Am I being a selfish b@$&%£d?
Discussion
Greg66 said:
If we are going down the road of suggesting specific cars, I'll throw this one's hat in the ring (not mine, and no association with it, but it looks in good condition, is a good colour and ticks a few other boxes): http://www.pistonheads.com/classifieds/used-cars/a...
Good shout.It's all been said anyway but my mates who had kids went from golfing/biking/hobbies every weekend before having kids to dropping off the face of the earth after.
Remember you will want to spend time with the kid at the weekends and the missus will want to get time away after the initial period when all she does is look after the kid 24/7.
Why not hold on to the money to see how much time you have available at weekends? And something that seats two means you can NEVER take it out on a glorious sunny day when you're all off somewhere that you'd really love to take your P&J to.
Remember you will want to spend time with the kid at the weekends and the missus will want to get time away after the initial period when all she does is look after the kid 24/7.
Why not hold on to the money to see how much time you have available at weekends? And something that seats two means you can NEVER take it out on a glorious sunny day when you're all off somewhere that you'd really love to take your P&J to.
bqf said:
Kids are great buy are one facet to your life, which is YOURS. If you can afford it, do it. I've spent too many years worrying about not being able to afford what I really want...now my son is ten i'm getting hammered on school fees, trips to ski resorts, unfeasibly expensive holidays, and overpriced clothes for someone half the size of an adult. While I love him to bits it's all a very dear do, so for years i've kept money back, rainy day fund, don't do anything silly, and all that stuff.
Last week I thought f
k THAT and bought a Ferrari.
Life is short, and when he's fifteen and calling you a tt for not letting him shag his girlfriend on your kitchen table, you'll be glad of those moments in your Caterfield/Boxster/MX5, whatever.
Do it.
I did the Ferrari bit as well . . . . . . . although I waited until my two had finished Uni and the (hugely) expensive education bills came to an end! When they were growing up there was little time to enjoy a toy anyway - most weekends were spent ferrying them to various sporting events as I remember and too busy working during the week. The other advantage was that Mrs Garvin was completely in favour once the offspring had been fully taken care of and launched on their own careers. Now there is plenty of time to really enjoy the toys!Last week I thought f
k THAT and bought a Ferrari.Life is short, and when he's fifteen and calling you a t
t for not letting him shag his girlfriend on your kitchen table, you'll be glad of those moments in your Caterfield/Boxster/MX5, whatever.Do it.
The OP's tale could keep psycholigists debating for months!
To me it just sounds like a mild mid-life crisis borne of a worry of losing some independence.
My advice would be bank the money and wait and see how you feel once sprog has come along because believe me you will feel different - how it will manifest itself I cannot say but your attitude will change. Parenthood is like someone turning on a switch.
To me it just sounds like a mild mid-life crisis borne of a worry of losing some independence.
My advice would be bank the money and wait and see how you feel once sprog has come along because believe me you will feel different - how it will manifest itself I cannot say but your attitude will change. Parenthood is like someone turning on a switch.
OP Ive just had a baby, its bloody hard work and financially terrifying!
Polo will fit it in easy, atm I have got a Civic hatchback and I can fit in Me, Misses, 2 x Teenagers, 1 x baby, 1 x large pram and 2 x ferral mad dogs
You have so much to worry about in your first year, you dont want a car adding to the list!
I fancy something a bit bigger, but we would just have more st in there, I do want something safer though. But at this time in life, I just want a car that I turn the key and will know that will work and no hidden surprises, kids give enough of those!
I would save the money and go on a nice holiday, or change the Polo to somthing thats good to drive and practical
Also, pregnancies dont always go to plan and the babies dont read the "how to" books so be prepared!
If you are lucky in the first year you might get a few hours a week to use a second car, if you are unlucky you might not even get to turn the bloody key to it
Polo will fit it in easy, atm I have got a Civic hatchback and I can fit in Me, Misses, 2 x Teenagers, 1 x baby, 1 x large pram and 2 x ferral mad dogs
You have so much to worry about in your first year, you dont want a car adding to the list!
I fancy something a bit bigger, but we would just have more s
t in there, I do want something safer though. But at this time in life, I just want a car that I turn the key and will know that will work and no hidden surprises, kids give enough of those!I would save the money and go on a nice holiday, or change the Polo to somthing thats good to drive and practical
Also, pregnancies dont always go to plan and the babies dont read the "how to" books so be prepared!
If you are lucky in the first year you might get a few hours a week to use a second car, if you are unlucky you might not even get to turn the bloody key to it
pablo said:
I have a 6 month old daughter, the very last thing i would want to do at the weekend is tt about in a sports car given I see her for an hour or so each day during the week. The first year of fatherhood is tough but amazing, cherish it, dont sit there in years to come regretting that you missed it just to drive around in a fast car.
