money saving, girlfriend, first home. Advice?

money saving, girlfriend, first home. Advice?

Author
Discussion

Oldandslow

2,405 posts

205 months

Monday 25th August 2014
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lel said:
a joint savings account
No way in hell! OK, I'm old and bitter and speak from a bad experience but this is a really poor idea. It's funny how quickly "our savings" can be translated to "her emergency fund" because she's over spent on that credit card you mentioned and the 2 others you didn't know about.

A joint account for home expenses, yes. A standing order from both of your personal accounts to the joint account and then all joint expenses paid from there. Maybe proportional to your take home pay if your wages are different or 50/50 but never let there be a large balance that can be pilfered just before you get the boot. Protects you both really, otherwise you could shag her sister and elope with the house deposit.

Renting together is a lot simpler to escape from than buying together. Going out together is a lot different from living together. You find out a lot about each other in the first few months.

bitchstewie

50,767 posts

209 months

Monday 25th August 2014
quotequote all
Do you lot just hate women or something? The OP asked for financial advice - I don't even vaguely see how anyone can read "dump the missus" into it.

Pistonheads - understanding peoples lives and relationships based off 1 paragraph of text biggrin

MrMagoo

3,208 posts

161 months

Monday 25th August 2014
quotequote all
bhstewie said:
Do you lot just hate women or something? The OP asked for financial advice - I don't even vaguely see how anyone can read "dump the missus" into it.

Pistonheads - understanding peoples lives and relationships based off 1 paragraph of text biggrin
Very mumsnet isn't it, I guess the schools are still off.

KFC

3,687 posts

129 months

Monday 25th August 2014
quotequote all
photosnob said:
Just explain to her that she's entitled to her opinion but you won't be listening to it.
Let me guess, you're single ? laugh

markcoznottz

7,155 posts

223 months

Monday 25th August 2014
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Amazing what blokes will put up with to get thier leg over...

Pommygranite

14,229 posts

215 months

Monday 25th August 2014
quotequote all
markcoznottz said:
Amazing what blokes will put up with to get thier leg over...
If men werent horny we'd all be rich.


jagracer

8,248 posts

235 months

Monday 25th August 2014
quotequote all
lel said:
I suggested getting a credit card to use for internet purchases and put the cash to one side and pay it off monthly, would this help the credit situation at all? She thinks its a stupid idea (but she's now looking at a credit card too?! rolleyes )

Cue argument about how she thinks getting paid cash is stupid as apparently i dont know what money i've got, i can count so thats all made up nonsense. She also thinks i don't save and wants to set up a joint savings account to prove i do which i'm a bit unsure about. I don't drink, i don't smoke and as boring as it sounds the only thing i have that takes my money is my car (its cost me £40 in the last 3 months, go figure) And i've managed to save just as much in 3 weeks as she has in 2 years but as usual i'm the bad one and i don't have a clue about saving and blah blah blah. /rant

In short i want advice on building a credit score, how to deal with a woman that thinks she has encyclopedic knowledge on anything and everything and information on general money saving, borrowing and house buying.
Next to arguments as to how often you have sex, money will be your biggest conflict, or is it the other way round? If the pair of you can't agree on money now then it sounds like the relationship will be doomed from the off. If you buy together this will end in disaster, I'd try living and renting together for a year or so before you jump in and buy.

SunsetZed

2,236 posts

169 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
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lamboman100 said:
Spend every day for a month reading this website, until you know it back to front and word for word.

This should be your financial bible from now until retirement:

www.moneysavingexpert.com
Why stop at retirement?!

Kermit power

28,634 posts

212 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
quotequote all
lel said:
some helpful and honest advice here and i appreciate it.


There has been no arguing between us, i think that has been blown out of proportion slightly, a few little hiccups and niggles most of which comes down to lack of knowledge on the subject. We have been together nearly 6 years now and are happy, hence the reason for wanting to move to the next step.
You may have been together for 6 years and be happy, but if you've not actually lived together for at least some of those 6 years, then I'd suggest that getting a mortgage together is rather more than just the next step!

