut as you make out, again devils advocate here. Because if it was, it makes no sense that either of you question the course of action.
You mention that your missus gave the father a 'look' saying 'I'm struggling here'. You know your missus. Is it possible that this 'look' may have been another type of 'look'. Eg a dirty look or scorning look?
If not, is it possible that this guy misinterpreted this 'look' or was it clear.
You say what the perp said, but don't mention too much about what your missus said, just really mention this 'look'.
Don't take my question the wrong way, but could there be some other reason that your missus didn't want to take this further? Again, purely devils advocate here....because on the basis of what you say happened, I am not sure there is any doubt to any sane person what course of action your missus should have taken.
The incident should definitely be reported as a Hate Crime. The reason for this is simple, even if the Father is never found and cautioned, the incident is recorded and used for statistics. It is all taken seriously these days.
GoneAnon said:
The threat of vilence should be reported.
When I was wee we used to say "sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me".
The "racist thing" seems more like name calling than anything overtly racist. I'm a white sweaty sock, by the way and the most racist person I ever met was an asian from Manchester who hated everyone else in the whole world, especially other castes, Hindus, and white people. He had names for all these groups that made my toes curl.
It's a myth that only white people can be racist. However, that does not give license to others to be racist.When I was wee we used to say "sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me".
The "racist thing" seems more like name calling than anything overtly racist. I'm a white sweaty sock, by the way and the most racist person I ever met was an asian from Manchester who hated everyone else in the whole world, especially other castes, Hindus, and white people. He had names for all these groups that made my toes curl.
poo at Paul's said:
OP I'm a bit mystified by all this, mainly because it sounds like a clear cut case, and surely the course of action you've taken was absolutely obvious.
But I have difficulties with all this, and please don't be offended by my asking.
1. It's so clear cut, why did your partner not want to proceed.
2. Why have you as her other half come on here asking for the opinions of the internet, surely it's so clear cut, there was only one thing you can do. Particularly as a 4 year old saw and heard all this.
So I am wondering if this is maybe not as clear cut as you make out, again devils advocate here. Because if it was, it makes no sense that either of you question the course of action.
You mention that your missus gave the father a 'look' saying 'I'm struggling here'. You know your missus. Is it possible that this 'look' may have been another type of 'look'. Eg a dirty look or scorning look?
If not, is it possible that this guy misinterpreted this 'look' or was it clear.
You say what the perp said, but don't mention too much about what your missus said, just really mention this 'look'.
Don't take my question the wrong way, but could there be some other reason that your missus didn't want to take this further? Again, purely devils advocate here....because on the basis of what you say happened, I am not sure there is any doubt to any sane person what course of action your missus should have taken.
Well, just a small update, though there's not much to say. I just made a quick call to 101 as I haven't heard anything since reporting this online yesterday. In hindsight I probably should have just called in with this as it sounds like these email reports sometimes go a day or two without being looked at if their phones are busy. Anyway, the chap thinks someone is looking at emails this morning so I left it at that.But I have difficulties with all this, and please don't be offended by my asking.
1. It's so clear cut, why did your partner not want to proceed.
2. Why have you as her other half come on here asking for the opinions of the internet, surely it's so clear cut, there was only one thing you can do. Particularly as a 4 year old saw and heard all this.
So I am wondering if this is maybe not as clear cut as you make out, again devils advocate here. Because if it was, it makes no sense that either of you question the course of action.
You mention that your missus gave the father a 'look' saying 'I'm struggling here'. You know your missus. Is it possible that this 'look' may have been another type of 'look'. Eg a dirty look or scorning look?
If not, is it possible that this guy misinterpreted this 'look' or was it clear.
You say what the perp said, but don't mention too much about what your missus said, just really mention this 'look'.
Don't take my question the wrong way, but could there be some other reason that your missus didn't want to take this further? Again, purely devils advocate here....because on the basis of what you say happened, I am not sure there is any doubt to any sane person what course of action your missus should have taken.
Anyway, to respond to the above, obviously I wasn't present so I only go by what the other half says but she's really not the sort to look for trouble or wind people up. As for point (1), she is quite happy to give police a statement - if she had told me just to forget then I would have but she is quite willing to proceed. I agree that most right minded people will conclude this should be reported to the police but the fact that a couple a black people as well as somebody in a mixed race relationship have been on here to pretty much say 'don't bother' makes me think it was worth asking the question (and still makes me wonder if it's going to be worth the hassle).
With regard to the details of what happened - from what the missus says I don't believe she gave the fella any kind of hostile look to provoke this. Her and her friend did have a little grumble among themselves as they thought it was unfair to treat our son like that and it appears the father had also picked up on this. I didn't realise before, but apparently our son was standing next to the other half with the bloke saying 'I'll come over there and smash your head in' among other threats.
Possibly a rational person would have walked away or used some de-escalation skills but my other half says that when she was threatened she stood up and said 'I'd like to see you try' which maybe didn't help but in her eyes she was 'standing up to a bully'. The black
comment was apparently made as he walked away from the place and she says she just smiled at him after he said that.All things considered I don't believe she did anything wrong - if I felt there may be some CCTV evidence of her jumping up and down with her fists raised shouting abuse I would probably leave it but I believe that's not the case.
hora said:
Someone once racially abused my other half and she spat in his face.