I tt about in a sports car given I see her for an hour or so each day during the week. The first year of fatherhood is tough but amazing, cherish it, dont sit there in years to come regretting that you missed it just to drive around in a fast car. t about in my car at the weekend with Junior GMan (17 months old) and he loves it, so does Mrs GMan as we are giving her a break.However my car is also my daily driver, not just a toy that comes out for the weekend, as we need 2 cars due to me travelling with work.
I have two young children, a four year old and a two year old. My wife looks after the children and any money I earn is considered ours. With my wife's blessing, I have always had a toy car, except briefly a couple of times when something needed to be done to the house and I couldn't justify having a toy car and not doing the work. I've realised that if my car can't take the children, then I will very rarely use it, hence my last three cars have been an Evo, E39 M5 and B5 RS4 (this is actually our family car now and my wife has a Mini for trundling around in the week). Even then, I don't actually drive quickly, but simply appreciate driving something more interesting than an average family wagon. I occasionally meet some friends for a drive after the kids go to bed, but even this hasn't been frequent over the last year. I would suggest that if you can afford the car, you have your wife's blessing and you are prepared to sell it if you need the cash for something family related, then go ahead, but you should probably get something you can use with the family.
We had our first baby 6 months ago, loved every minute of it so far but my summer toy (which I made sure I bought before having kids was even discussed, otherwise I'd have never got my dream car!) has barely turned a wheel since he arrived as all our spare time just disappears. Even on the odd occasion where you maybe get a couple of hours to yourself on a weekend you either end up sitting doing bugger all just to recoup some energy or you end up doing the jobs you couldn't do while looking after the little one.
As mentioned, kids are expensive. I've lost count but I'm sure ours has cost well over £5/6K already when you take into account all the nursery furniture, bottle warmers, clothes, buggies, toys, nappies etc etc. I'd toyed with the idea of replacing my daily driver (Civic Type R) before the wee one came along but in the end decided just to keep the cash incase things turned out to be more expensive than I expected. Quite glad I did in the end as things have been more expensive than I thought (!) and there's not actually anything much wrong with the civic
As mentioned, kids are expensive. I've lost count but I'm sure ours has cost well over £5/6K already when you take into account all the nursery furniture, bottle warmers, clothes, buggies, toys, nappies etc etc. I'd toyed with the idea of replacing my daily driver (Civic Type R) before the wee one came along but in the end decided just to keep the cash incase things turned out to be more expensive than I expected. Quite glad I did in the end as things have been more expensive than I thought (!) and there's not actually anything much wrong with the civic
Steve_F said:
It's all been said anyway but my mates who had kids went from golfing/biking/hobbies every weekend before having kids to dropping off the face of the earth after.
Remember you will want to spend time with the kid at the weekends and the missus will want to get time away after the initial period when all she does is look after the kid 24/7.
Why not hold on to the money to see how much time you have available at weekends? And something that seats two means you can NEVER take it out on a glorious sunny day when you're all off somewhere that you'd really love to take your P&J to.
You can still do all of that though? My wife and I make sure we still enjoy ourselves, while supporting each other and Junior GMan. We have our own space, we do things together as well as a family. Remember you will want to spend time with the kid at the weekends and the missus will want to get time away after the initial period when all she does is look after the kid 24/7.
Why not hold on to the money to see how much time you have available at weekends? And something that seats two means you can NEVER take it out on a glorious sunny day when you're all off somewhere that you'd really love to take your P&J to.
Our world has not changed that much, we do have different priorities but we make sure we enjoy life to the full, as I work my arse off and so does she looking after our son.
The GMan said:
Steve_F said:
It's all been said anyway but my mates who had kids went from golfing/biking/hobbies every weekend before having kids to dropping off the face of the earth after.
Remember you will want to spend time with the kid at the weekends and the missus will want to get time away after the initial period when all she does is look after the kid 24/7.
Why not hold on to the money to see how much time you have available at weekends? And something that seats two means you can NEVER take it out on a glorious sunny day when you're all off somewhere that you'd really love to take your P&J to.
You can still do all of that though? My wife and I make sure we still enjoy ourselves, while supporting each other and Junior GMan. We have our own space, we do things together as well as a family. Remember you will want to spend time with the kid at the weekends and the missus will want to get time away after the initial period when all she does is look after the kid 24/7.
Why not hold on to the money to see how much time you have available at weekends? And something that seats two means you can NEVER take it out on a glorious sunny day when you're all off somewhere that you'd really love to take your P&J to.
Our world has not changed that much, we do have different priorities but we make sure we enjoy life to the full, as I work my arse off and so does she looking after our son.
I too would suggest waiting a bit.