Ignore the people saying things like "never, ever, ever get a joint account that your salary goes into". Their own relationships clearly either haven't developed to the point where not having a joint account would just be daft, or are worthy of pity. You just need to do things in a sensible order at a sensible speed.

If I were back in your position, I'd rent for at least a couple of years before buying to make sure that you can be happy together. I'd also build a budget together and agree how it's going to be met, so that your finances can become a joint thing without your bank accounts needing to be at present.

If that works out OK, then move on to buying a house and opening the joint accounts. If it doesn't, you can walk away with far less of a financial hit.

Pommygranite

14,229 posts

215 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
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Relationships that start in their teen years rarely last past mid to late twenties.

Cynical I know but predominantly true.

OP - you probably havent argued much as really what is their to argue about when you're dating, probably have similar interests at the same age, dont live together etc.

Once you live together and are quite literally are bound in similar circumstances you find out someones true 'make up'.

Rent together and see how you go - if nothing else it'll be a great learning exercise.




Paul O

2,705 posts

182 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
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I think you've had lots of good advice on the credit front - and the merits of renting to see how you both get on.

With regards your question of you both saving, when me and Mrs Paul O started out we set up a joint account for big stuff and both saved into that. It was loosely a percentage of what we earned, and it worked. All fair and square, no arguments. So if you both earn about the same, she should be matching your saving.

If she can't/won't save now, you are in for a rough ride when shackled with a mortgage (work on a theory of 12 months to sell a house if you ever needed to) and she heads to the shops with a credit card looking at all those nice things that women love to buy.

Rent first and see what she does? It might only need to be 6 months to get your answer. But remember you'll probably save a lot less whilst renting and if you then love the independence from your parents and don't want to go back, could take you a lot longer to get your own pad.

red_slr

17,122 posts

188 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
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This thread is funny. But true.

Me: Wife, I need new shoes - a month later a £12 pair of Asda shoes get thrown at me.

Wife: Husband, I need new shoes, an hour later £300 pair of shoes appear, followed by "I need to get the matching handbag"....

speedysoprano

224 posts

118 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
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Riknos said:
Both get credit cards, if you can, just make sure you both pay them off. This is hard for women as they think it means free stuff, so only let her use it if you know she will pay it off, and don't let her put too much on it (you get a better credit score just by having it even if you don't use it)

Have you got a monthly mobile contract? That helps credit score also. If you're on the electoral role as does that.

Cash in hand? Are you paying tax? I doubt you'd get a mortgage with that regardless how much it is...
laugh

laugh

laugh

we're not all drongos, you know. Some women actually understand what "credit" means. Not to mention, the OP's girlfriend really doesn't sound the type to think she's got to do what he "lets" her do, in the first place. I can imagine that'd probably set off a pretty strong "You're not the boss of me" response, and rightly so!

OP, my husband and I (both freelance) got a mortgage on the strength of a very good deposit, and providing the bank with the ins and outs of a duck's a*se regarding our finances and lives. I don't have much of a credit history in the UK (moved here from Australia almost 6 years ago) and that wasn't an enormous issue in the end, as we proved that we could more than make the monthly repayments, which was all they really cared about when it came down to it.

I wish you good luck with the process. I would say that you should try and save a good deposit first (more than the usual 5 or so percent, if you can manage it - they look very favourably on that).

speedysoprano

224 posts

118 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
quotequote all
Oldandslow said:
No way in hell! OK, I'm old and bitter and speak from a bad experience but this is a really poor idea. It's funny how quickly "our savings" can be translated to "her emergency fund" because she's over spent on that credit card you mentioned and the 2 others you didn't know about.