Shocked me as shes not rough or common. I suppose if someone is racist its fair game.
I'm no defender of racists, but had that been taken further, she may have been in trouble. A physical assault (such as spitting) is not a proportionate response to a verbal assault. She should have contented herself with calling him a mindless Shocked me as shes not rough or common. I suppose if someone is racist its fair game.
. My girlfriend was walking home from her office one evening when a chap pulled over to the pavement in his car to ask for directions, she gladly obliged and started explaining to him, but as soon as she got halfway through, he realised she was 'foreign' because of her accent and started shouting at her, calling her 'a dirty fking Eastern European we' and insisting that she should 'fk off back home' and finished off by calling her a 'fking foreign '.
To think that we live amongst people who would behave like that with someone who offers them help is staggering.
She was a bit upset but shook it off, whereas I was utterly, utterly, incandescent and insisted she tell me what car it was, registration number, what the guy looked like etc so I could phone the Police.
I very much understand where the OP is coming from. I would really want the guy punished.
king Eastern European we' and insisting that she should 'fk off back home' and finished off by calling her a 'fking foreign '.To think that we live amongst people who would behave like that with someone who offers them help is staggering.
She was a bit upset but shook it off, whereas I was utterly, utterly, incandescent and insisted she tell me what car it was, registration number, what the guy looked like etc so I could phone the Police.
I very much understand where the OP is coming from. I would really want the guy punished.
NinjaPower said:
My girlfriend was walking home from her office one evening when a chap pulled over to the pavement in his car to ask for directions, she gladly obliged and started explaining to him, but as soon as she got halfway through, he realised she was 'foreign' because of her accent and started shouting at her, calling her 'a dirty fking Eastern European we' and insisting that she should 'fk off back home' and finished off by calling her a 'fking foreign '.
I'd really like to know what goes on between the ears of utter king Eastern European we' and insisting that she should 'fk off back home' and finished off by calling her a 'fking foreign '.s like that. Seriously, what it the process that leads to this mindset.It should be reported.
It was wrong.
However, just for the sake of discussion I'm going to take a slightly different perspective.
The wife's kids were playing on a toy but hadn't paid for it.
The new family wanted to pay.
Etiquette on these toys generally means the payers get priority.
Wife doesn't remove kids, an argument ensues.
At this point, all else being equal, I'm mostly on the side of the new family who want to pay for the toy.
The argument escalates a bit and then the new family drop the BC bomb.
Now, saying C in front of kids in a public place is a pretty poor show, adding a racial term into that is even worse.
There is a difference between abusing someone because they are black vs abusing someone for another reason and including their race in the insult.
It wasn't racially motivated abuse.
It was wrong.
However, just for the sake of discussion I'm going to take a slightly different perspective.
The wife's kids were playing on a toy but hadn't paid for it.
The new family wanted to pay.
Etiquette on these toys generally means the payers get priority.
Wife doesn't remove kids, an argument ensues.
At this point, all else being equal, I'm mostly on the side of the new family who want to pay for the toy.
The argument escalates a bit and then the new family drop the BC bomb.
Now, saying C in front of kids in a public place is a pretty poor show, adding a racial term into that is even worse.
There is a difference between abusing someone because they are black vs abusing someone for another reason and including their race in the insult.
It wasn't racially motivated abuse.
Hol said:
You cannot use any inappropriate words, but you must describe all of their unique features.
Accurately describing someone as 'black' is entirely different from choosing race as an abusive epithet. It's all in the intention and perception. Your point has no merit.Racial discrimination has particular focus in law - in terms of willingness to pursue prosecution and sentencing. This is part of the slow process of stigmatising it and eradicating it from a society it has no part in. You can think what you like, you most certainly cannot say it nor act upon it.
Hol said:
Can everybody pretend that they are verbally describing every world leader in this picture to somebody else over the telephone.
You cannot use any inappropriate words, but you must describe all of their unique features.
Manly You cannot use any inappropriate words, but you must describe all of their unique features.
, mental , annoying posh , Afro American leader of the free world, white ....Sounds like more hassle than its worth to report it.
An adjective pointing to ones colour seems to send race card hunters wild whereas getting abused using another adjective is just treated as "st happens". My sympathies but really why dwell on it and make a fuss about it?
More important things in life.
An adjective pointing to ones colour seems to send race card hunters wild whereas getting abused using another adjective is just treated as "s
t happens". My sympathies but really why dwell on it and make a fuss about it?More important things in life.
Sounds like more hassle than its worth to report it.
An adjective pointing to ones colour seems to send race card hunters wild whereas getting abused using another adjective is just treated as "st happens". My sympathies but really why dwell on it and make a fuss about it?
More important things in life.
The threat of violence against a woman is a far more serious thing to consider looking into.
An adjective pointing to ones colour seems to send race card hunters wild whereas getting abused using another adjective is just treated as "s
t happens". My sympathies but really why dwell on it and make a fuss about it?More important things in life.
The threat of violence against a woman is a far more serious thing to consider looking into.
Edited by rb5er on Monday 28th July 19:48
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