I won't comment on selfishness or inequality etc. It's obvious that some posters are extremely single, some are sarcastic, some are already dads, some share all their money with their wife and some couples manage their finances separately etc. Whatever works for you and which your other half is happy with really on that front...
I/we are lucky enough that I make sufficient money that my wife doesn't need to work. It also suits her because she would rather be a mother and a traditional housewife/home maker than pursue a career (but everyone is different there again). Even though my wife is almost always at home when I get home, I do not feel I get enough quality time with my 2 girls. I don't get enough quality time with my wife either to be honest.
I have a TVR and a Midget to play with. The Midget hasn't been touched in a while and the TVR has really only been driven if I happen to have used it for a journey I needed to make anyway. I certainly haven't bothered with any shows, meets or even solo "hoons" recently. That's pretty much by my choice though.
I won't comment on selfishness or inequality etc. It's obvious that some posters are extremely single, some are sarcastic, some are already dads, some share all their money with their wife and some couples manage their finances separately etc. Whatever works for you and which your other half is happy with really on that front...
I/we are lucky enough that I make sufficient money that my wife doesn't need to work. It also suits her because she would rather be a mother and a traditional housewife/home maker than pursue a career (but everyone is different there again). Even though my wife is almost always at home when I get home, I do not feel I get enough quality time with my 2 girls. I don't get enough quality time with my wife either to be honest.
I have a TVR and a Midget to play with. The Midget hasn't been touched in a while and the TVR has really only been driven if I happen to have used it for a journey I needed to make anyway. I certainly haven't bothered with any shows, meets or even solo "hoons" recently. That's pretty much by my choice though.
JakeThePeg said:
What about a fast estate? Best of both worlds?
335i Touring?
S4 Avant?
I haven't got kids that I'm aware of, and have no intention of doing so. However having seen those who are encumbered with babies and the ludicrous amount of paraphernalia that goes with them I can tell you right now that a Polo is far too small.335i Touring?
S4 Avant?
First things I thought of are the above cars - you go and suggest one of those (don't mention the engine/power to the OH, play it down) and you get brownie points, a useful, child friendly and fast car.
Greg66 said:
jamieduff1981 said:
I don't get enough quality time with my wife either to be honest.
I have a TVR and a Midget to play with. The Midget hasn't been touched in a while
You have a midget *and* and wife and you're neglecting both of them? Tsk tsk. That's poor work. I have a TVR and a Midget to play with. The Midget hasn't been touched in a while
I can't really speak from experience as I don't have kids but I couldn't see myself never having a fun car. So for that reason, here's my suggestion:
Click the image for the advert
Nice, fast and very understated looking car. Has room in the back for a little one (I have sat in the back of one before now and there was more room than expected to be fair). Doesn't appear to be your typical rusted example plus it has that engine!
My money would either go towards one of them or an E39 M5 but an M5 for the same money wouldn't be had in the same sort of condition as this '55 sadly. You'd be looking to shell out £8k-£10k.
Click the image for the advert
Nice, fast and very understated looking car. Has room in the back for a little one (I have sat in the back of one before now and there was more room than expected to be fair). Doesn't appear to be your typical rusted example plus it has that engine!
My money would either go towards one of them or an E39 M5 but an M5 for the same money wouldn't be had in the same sort of condition as this '55 sadly. You'd be looking to shell out £8k-£10k.
If the monthly income of the house easily meet the projected outgoing's once the baby has arrived i don't see the problem.
I work with enough middle aged men who soley live for their children who have nothing and no time for themselves, they literally live to act as a taxi and play nanny to the children.
If you don't lay out the ground rules now thats it for the next 18 years ....
Compromise, sell the polo and buy something that your partner will perceive as a perfectly viable family car (think S4 / 335i / 330i etc) estate and everyones a winner.
My choice would be a nice Impreza estate, 260+ bhp, 4wd (you can't get safer) etc etc.
I work with enough middle aged men who soley live for their children who have nothing and no time for themselves, they literally live to act as a taxi and play nanny to the children.
If you don't lay out the ground rules now thats it for the next 18 years ....
Compromise, sell the polo and buy something that your partner will perceive as a perfectly viable family car (think S4 / 335i / 330i etc) estate and everyones a winner.
My choice would be a nice Impreza estate, 260+ bhp, 4wd (you can't get safer) etc etc.
The GMan said:
You can still do all of that though? My wife and I make sure we still enjoy ourselves, while supporting each other and Junior GMan. We have our own space, we do things together as well as a family.
Our world has not changed that much, we do have different priorities but we make sure we enjoy life to the full, as I work my arse off and so does she looking after our son.
This is the right attitude OP, you need to make sure you still have your OWN time to unwind and escape from reality as lets be honest holidays and 'lie in's' are out of the window.Our world has not changed that much, we do have different priorities but we make sure we enjoy life to the full, as I work my arse off and so does she looking after our son.
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