A joint account for home expenses, yes. A standing order from both of your personal accounts to the joint account and then all joint expenses paid from there. Maybe proportional to your take home pay if your wages are different or 50/50 but never let there be a large balance that can be pilfered just before you get the boot. Protects you both really, otherwise you could shag her sister and elope with the house deposit.

Renting together is a lot simpler to escape from than buying together. Going out together is a lot different from living together. You find out a lot about each other in the first few months.
Agree with all of this. Husband and I have a joint account for household things such as groceries, bills etc - we both contribute an agreed amount per month, and that works well. The rest of our money is our own to do as we see fit, and as we're both freelance the amount of disposable income can fluctuate.

Living together is very different, even if you've been spending all your time together. You'll probably figure out pretty quickly if it's going to work or not, and I'd definitely suggest renting first.

theaxe

3,557 posts

221 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
quotequote all
ferrariF50lover said:
You know what's useful for credit score? Wonga.
Really? I wouldn't have thought that showing potential lenders that you can't come up with £50 would be a good idea.

NRS

22,078 posts

200 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
quotequote all
MrMagoo said:
bhstewie said:
Do you lot just hate women or something? The OP asked for financial advice - I don't even vaguely see how anyone can read "dump the missus" into it.

Pistonheads - understanding peoples lives and relationships based off 1 paragraph of text biggrin
Very mumsnet isn't it, I guess the schools are still off.
Some people do, however some are offering good advice. If they can't agree on money (as it sounded like from the earlier posts) then it's very bad to enter into a long term financial commitment together before sorting out some sort of plan. Certainly doesn't mean he should get rid of her, just that they should sort that out first, otherwise it could come back to bite them in a bad way.

Dave350

359 posts

117 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
quotequote all
Individual Savings Accounts
Individual Current Accounts
Joint Account to pay mortgage and bills (pay X amount in to here each month)

Winning combination and keeps you more protected. If she wants 'proof' your saving, you can show her your balance.

Dave350

359 posts

117 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
quotequote all
Dave350 said:
Individual Savings Accounts
Individual Current Accounts
Joint Account to pay mortgage and bills (pay X amount in to here each month)

Winning combination and keeps you more protected. If she wants 'proof' your saving, you can show her your balance.
Also, advantages of this

Own savings, avoiding arguments of someone spending money on savings
Own current account, meaning that when you have paid X into the joint account, you can do as you please and not feel guilty if you want to buy something etc.

paolow

3,208 posts

257 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
quotequote all
Op - I agree with you entirely that buying a house is A) costly and B) stressful but one tool you might like to try is noddle.co.uk who will provide for free a credit check updated monthly. This might allow you to see how you are affecting your credit score - and indeed whether or not you actually have one.
It is very useful indeed - I was skeptical (and have no links honest) but it found a lost credit card that I was actually in credit with - so using it paid me a handy sum!
That is probably a start to seeing how you are seen by lenders - if at all.
As said above - you need SOME footprint to see what your rating might be.
As also said above you need to be 100% committed and even then consider protecting yourself if it goes wrong. I wish you every success - but moving in with people can really be the acid test....
Re: obtaining credit to prove credit worthiness - its good - but has its (not inconsiderable) dangers if there is any risk that people will end up staring at a 5K CC bill shortly afterward.

Napper

120 posts

211 months

Tuesday 26th August 2014
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speedysoprano said:
Husband and I have a joint account for household things such as groceries, bills etc - we both contribute an agreed amount per month, and that works well. The rest of our money is our own to do as we see fit.
This is great advice. It means both parties are equal financially regarding the house and any other joint purchases. And the best bit of all is that it doesn't matter how many pairs of shoes she buys or boys toys you buy out of your own personal funds there can be no argument over finances.
I've lived by this and by the "everything is in a joint account" method, and this method is much simpler and I would recommend it to any relationship.
My mates used to struggle when they would hear my OH saying how she'd just been shopping and spent X on this and Y on that and then hear me be over the moon for her........ Till I told them about how our finances are organised.